-    FLASHBACK    -

        I wake up with no feeling in my body. I noticed I was laying in a white hospital bed surrounded by white walls. A window to the right of me was closed, but I was able to make out the faint outline of trees outside. It was dark and the moonlight that shone through the closed window illuminated my room. The only other source of light in the room reflected from the medical equipment on my left. A green light moved in up and down motions letting me know that I was alive. 

A bracelet around my wrist read y/n. Y/n I thought, that was my name, the only familiarity I recognized in this dimly lit room. Wires of all kinds surrounded my body with needles attaching them to my skin. In the corner of the room, a camera pointed directly at me stood perfectly still, observing my every movement. The hospital was eerily silent.

What were the other patients doing I thought? 

It was dark outside so I assumed they were sleeping and returned my attention back to myself. I couldn’t move any of my limbs. I couldn’t remember anything except my name. I felt numb with only the occasional beep from the machines monitoring me to accompany my confusion.

As I was trying to sort out my thoughts and figure out why I was here, I heard the echoed footsteps of people getting closer to me. 3 men entered my room, flailing the door wide open behind them. One wore a white coat with a stethoscope around his neck. His name tag read “Dr. Kim Seokjin”. He held a clipboard in one hand and a tightly gripped pen in the other. His expression was calm, and as he stepped into the room the second man came into my view. He was wearing a blue scrub and held a tray with pills laid out on it. His name tag read “Mr. Jung Hoseok”. 

When the third man walked in, he had a worried expression painted on his face. The other two men moved out of the doorway allowing space for him to enter. He immediately ran up to me and took my hand in his. I could see tears forming in his eyes. My confusion only grew from here as Dr. Kim Seokjin spoke. 

“Hi y/n, my name is Dr. Kim Seokjin,” he spoke calmly.

“Our night shift nurse Hoseok has been monitoring you for the last 2 months as you were in a coma, and just a few moments ago he informed us that you had woken up,” he said gesturing at Hoseok. I looked over at Hoseok who was smiling at me. (now moonlight wasn’t the only thing illuminating my room haha)

A coma I thought, I was in a coma.

“You may have realized by now that your memory is…gone,” he said, his eyes still fixated on mine.

And he was right, I couldn’t remember anything except my name, y/n. 

“This man here is your older brother,” he continued, and I turned my head down to look at the man kneeling next to my bed with tears flowing down his face.

“His name is Kim Namjoon.”

(back to the present)

        My body shot up and the realization that my alarm had been ringing for the last 7 minutes hit. Why hadn’t Namjoon woken me up? I looked over at my clock that read 4:53 am. I must have fallen asleep on the floor last night trying to memorize drug names. 

Oh no, clinical rotations started at 5:15 am, I thought. No use in trying to catch the train to the hospital. I rushed to my closet looking for a scrub. Then I tied my hair in a bun, grabbed my bag, and ran downstairs into the kitchen.

I didn’t see Namjoon sitting by the counter sipping coffee like he did most mornings. Ahh, Namjoon must have already left for work, I figured, that’s why he didn’t wake me up. I checked for all my belongings before walking into the foyer room to grab a coat in case it got chilly later that day. 

Just as I got to the door I remembered my keys. Can’t remember where I put them, I thought, while my eyes scanned the room in frustration. The aftereffect of a coma, how inconvenient. Just then the doorbell rang.

I set my stuff down and open the door to greet my best friend, *Jimin. I met Jimin 2 days after I came home from the hospital. He introduced himself as my closest friend of 21 years. Namjoon told me Jimin and I became friends when we were children after our parents passed away. And I had never met Jimin’s parents as he told me they lived abroad, but Namjoon claimed that when we were little I spent a lot of time at their house.  

“We’re going to be late!” Jimin said barging into my house to grab my bag,” did you eat breakfast?” he asked concerned.

What a gentleman I thought.

“I studied late into the night yesterday” I informed him, debating whether or not I should eat breakfast. 

I laughed to myself at the thought of considering breakfast as he loaded my belongings into his car. When have I ever eaten breakfast…

The dashboard of Jimin's car read 6:02 am. It was still dark outside and not many people were on the road. I look over at him studying his features. He was flawless to me, and I had developed feelings for him despite being best friends. I never mentioned anything to him in fear of losing him as my best friend. After all, I didn’t have many friends in the first place. I wasn’t the shy or quiet type but it became difficult to make and maintain friendships with people after my coma, as I had other things to cope with. And med school kept me busy all the time regardless.

I snap out of thought and look back at the dashboard. My house key came into view and I gasped realizing I don’t remember if I locked the front door.

“Jimin, we need to turn back. I don't remember if I locked the front door!” I say frantically.

He looks over at me and chuckles softly, ”don’t stress I locked it, must be a side effect of the pills” he says turning back to the road.

I look away flustered at how silly I must seem to him.

Ever since I had left the hospital, the pills were there to remind me of the experience. They were the pills Hoseok had brought in when I first woke up from my coma. And he never missed the chance to remind me to take them. 

Hoseok and Namjoon were really close friends, hence the reason he practically lived in our house. When Jimin and I were looking for an opportunity to intern, Hoseok was kind enough to let us shadow him at the hospital. At first, I was hesitant because it was the hospital I had been in when I was in my coma, but I agreed after Jimin convinced me it was the best guidance we could receive since we were friends with Hoseok. Plus he was working overtime to help us, so it would be rude to decline the offer.

Today, however, Hoseok wasn’t there. The lady at the front desk informed us he called in sick, which I found strange because I figured he would have been at home this morning or at least texted me to let me know he wouldn’t be at the hospital.

-Time Skip-

        After shadowing another doctor all day, Jimin drove me home. Namjoon had gotten off work early and was home for a while by then. He greeted us at the door taking our luggage and then invited Jimin in for dinner. Jimin gladly accepted the offer looking over and winking at me as he did. I couldn’t help but blush, and I think Namjoon noticed because he glared at Jimin. 

“Both of you go freshen up while I set the table,” he said, shutting the front door. 

“And y/n don’t forget to take your pill before dinner!!” Namjoon hollered at me as I walked upstairs to shower. 

“OKAYY!!” I holler back. If Hoseok wasn’t home to remind me to take my pill, then Namjoon would be on my back about it.

After I finish showering I wrap my hair in a towel and walk downstairs. Jimin and Namjoon are already seated and conversing by the time I get to the dining room. 

“How long have you guys been waiting?” I ask pulling a chair out opposite Jimin.

“Not long, do you want a fork or a spoon?” Namjoon asks.

“A fork,” I say as they continue their conversation.

Halfway through dinner, I began feeling nauseous. I look up from my plate and see Namjoon and Jimin who seem perfectly fine as they speak about residency opportunities.

“Are you okay y/n?” Jimin says, looking over at me worried as I stood up.

“I’m feeling a little nauseous, may I excuse myself?” I ask Namjoon.

“Yeah of course” he replies briefly, watching me as I leave for the stairs.

I barely make it to my room before my vision starts blurring.

I start seeing black as I feel for my bed. 

Soon my vision completely fades, and I fall unconscious onto my bed...

Rain poured down onto my face painfully hard. A flash of lightning lit up the sky moments before its deafening thunder shook the ground beneath me. A glimpse of red catches my eye, and a tree just a few meters away from me burns to the ground in flames. Even the rain couldn’t suppress its blaze. I drop down into the mud and my already wet clothes are now streaked with mud. My breathing is so heavy I feel like I’m going to collapse. It’s cold but I’m not shivering because of the weather. As the rain pours down my face, so does a red liquid.

Blood.

It streams down my face and all over my body. I can feel the thick, warm liquid on my skin. There’s so much of it I began questioning if the rain was really just water. My breathing is hitched and the tall trees surrounding me make me feel like I’m trapped. The blood seeps into my eyes blocking my vision completely. 

I feel weak. 

The thunderstorm rages masking all noise, and I hear nothing. Not even my own sobbing.

