The end was finally here. I had just graduated high school, one of the biggest events in my life, and I couldn’t even celebrate that because it meant leaving him. Leaving the love of my life. Leaving the boy with crystal blue eyes. I knew he was leaving any moment and so I took my spot on the picnic bench, staring out into the sun.
I looked really good. I was wearing a blue shirt with white polka dots that looked like paint splatter. I had done my makeup perfectly so it looked like I was just naturally beautiful. My hair, which I had just recently dyed red, was straightened and combed to one side. I looked like I was ready to say goodbye.

Earlier that day he had given me the rock I requested. I told him I wanted something to remember him by and for some reason I had chosen I rock. He had gone searching for one and came back with a long Stonehenge looking like one.

“The ones over there were too small, and the ones over there were too ugly, so you’re getting a small one,” he said, analyzing me to make sure it was ok.

“It’s perfect,” I said looking up at him appreciatively.

He had already said goodbye to everyone else. After graduation people generally leave in a hurry, but I had waited. I knew that we had to have a special goodbye. I didn’t know if I could get through it without crying, but I hoped so. If I had shown my emotions it would have made him uncomfortable. I had chosen my spot on the picnic bench just so. The sun was shining on my hair so it looked amazing and I was just close enough to the front entrance to let him know I was waiting for him, but not make it look like I was rushing him into saying goodbye.

After I had been there for about ten minutes he came out. He had changed since graduation. Then he had been wearing a brown and blue striped shirt, and a vest. Now he was wearing a black tank top. His hair was still gelled back in an obvious attempt to look cool. He was sweating profusely.

“I’m heading out,” he said as he approached me.

“Okay,” I replied in an attempt to be nonchalant.

“I’m pretty sweaty, but I’ll hug you anyway,” he said.

“Because I mind your being sweaty so much,” I said.

I wrapped my arms around him, feeling his firm back. I felt so safe in his arms. I never wanted it to end. I finally let go and looked into his eyes.

“I’ll miss you,” he said, and I swear as he did my heart broke.

“I’ll miss you too,” I replied.

“I know,” he said, sticking his tongue out at me.

“F*** you,” I said in a mach macho tone. I didn’t mean to, it was just an automatic response.

He laughed a lot.

“Ok, now we have to do this again, because the last thing I say to you can’t be f*** you,” I said.

He hugged me again.

“That was actually a good hug, I’m proud of you,” he said.

I resisted the urge to say f*** you again replacing it this time with “thank you.”

“Goodbye,” he said.

“Goodbye,” I replied.

And with that, I watched him walk into the sun. I watched him walk towards his family’s car. I watched him get into the passenger seat. I watched it pull away. I watched four years of my life vanish in a black sedan. I watched the love of my life drive away without so much as a glance back. I sighed, jumping off of the table and heading back to my dorm room to finish packing my own things. As I entered my room, I smelled something strangely familiar. I walked across the hall to where he used to live. I entered the room and a cloud of his cologne welcomed me into it.

I climbed atop what used to be his dresser and I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I started to cry. I started to think about what could have been different. I started to think about what could have happened if he had loved me, if we had spent the last four years in a blissful relationship. I started to think about all the things I would have changed. I held the rock he gave me and I pressed it into my skin so hard it hurt, and I tried to think about what I would have changed if I could have, and I realized I wouldn’t have changed a single thing. I fell in love with a quiet boy with crystal eyes four years ago, and even though it was a rollercoaster, I wouldn’t have gotten off at any point. I sat atop of that dresser, breathed in his cologne and realized, I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.