There comes a time in our lives when we have to walk away from everything we know and love. It’s so hard to just leave all of your friends behind. It’s like shutting the blinds on a bright day, it leaves you with nothing but darkness. And that darkness, it fills you full of painful thoughts and consumes you. The dark covers the sun. But there’s a dark before the sun.

Music is the only way I know how to live. It teaches me more than any person ever could. It lets me know I’m alive and makes me feel like I’ll be alright even after the sun has died inside.

I am not innocent, and I am not pure. I’ve gone through Hell and back again. I’ve seen things that would make a grown man scream. I’ve heard the screaming and the fighting late at night. I’ve been thrown around, been broken and beaten. And no one could ever relate to the poison in my brain. I had lost all my memories and started to regain, but I realized that life was slipping by, and days of my life were gone again.

Help me find the light and help me save the music inside. My mind, my soul, and my heart have wasted away to nearly nothing, and I am so sick of feeling this way.  You wouldn’t understand even if you knew the Hell they put me through. I hope for you to never get this way, for my sake, and for yours as well.

The demons in my mind destroy me with only words I can hear. The music playing in my heart is dark and twisted, telling me that I’m ill, and that I should kill myself. All the sounds and sights that run through me are distorted and ugly. I can’t get the images out of my head and they’re killing me.

“We’ve become desolate. It’s not enough, it never is. But I will go on until the end,” Breaking Benjamin, "Until the End."

The lyrics mean everything. If you can understand them, you can understand my pain. This life has been so hard, and now I’m spent and dead set on finding another way. How do we play this game with the rules always changing? You mess it up every time. And all the while I try to feel alive. Will you help me feel something past the stone cold part that is my heart? Or will you watch me die, screaming out for my life?