This time when I woke up my circumstances were a bit different. My hard hospital gurney had been replaced with an – equally as hard and stiff - slightly more comfortable bed. I’d been taken out of the chemical-smelling operating room, and put into one of the hospital quarters with yellow walls, white tiled floor, and pale blue mesh curtains draped over the room’s one window beside my bed. Although the sickening smell of chemicals and antiseptic products was still prominent, it was more deluded, and drowned out by the heavy scent of “White Orchid & Bloom” Febreeze air freshener.

I tried to get up onto my feet, only to find that the splitting pain over my left side was still very existent. I could tell that whatever surgery I’d had in the operating room had been a very important one. In every spot where I’d seen my skinless open flesh previously; there was a now a layer of soft skin, the pale gentle peach of that on a newly born baby.

I tried my hardest to think back and realize what was going on. But, despite all my efforts, I hadn’t a clue how I ended up here in the first place. And how long I’ve been in St. Charles was a mystery to me as well. Where was my family? Did they know I was here? Were they worried for me? I decided it best to put my woes aside for now and go searching for the answers, myself. Because, for all I could tell, there wasn’t another living soul around here. All that was alive in my range of vision was my confused self and a wilting potted flower, desperately in need of hydration, on the windowsill.

Nonetheless, I wanted to- no; needed to find out what was going on here. Wearing only the flimsy, blue hospital gown worn by all patients, I got out of bed and stepped out into the hallway.

I turned, looking back towards the room I had just exited from. My name; Seraphina Londale, was printed on a small slip of paper taped to the door. Seraphina; It had the Latin meaning “burning one.” My mother had loved the name with all her heart, my dad- not so much. But, after some pleading, he had given in. Or, so I have been told.

Also on the door were the words “patient of” followed by another name; Dr. Carrie Dean. As I was lost in thought, I realized that this Dr. Carrie Dean was probably the same Carrie that I’d faintly heard someone speaking to during my operation. I recognized that I should probably refer to her as Dr. Dean, not Carrie. I made a mental note of this just in case I ever saw her again.

I began slowly stumbling down a long corridor, when I was stopped by a blonde nurse wearing a uniform of the same bland blue as my own hospital gown.

“Where do you think you’re going?” she demanded impatiently.

“Uuum. I-I-I-…” my voice sounded shaky from recent lack of use.

“If you’re looking for the visitors’ waiting room, it’s right over this way. I’ll take you.”
And before I had a chance to respond, the pushy nurse was half-guiding half-pulling me down another hallway.

Once we reached an area closer to the front doorway and all the way on the other side of the hospital; my nurse escort let go of my arm, gave a small nod, and headed off back to her work

I looked around at my surroundings. Back behind me and to the left was the hospital’s front entrance. In front of me was a mid-sized room. It was actually more like just a corner, really. This section of the hospital was a pretty wide space. The visitors’ “room” was on the left side right here. It consisted of four cream colored, imitation leather couches arranged into a square, two yellow lounge chairs set aside from the inner couch square, and a clear glass coffee table right in the middle. The only elements giving it a set off look from the rest of the place were the change of the white floor tiles into light, honey brown wood boards and a simple, yet elegant, chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

There were a couple groups of people happily conversing with their families and friends, speaking of the hospital mostly; how they were in such great care, how they hoped they would soon get out, laughing over the poor quality of the food, and whatever else was going on here.

I was just about to turn around and try to find my way back to my room when the shock of hearing a familiar voice jolted me back into full attention.

“Sera! Sera, I’m over here!”

Sera; it was my nickname, what most people called me. My younger brother, Cameron, is now seven. But, when he was still just a toddler, he couldn’t say Seraphina or even remember it. So, he unintentionally came up with the nickname Sera, and that’s how I acquired it.

I avidly searched around for the source of the voice, spotting it over in one of the yellow lounge chairs. Of course I’d recognize that voice anywhere. Sweet, kind, and gentle; it was the voice of my neighbor and best friend, Lily Gail.

Before I even moved a muscle, Lily was up and by my side. She wore the same friendly smile I had known and grown to love since we were both six years old. The welcoming smile that could wash away all your sorrows and replace the empty holes with love and joy. She had a head of gorgeous dirty-blonde hair, pale skin, and a joyful round face shape. She looked fantastic in everything she wore because she was so thin, and her smile always gave an extra dose of dazzling happiness.

