“Why did he take her away from us?”

“He needed more guardian angels and thought she was perfect.”

A guardian angel is believed to be a spirit to watch over someone and protect them or a place.

My grandmother had died on August 9th, 2010, I was told August 12th four days after her death. But during those four days it was different. Almost like I was protected. But when I was told she has died I was devastated. I wouldn’t stop crying. It was like someone had taken a hammer and hit my chest at least 100 times. I didn’t understand at first why she had passed, i knew she was sick but she was getting better. I had asked my mom that night why she was taken away,my mom told me the big man upstairs needed a new angle to watch over people. Even then i didn’t understand.

My grandmother was a lot of things, she was for one the best nana ever. She never forgot anything and I mean anything. She would pick me up from school and bring me to her house and would take care of me while my mom and dad were at work. First thing we would do when we got into the house was while she got the snacks and drinks i would get my folder out so she could check my papers. If i had homework then we would do it while i was eating my snack, and afterwards i would wash the dishes and she would take out the trash. When all the chores were done we would play with the kitty’s, she had a white one who was mean and a gray one who would curl up to you and cuddle. After we played with the kitties we would go to the living room, she would put in a movie from my collection we had built over the years. When the movie finished she would make us grilled cheeses and we would play go fish while playing. She would wash the dishes after we were done and i would clean up the cards. Then with that done we would go back to the living room and watch a movie waiting for my mom to come pick me up.

That was just one day with my grandmother.

One day every week we would go visit her parents and they would give me ice cream, that’s all i really remember besides curling up in my great grandfather's bed with him. But one week we stopped going and my nana was sad. I had asked her, “Nana what’s wrong?”. She had told me my great grandparents had died within two days of each other. I had cried a little and sat with my nana on the couch and cuddled for hours. She always told me that in a dark moment there is always gonna be a light to shine through no matter how small. That's how she always stayed happy around my family and I, we were her light.

When she did pass away i took to writing. I wrote how angry I was at God. I screamed at him and told him to bring her back. I said how much I hated him. But in the end after I got done writing i felt better. I felt relieved. That’s what writing does to me now. My nana told me that writing is an escape from the real world whenever I need it. I wrote an apology to him afterwards in my journal.

“I know why you took her now, and i’m ok with it. I’m sorry i got mad at you. I don’t hate you. My mommy was right, you needed a new guardian angel and she is the perfect candidate for it.”