It's 3:15 A.M. I really don't know why I'm awake right now and just letting everything out. The struggle I'm going through with my grandma passing, my older brother in prison, and our house burning down. It's like everything I do or try to do doesn't end up right. I notice the struggle of my family. I really try my best to stay positive about everything, but you know there's just a time where you go to that low place in your life. Yeah I'm in that place at this moment. Some people probably saw me happy physically but I'll just be honest, I'm just faking my happiness. My life right now isn't stable. I try my best to make it , but I just give up. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. Why? Because we all go through things. " GOD gives his strongest battles to his strongest soldiers. " But at this moment I'm pretty weak , my desire to push myself forward is fading away slowly, day by day. I'm that type of person that doesn't show any emotions , so me typing this , opening up is something new. Yes I know we all go through things but again it's been almost 2 years going through all this. It's probably my fault for keeping all these feelings in for so long. Notice how I say "me , my , I" ?  Well, I just tend to put the blame on myself to find the solution to all my problems. It isn't the greatest move to make but what else do I have. And yeah many will say "have faith,"  "just wait for the right time" I'm still waiting. Do I still have faith?