I had so many questions I wanted to ask her. So many things I wanted to know. But, Lily just started on telling me a story of how some new comedy had come out that she wanted us to see in the theater. Then, how the blue of the gown made my big, green eyes and long lashes look so pretty, and something else that I hadn’t quite caught due to my lack of participation in this conversation. I finally managed to squeeze in a few words.

“Why are we here, Lily? What’s wrong?”

I could tell that she’d heard and understood what I’d said when her stunning smile shifted into a look of despair. But, she brushed off my question, and in less than a full second the smile returned. For some reason, she did not want to answer my question. She didn’t want me to know. But, why? Was it really that bad? Was there a secret of some sort? What was she hiding from me?

“Come on; let’s make our way back to your room. You’ll probably be much more comfortable in your bed than out here in the hall,” Lily suggested. “The air conditioner here is so strong, I feel like I’m getting hypothermia. So, it’s a good thing we’re in a hospital, I guess!” she laughed.

Seeing that I was not responding, Lily tried to take hold of my wrist and lead me back to my room. I instantly tried to jerk my hand back because of the pain upon contact.

“Oh, sorry. I forgot about your new skin transplant. The skin they put on is so nice. Soft and flawless.” Lily said cautiously, loosening her grip on my wrist.

Then, she began the walk back towards the patients’ quarters. Me trailing close behind.

When we got to my room, Lily tried to get me back into my bed. And she started talking again. This time about how sweet the air freshener in the room smelled and how yellow was a nice, cheery color for the walls. Then, she commented on how I was probably hungry and thirsty after I had just slept for a couple of days. She headed out of the room to go find a nurse and get me something to eat. But, when she was about so step out the doorway, I stopped her dead in her tracks.

“Lily, please tell me what happened. You can’t hide it from me forever. I’m eventually going to find out anyway and I’d prefer if you told me than finding out on my own,” I stated confidently.
Lily was motionless. Soon, she turned back to face me and took a few slow steps until she was at my bedside, once again. All happiness washed away. The smile wiped right off her face. Any walls that she had tried to keep up, for my own good, had just fallen down. The truth was now exposed.

“Please, Lily. Please?”
She just stared at me. Straight into my eyes.

They say the eyes are the window to the soul. It was true. Staring into Lily’s eyes, I could feel her pain. Very different from my own, physical pain. She had emotional wounds. And I knew very well that for such a soft person like Lily, telling me whatever horrible thing she was about to would reopen those emotional wounds until she bled out dry.
Suddenly, she spoke.

“Don’t you remember, Sera? Can you remember anything?”
I though very hard. Trying to pull up anything stored deep down. But, with no luck.

“No. I-I-…I don’t…I can’t.” I said

“Oh, Sera.” Lily remarked sorrowfully “feel your hair.”
I cautiously lifted a hand up to my head. Where a soft deep, dark brown curl had once been, was now… nothing. I lifted the other hand and patted more frantically.

My hair which had once been healthy and thick, the twists and curls that had once fallen all the way down to the bottom of my ribcage now stopped just above my shoulders. The tips stiff and weak. It had definitely not been a trip to the hair salon that did this to me.

“My- my hair. Where did it all go? What happened?” I questioned carefully.

“The fire, Sera. The fire happened.” Lily exclaimed, large tears pouring out of her glassy eyes and rolling down her gentle, round cheeks.
I was about to speak again. To ask. But, sensing what I was about to say, Lily cut in and answered before I had the chance to speak.

“Think Sera! Think! I know you remember. Somewhere in your head, you know. The fire, Sera! The fire! Maine! The storm! You know this!” Lily was now in hysterics, full on sobbing.

I tried so hard to remember. But, I just didn’t know. What fire? Storm? Maine? The only thing I knew of in Maine was my family’s vacation house by the lake, but- oh no! The vacation house. It was all coming back to me! Not, in full detail because my mind was still clouded from whatever medicines and painkillers they’ve been giving me here. But, I did remember just enough to answer all of my own questions.

Now we were both screaming and crying.

This past school year, I had graduated from high school and my parents decided we should do something cool over the summer to celebrate. (I’m only seventeen though because my birthday is in November, so I am one of the youngest in my grade.) Anyway, my family rented out a really nice summer house in Maine. It was about a mile or so away from a pleasant lake out in the woods, where no one knew it even existed. The house was along a small road on the outskirts of a town, but since it was out in a small area of the woods, there were no neighbors around for a few miles in each direction.

