Being confident can make life easy for a lot of people including me but I am not the person that is confident, that can stand up for myself or share my ideas even though I want to. I wish I have confidence. I want to talk in front of people with confident but I can't. When people are watching me I feel like I am burning in fire, my heart races like I was running for a long time even though I didn't run. When people talk to me I want to talk but I just smile because I forget what I should say. Most of the time I want to talk to people but I seem to be scared of a lot of things like "what if I say something wrong" or "what should I say" and "what is the right thing to say"?. There are a lot of things I want to say but I couldn't say any of the things I want to because I am too quiet. Sometimes when I talk they couldn't hear me because I was quiet. I can only talk freely when the people that are close to me because I don't know that is how I am. I don't talk that much. I don't like to eat at people's house and I don't talk too when they talk to me I would like to shut them off with a short answer if they are not close to me. when I stay silent I like to study the people like if they are pretending something how they are like because I have nothing to do when am quiet as always and I am left out when others are talking and having fun. I just sit there looking at people without them knowing. How will I be when I  grow up? Am I going to keep living in the silent even when I am old? Maybe when I grow up I might be confident enough after I get the things I want.  I think when I grow up I will be the same because even when I am at a young age I like to shut myself off from the social.
Who knows the future?