When I was 9 years old I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety and Panic Disorder the same month that my parents divorced. I had a psychiatrist who taught me how to conquer my fears by using legos. He took one big-monster lego and said this is your FEAR and then he took a little girl logo and said this is YOU.  Strange as that may sound,  in some ways it worked, but other times I thought his methods were odd. I suppose I can’t blame him for trying, though, apparently it’s really hard to understand 4th-grade girls. I had another who didn't have an office so we would have sessions in the car on the way home from school. I was tossed back and forth never knowing where I belonged. I was  confused and lost, too numb to feel love.
     

As I grew up I didn't hide my illness. I couldn’t, but I couldn't escape it either. I  was teased by the kids in school. They called me bad things and told me I was worthless. I will never forget the moment I heard one of my closest friends tell someone else that I was faking being depressed. It was the moment that I realized they didn't understand what it felt like. And I felt alone. By the end of eighth-grade year, I thought that no one besides my parents really cared. I knew I had to find a place to fit in, a place where I could be something other than the depressed girl.

When it came time to choose a high school, I  was looking for a place that I could start over. I didn’t really know anyone on the first day. I had made a promise to myself on the first day to be confident. I’m still not sure how it happened so quickly, but day by day, and lunch by lunch,I got closer to this group of amazing people. I had one or two loyal friends from my old school, but I was excited to meet new people. What I realized after I met them, was that knowing you have someone there for you, is awesome. Knowing there are people that care about you and love yo,a can fill you up with joy and make a sad girl happy again.
This one group of people in a matter of months or years has changed me. They showed me who I really was when I didn't know. They showed me that love is more powerful than anything you encounter, because it creates hope,because it in itself is the thing that drives everything. My new friends proved that people are good and that the world is worth something. They proved that I am worth something. They showed me that I am loved by more than the people that are biologically assigned to love me, because I chose them and they chose me back.
    

Now I know what it means to be loved,I am sure what it feels like. Having anxiety doesn’t make me any less of a person. It doesn't mean that I deserve pity any more than someone else with a  sad story. If there is only one thing that my experiences have taught me, it is that your flaws do not define you. They make you who you are. And you are beautiful. You are worth the world. You are loved. If there is ever a moment when you question the validity of these words, know that I believe that knowing and feeling that you are loved is different than being loved because I love you.