School ended in mid-June and at the end of that month, my family took the drive up from our home in Eastern Massachusetts to the house in Maine.

We got astonishingly great weather all throughout July up until the day we were last there; around the middle of August. One morning, Ashelynn (My fourteen year old sister) and I were sitting on the living room couch watching TV, when our show was interrupted by a breaking news weather forecast. There was going to be some sort of huge storm today. Heavy showers were to start falling around noon, followed by strong gusts of wind coming from the West, out in the Atlantic. It was predicted that there would be power losses and fallen trees around. We were to prepare for the worst and expect destruction all around. Apparently the reason we’d had such nice weather was because all the rain was basically collecting together up in the clouds, just waiting for the right moment to burst out. And it had decided that now was its time.

No one even saw it coming. The weather crews didn’t see any signs of it until today, when the dark clouds started rolling in at strikingly rapid paces. Ashelynn and I found our parents in the kitchen and Cameron up in his room and told them the news.

We all pitched in, getting the house ready to withstand the storm. Dad tightly locked all the doors and windows and closed the shutters. Mom turned on the heat to warm up the basement, just in case we decided it was safer to stay down there than running around the house. Ashelynn charged up all of our electrical devices; iPods, laptops, kindles, etc. and took them down to the basement. Cameron found a bunch of flashlights and lanterns for when the power went out and we would have no lights at night. I collected all of our warm things; sweatshirts, extra socks, slippers and brought those downstairs too. I even gathered some sleep gear like blankets, pillows, and sleeping bags, just in case we spent the night in the basement as well.

By four o’clock the whole family was down in the basement attempting to remain composed and wait out the storm. We were all pretty nervous. We hadn’t seen many bad storms before and this one was by far the worst. The terror was getting to all of us, especially little Cameron. He was only seven then and barely understood the worst of what was going on.

On the inside, I was a nervous wreck as well, but I tried to remain calm and not show it. For one, I was the oldest and wanted to be able to reassure Ashelynn and Cameron that we were alright. Second, because I knew that we were all like this on the inside and having one of us go crazy would be just the spark that ignited the flame of total chaos for the rest of us.

Finally, someone broke the silence. Mom said that we all looked like we could use something to eat, and to brighten our moods she thought baking cookies would be entertaining. Ashelynn offered to join her. I could tell that Mom was worried about having her upstairs and out of the safe basement. She was reluctant to agree, but, she couldn’t say no. Ashelynn has always been claustrophobic and all of us easily saw how much the pressure of being stuck in the basement was getting to her.

There were no other volunteers to help bake cookies. Although I didn’t want to admit it, I was too frightened to leave the safety of the basement. Dad could have gone but his excuse was that he’s not much of the baking type. The real reason he didn’t leave was because he wanted to make sure that Cameron stayed safe down in the basement. He never did say this out loud. It was one of those things you just know. An unspoken truth. Or so to say.

So, Mom and Ashelynn went upstairs to bake the cookies and took a couple flashlights along with them. Even though it was only 6 pm and the only darkness was coming from the unsettling storm clouds overhead, it was probably best that they had a little extra light. We all expected the power to go out any second now.

Downstairs in the basement, we tried our best to pass the time, but we were seriously running out of ideas. Cameron had an app for the card game UNO on his IPod, so we decided to give it a shot. After a couple rounds, it was actually getting pretty fun. Definitely beat sitting around in the half-heated basement doing nothing. Cameron, Dad, and I played UNO until the battery on Cameron’s IPod died. Then, we found out that the game was also saved on the laptop because Cameron had downloaded it. So, we played UNO on the laptop also, passing it around at each turn.

Things did start to get a bit boring; especially for Dad and me since we both knew that would never be able to win against Cameron. But, we kept playing anyway, round after round, to pass the time.

You know how people always stare at the clock, trying to make the hands turn faster and pass the time more quickly? And then there’s always that irritating wise guy that comes around and reminds you that staring at the clock, in fact, will not make time go by any faster? Well, right now I was the one staring at the wall clock, just wishing for the hours to pass more quickly. Every now and then gaining a little bit of hope when I stared really hard and could swear that I’d just seen the hands move faster, which only gave me more reason to stare for longer and longer. By now, the know-it-all should have come and lectured me on the illogicality of clock watching, but, there was no one around to do it. All three of us had our eyes glued on the clock, just waiting for those hands to move. Breaking the stares only to quickly take our turns in UNO, only to look straight back at the clock and realize that the time did not pass while you were taking your turn. Now feeling like you’ve missed a chance to get some good staring done.


