I always suspected that the grass was less green on the other side of this hysterical tragedy. But until my suspicions turned into my belief, he was already far ahead in the race. I was desperate to be loved whilst he was desperate for a victim in need of love.

The end of my misery and the beginning of a completely new one. I knew that he could see me being torn apart. But he believed that he wasn’t to blame. He dealt with my complaining. But he never felt the numbness in my emotions. He could smell me hurting from a great distance. So he turned his back to escape the taste of my pain. He was only learning to move ahead. Whilst I was learning to leave the past behind. Sometimes I had to sob. But instead, I let my tears suffocate with the memories that lingered in my heart so furiously.

Did he not mean all those texts that I had saved as an undying memory of him? Did he not mean that time when he told me that I was special? Did he not mean all those stories that he shared during late nights? Did he not mean the man he told me he’d be? If not, then what did he mean? Did he mean to tell me something else? Did he mean to tell me that I should stay away from him because he doesn’t desire me? Did he want to tell me that he has broken a lot of people as a result of his broken soul? Did he feel the need to tell me that he keeps me around to feel that he can control whatever he wishes? Or did he mean to hide the truth behind his mask of sanity that he pretends to wear with such poise and confidence?

Did he mean to hide the truth? Or was he concealing his insanity? Does he know who he is? If yes, then does he love himself too much to give enough? If no, then why does he choose to become the cause of another’s pain? How do I feel the warmth of his presence when he is close yet I am led to believe that his love is just a figment of my imagination? Why do his memories repeat themselves in my mind when they were never meant to be remembered in the first place? Why do I keep on chasing empty promises? Why do I hold on to the love that only I believed existed? Why do I embrace lies?

These questions dwell in my mind as my heart demands answers. But only the truth. Yet there is none. There was no loyalty. There was no story. There never was a man in love. Only a lost boy searching for his way back home. Until then, he will walk his path of destruction. He will make fake promises. Feel temporary joy. And lie a little more. Unfortunately only one of us walked away with what they desired whilst I was left with a heavy heart and empty hands.