Last night, my dad and I were discussing my report card, and both of us were a bit disappointed with the turnout. My senior year of high school has not been an easy one, to say the least. I’ve been struggling a lot, not just in school, but in my personal life as well. I have taken the negative experiences that I’ve gone through, and within the past few months have tried to turn them into something positive, something I can improve on, and reflect; although it’s not always that easily said and done. With all the stresses I am undergoing, school work has been set on the back burner. This time around, my grades weren’t too horrible, All B’s, except for the fact that I got a D in my Physics class. A grade I’ve never gotten before.

To put these grades into a bit more perspective, I’ll disclose the fact that I do have a twin sister, one who usually does much better than me academically. I’ve gotten C’s many times before, and although my parents are never proud of it, it is acceptable. My parents know that I am not one to find enjoyment or ease within math and science, so as it was not a surprise, the disappointment was still apparent. So as I lay in my bed, trying to explain my reason for falling behind, I begin to do some self-reflection. My father begins to talk about students who are athletes, nerds, druggies, etc. He tries to put into perspective that I have a lot going for me, and that I am smarter than I think I am, which may be true, but even so, I ask him, “What am I?” His reply, “You’re Grace, a bright, young, talented girl.” And I feel frustrated with the fact that he wasn’t understanding.

“No, dad, I mean WHAT am I? What am I good at? I don’t have a label! What am I known for? I don’t play sports; I’m not an athlete. I don’t play video games; I’m not a gamer. I don’t go out and party or stay up all night, I don’t sing or dance or excel at a specific talent. I’m just regular. I’m just average. I do everything ‘OK’, but I don’t have something that people know me for! Hannah [my sister] is super smart and everyone knows her for being the top in our class, and I’m just her sister. WHAT AM I?”

My dad sits down on my bed next to me, and puts his hand on my leg. “Grace, you don’t need a label. You are you, isn’t that enough? Aren’t you glad that you don’t just have one thing going for you, you’re a jack of all trades!” I interrupt him, without thought, “Yeah, and master of none…”

“No. You can’t think like that. You may not be a master now, but the fact that you have ability in many things, there is a possibility for mastery. You don’t want to just be good at one thing, because what happens if that doesn’t work out for you? You can do anything you are passionate about, I believe that, but you just need to believe it yourself.” Wiping the tears from my eyes, he sees my frustration within. “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.”

I close my own eyes and think. I guess I was indeed content with the fact that I knew how to approach many things in life, but still the sadness resided in the fact that I wasn’t known for having something special, or so I thought.

“You are good at making people feel beautiful.” My sister comes into my room, and lays on me with a big hug. I smiled at the thought, and appreciated the fact that maybe she was right. That was something I always loved, was to appreciate and praise the beauty and value in others. I sit here questioning alongside my dad with the thought, ‘Why do I need a label?’ My generation is so invested in being a brand, being known for something, and I have inevitably taken upon the desire. I wish that I hadn’t wanted to be categorized, but I guess that’s what we all truly want, is to just fit in. I’m beginning to think that I mustn’t worry about making others feel beautiful, only myself. Yes, it is great to love, but I also believe that I have neglected the most important part, to be loved. We as a young generation also rely too much on the approval of others. I want to throw in the fact that it is possible, and most important, to be loved by yourself. Even with bad grades and bad habits. So for the remaining of my senior year, I’ll most definitely try to improve my grades, but more importantly my mindset. With these intentions, maybe I can start a new trend, a new group, and be known for confidence.