We went on like this for just under two hours. Each passing minute growing longer and longer and longer. Our whole plan of waiting out the storm was becoming unbearable. The only thing that was keeping the three of us sane was knowing that things weren’t that bad right now. We still had electricity and a little bit of heat. We were dry and safe from the storm down here in our basement. The situation could be a lot worse.

Little did I know then just how much worse things could get, and how much worse they would get. And all within such a short amount of time. I was so clueless then. My father was just reaching out to hand me the computer for my turn in our card game. This was when we heard the deafening crash. This was when things began to get worse.

They say there’s a moment in a girl’s life where everything changes. For most people this is an engagement, an acceptance into a great school, parenthood, a great new job, buying your first house, or even just a great deal for a pair of designer shoes. It could be sudden or not. Expected or surprising. Kind of like a mid-life crisis, only that it’s not necessarily bad and it can happen at any moment. Bottom line is; it will happen, whether you’re prepared for it or not.

Mine came right at this very moment on August sixteenth, just a couple months before my eighteenth birthday. And I was definitely not prepared for what fate had in store for me.

It began as soon as we heard the crash. It was just like that; the snap of your fingers, the honk of a horn, the blink of an eye. Without stopping for a split second to think of the consequences, we all darted up the stairs and opened the door into the main level of the house. This was a huge mistake, especially for Dad and me; we had Cameron to look out for. But, when things like this happen, you don’t think you just do.

What we saw that day was heartbreaking. The loud noise we’d hear was the sound the telephone pole made as it came crashing down onto our vacation house, taking down all sorts of dangerous electrical wires and cables with it. A whole half of the house had been knocked down to the ground. Nearly everything in it- destroyed. The telephone pole had fallen right through where the center of where our kitchen used to be. Oh no! I stopped dead in my tracks. I thought I was going to puke. Mom and Ashelynn were in the kitchen baking cookies. They never came back down to the basement and we haven’t heard from them yet, which means that they were still in the kitchen when the pole fell on it. The very same kitchen that was now crushed to the ground.

I already knew that chances of their survival were very slim. But, we still had to try and help if we could. They wouldn’t have a fighting chance unless we gave it to them.

I made my way over to Dad to tell him what I’d realized about Mom and Ashelynn, but, when he turned to face me, the look on his face said that he already knew.

“Come on Dad, let’s go. We have to do everything we can,” I said as we pushed our way through the rubble and debris of the fallen home.

“Sera, when we get over there you may see some…some things. Some things you will wish you’d never seen. Images that will stick with you forever, no matter how hard you try to push them away. To forget them. You have to promise me that you’ll be strong. Not just for Cameron, for me too. Can you promise me that? Can you be strong for me?”
I paused slightly before answering. I knew what I should say, what I had to say. For the good sake of everyone. I wanted to say something very worthwhile and strong like I should, but, all I could manage was a nod and an “I know.”

I prepared myself for the worst. Embracing the certainty of seeing something I wouldn’t want to and accepting the probabilities of the worst. But, no matter how sure I was of myself, nothing can prepare a girl for seeing what I was seeing right now. Not even the toughest man in all the world can just stand by silently when he sees his own loving mother laying face up, buried in a pile of destroyed house bits, her eyes still wide open, an extremely large telephone pole laying right beside her, the top of her head- caved in.

I felt a steady stream of tears streaming down my cheeks, and suddenly realized that I had been screaming too. “Stop” I told myself “You have to go on, Ashelynn may still be here. She needs you. You promised Dad- BE STRONG!”

I began throwing aside scraps and digging through the rubble, if Mom was here, Ashelynn must be nearby. I dug so hard, the skin on my hands began to break, and soon I was bleeding.

“Ashelynn?! Ash, are you there? Ashelynn? Can you hear me?” I yelled out into the storm.
Could anybody hear me? I was desperate. Dad came over to comfort me, but it wasn’t too helpful because he seemed, like he needed a shoulder to lean on as well.

“It’s no use, Sera. We did everything we could. Let’s get back into the basement and out of this storm.” Dad said, starting away.

I was about to follow him off when I heard something, very faint, but it was still there. Was I going crazy? Maybe I was, but, this sound was not in my head. There it is again! A faint groaning, almost like a whimper coming from behind me. I darted around and began to search through the kitchen rubble once more.

