The worst part is trying  not to let it get to you. My sister tries her best daily; I can tell. But at the end of the day it seems as if she chooses to give up. While I was growing up my sister was my leader, friend, and advice giver. But that soon changed once I reached the changing age. I understood more topics than I wanted, which made me confused about my sister. How could someone that you looked up to so greatly, change so fast? Later on I came to the realization that she wasn't changing I was. I started to notice that she doesn't like rules, when they are given it seems like she has to break them. It affected me to think that the person that I looked up to is someone my mind has made up. Not all people are perfect but we at least have to try.
      I have three admirable sisters, one of them holds the angelic name of Jayly Faye. She contains bewitching blonde hair that barely meets the uppermost of her shoulders, her eyes match the sky on a cloudy day, and her face structure meets almost everybody's expectations. Jayly is my oldest sister; currently she is taking on the age of twenty two. Jayly has grown up with many struggles, which have shaped her personality to be tough and sharp like a knife. Growing up with my sister had me experiencing a fun, tough, childhood; that I will never take back. My sister has taught me who I want to be and why I want to be this way. My sister and I were never close, I could not ever talk to her unless I had to. Although there are many reasons that I did not care for speaking to my sister, I should have it wasn’t fair to her.
     It all started when I was about seven, I was young and couldn’t fathom all of her choices. I remember one time when I was ten trying to find something in Jayly’s room, I found something but it was not what I was looking for. Naturally I through the cigarettes away, I did not want my parents to find it or for her to pursue this habit. She knew that I had taken them, she told me that the cigarettes were her friends; she didn’t think that I had known that they weren't. When I was young I looked up to my sister, I thought that she was the most fascinating human being on the earth. Growing up I knew a lot more than my peers, I wasn’t smart I had an older sister who loved to misbehave. There has been many times where I have found not only cigarettes but many items that little kids shouldn’t see. But they have been there and I was curious, I will ask about these items and later regret the fact that I had found these certain things in my sisters room; especially in my sisters room.  I don’t blame myself she is my older sister and I wanted nothing but for her to love everything about me; I thought she was ‘cool’.  This changed when I was eleven, I lost all of the respect that I had for my sister; I didn’t think she was ‘cool’ anymore.
     Why was it so hard to overcome all of the rough feelings I had for my sister? As I start thinking about this question, I notice that it was hard for me because she wasn't changing; I had to change. For all of the thirteen years that I've been alive, I have been with Jayly… I know how she works. When Jayly says that she wants to hang out with you or that she wants to see you, she's trying to be nice. There have been numerous times throughout my life where she will make plans with Jordyn (my other sister) and me, then at last minute she will do something else. Let me give you some examples…. Go meet up with some boys, hang out with her friends, stay at home because she's too tired, go shopping, work on her yard, go to the casino and many more. This still happens to this day, in fact it happened this week. When my mom or anybody in my family tells me that Jayly wants to hang out or that she's picking me up to go do something, I don't even get excited anymore. I know that it's not going to happen, and sadly I'm right.
     Although not many people want to admit it I will, my sister has gone to jail, my sister has done drugs, my sister sleeps around, my sister drinks alcohol a little more than some, my sister shows no respect for herself. Why does she choose this life? I have NO clue, is it fun? Is it worth it? She knows that I disagree with the way she lives, she's way better than what she treats herself. Also she knows it makes my respect for her weaken, yet she continues to tell me and continues to do it. This makes me feel like she has no respect for me or my family, she knows we want better for her, she knows we believe in her. She is so intelligent and strong. Yet she continues to do this every single day of her life. Honestly I don't believe that she cares what I think or cares about my feelings, which honestly hurts bad. Although I feel this way I have learned to overcome that feeling, I have learned that Jayly simply doesn't get it. She doesn't get that what she does hurts and affects other people; I KNOW that she could've stoped if she knew what affect it had on our family. I wouldn't say that she's addicted to the drugs or anything, she's addicted to the lifestyle. This lifestyle is the only way she knows how to truly have fun.
     When you find out someone isn't who you thought they were things change for better or for worse. You have two choices be angry for the rest of your life, or move on. I chose to move on and I'm pleased with that choice, all it is is a bump in my road of life that I had to push my car up. Choosing to overcome the way my sister lives and her lifestyle was a good choice, now I don't have to worry about not wanting to see her. Instead I get to look forward to all the fun new memories we will have together as the future leans forward. Writing this essay has made me realize how much it actually did affect me, I am so thankful that I had the power to move on. Also I am so glad that I had this chance to write about my feelings, and fully move on.