That’s when I hear it, screaming. It’s so loud the thunder and rain compete for their power over my senses. I can hear it getting closer, and closer and clo….

        I inhale sharply and sit up feeling for anything of normalcy. My hands grip the bedsheets as my eyes frantically travel around my room. My breathing is uneven and heavy with shaky sobs in between cutting my airway. I gasp for air once more before regaining consciousness of my surroundings. My breathing slows and I look over at the clock in my room, it displays 4:28 am. I swallow and focus on stabilizing my breathing. 

“Same nightmare again” I mutter to myself. 

I had been having these nightmares since after the coma in addition to the side effects of the pills. The same one over and over again without further clarification of the situation. I hated it. 

Why was I there?

What was happening?

Why was there so much blood? 

Who was screaming?

These questions remained unanswered as I decided there was no use in trying to fall asleep again. I sat on my bed thinking silently to myself while staring out of the window in front of me. Finally, I get up and head over to my bathroom to start getting ready. 

When I’m done, I head downstairs and am met with the familiar scene of Namjoon sitting at the kitchen counter drinking coffee 

“Good Morning y/n.”

“Hi Namjoon,” I say, my eyes looking at the tile underneath me. 

“How are you feeling? You had me worried after you left dinner early yesterday.”

“Fine,” I reply, still looking down.

“What happened to you, you look like you didn’t sleep well?” 

“I had another nightmare Namjoon,” I say finally looking up at him.

“Oh,” he says, studying my face.

I stand there zoning out in my own thoughts. 

“Well, this afternoon you have an appointment with your therapist, I hope you remember. You can tell him how you are feeling and give him details about your nightmare.” 

“Ya, I remember,” I say, staring past him.

He doesn’t hold me any longer and tells me to wait for him to pick me up after college. 

I nod my head and leave the house.

-Time Skip-

        After college, Namjoon picks me up(on his bike cuz he cant drive haha jk) and the ride to my therapist is silent. We enter the building and are immediately escorted into the room. As we enter, he looks up at me with a smile on his face.

“Good afternoon y/n, how are you feeling?” he questions.

“I had another nightmare Mr. Kim Taehyung,” I repeat as I have during my last few visits to him.

“Oh, y/n I’ve already told you to drop the formality. We are friends and I want you to be comfortable when you share these things with me. I need to ensure that you trust me. Call me V'' he says with a smile. 

“Sorry,” I replied, looking away.

“Come sit down and we can talk about your nightmare, did you catch anything new this time?”

I explained to him for over an hour what I saw. Namjoon stood in the corner of the room silently listening. 

“Hmm…I see. May I ask you some questions regarding your memory Ms. y/n?” V says, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes,” I replied, expecting the question.

“Have you recalled anything new about yourself from before the coma, considering we disregard your nightmares for a second?

“Yes..actually, I have.”

I notice Namjoons’s head shoot up as he focuses his attention on me. It felt awkward to see him pay so much attention to me. Although I feel bad, I ask him to leave the room. 

When my conversation with V is over he asks me to step out of the room so he can speak to Namjoon. I leave the room and sink down into a chair next to the door. My body is heavy with the weight of today’s events. I close my eyes and lean my head onto the wall behind me. I can hear V and Namjoon conversing in a muffled tone.

“Remembering too much—--- ”

“------------------------------------------” 

“Increase dosage-------ask Hoseok”

“Give----more ZIP”

My ears become alert at the few words I can hear through the wall. I had heard that name somewhere before. ZIP, I think, straining what little energy I have to recall the name I had heard V say. And then I realized where I had seen it. It was the abbreviation of a drug name. I had memorized it for the Pharmacology unit a few days prior.

Zeta inhibitory peptide.

A drug that erases your memories…

When Namjoon and I got home, I noticed Hoseok sprawled on the couch with the TV playing in the background. He’s not in his scrub, rather pajamas, which was a rare sight to see.  

“Aren’t you supposed to leave for your night shift Hobi?” I questioned him, confused. 

“I called in sick,” he replies, laying on the couch with papers scattered in front of him. 

“Did you take your pill?” he asks, looking towards the foyer to find me.

“Yeah” I reply, finding it strange that he wouldn’t carry on the conversion like usual. I remember V mentioning Hoseok to Namjoon earlier today at the therapist's office. I was going to ask if he knew V, but with Namjoon listening from the kitchen while preparing dinner, I dropped it and headed upstairs to figure out what was going on.

I set my things down and sat in front of my study table unable to decipher what was happening. I pick up a pen and twirl in between my fingers as I recall the events from earlier today. 

Why were V and Namjoon talking about Zeta inhibitory peptide?

I felt like Namjoon was keeping something from me. And after my visit with V, I began to wonder if he was hiding something from me as well. Now that I think about it, maybe even Hoseok too. 

Confused, I picked my phone up to text Jimin, but changed my mind considering the thoughts in my head were scattered enough. I didn’t want to worry him as well. I lean back in my chair and watch the sky darken before deciding to study in hopes of deviating my mind from everything that was happening.  

-Time Skip-

        I ended up skipping dinner as I was immersed in studying, so I came downstairs to grab a snack. It was quiet, leaving me and my thoughts space to battle each other out. I assumed Namjoon was in his office since I didn’t see him in the kitchen or living room. And Hobi must have fallen asleep with the TV on because I could hear static noise coming from the TV room.

I walk into the kitchen picking up my thoughts where I left off before studying. If what I heard Namjoon and V talking about really was ZIP then I had something to be concerned about. I had come across the same drug again while studying earlier this evening. Zeta inhibitory peptide is a drug that is used on mentally ill people, usually those who are sick in the head. It’s used to make them forget traumatic or horrendous memories of their past. I wondered if this related to why V was urging Namjoon to increase the dosage of my pills.

I opened the freezer and found a frozen cake bun. I turn around and put it in the microwave falling back into thought. The microwave beeped and the bun began spinning just like my brain was spinning in my head. 1:22 am was displayed in green numbers on its small screen. I walked into the living room and fell onto the couch. I could see the blue and purple sky reflected on the balcony’s glass outside. My eyes felt heavy. 

*Sigh*

I walked back into the kitchen leaning my back onto the counter. The house was dark with only a few lights to accompany me. It was moments like these that I wished would last forever. The night was too comforting, and it scared me how much I wished to be trapped in this fragment of time.

When the bun was finished I took it out and set it on a plate before heading back to my room.

On my way upstairs I passed by Namjoons office and peeked through the slightly cracked door. To my surprise, he wasn’t there. I set my plate down and slowly eased the door open. On his desk were the documents he always vigorously worked on. Curiosity caught up to me and I felt a bit of guilt build up inside me as I stepped into his office. His office was furnished with dark wood. Outside I could see the city's buildings lit up. And on his desk, a lamp provided light for the single succulent that sat alone. He had always told me to not snoop around his work area. But, If he had something he was hiding from me, I needed to know what it was.

And with that, I began scanning his office for answers.

Not even 2 minutes had passed when I heard the front door open. I found it strange since I never heard Namjoon or Hoseok leave the house, but I brushed it off thinking I must not have heard the front door open while studying. Then 3 familiar voices filled the living room. I recognized Namjoon’s voice immediately, followed by Hoseok, and then… 

Dr. Kim Seokjin?

The next morning I had woken up on time and gotten ready to leave for college. When I went downstairs I was greeted by Namjoon who was sitting in the same spot at the kitchen counter drinking coffee. I met with his eyes for a moment before turning away. Since last night I had been battling myself on whether I should confront Namjoon about what I had heard him, Hoseok, and Jin talk about yesterday. I had built up the courage last night but faltered when I saw him sitting in the kitchen. 

“Good Morning y/n,” he said in the same way he did each morning, but it felt unfamiliar to me. I noted the feeling and forced myself to smile back.

“Good morning Namjoon” I replied,” Where’s Hobi, I thought he called in sick again?”

“He changed his mind and left to work late last night”

But I had been awake, I thought. I listened to the three of them talk….about me. Namjoon was lying, and somewhere deep inside me, it hurt.