“What is it Sera?” Dad yelled back at me.

“It’s her. It’s Ashelynn! I found her! I can hear her!” I exclaimed.
I began tearing through the rubble, ripping open the skin on my hands all over again.

“Ashelynn! Where are you? Ashelynn?!” I called out, hopefully.
I waited, but no response came. Then, I heard it. Very low, but it was all the reassurance I needed.

“Sera? Are you there?” I heard her whisper.

I searched more and found her underneath a pile of rubble. My heart sank. No matter what we did, there was no chance, not one bit. The rubble wasn’t the only thing Ashelynn was under. My poor little fourteen year-old sister was under a wall.

I dropped to my knees and took Ashelynn’s hand in mine. I noticed a large bump on her forehead where she’d been hit with something. Not something heavy like the telephone pole, much smaller, probably a fallen brick. Something that had managed to knock her out until now and probably leave her with a nice concussion, too. I decided that having a cuncussion might help in her case. The less she was aware of right now, the better.

Dad came rushing over soon and his heart sank down to the very pit of his stomach, just as mine did, when he discovered Ashelynn. But, he immediately wiped his face of all negative expression. He wouldn’t want to worry her right now.

“Dad, Sera what happened?” Ashelynn questioned using all the breath she could manage.
Each breath she took was followed by a series of caughing.

“Nothing, Sweetheart, you just got a little bruise, that’s all. It’ll be fine. Don’t you worry one bit,” Dad reassuringly lied to Ashelynn in the calmest tone he could pull off.

“Good,” She replied, trying to manage a smile. “ My legs are numb, Daddy. I can’t feel my legs.”

Both Dad and I didn’t know what to tell her. She was slowly slipping out of this world, and the best thing we could do was not let her realize what happened, her brain was in too much of a haze to figure it out on her own. What we needed to do was keep her happy for as long as she stayed with us, which, we knew; wasn’t going to be very much longer.

“Sera, help me lift this wall off of her,” Dad quitely whispered to me so that Ashelynn wouldn’t hear.

Dad took one side of the broken wall and I took the other. We lifted it up and flipped it over, off of Ashelynn. Now that Ashelynn was completely exposed, we could see how bad the damage really was. Which was definitely worse than what we were expecting.

Ashelynn’s left leg was bent and broken into an extrememly unnatural position; the knee cap turning the wrong way. Her right leg was layed out plainly straight, but, you could tell from the slight bends and ittle bumbs in the skin, that every bone in her right leg and foot was smashed into a million little pieces.

The right side of her chest was swelling with blood and she had her hand over it. There was definitely a fair amount of broken ribs involved and possible even a punctured lung. Maybe that’s why she was having so much trouble breathing.

I turned to Dad. He was still holding onto the fake smile, for Ashelynn’s sake. But, now that fake smile was quivering and shaking, and Dad looked like if he held it there any longer he was going to explode. It worried me to see him like this. I’d never seen my father even slightly quiver at the sight of anything and now he was ready to cry his heart out, right in front of me. Just not right in front of Ashelynn. I decided it was my turn to step in and do all the talking, although I feared crying as well. The streaks from my last tears shed still showed on my face.

“So, Ashelynn, are you liking the weather?” I asked, jokingly.
She looked up into the clouds and the heart of the storm and said

“I like the rain, but, it’ll ruin my hair soon.”
I giggled at that remark. That was Ashelynn for you. It was nice to have her back a little bit for these last few moments I thought. But, this only brought up a new round of tears. I bit my lip in ateempts to hold them back. No I said to myself You can’t do this to Ashelynn, not now.

Just as I was trying to take deep breaths to calm myself, Ashelynn spoke again. Her voice getting shakier and more distant with every word. I felt as though my whole world was slipping right through my fingers and no matter how hard I cupped my hands together, nothing would stay in the palms.

“Sera, why are we out in the rain? It looks like there’s a storm coming. We should head back inside. Mom would be mad if she saw us out in this weather.”

“Don’t worry about that. The storm is just ending now actually, soon the weather where you are will be warm and sunny forever. The sun will shine as long as you want it to. All the rain will be warm and light, and it will never ruin your hair again, if you don’t want it to.”

“That sounds nice, Sera. But, what do you mean where I’m going ? I didn’t know I was going to go anywhere.”

