“Jake, get up.” Called out his mother from the bottom of the stairs. “The social workers from the State are here. Throw your clothes in a bag and let’s go.”

Little Jake wasn’t the most fortunate kid, coming from a family of ten kids, an alcoholic father, and an unstable mother. At the age of two, he was put into the foster care system along with all of my siblings, due to the poor actions of his parents. His parents were jobless and unable to pay for any bills or to put food on the table. He grew up not knowing my parents really well, only the ones of the foster homes that he was forced to live with. He was never in a home for a long time. Having to move to different homes so often that he would go to bed at night with his shoes on in case he had to go to a new home the next morning. Once in a while though, he and his siblings were able to go back and live with his parents, until things became unstable again. As time went on, things got worse. Not having more than three shirts and one pair of torn jeans, he got picked on a lot.

“Nice pants queer bait, didn’t you wear those yesterday?” shouted one of the kids sitting in the commons.

He would hang his low and keep quiet, bring ashamed of who he was and where he came from.

“How does it feel to know that your mommy and daddy would rather drink and smoke instead of love you?”
Every day just became a living hell for Jake. The only thing he ever looked forward to was being able to go home to his mother. He and his mother had a special bond that could not be broken. She would sing to him every night before bed and would always say this simple phrase, “you will always be in my heart.” He always pondered and thought about this phrase when he was separated from her, relying on her to always be his caretaker. Until one day in early 2006, when his mother was diagnosed with multiple myeloma and lung cancer. This affected him greatly, knowing that he wasn’t able to enjoy being with his mother as much, but that phrase, “you will always be in my heart,” is what kept him going strong. As the months went on, his mother got worse and worse, ending up in a coma. She then wasn’t able to move, speak, or interact with anyone. The sight of this was unbearable and heartbreaking to, knowing that he may never be able to hear his mother sing to him ever again. Jake loved listening to his mother sing, but was afraid to attempt it himself because his father discouraged it because it was ‘gay’ for boys to sing.

Jake was not able to visit his mother in the hospital very often due to how bad her illness was getting. One night, he was able to visit his mother with the rest of his family. Getting to see all of his siblings again was enjoyable, but the sight of his mother’s state wasn’t. Seeing her just lying there, still and unable to move or speak. Jake went and laid next to her, talking to her as if he was having a conversation with her, but a response never came from her. At the end of the visit, he went and said my goodbyes, not knowing that it was his final goodbye. His last words to his mother were,

“I love you mommy. You will always be in my heart.”

That next night, November 3, 2006, his mother passed away. Jake was devastated, torn, and heart broken. His grades began to drop and little Jake was invisible to the world. No one paying attention as they passed in the hallway, never getting called on in class.

“How are you doing today?” asked his therapist. No response would ever come out of his mouth.

He never spoke a word, walking to each class with his head hanging down and a hood over his head. He was torn, not being able to see his mother or hear her voice. One day, his choir teacher was having every kid individually sing a solo in front of the class.

“Jake, your turn buddy” she softly spoke. Jake instantly shrank in his seat, not wanting to be a part of the world that he was living in.

“Come on Jake, you can do it” she said with reassurance.

He slowly stood up, the music began to play, and he took a deep breath and began to pour his heart out into song. He couldn’t help but keep his eyes closed due to seeing everyone staring at him, he was in his own little world where he could be free. From then on, he had no cares in the world, knowing that he had finally found something that made him happy.