“I am a sick man... I am a spiteful man. I am an unpleasant man.” In 1864 Fyodor Dostoevsky published the greatest opening line in all of literature which captures my intellectual dilemma. This past year I have been held in and out of numerous hospitals at impromptu moments in order to be poked and prodded with stinging needles held by various doctors who tend to give me the same reassuring speech on how it’ll “only be a pinch” every single time I’m in for treatment. In response to my visits, I would narcissistically remind myself that I lead an unfortunate life, but when felt pain, would let out no cry. Instead, I would mutely grip the handles of the hospital bed covered in sanitized sheets which fill the room with an inarguably septic aroma that at one point, I guarantee you I will begin to smell like. It’s indisputable that having a chronic kidney disease brings me anxiety, panic attacks, and makes me face obstacles in attaining medical and academic success, but it has also unexpectedly given me time to cultivate my own principles of ideology which I implement into my journalistic writings.

By completely introducing me to the world of existential philosophy, Fyodor Dostoevsky and his brilliant works showed me that my love for literature is a gift. The Underground Man in Notes From the Underground is aware of his rotting liver as well as the bureaucracy of social reform under which he lives, yet he chooses to stay “conscious sitting-with-the-hands-folded.” He rationalizes his inertia with his obssession with free will: he’s too pompous to accept medical attention. I’m aware of my medical condition and the the restrictions it creates from having the same leisure as the others at school, but I’m also aware of the global issues such as the Israel-Palestine conflict, world hunger, or the proliferation of nuclear advancement. I used to stay inert because I know that my pain is minute in the light of the challenges faced worldwide, but the Underground Man’s immobilization brought me a sense of urgency to do something about it along with other problems that can be helped: I refuse to stay conscious sitting-with-the-hands-folded.

Through my journalism, I have found a way to alertly fight against the injustices of the world. By keeping up with multiple credible news sources and firsthand interviews, I have been taking action by writing world news articles and editorials for my school newspaper. Whether it be the Russia-Ukraine conflict, civil rights, national security, or capital punishment, I like to cover affairs involving diplomacy, law, and overall national debate topics in order to rebel against the Underground Man’s doctrine and play my part in bringing awareness and change to society. Since I am a highschool student, my general readers are my peers at school, but as I grow older, I want to be able to expand my audience and make a greater impact on politics and international affairs.