“Oh…”

“Namjoon,” I say.

“What is it y/n,” he says while twirling a spoon in his coffee.

“Was Dr. Kim Seokjin at our house last night?”

He stops and looks up at me. After a long pause, he replies while studying my nervous figure in front of him.

“No, why?”

“Oh, I thought I had heard Hobi, you and Dr.Kim Seokjin talk about….me.”

“Oh c’mon now y/n, hurry up you're getting late for college,” he says dismissing the matter.

“But…I also heard you guys talking about a drug. A drug that erases memories.”

“y/n, enough you’re getting late,” he says sternly.

“I even heard V mention it t—”

“Y/N STOP TALKING BACK AND LEAVE, YOU ARE LATE” he yells cutting me off.

Defeated, but confirming my suspicions, I head for the door.

I say one thing before closing the door behind me.

“Zeta inhibitory peptide”

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        I walk to xxx cafe thinking about what had just happened with Namjoon moments ago. I ordered 2 caramel frappuccinos, my favorite drink, to ease myself. Then I text Jimin to stop by here instead of my house to pick me up. 10 minutes later, Jimin walks in, his eyes searching for me for a second before I wave and smile at him. He sits in front of me and I hand him the drink. For a second I can see the surprise in his eyes. 

“Thank you y/n.”

“Mmhmm.”

“What’s wrong, I can tell something is bothering you.”

I get visibly flustered at this comment. He can read me.

“Let’s talk on the way,” I say standing up.

And he follows me out of the cafe.

By the time I finished explaining my suspicions about Namjoon, Jin showing up at my house and the drug to Jimin, we had reached our campus. Jimin stops the car and tells me to go ahead.

“I’ll park the car and catch up to you in a minute,” he says.

I grab my bag, hop out of the car and start walking towards the campus.

When I reach the front doors I realize I left my keys in his car. I’ll quickly turn back to get them, I think to myself. 

I see Jimin’s car parked at the far end of the parking lot. I wait for 2 cars to drive by before stepping off the curb and walking over. 

As I approach Jimin’s car I notice he’s on a call with someone. 

Just as I get closer I hear him say…

“The pill’s effect is wearing off of y/n Namjoon, we need to hurry up and get this over with.”

When my last class ended I rushed off of campus to avoid Jimin and catch the last train home. I didn’t want to face him, especially when I didn’t know if I could trust him. I got on the train and took the last seat. No one sat beside me which I was grateful for. I needed time to think because I felt lost and confused. As the train reached its last few stops, it began emptying. Soon the train's steady movement put me in a trance and I leaned my head against the window next to me. As my music silenced the world around me, outside my window the sun began to set. The view was so breathtaking that suddenly the urge to cry hit my eyes and tears began to flow down my face. I was glad it was dark outside and that no one could see me crying. 

By the time the train got to my stop, I had recovered from my breakdown and decided I would figure this out by myself. I wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks, as I exited the train. The train station was empty leaving me by myself. Although I was alone in the dark, this walk home felt somewhat comforting. After about 20 minutes I reached my doorstep, and to my relief, Namjoon’s car wasn’t in the driveway. I hadn’t prepared myself to face him after he yelled at me this morning. 

I took my keys out of my bag and entered the house tired and wanting answers. 

I threw my stuff onto my bed and restlessly walked towards the bathroom to shower. After showering I put on a new set of clothes and settled onto my bed to begin studying. I stare blankly at the buildings that were lit up outside my window. The sky had completely darkened by now and I could see the moon outside. The streets weren't busy as the weather began getting colder each day. For a moment I felt at peace. The candle on my nightstand illuminated my room and was the only source of sound for a few minutes as it flickered in silence. But of course, it didn't last long. I pulled my laptop out to review my Pharmocolgy notes from a few days ago. However, exhaustion took over me and I fell asleep without studying.

About an hour later I suddenly woke up. My clock read 10:13 pm, and the candle on my nightstand somehow went out even though my windows were closed blocking out the wind. I slowly sit and then walk downstairs to drink water. The house was silent just like yesterday night. I took in the calm atmosphere for a few moments as if trying to absorb its aura into me. Then, I returned back to my room and actually began studying. 

By 11 pm Namjoon still wasn’t home. I had walked by his office several times debating if I should continue my search from the previous night. Finally, I walked in. The view from his office reflected the same buildings I saw from my room. I move away from the window towards his desk and notice the papers on it lay untouched. This time I looked faster, already familiar with the layout of his office.

And that’s when it caught my eye. My medical record. I lifted the file off of his desk and studied it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Name: y/n                                                                                      Doctor: Dr. Kim Seokjin

Age: 21                                                                                           Monitor Nurse: Jung Hoseok

Blood Type: O

Condition: Critical

Family: None

Emergency contacts: Kim Namjoon

Disease: mentally ill, sick in the head

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        I drop the file onto his desk and step back shocked. Sick in the head? I thought I had been in the hospital because I was in a coma. I continued to scan the document but didn’t find anything about a coma. Instead, I found that the file stated I didn’t have a family. Why does it say that I thought? I knew my parents passed away, but Namjoon was still alive. And he was my older brother. Unless that was a lie.

I continued scanning the document and found what I had been fearing.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cure: Zeta inhibitory peptide (ZIP)

Effect on the patient: She has forgotten everything about her past

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So it was true, they were using a memory drug on her.

Namjoon really has been lying. And those pills Hobi has been giving her…were designed to erase her memories.

Why were they so desperate to make her forget? What had happened?

I left Namjoon’s office with the file in my hands, more confused than I had been earlier today.

The pills I thought. Where were they? I went to look in Namjoon’s bathroom since that’s where he kept my pills. I started to wonder why he never let me see the bottle the pills came in as I approached his bathroom. As I was looking through his shelves I found my pills. 

And next to them a bottle of Zeta inhibitory peptide... 

Just then I heard the front door opening and Namjoon began making his way upstairs. I gasp running back to my room, taking the file and bottle with me. Namjoon went into his office and set his stuff down. I heard him settle into his chair and then fiddle with the papers on his desk before sounding confused. 

Then he picked up his phone and called someone…

“Jin, y/n’s fake medical record is missing, why the hell didn’t you make more copies when I asked you to?!”

The next morning rain was pouring heavily outside. I could hear it knocking on my windows almost as if urging me to do something about my situation. I put on rain boots and a raincoat over my clothes and grabbed an umbrella from the closet downstairs before leaving the house. I had thought about asking Jimin to pick me up, but after hearing his phone call with Namjoon yesterday, I was unsure who I could trust.

“Do you want me to take you to school, the weather seems quite severe today?” Namjoon offered. 

“No, it’s fine”, I deny, “I’ll be home late today by the way. My study group is having dinner together.” I lied. 

Then I grabbed my bag and stepped out of the house bracing for the rain and what was about to come my way. 

I had made the outrageous decision to skip school and go to the police station today. I promised myself I would get to the bottom of this, but I needed help. Reaching into my bag to make sure I had what I needed, I felt for the file and bottle. When the bottle’s cold form hit my fingers I wrapped my palm around it making sure it was really there and that I hadn’t forgotten it. I had put myself in a risky situation to steal it from Namjoon’s bathroom yesterday. 

20 minutes later I had trudged through the rain into the police station and was seated in front of an officer. The man was at eye level with me when I stood up to greet him. He looked at me almost as if he was already expecting me. 

“Hi officer, my name is y/n,” I say.

“Hello, y/n.” He put out his hand indicating for me to shake it. As I reached my hand out to shake it he introduced himself.

“My name is Officer Yoongi. What brings you here?” he asked. 

It was then that I produced the bottled substance from my bag along with the file and set it forth on the table between us. 

“I believe my older brother is drugging me with memory loss pills. His name is Kim Namjoon, and we live together.”

I hurriedly stated the line I had trouble saying yesterday night. Namjoon was my brother after all.

“And what makes you believe it is your brother that is drugging you?” Officer Yoongi asks.

