It was something she’d always been told to do. Time and time again. Relatives whom she did not care for would tell her the same thing as the teachers at her school. “You’re unhappy? Well cheer up,” they would say.  It never helped. She still found herself feeling lonely even when surrounded by others, and angry when there was no one around to argue with. It made her even angrier with herself, too.

She could no longer bear to see her own enraged face and she picked up her pace when walking in front of a mirror. When the anger subsided, she’d be left alone with a hole in her heart. It was no matter to the others who constantly told her that she had much to be grateful for. She knew deep down that they were right. She felt bad for not enjoying family vacations and watching movies with her friends.

To her it all felt the same. Bland.

There was a time when she felt this way. When she realized it she knew something had to change.

She couldn’t stand another day of seeing her classmates stare at her with terrified eyes or having them afraid to be near her. So she changed everything about herself. It wasn’t difficult, and it took a year at most.

Her mother helped her find clothes like the ones the other girls wore. She decided to cut her hair to match theirs. She watched the golden strands fall to the floor with every snip of the scissors and she was fine. She knew that there was more to do though. So she learned.

She apologized to everyone she had ever wronged and promised to make it up to them in any way she could. The venom-coated insults were stopped and she saved her laughter for a time when everyone else would laugh. And that was fine with her. They hated who she was and in time, she came to hate who she was. It wasn’t a big deal, that version of her was an awful person who was doomed to be alone. And she changed for the better and she was fine.

Even though she was better, everything was still bland. She still could hardly look at the person staring back at her in the mirror and when she did, she could only look into its eyes. Her eyes had always been called beautiful, and she loved them. So she always looked to the one part of her that she thought was beautiful. And that made her happy.

In time, more people began to speak to her. The old version of her began to fade from their minds and eventually disappeared. She made good friends who wanted to spend time with her and held her if she was upset. And as she once disappeared from their minds, she wished that that version of her could disappear from her own mind.

So she asked her family and friends never to remind her of that time and stared blankly at her when they laughed at her and did it anyway.

But she was fine.

As she grew, she realized that the world was bleak, and that the beauty of it could only be seen if she allowed herself to see it. So she did.

She saw color in the people around her, but also, their faults. She saw the love of the dog that slept at the foot of her bed during a loud thunderstorm and she smiled. And when she returned back to a place where she could not find a reason to, her mother told her to continue smiling and laughing, even if she was sad. So she did.

She loved the feeling that smiling and making others laugh brought to her, more than the feeling of making the smiles disappear from their faces ever had. She smiled through tears and laughed at her problems. For this, some left her and some hated her, but still, she pretended to be happy until the day when she finally was.
She can now look at her reflection fully and be satisfied. And still, though bad things may happen to her and she may feel alone in a crowded room, she knows she will never be without love.

And so she smiled.