“Don’t worry about that. You’ll see soon enough. Is there anything else you want to tell me?”

“Oh, yeah! The cookies. Don’t forget them, they’ll burn. I need to get them. Can you get them for me? Go, now.”

I thought about this for a second. The cookies? What cookies? Then, I remembered. The cookies she’d started making. They’re probably in the oven. I was about to go get them when Ashelynn went into a coughing fit. She couldn’t stop this time. And I knew this was it. I squeezed her hand until the very last breath.

Soon enough, I felt her hand go limp. And then there were three. I leaned over and placed a kiss on her forehead. Just as I was standing back up, I heard a crackling noise; very loud, almost explosion-like. I turned around just in time to see the fire from the, still-standing, oven spread onto the fallen electrical cables. The cookies and the oven had burst into flames. But, now we were dealing with much more than just any regular heat. This was an electrical fire.

The pouring rain did nothing to settle the flames. Occasionally, a small flicker would indicate the death of one flame, but it was all spreading so quickly, the sparks would return nearly immdeiately.

My first response was to do what we should have done a long time ago; dial 911. The deep voice of a man answered the line and routinely asked me what that problem was. I was trying to think how to sum this all up, when I saw something that I never should’ve seen. This never should’ve happened. I tried to stop it, but, the time slipped away. I quickly yelled our address into the phone, so the police could locate us, at least. Then, I hung up and ran as fast as I could. But, I didn’t make it in time. Neither did Dad. The only thing Dad did make it in time for; was to see seven year old Cameron step right on top of one of the flaming electricity wires. A shock instantly traveling throughout his body, from the bottom of his feet all the way up to the top of his head.

Cameron should have stayed down in the basement, like we’d told him. However, he was still young and didn’t know any better. Too young. The matter of fact was Dad and I should have kept a more careful watch on him. But, we didn’t. And this was how we were to pay for our ignorance.

Little Cameron, once a bright and shining star. Now, his light had departed. He was gone. Electrocuted. Silenced. Dead.

I did, in fact, expect that the shock of electrocution would take Cameron’s life. But, what was to happen next, I could not have seen coming under any circumstances.

My own father, the one who had always remained strong through all circumstances, and who had taught me to as well, dropped down to his knees and broke out into sobs.

I couldn’t help joining in. Now, with only the two of us left, it was pretty lonely, to be honest. The pressure was finally setting in. It’s like every September when you start the new school year; at first, the shock of the end of a great summer hasn’t quite hit you yet. But soon enough, especially once the leaves begin to fall, reality hits you like a hard blow to the stomach. And this blow was strong enough to have both me and my father on the ground, shedding tears.

Now came the unpredictable part.

After just a couple minutes Dad stood up and began to walk away. I tried to ask where he was going, but I received no response. Not even any sort of acknowledgement.

For a second, I was lost in my own storm; the storm of thoughts tumbling through my mind. Where were the police? They should be here by now. Maybe even with a couple fire trucks. I decided that they were probably just a bit held up by the aftermath of the hurricane. It was nearly over now, the rain dying down and the winds now merely a strong breeze. After all, I did only call at five minutes ago, at most. I hadn’t given them enough time.

I craned my neck around to see what Dad was doing. He was still walking, and in the same direction. But, why?

Then, it all came clear to me. I now fully realized where my father was headed and what he was doing. I don’t think he even fully understood the impact his actions would have. But, it didn’t mean anything to him. He was lost in the pain of grief. Thinking this was the only medicine that could heal his sorrows. He wasn’t in his right mind. Because, knowing my own father as well as I did, if he truly was in his sane being; he would never stride head first into the heart of a fire.

I called out to him, trying to reach through to whatever part of the real him was still down there. Deep down there.

“Dad! Please don’t go. Come back! Dad, come back,” I pleaded in the rain.
I didn’t dare follow after him. I knew it would do no good. When a person is this far gone, this far past the point of return, there is nothing left to reason with. Their decisions cannot be persuaded upon them. It’s simply “do” or “don’t do.” And my dad had his mind set on “do.”

“Dad, stop. Don’t leave me. Please…I need you.”

As I’ve already mentioned, I knew that no matter what I said or did, there was no way to stop him. However many times I knocked him down, he would only stand right back up, and continue charging forward.

I watched Dad very carefully; observing his every movement. I understood that, along with all my other family members, I wouldn’t be seeing much more of my father. I would remember only the best of each of them.