“I found this fake medical record in his office…” I say digging into my back once more to show him the file.

He paused before speaking.

“Ms.y/n, you realize this is not enough evidence to begin investigating your case if you choose to file one?”

I looked down embarrassed at how foolish I had been. Of course, this wasn’t enough information to start any sort of investigation. I was so infuriated with Namjoon this morning that I wasn’t thinking straight. I looked back up at officer Yoongi. His head was tilted to the side studying me. 

“Hmmm..but I will look into it for your sake,” he said reassuringly before I could speak.

He handed me a paper to write down my information and sent me on my way. I lingered for a moment before standing up and leaving his office. 

“Thank you officer Yoongi,” I said sincerely, looking at him. I really needed his help if I was going to keep the promise I made to myself.

He just nodded and watched me leave.

I still felt lost after leaving the station. Even if officer Yoongi did somehow find more information regarding this, what would I do with it?

I walked into xxx cafe and bought another caramel frappuccino. Only one this time, and settled down at a table near the back of the cafe. I realize how tired I am. Mentally and physically I am drained. The clock at the far end of the cafe read 4:26 pm. I pull out my laptop and set it up on the table in front of me, opening up to the lecture I skipped this morning. Digging into my bag again I pull out my writing stationery and the notes I started last night. I put both AirPods into my ears, silencing the world around me again, and began studying.

-Time Skip-

        I straighten my back and look up out of my notes after finishing the 5-hour lecture and realize the cafe is nearly empty. Another student sat at the far side of the cafe mimicking my actions before looking back down into her computer to continue studying. The time at the bottom right corner of my laptop read 9:33 pm. I decided to start heading back home. As I pulled my umbrella out and headed out of the cafe, it was still pouring very heavily. In fact, lighting had begun to accompany the rain sometime while I was consumed in studying. 

In the blurred distance, I saw a person standing in the rain without an umbrella. As I got closer Jimin’s figure became clearer in my vision. Although hesitant to interact with him, I rushed over to share my umbrella, and keep him from being drenched in the cold rain. 

“What are you doing out here at this time?” I said putting the umbrella over his head.

“I noticed you weren’t on campus today, so I came looking for you. I figured you would be here since it’s your favorite cafe” he said, looking down at me. 

I blushed at the idea of him looking for me, glad that the rain was masking my ears as they had turned red. 

“Oh” was all I managed to reply.

“Want to walk home together?” he asked.

“Of course,” I reply.

How could I deny an offer to walk with the Park Jimin home, in the rain, under the same umbrella? It was then that I realized how close he was to me. 

“Are you cold?” he asked worriedly.

But before I could reply he took my hand in his and intertwined our fingers before sliding it into the pocket of his coat. My ears and cheeks flared and I could practically feel myself burning up. However, before I could explode, my senses returned and I realized that although we were in close proximity, the truth about his phone call with Namjoon was not. I needed to figure out what was happening.

As I was immersed in thought, we made our way to my doorstep. I took the keys out of my bag and unlocked the door to an empty house. Namjoon and Hobi were out at work again I thought. Jimin entered after me looking around.

“Where’s Namjoon?” he asks, knowing Hobi must have left for his night shift earlier this evening.

“Probably still out at work,” I say, setting my things on the sofa while searching for a towel to give him.

He took his boots off and hung his coat by the front door.

“Here, dry your hair,” I say. 

“Thank you,” he says, taking the towel from me. 

I stood there admiring him for a moment. He looked euphoric.

Then I turn to the kitchen to make dinner for the two of us.

“Would you like to stay for dinner, it’s raining really badly outside anyways” I offer.

“Oh, I don’t think Namjoon would like that,” he says, tilting his head slightly downwards while maintaining eye contact.

“I’m sure he’ll understand,” I say, “the weather is really bad.”

And with that Jimin and I ate dinner with the rain pattering against the windows, talking about whatever came to our minds. It was the first time in a while that I had felt genuinely happy and relieved.

Little did I know today would be the last day I would see him in any form of normalcy.

        A familiar scene played out around me. The rain and tall trees engulfed my weak figure. My mud-stained clothes, wet as I dropped to the ground. Blood surrounded me everywhere. It was seeping down my face determined to blur my vision. But I shielded my eyes before the blood could. And that’s when I saw him. A boy lay sprawled out in front of me. His face unclear in the chaos of the thunderstorm. He looked up at me, and I could differentiate the tears streaming down his face from the rain, despite its heavy fall. I reached out to help him but jerked back when I heard the screaming again. I cover my ears. It was closer this time and I could sense I didn’t have much time left before I woke up. I never had enough time to understand what was happening...

“Y/n, you’re shaking what happened?!” I looked up at Namjoon who was sitting on the side of my bed with a worried expression. It takes me a minute to realize I had another one of those nightmares.
“Another nightmare” I reply trying to make sense of what I just saw.
“Did you see anything more?” he asks hurriedly.
“No, same stuff” I lie, recollecting the form of the boy in my nightmare. 
He takes a deep breath almost sounding relieved before replying, “You have an appointment with V today evening, you can tell him how you’re feeling,” he says standing up.
He leaves my room and I start getting ready, bracing for whatever today has in store for me.

-Timp Skip-

“So y/n, Namjoon tells me you had another nightmare last night,” V says, ushering Namjoon out of the room. 
“Yeah. I did” I say blankly fazed from the recollection of what I had seen in the nightmare.
Who was that boy? 
“Go ahead, tell me everything,” he prompts.
From what I heard during my last visit, I wasn’t sure if I could trust V. I debated in my head if I should tell him about the boy from last night’s dream. 
“Everything you say in this room is confidential. It remains between you and me only. Okay?” he says, noticing my hesitance. 

With Namjoon out of the room and the stress compounded from everything that had been happening over the last week, I burst into tears explaining to him everything that I had seen in the dream… including the boy. V stared at me, not uttering a single word until I was finished telling him everything and a crying mess in front of him. I was desperate for the nightmares to stop. They scared me and I was mentally unstable because of them. 

“Do you have anything that will stop the nightmares?” I ask V, almost pleading for him to give me something, even if it meant I had to take another pill. I was desperate.
“Yes, I actually do,” he says, still assessing my crying figure. 

I looked at him unsure whether I could believe his words, but before I could make a decision he called Namjoon back into the room. 
Namjoon looked at my desperate state and then turned to V. They seemed to be speaking through telepathy, as the two of them didn’t say anything. I waited for what seemed like a whole minute before Namjoon took a deep breath and nodded at V. V disappeared into another room for a moment before walking back up to me.

“I’m going to prescribe you these pills. They will help with the nightmares” he says, “but I’ll have to test them out here once, in case you show any unwanted symptoms.”
I just nod, ready to do anything to stop the nightmares. V hands me a glass of water and puts the pill in my hand. I notice it’s similar to my usual pills, just slightly larger. I don’t hesitate to bring it up to my lips before dropping it into my throat and drinking water. V and Namjoon observe me silently. Almost immediately I fall into a state of tranquility and a wave of relief washes over me. But soon, the reality of the situation hits as I feel myself falling into an unconscious state. However, it’s too late to turn back.

The last thing I hear before the darkness takes over me is Namjoon.

“Finally, we can finish what she started.”

