Boom… boom boom. My heart pounds against my chest. My ears are ready to pop with the sounds of the bass and the loud chattering of the crowd. Sweat already dripping profusely from my forehead. No matter how hard I try I can’t seem to stop the nervous twitch of my finger tapping against the hardwood of my guitar. I’ve never felt my heart beat this fast. All of the build up for three weeks leading to this… My first performance. Slowly and carefully stepping up on stage to be sure, I don’t face plant. Before I knew it I was on the stage.
When I first got the opportunity to perform in front of a crowd I immediately backed out. The simple idea of putting myself out in front of hundreds of people to be judged sounded absolutely ridiculous. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. However, I thought about what the aftermath could be, either A.) I freeze up before I step foot on stage, B.) Everyone loves me and I become a famous celebrity the very next day, and the one I was most worried about C.) Everyone hates me and they throw water bottles and tomatoes at me as they boo me off stage. On the plus side I love tomatoes. Seeing as there was nothing life threatening about the whole ordeal, I decided to go for it.
The next three weeks were spent constantly worrying. I practiced and practiced, hoping to be as close to perfect as I could get. However, I mostly spent my time thinking of all the what ifs. What if I forget the lyrics, what if I play the wrong chords, what if I freeze up and make a fool of myself, what if my parents disown me , what if I trip and smash my face in, only to be made into a meme and forever forgotten. With all the thoughts whipping through my head at tornado speed, the big day came rather quickly. As I was waiting to be called up to go lie on my deathbed, aka stage, I was running the lyrics through my head as I was tuning my guitar and then my name was called. I took the first few steps to walk the stairs leading to the stage, already feeling as if I just might burst into tears and projectile vomit at the same time. I still remember that there were six steps leading to the moment where I put myself out in front of people just for them to say whether they like me or not. Then BOOM! I was on stage, like magic. My heart pounded faster and faster and faster as if it’s going to pop. The loud chattering of the crowd echoed in my ears, hundreds of eyes staring at me as I stare right back. I started playing the first chord. I was shocked to hear the lyrics coming out of my mouth and flow into the microphone. It was as if the words just flowed out of my mouth and my hands did their own job playing guitar. Once I was on stage I just forgot about everything else and I was just in that moment. The energy you get from the crowd is astonishing; you’re just able to feed off of it. There’s like an invisible connection between the performer and the audience.
The performance went way better than I expected, I even met new friends that day. It wasn’t scary at all; I just built it up to be so much more in my mind. After the performance I still couldn’t quite wrap my head around the experience. However, I did realize that all of that time that I spent worrying and thinking of what could happen, I could’ve spent practicing even more or relaxing and hanging out with friends but I was so wrapped up in something that hadn’t even happened yet. It wasn’t as scary as I was making it up to be. In fact, I loved the feeling of my heart pounding so hard, it felt like it might burst. Nothing is as scary as you might think, you just have to see for yourself.