My father and his proud ways; his strong, yet gentle self.

My mother and all the love she’s shown me. The warm, comforting embrace I’d sunk into and been able to lose myself within so many times before.

Cameron and his sparkling, curious, deep green eyes; identical to my own. The way his little hands and small stubby fingers altogether could fit into the palm of one of my own hands- he was only seven, but still so small for his age.

Ashelynn. All the times we’d fought in the past over relatively pointless matters such as; “who’s shirt that was,” “who gets control of the remote,” “who’s been stealing the other one’s hairbrush”- they all seemed so distant now- like old jokes to laugh about.

At the very last second, Dad stopped, turned around, looked me straight in the eye with an expression made of only pure confidence and clearly mouthed to me the words “I love you.”

He stood waiting for my response, which was the same. I mouthed “Love you, too” right back at him. And then, he was gone.

My father strolled right into the fire and was immediately engulfed in burning matter.

I don’t quite know why; but, I felt the need to watch. To watch his last moments. To know and to understand how he left. So, I did. I watched.

I watched as his clothing, and then his hair, and lastly his skin and body caught fire and slowly turned to ash. I even held gaze as his scorched body fell to the ground. A heap of charred flesh. In the end, his ashes mixed in along with those of our destructed home and all that it contained.

And then there was one.

The fire was rising all around me. Soon, I too would be lost; lost in the flames.

Before I knew it, I was screaming my head off. I often felt small tingles of discomfort as fugitive sparks burst away from their mother flames and found their new homes on my skin.

My head began to throb with an excruciating pain. It felt like a wildfire was spreading withing the lining of my skull. I soon reached up to find that I literally was on fire. My hair singed off, at least four inches up, and more pieces continuing to fall.

I patted ferociously at the flames in my hair, but, it was no use. I couldn’t keep control, I couldn’t help myself.

I think I may have fainted at this time. Maybe out of pain, fear, or just because my body needed a break. But, what I know is that everything after this moment was all a blur. I remembered nothing more of the day I lost my family.

What finally drove me back into reality and out of my horridly vivid flashback was the startling sound of an unfamiliar voice breaking through the sounds of cries coming from within my room.

It was a nurse; Not the pushy blonde one that I met previously. This one had light brown hair and more of a pudgy body shape.

She stood in the doorway to my room and was watching Lily and me with a look of both concern and confusion. This puzzled me at first, but, I soon realized why- how strange this may look; the two of us alone in the room, me in the bed, and Lily sitting just on the edge, by my side, both crying ourselves dry. I quickly reached a hand up to my face and wiped away the fallen tears.

“Are you two girls alright in there? Would you like me to bring you anything?” the pudgy nurse inquired.

The two of us remained silent for another second, sniffling and trying (unsuccessfully) to redeem our composure. It was Lily who spoke first.

“No, that’s okay. We’re quite alright, thank you,” Lily managed to choke up.

The nurse stood there for one moment more, and at one point her lips shifted slightly, indicating that she was about to add something else. But, whatever it was, she must have decided against it because, with one more glance, she left the doorway and headed off.

We waited a moment, just long enough to ensure that the nurse was long gone, before Lily and I continued our conversation.

“Do you understand now, Sera?” Lily requested, “Do you know why we’re here?”

“Yeah, I know now.”
I paused for a second.

“But, Lily, I have just one more question. I can only remember up to a certain part; I don’t know anything after that. It’s not that I can’t remember, just that I don’t know. Did I pass out? What happened after that?”
Lily pondered on this for a moment, probably deciding where to begin.

“When they police got to the scene, they found all the bodies lying around. It wasn’t hard for them to figure out what had happened to everyone, also. They said that by the time they found you, you had completely lost your mind. You weren’t passed out though. You were down in the basement. It was obvious that your hair had been on fire, but, now that was gone and the flames were spreading over your clothes, throughout one side of your body.

You were curled up on the floor rocking back and forth. Clinging to a piece of rubble. Crying and mumbling about something; I think it was about cookies, and you were sorry you burned them or something like that.

Anyway, they got an ambulance crew in, but, anytime someone got anywhere near you, you would start screaming your head off. They had to use a shot to sedate you. That’s probably why your memory isn’t working so well.”

I didn’t know what to think of this. My condition was obviously much worse than I thought. Not only was I the living result of a human torch, but the stress of that one day had apparently caused me to buckle.