My eyes slowly flutter open. I’m laying on my side, my face buried into the soft mattress underneath me. I lay there motionless for a while before turning my body so that I’m facing the ceiling. The room I'm in is dimly lit.
To my left is a white wall. 
To my right is another one that mirrors it. 
And on me is a white hospital gown that mimics my surroundings.                                                                                                                            This place reminded me of the hospital room I woke up from my coma in. 
I press my palms into the mattress underneath me to help me sit up and wait for my eyes to adjust to the lighting. I bring my hands up to my face and move my fingers to make sure I’m still alive. Dropping my hands to focus my attention in front of me, I notice a glass wall. I stand up and walk towards the glass, but fall back down when a sharp pain shoots through both my ankles. My legs were chained stopping me from getting close to the glass. I finally recognized where I was. An asylum. And this room? It was to prevent me from escaping.
Why was I here?
Who brought me here?
Then I remembered, Namjoon and V.  They had given me a pill before I fell unconscious. 
A wave of shock, hurt, and anger flowed inside of me waiting to erupt. But just as these walls closed me off within them, I encapsulated my emotions within me too. It never did me any good to get caught up in emotions, they only made me feel pathetic. And I didn’t want to believe Namjoon was really behind all this. He was my brother after all. I felt helpless and confused. 
Why would they do this to me?
What were they trying so hard to make me forget about my past?
These questions lingered in my mind until I fell asleep with my tears seeping into the mattress around me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sleep confronted me with a familiar scenario. The rain. mud. trees. blood. tears. screams.
boy… 
Only this time I could see his face. 
His jawline was streaked with mud. 
He had a blank expression embedded into his face.
Blood gushed out of his stomach, and I watched the last bits of life drain from him. 
Oh, that’s where the blood was coming from I thought. 
His empty tear stricken eyes stared up at me.
Those doe eyes.
I had seen them somewhere.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

        I was woken by the sound of tapping on the glass wall. I sat up sharply, recollecting my surroundings. Outside my window, a man with a mask carried a tray of food. He slid the tray carefully through an opening in the corner of my room that I hadn’t noticed. He watched me silently as I crawled towards the tray, hungry. Without even realizing what I was shoving into my mouth, I had finished the tray. I looked back up panting and the man was still watching me. He then bent down and slid something else through the slot. A pill…

I recognized it immediately. It was the same one V had given me before I fell unconscious. I shook my head and crawled back shaking violently. The man gave no reaction, rather waited a minute before walking away. I found it strange that he didn’t force me to take the pill. But I exhaled, relieved that he let me go. It wasn’t until the next day that I realized why he left without saying anything. 

I was sitting in the corner of the room drowning in my own thoughts when I saw the man approaching with the tray of food and the pill. Why had he brought the pill again if he knew I wasn’t going to take it? As he got closer I realized he wasn’t the same man as yesterday. Although he had a mask similar to the other man’s, his features resembled someone familiar. I eagerly waited for him to slide the tray of food through the slot. However, instead of the tray, he slid the pill through the slot first. I looked up at him confused. He waited silently watching me sort through my confusion. I finally realized what he was doing.

I took the pill in my hand knowing I had no other option. Slowly I brought it up to my lips realizing I couldn’t escape from this. And I swallowed it. Once the man had confirmed that I had really taken the pill, he slid the food through the slot. But I had already lost my appetite by then. 

        Over the next few days, I noticed 6 different men came to check up on me. One gave me pills and food. One replaced my white hospital gown after I showered each day. One came by during the day to observe me, and another one monitored me during the night. One of them questioned me about my memory, but never spoke to me directly. Rather displayed his questions on a screen as if trying not to reveal his identity. I noticed one of them would walk by every now and then contradicting their schedule and just watch me. I swear I could see sympathy in his eyes, but he too would leave me there helpless. The last one I found quite strange. He would come by very rarely, but when he did, he would be there watching me as I woke up from my nightmares, as if waiting for me to suddenly snap and go insane. 

He wouldn’t have to wait much longer before it happened. 

        I wasn’t able to keep track of how much time had gone by since I was held captive in the asylum. The only other beings I interacted with were the 6 men. Although they seemed familiar I struggled to make out who they were under the heavy outfits and masks they always wore when coming to me. 

During my time in the asylum, I began believing I really was mentally ill and sick in the head. I wondered if those medical reports were true. I wondered who that boy in my dream was, and why he was bleeding. If Jimin was looking for me. Why Namjoon was so desperate to keep me from remembering what happened before my coma. I wondered if Namjoon was really behind all this. 

These thoughts ran through my head as I lay down facing the white wall opposite the glass. On the other side of the glass, the man who monitored me during the night sat, silently watching me. I could feel his intense gaze piercing through the glass into my back. But it didn’t bother me as this had become a normal routine. Hours went by without any sign of movement from him. I too stayed in the same position laying motionless drowned in my own thoughts. 

For the first time, I heard him stand up and leave. Although tempted to turn around and look, I stayed in the same position afraid he would come back if he realized I was awake. I heard his footsteps echo further away from my room and then more footsteps became clear. In muffled voices, I heard him speak for the first time.

“She’s asleep. When are we going to g—------?”
This voice was faintly familiar. I had spoken to this man before I thought. 
Where? Then it hit me. 
Dr.Kim Seokjin…
“I think—-------still has an effect on her.”
Officer Yoongi I thought. What was he doing here?
“Yeah, she doesn’t seem to have regained any new memories from our little questionings.”
V...so he was the man who would question me about my memory.
“-just sleeps duri—- day when I monitor her.”
Hobi?!
“---hasn’t tried to escape–-–-- en she showers.”
Jimin. 
At this point, tears were flowing down my face. These men had betrayed me. And Jimin wasn’t trying to save me. He was partly the reason why I was still here. He was helping whoever wanted this to happen to me.
Who would want this to happen to me, I haven’t done anything?
My question was immediately answered as the last of the 6 men spoke.

“Then it's time we kill her.”

Namjoon…

 The night I heard Namjoon and the others talk I expected them to kill me while I pretended to be asleep. But a few days had gone by and I was very much alive, living by the same schedule as before. Eating the pill before food, getting a clean new hospital gown after showering, getting questioned by the man who I suspected to be V, and being monitored through it all. 

That was until the pill stopped coming. 

Each week a new person was assigned to bring me the tray of food and make sure I took the pill. This week I noticed it was the one that had stopped by my room every now and then off schedule. 

He walked up to the glass making eye contact with me as he did so. Instead of sliding the pill through the door first, he slid the tray of food instead. I looked at him confused waiting for some sort of clarification. However, failing to receive any reaction from him, I ate silently. 

After watching me eat, he stood up and walked closer, placing his palm on the glass wall between us. He locked eyes with me. I walked closer to the glass and hesitantly placed my palm on top of his. Although the glass barricaded him from me, I could see the sympathy in his eyes. And for a moment it felt like our heartbeats were in sync. I immediately knew who it was as I watched him disappear from the view of my room.

-Jimin POV-

        It was finally my turn to bring y/n’s tray of food and pill to her room. I’ll admit I had been monitoring her through the camera and walking by her room every now and then when Namjoon and the others weren’t around. I was worried for her, she looked weaker by the day laying in the whiteness of her room blankly. I couldn't stand to see her like that. So when it was my turn to give her the pill I couldn’t bring myself to. I knew I was making a grave mistake and probably backtracking the plan the six of us came up with together 9 months prior. But we had been putting it off. Namjoon had been putting it off.

Why?

Because he didn’t have the heart to kill y/n. He had been treating her like his own sister these last 4 months. And I…well, I didn’t have the heart to see her suffer from the pill every day. 

Because…I had fallen for her. 

That’s why when it was my turn to give her the pill, I decided not to. I walked to her room to find her staring into the walls blankly just as I had feared. She had gone numb. Upon seeing me approach the room she moved closer to the glass that separated us. I could see her watching me intently and confused as I slid the tray of food in first. She looked up from the tray hesitantly. It broke my heart to see her confused and scared at the act. The others hadn't even been treating her like a human. She waited for a reaction from me but I couldn’t give myself away. I just waited until she started eating. When she finished, she looked back up at me. I could tell she was waiting for the pill. But I wasn’t going to give it to her. 

I wanted her to regain her memories.

I wanted her to remember what had happened before her “coma”.

I wanted her to remember what she had done.

I wanted her to remember why we posed as family and close friends. 

As doctors 

and nurses,

as therapists 

and police officers.

And why we had planned to kill her.

But...

I also didn't want to see her suffer.

I stood up moving closer to the glass that separated us and placed my palm on it. She hesitated but placed her palm on top of mine. I looked into her eyes and saw the y/n I had known a long time ago. 

