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Well Played

April 2, 2013
By louisarstrothman BRONZE, Putney, Vermont
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louisarstrothman BRONZE, Putney, Vermont
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She steps on to the ice with a well-used skate. It has years of crossovers traced in the blades, the laces tied thousands of times. Her clothing is loose but will keep her warm as she shouts directions at her players crossing the ice in ultimate desperation. She holds a stick carefully taped by hands with years of experience. There are spots where the paint of the logo has chipped away from being hit. As she takes a few steps, the blade of her stick finds a puck and flicks it several feet in the air. She laughs as a girl dives so as to avoid being nailed by the falling puck. Her cheeks have the lines of someone whose seen many a victory, and her eyes have the wisdom of someone who has seen many a loss. It is the face of someone who cares deeply about how her team plays, whether she is on it, or in charge. Then as a senior flies down the ice and makes a perfect goal, the coach sends a pass down while the player is not looking, and then makes some comment about the girl’s inability to catch the puck form there is a glimmer in her eye as if she is laughing, and then a smile appears to accompany the glimmer, followed by another pass to a player who is not as good as the senior, but catches it because after all, the coach meant for it to be caught.

© Chris W., Milford, CT

The author's comments:
This is about the most wonderful ice hockey coach ever.
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This article has 12 comments.

Propheteer GOLD said...
on Apr. 12 2013 at 12:37 pm
Propheteer GOLD, Sudbury, Other
13 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;The only thing that I see that is distinctly different about me is I&#039;m not afraid to die on a treadmill. I will not be out-worked, period. You might have more talent than me, you might be smarter than me, you might be sexier than me, you might be all of those things you got it on me in nine categories. But if we get on the treadmill together, there&#039;s two things: You&#039;re getting off first, or I&#039;m going to die. It&#039;s really that simple, right?<br /> You&#039;re not going to out-work me. It&#039;s such a simple, basic concept. The guy who is willing to hustle the most is going to be the guy that just gets that loose ball. The majority of people who aren&#039;t getting the places they want or aren&#039;t achieving the things that they want in this business is strictly based on hustle. It&#039;s strictly based on being out-worked; it&#039;s strictly based on missing crucial opportunities. I say all the time if you stay ready, you ain&#039;t gotta get ready.&rdquo;<br /> <br /> <br /> ― Will Smith

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Impressive! You have awesome visual skills! 
Conner Elliott-Knaggs BRONZE said...
on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:51 am
Conner Elliott-Knaggs BRONZE, Dummerston, Vermont
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The last sentence ties it all together, it shows the reader everything they need to know, the coach is incredible, reveared and respected.  The essence of "Coach" is captured beautifully.
Bailey Whelchel BRONZE said...
on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:36 am
Bailey Whelchel BRONZE, Newfane, Vermont
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Your description of characters in this short was fantastic, You could really get a sense of who they were.
ChrisM said...
on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:35 am
It showed very well throughout, I especially liked the line, "She holds a stick carefully taped by hands with years of experience."
pgilly1994 said...
on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:29 am
Great job with the descriptions it helps you visualize what is going on.
JamesFerris said...
on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:27 am
The description of each moment is very vivid and kept me wanting to read.  Very nice job pulling in the reader.
EmilyBau BRONZE said...
on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:26 am
EmilyBau BRONZE, Brattleboro, Vermont
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I love this piece! There is so much showing, and I can imagine myself there!
Rebecca Potter BRONZE said...
on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:21 am
Rebecca Potter BRONZE, Guilford, Vermont
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The vivid detail of the beginnings of practice and the way Coach’s eyes light up moved me. I have so much love for the woman the speaker describes here and the sport we both play; reading this touched me because I recognized the beauty I see in Coach and the sport atmosphere she creates as seen through someone else’s eyes and words. Louisa, Bravo.
tildenr BRONZE said...
on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:21 am
tildenr BRONZE, Guilford, Vermont
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I like how the piece is coming from the point of view of the Coach. Its new and cretive, well done!
Hannah Lynde said...
on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:20 am
Hannah Lynde, Guilford, Vermont
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I enjoyed reading this short piece. It has vivid details that keep the reader interested, and I love the line that says, "Her cheeks have the lines of someone whose seen many a victory, and her eyes have the wisdom of someone who has seen many a loss."
Kelsey Windish BRONZE said...
on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:15 am
Kelsey Windish BRONZE, Guilford, Vermont
1 article 0 photos 6 comments
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I love the first sentence. It really brings you into the story.
SageElizabeth said...
on Apr. 9 2013 at 11:11 am
SageElizabeth, Brattleboro, Vermont
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I like the description, and how it is easy to visualize. Good Job!