There are few things that I will never do in my life time. I know that someday, I will achieve my dream, and I also know that one day, I will make a life for myself. Although I know this will happen, there will always be one thing missing- my father. I know that in my life, I will never say “dad” with out a twinge occurring in my gut, I will never come home to my father waiting up for me, and I will never have my father scare my date away. It’s not that my parents aren’t good enough as they are now, it’s just not the same.

As I walk down the street some days, I see the stereo typical family: a dad and a mom, with an older son and younger daughter. I’ll never have that. It’s not because I have a sister and not a brother; it’s because of an aching hole where my father should be, standing next to me. I don’t miss him, I never met him. I don’t want to run into his arms, crying. I don’t want to have a big happy family with him. I just want a name, a photograph, and maybe some information on what he’s currently doing with his life.

I never met him, no. I only know the numbers: CB xxx. I only know that he (was, is?) medium hight, had dark brown curly hair, and small facial features. Sometimes, I hold up a photograph of my mother, and look at us in the mirror, trying to figure out the differences between me and her. I take those differences, and then try to formulate a face, piecing together his features like a puzzle. I’ll most likely never see him, never get to look at his face. I know he doesn’t want to know me, and I know that he only did it for the money.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents. It’s all I’ve ever known, and I’ve never wanted anything else. I don’t want my father in my life, I just want a photograph. Confidentiality laws stand in my way, and no amount of legal action will break them. How can one person affect me so much, when I have never interacted with him? My parents have done the best they can by me, but if there is one mistake that they ever made, it was choosing an anonymous donor.

There are a few things that I will never do in my life time. I’ll never run into my fathers arms, and he will never be there to support me through my first heartbreak, or through my sports career. He’ll never make a fool of himself just to make me feel better. But I know that I have two amazing parents right now, and that they do everything that he will never do. And for that, I am forever grateful. Both of my mothers are amazing beautiful women who have achieved so much in their life time. But just once, I want to feel the stubble on my fathers face, look into his eyes, and see myself in his features. I want to know where the other half of me came from, I want to see him- even in just a photograph.