Not the one we had brought to the asylum a month ago.

Not the y/n I walked home with in the rain.

Not the y/n I had to reintroduce myself to after she woke up from her “coma”.

I saw the y/n I had become friends with years ago.

The one all seven of us took in and loved so dearly before it all happened. 

Unable to look her in the eyes anymore I turned away from the glass. I could feel her gaze on me. I wished I could turn back and see the y/n I knew a long time ago staring back at me through the glass, but I knew better. I wished I could turn back time, but I knew better. Nothing could change what she had done. She was already far from sane when I met her. And now she was straying further away...

Yet I still loved her. 

I walked away from the glass, dropping the pill into a trashcan,

hoping she would escape…

 [TW: mild gore]

        The same rain intensely poured onto my face for the hundredth time. 

I was ready to give up on this nightmare.

The mud swallowed me into the ground and I let it. Around me, the trees engulfed me in their forest, and I let it. 

It was I who invaded after all.

        I feel stuck in time. Like my memories have tied me down and won’t let go.

These nightmares make sure to remind me that I’m trapped in a past that I don’t even remember. Yet I continue to hold onto the pain, loneliness, and confusion they give me because it’s the only thing I have left of what I forgot.

While my head knows I’m holding onto nothing, my heart won’t accept it. After all, everyone in my life was destined to leave from the start. I was foolish to think otherwise.

Even time itself has parted with me. And I’ve come to the realization that it is not time I’m stuck in, but my own head that’s far more complicated.

I want to decipher it, but I simply can’t. Because when I try to go back and reread my own chapters, I can’t help but feel like setting all of the pages on fire. Only I know that my anger is a shield that understands my loneliness. But the world thinks otherwise.

The world.

It turned me into a monster I can’t recognize. And now there’s nothing I can do but leave fate up to the rest…

        In front of me, the same boy lay staring into my soul with his big doe eyes. I had seen those eyes before. They were familiar but I couldn't quite grasp who they belonged to. In his stomach, several freshly cut slits poured blood from them. I sit there in a puddle of his blood. I could feel the warm liquid lining my skin as its metallic scent filled my lungs.

Familiar screams echoed from deeper within the forest. I was tired of hearing them. I cover my ears to block out the noise, but I couldn't.  The screams always seemed closer, yet I could never identify their source. Because it wasn't just echoing from inside the forest, but from inside my head as well. I could never escape from this nightmare. I was tied to it like it was a memory of my past.

The world was spun around me. I surveyed my surroundings for any sort of familiarness. But the trees that once captivated me were just a blur of green now. The rain was drowning me and the thunder stripped me of my senses. I bring my hands up to my face and sob into them, smearing blood all over myself as I did. Despite the rain, the blood never washed away. Almost like it was always there to mark me for itself. 

I felt so close yet so far from the truth. 

I leaned forward to check the boy's pulse. His wrist felt cold in my grip, and his skin was pale. Almost all of his blood had left his body by now. I was practically bathing in it. His radial artery stayed motionless as I struggled to position my fingers in the right place. But it didn’t matter how hard I tried.

He was already dead.

I fall back frustrated at myself, and I couldn't tell if I was drowning in the rain or the weight of my own tears anymore. I was frustrated at how I wasn’t able to make sense of what was happening. At how these nightmares haunted me. How I could never find the answers to my questions. Right now more questions were just building up in my head shoving the others aside. An excruciating headache diverted my attention to the few things I was still capable of thinking.

What was I doing here?

Who was he to me?

Why didn’t I save him?

I could hear the shouting getting closer. I prayed in my head for some sort of clarity. My head was throbbing leaving me no room for answers.

Yet the last question echoed through my head.

Why didn’t I save him?

I knew why as I looked down into my hands…

A tightly gripped knife in my left hand gave me the answer to the question I had been asking myself.

Blood covered the entirety of the knife adding to the puddle of blood already drowning me. Its edges were crusted with dried blood. I let the knife drop into the mud before letting out a hysterical scream. 

In the distance, the shouting finally stops and I notice 6 figures slowly approaching me. I look back down at the boy in front of me.

Stab wounds covered his body. Although unclear in the pool of blood that still flooded out of his wounds, I noticed 7 letters engraved into his chest. The familiar crimson liquid bubbled around the cuts. They looked like a psychopath’s work. Like someone had stabbed him and then tore through his skin trying to disembody him. Like somebody had tried to erase his existence...

T

R

A

I

T

O

R

And I knew who that somebody was...

I look back up at 6 boys who stood in front of me, horrified at my work. I recognize them immediately. 

Dr. Kim Seokjin.

Officer Yoongi.

Mr. Jung Hoseok.

Mr. Kim Taehyung. 

Park Jimin.

Kim Namjoon.

Only they weren't them. They were younger versions of themselves that I recognized a lot better. They were my friends.

But something seemed off. 

There had been seven of them when we first met. 

I look down, horrified.

The clarity I had been asking for finally pounded the walls of my head.

Ju-Jungkook… 

It was me.

I was the psychopath who murdered Jungkook. 

I wake up breathing heavily from the truth that just unfolded within my dream. Fire raged from within my eyes despite the tears that fell continuously. But this time they weren't tears of confusion. My past had finally returned to me. And so had my old self. I let out a hysterical scream as I ripped open the chains that hung around my ankles.

I finally understood why Namjoon and the others wanted to kill me. 

- Flashback -

12 years ago….

        I lived with my parents in a quite luxurious house when I was a child. We were financially stable. My dad had a reputation as the CEO of the largest company in the country we lived in. My mother’s fashion business was successful and she even launched a designer brand a few years into her career. My older sister and I always wore the most elegant clothes and had the most expensive dishes to eat. 

Or at least that’s what it looked like from the outside. Our family seemed perfect in the eyes of others. But I can tell you it wasn’t.

My sister was born to my parents 2 years before I was. They made sure she always lived her life to the fullest providing her with everything she needed. She was a perfect child in the eyes of everyone around us including my parents. I never received the same love she did, and it hurt. However, my sister was always very caring towards me, therefore, I silently lived with the constant criticism my parents threw at me. I looked up to her in every way possible. That’s why when we found out that she ran away, I couldn’t believe it. 

Our parents didn’t neglect her as they did to me, so why did she run away?

She had told me she would stay with me forever, so why did she run away?

Days after this incident, I learned a truth I wish I never had. I learned that my parents weren't actually biologically related to me and that my father bought me as compensation under a deal he made years ago. 

I fell into a state of misery. Despite, realizing why my parents never showed me the same love they did to my sister, it was hard for me to believe I was really just a victim of my father's deal. Was I just compensation for them? 

Under the stress of my sister running away, my dad became an alcoholic and lost his company. And my mother struggled to maintain the reputation our family held. Months had passed like this and I lived in horrifying conditions constantly abused by both my parents. I didn’t understand why they blamed me for her disappearance. My sister was the one who left after all.

My doubts were answered 2 days later when we learned that my sister didn’t actually run away.

She was kidnapped and murdered by the same men my dad sealed a deal with years ago. The ones I was victimized for. He hadn’t lived up to his end of the deal and they killed my sister as a consequence. Now I fully understood why they had been treating me so badly after my sister's disappearance. 

        The same evening we heard the news of my sister's death, my father's hatred toward the world grew. I watched him stab my mother to death in front of my eyes out of anger. No...not the world. My father's hatred toward me grew. The world was against me after all.

The world.

This was the beginning of the story of how it turned me into a monster.

I stood on the cold tile floor terrified as my father walked over to me with a broken bottle in his hand covered in my mother’s blood. I could smell the stench of alcohol as he approached me. His intentions were clear.

I was the pawn here. I was the extra burden in his life that caused him to lose his real daughter, wife, and the entirety of his company. I was the compensation he agreed to take over a deal over years ago. I was a mistake, and he wanted me gone.

Without thinking I grabbed a kitchen knife and hurled myself towards him before he had a chance to hurt me. My hands didn't even shake as I penetrated the knife into his stomach. I felt the warm liquid dripping from my hands onto the cold tile floor. I heard him gasp and watched as his limp body fell to the ground.

But it wasn't enough.

I drop to my knees over his dead body and repeatedly thrust the knife into his torso. It felt nauseating and exhilarating simultaneously each time I pulled the knife out before digging it deeper into his flesh. I could feel the knife piercing through his skin, then muscle and tissue, before hitting bone. The blood splattered onto my face and into my eyes and I let it. My breathing is heavy and my knuckles are white from the tight grip I held on the knife. A small smile rested on my lips as I stop to admire my work in front of me. My father barely even looked like a person anymore. Just a pile of disembodied bloody limbs. I leave the knife in his chest right above where his still heart rested. It no longer had to serve its purpose.

I leave him in a pool of his own blood.

Satisfaction

And left the house leaving my sanity inside of it...

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

        The months that followed were difficult for me. I was living contrary to the conditions I had lived in my whole life. Eating whatever I found to extinguish my hunger. All while one question ran through my mind. 

“Why does everyone keep walking out of life?”

My dad had bought me so why did he want me gone? 

My sister had told me she would stay with me forever so why did she let them murder her?

Why did she let them murder her...?

I knew I was going insane because I never once regretted the horrendous things I did to my father. He deserved it. 

Until I met them. They took me in and treated me with genuine kindness that I wasn't used to. And soon, the eight of us became really close friends. 

“Y/n are you coming to the beach today evening?” V asked.

“Mmm, I don’t know,” I say doubtfully.

“Ahh c’mon y/n, Jin Hyung said he’ll drive us,” Jimin said intently.

I looked at them debating whether I should go. 

“Pleaseeeee” Hobi pleaded.

“I want to sleep,” I said exhaustedly. 

“Ugh, don’t be like Suga Hyung,” RM said.

“Ya, it would be extra fun if you come,” Jungkook said shyly. 

And that did the trick.

“Fine, I’ll come” I reply finally convinced by Jungkook's statement.

Jungkook and I had become extra close after I met the boys. We could relate to each other on a lot of levels. Firstly we were the same age, so I felt a lot more comfortable around him than the others. And Jungkook too was neglected at home in the chaos of his large family. Even though his situation was different, I thought he understood me. And eventually, I began developing feelings for him. But I was foolish to do so.

        That evening we drove to the beach in Jin's Jeep. We spent the rest of the evening playing in the water and talking, before finally settling down around a campfire. It was one of the most beautiful days of my life. I felt like I could truly be myself with them. And they had taught me something I thought was impossible; how to love myself. However, I still hid a side of me from them, and although I felt guilty, I knew it would be better that way. Because I feared they would leave me if they knew the things I had done. I couldn't risk that.

Soon it got late and we decided to head back home. As we were loading our belongings into the back of Jin's Jeep, Jungkook announced that he had something to say. And then right there with millions of stars as witnesses and the other boys, he confessed to me. I got caught up in the moment and was thrilled. But emotions never did me any good. They only left me feeling pathetic. 

I was foolish to think it would last...

I should have known he would leave my life like everyone else.

That's why when he started becoming distant and eventually left me I couldn't believe it. 

I was devastated, and a familiar question returned to haunt me. Why does everyone keep walking out of my life? Soon the boys would see the side of me I tried so hard to seal away. Soon they would know I was a psychopathic murderer. 

        These bittersweet moments played through my head as I ran out of the Asylum and escaped into the depths of the forest where I murdered Jungkook.

-Namjoon POV-

        I was reviewing the file Jimin sent me after monitoring y/n last night. They were scattered all over the desk in my office. The file contained about 17 pages of information regarding y/n's behavior, sleeping patterns, eating habits, and emotional fluctuations. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Everything was going as planned. I knew it was time to execute the staged plan I had been working on for months. Yet I kept delaying killing her. My heart wouldn’t let me follow through. I didn't know how much longer I would have to hold y/n captive before I could convince myself to take revenge on her. As if torturing her like this wasn't already hard for me. She was like a little sister to me after all.

I was lost in thought recalling our old memories before Jungkook died when I heard an ear-piercing scream from down the hall. Dropping the file onto my already messy desk, I sprint towards the source of the noise. My eyes widen and a gasp escapes my lips when I notice y/n is missing. The glass that contained her is broken and the chains that secured her ankles were clawed open. The walls had deep scratches engraved into them. And although it was hard to see, I could clearly make out 7 familiar letters.

Traitor.

Horrible images began fighting for their place in my head and I felt flooded with the memories I had tried so hard to block out. Although the words were only white crevasses etched into the wall of y/n's room, they reflected red in my eyes. I saw the bloodied letters carved mercilessly into Jungkook's chest. I stumble back at the recollection of the day I found Jungkook dead. My head began throbbing in immense pain despite there being no thoughts left in my head. Only panic filled my airway as I struggled to calm my hitched breathing. 

Her room looked like a wild animal had broken out from its cage. 

I paced the hall in front of her room trying to figure out how she escaped. My eyes still fixated on the horrifying destruction she left. Although I knew what she was capable of, it scared me. I exhale deeply trying to calm myself down. Nothing on the document indicated this would happen. Everything we were monitoring seemed in place that I began hoping she had returned to being the old y/n I knew. Her brains signals weren't unstable, she began eating properly again, and complying with anything we asked her to do. Even during her questioning, she never showed any signs of insanity. And we had been giving her the pills to make sure she didn’t remember anything.

The pills…

I look over towards y/n’s room once again and notice a trash can in my peripheral vision. I rush over to it almost tripping and see a white pill laying at the bottom of the can.

What, how did the pill get here?!

I thought Jimin was monitoring her last night. There's no way she could have no–

Then it hits me.

I look back down at the documents Jimin gave me…

At the bottom of the document 2 words of regret were written.

“I’m sorry.”

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        I sprint back towards the main room trying to find the others. Anger and confusion battle each other inside my head.

How could Jimin betray us like this?

“JIN HYUNG…SUGA HYUNG…HOBI HYUNG…V!!” I yell between hitched breaths.

Within seconds they come sprinting and are standing in front of me with worried expressions. 

“What happened?” Jin asks.

I swallow and I look into his eyes before letting my words fall out.

“She’s gone…”

        In under 2 minutes, Hobi and Suga have loaded into Suga’s police car and are speeding down the abandoned road towards the forest. The light on their car illuminates the dark night in blue and red. And the siren wails its cry breaking the silence.

I run back to my office to grab y/n's file with Jin following closely behind me. As I grab the file off my desk I realize we’re actually doing this. 

There’s no turning back. 

There’s no getting the old y/n back.

My heart clenches inside my chest. But no tears fall out.

Jin grabs an injection from the freezer and we sprint back outside into V’s vehicle before following Suga and Hobi. The thunderstorm raged as we drove against it. It became harder and harder to stay on the road. In front of us, Suga’s car swerves off the road and into the forest.

I see him and Hobi get out before trekking through the mud with flashlights in their hands.

V steps on the break and his tires screech against the wet road. We all get out immediately and are drenched in the rain. I take a shaky breath, the view in front of me is far too familiar. V and Jin run ahead of me and I stay still in my stance taking in the reality of the situation. The thunder screams above me making its presence known once again. It seems as if the trees in front of me are taunting me.

The place I never wanted to return to was luring me in once again.

I gather the last of my strength before running into the depths of the forest behind the others...

-Jimin POV-

        I stood in the vastness of the trees surrounding me. The guilt of betraying Namjoon and the others building up inside of me. They would have realized she’s gone by now and started searching, I thought. 

I was waiting for y/n. I knew that once she broke free from the Asylum she would come here. My heart clenched, as I heard the sound of wet mud sploshing behind me. It was this moment I had been fearing for so long. I turn around and there she was, still in her white hospital gown. She ran over to me with a glimmer of hope in her eyes, and I hated it.

“Jimin!” I heard her say.

She began walking closer to me, and with every step, I felt myself tense up. Her white gown was drenched from the rain that poured intensely from the thunderous sky above us. And I could see the rain trailing down her face. 

She looked ethereal.

“You made it” was all I could manage.

-y/n POV-

        I was running through the forest. My white hospital gown was drenched from the rain, and my skin was lined with scratches from running through trees. My knees were about to give out and my body ached from running for miles. Still, I kept my stride. Namjoon and the others must be looking for me by now. I had to keep moving. I didn't know how long I had been running through the forest when I saw a familiar figure standing amongst the trees. 

As I halt my steps, the person's familiar figure comes into view.

“Jimin!” I say, relief washing over me. 

He must be here to help me escape, I thought, he had saved me from the pill after all.

I walk closer to him catching my breath. His shirt was drenched as well and water trailed down his face. Although it was dark this far into the forest I could see he had a distraught look on his face. Yet I look at him mesmerized.

To me, he looked euphoric.

I take a deep breath before walking closer and embracing him.

-Jimin POV-

        She stepped closer and hugged me. I was taken aback by the sudden action and even more surprised by what she had to say next,

“I love you,” she says suddenly, her face buried into my chest.

I looked down at her figure, still embracing me. She felt weak and cold against my body. Scars lined her body, and I knew they were only the ones visible from the outside.

Guilt took over me for not trying to save her earlier. I hesitate but then wrap my arms around her. I felt conflicted between betraying Namjoon and helping y/n escape, and the tight feeling in my stomach returned. I don’t know how long we stayed like that before I heard the sound of sirens approaching. Suga’s car, I thought, they were coming. She tried to step away from me, alerted by the noise as well.

“Jimin, we need to go before they find us,” she urged me.

But I pulled her figure closer to me and hugged her tighter.

“Let’s stay like this a little longer.”

I still hadn't battled out the thoughts in my head. I wished this moment would just last forever. I wished I could go back in time yet again, just like I had back at the asylum. In the distance, I could hear the boys getting closer. The sound of their voices filled the air. I knew I didn't have much longer to make a decision.

So I just held onto her tighter.

-y/n POV-

        Jimin wrapped his arms around me tighter and for the first time in my life, I felt content. I had never felt like this before.

Not when I lived with my sister.

Not when I met the boys years ago.

Not when I thought Jungkook would stay with me forever as he promised.

I never felt content. My heart and mind were never at rest.

Not even when I finally murdered him ruthlessly for betraying me. 

I lost my senses in that moment. I felt myself going insane. Namjoon was right. I was sick in the head. I was a Psychopath. 

I didn’t regret killing anyone.

Not Jungkook.

Not my dad.

And I wanted to believe Jimin wasn’t like them. I wanted to believe he wouldn't walk out of my life the rest of them did. I just wanted someone to stay with me, not throw me away when they didn't need me anymore. I wanted people to stop leaving.

In the distance, I could hear sirens. Namjoon and the others were getting closer I thought. 

“Jimin, we need to go before they find us,” I urged him while trying to pry myself out of his arms. 

But he only held me tighter.

“Let’s stay like this a little longer.”

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        For a moment in his grip, I believed my pleas were answered and that Jimin would be different. That he would be the first to stay. I wanted this moment to last forever, just like I had that night so many moons ago. It all felt so distant now. Living with Namjoon, going to college and the cafe, staying up late into the night to study. I wanted to go back in time yet again.

But it seemed fate didn’t like me…

A scene I was very familiar with played out once more.

This time it wasn’t a nightmare.

The same rain. The same forest. The mud. The trees. The tears.

And blood. 

Around me, the world turned red as I finally stepped away from Jimin.

I locked eyes with him. My face wet from the tears that flowed as I fell to the ground.

Only this time the knife wasn’t in my hand…

I gasp for air holding my hands to the pain.

Even in my last pulse, I could only ask myself one thing.

“Why didn’t anyone stay in my life?”

-Jimin POV-

        I watched her body fall limply to the ground as I pulled the bloody knife out of her neck. For a moment I stand over her unable to move or comprehend what I'd just done. It felt like my whole world was collapsing on me. 

I drop to my knees, tears streaming down my face, and pull her weak body into my lap. 

“I love you too” I whisper, but it was too late. She had already taken her last breath by then. 

Because of me.

There was no struggle or resistance in her last moments, only hope of not being abandoned again. And I killed it.

I stare at the opened skin where I stabbed the knife into her neck, crying hysterically. Her white hospital gown now fully red drenched in her own blood. Her lifeless eyes stare into the sky above us as if still pleading for answers. But there were none to be asked anymore. Even the rain had stopped pouring and the thunder stopped raging, leaving only the stars and I as witnesses in the last moments of her life. 

I wondered if this was how she felt when she killed Jungkook. I let out a scream filled with grief and pain, for both of them.

In front of me, the sound of footsteps finally stop. Jin, Suga, Hobi, V and Namjoon look down at me horrified. I could see the remorse in their eyes. It felt like we were in another reality. Like everything that we used to be was in a different lifetime, somewhere far away in a truth that we didn't exist in. 

Jungkook and y/n were gone now, and they left me with the greatest burden one could live with.

An unfinished story.

But I couldn't live with it...

“Why couldn’t we save them?”

-Namjoon POV-

        As soon as we were in the forest, the 5 of us began frantically searching for any signs of y/n. 

We trekked through the rain, the forest's tall trees engulfing us. The thunderstorm made it impossible to see or hear anything. 

“GUYS WE NEED TO GO DEEPER INTO THE FOREST” I yell to the others.

I see them nod their heads and we make our way deeper into the trees. Then, over the heavy rain and thunder, we hear an ear-piercing scream. I stopped dead in my tracks as I realize who the scream belonged to,

Jimin.

What was he doing here in this forest?

Rage filled me again after recalling what he did to us. I thought he had run away after betraying us? I look back at the others confused before sprinting towards the source of the noise. At this point, everything felt like it was in slow motion. All that had happened after Jungkook’s death flashed through my head in fragments I couldn’t quite catch quick enough to comprehend. My legs felt heavy and my vision only worsened with the rain. I look back at the others and they look just as exhausted and worn out. I had put them through all of this I thought. But we were doing this for Jungkook. I ran ahead, each of my steps sinking deeper into the mud until they didn’t.

        In front of me I see Jimin’s sobbing figure, and in his arms lay y/n. Her neck fell back limply in his arms exposing the blood that spilled out of her wound, and her eyes were slightly open staring into the sky above us. Soon, I hear the others catch up, and stop dead in their tracks as they try to comprehend the situation. I too freeze horrified at the sight in front of me as my flashlight drops to the ground. I felt as if a piece of my soul had been torn away from me. Jimin looked up at me absolutely shattered. 

“Why couldn’t we save them?” he asked, looking straight into my eyes with tears streaming down his face. 

Why couldn’t we save them? I repeated to myself.

Why couldn’t I save Jungkook when he was still alive?

Why couldn’t I save y/n when she was with me?

I look back down at Jimin, unable to give him an answer. Behind me, Suga Hyung responded to him instead.

“You did what you had to Jimin. We did it for Jungkook, right…?” He asked, looking up at the rest of us. I could see the guilt in everyone’s eyes. My mind flashed back to the day at the beach so many years ago...

“Thank you for not leaving me behind Namjoon. Truly I’ve never been happier. You guys taught me how to love myself. I want to spend the rest of my life making memories with you seven.”

She had been the youngest of us. We all loved and cherished her greatly. I saw her as my own sister.

How could I have done this?

I felt myself crying but the guilt inside of me poured out heavier than the rain that fell from the thunderous sky above.

Yet I knew it was time for her to rest. Life treated her far too unfairly, and this is what it all came to.

I leave Jimin sobbing over her body and the rest of them devastated under the weight of our loss. They were both gone forever. And this burden was ours to carry for the rest of our lives...

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I destroyed everything we had.

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It was all over now.

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This is the end of our story.

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What a tragic twist of fate...

 - THE END -