I knew that whatever emotional episode I’d had then, had not been forgot by the people at this hospital because they’d decided to classify me in the “mentally unstable” category. It said so on my plastic wristband.

“How long have you been here?” I questioned Lily.

“Just since early this morning,” she countered. “The first day you were here, the police went around the neighborhood asking if anyone knew you. I wasn’t home when they stopped by, but my mom called to tell me what happened and that you were here.

I called the hospital to see if I was allowed to come over, but they told me you were getting an operation to replace to irreparable skin the next evening and they would have you under sleep medication for a while. So, it was pretty much pointless.

I stopped by yesterday, but the doctors told me you were still out cold. But, they mentioned that you could start waking up anytime starting today. So, as soon as I could, I rushed over and I sat waiting in the visitors’ lounge.

This time, knowing that you might wake up, I wasn’t planning on leaving soon. So, I guess it’s a good thing you woke up today because I really wasn’t looking forward to spending the night,” she added.

And now Lily flashed me with one of those comforting smiles that I so longed to see. I was glad she always had one waiting for me when I needed it, especially now.

“And, uum, my family?” I probed.

“The basically left it up to me to decide what to do with them. I knew that you’ve already been through too much and seeing them…as they are, again wouldn’t help you much.”

“So, where did you put them?”

“I had all of the bodies buried in the cemetery. When you’re released from the hospital, when can go visit them, if you’d like to.”
I took this into consideration before responding.

“Yeah,” I said, faintly smiling back at Lily. “I’d like that.”

The very moment I was let out of the hospital, I had to make only one stop; which was to go home and get fresh clothing, before I made my way to the cemetery.

Lily wanted to come along too, to comfort me, but I insisted she stayed home. There are some journeys you just have to take alone, and this was one of them.

All I needed was a few minutes, no more no less. Just a few minutes of solitude to myself. After being under constant watch in the hospital for nearly a week, all I wanted was some alone time to do my grieving in private.

I got to the cemetery early, probably around seven o’clock in the morning. I was surprised to see a consultant seated at the desk this early. But, nonetheless, it was helpful to me. I asked how to find the tombs of my departed relatives. The man took out a large record book (I could see they were still sticking to the old-school systems) and gave me directions to the section where I could find my family.

The cemetery was very small, not too small, though. It was a nice size; small enough that you could easily navigate your way around, yet just large enough to be able to lose yourself inside of it and shut out the outside world.

I guess that’s why Lily chose this one; she knew I’d appreciate the isolation.

Although the cemetery was small, it had windy, narrow paths that spun in and out of different small gardens and sitting areas. So, my trek did take a few minutes.

I finally stopped when I came to my destination- the “Rose Bush” section of the graveyard. The areas were all names of different flowers in the gardens. I twisted from side to side, searching for my family, until I found them out in the middle of a garden area.

The intensity of this moment hadn’t fully set in until I’d approached the tombs. In order, from left to right laid my father, my mother, Ashelynn, and lastly, Cameron.

It shattered my heart to see them this way. All of them, once so alive and full of love to share with the world- now, nothing more than corpses resting underneath the ground.

I wished I could speak to them each just one final time- just once. But, accepting the fact that it would never happen, I silently said my goodbyes inside my head.

I couldn’t bear to look up at the tombs any longer, for fear of a nervous breakdown. But, I wasn’t ready to leave yet. So, I just stood with my gaze to the ground straight below me.

It didn’t occur to me that I was crying
until I saw a tear fall from my face and drip down onto my shoe.

I could probably stop crying if I wanted to; save some more tears for later, but, I didn’t see the point. I figured it best to get this out of my system now, while in seclusion from the rest of the world, than back home around others.

So I stood there, alone in the cemetery, silently crying to myself. Lost in my own world.

This last visit to the cemetery had taken place nearly a year ago. And now, nearly a year later, I stood in the exact same spot. But, this time my purpose was different.

Instead of sharing my final words of goodbye to my family, I was now making a promise- a promise that we would soon be together, once more. That I had not forgotten them; not left them behind.

Now, instead of giving my last regards to my departed family members, I was wishing goodbye to, and letting go of, my entire world.

I know it may not make sense. That you may think I’m crazy. That you may not understand. But, I assure you, I truly felt in my heart that I was making the right choice here. I felt as if fate itself had planted this idea in my head. And now, as I prepare to take action, nothing could possibly go wrong.

The date was August sixteenth; exactly a year since the storm. And, it’s no coincidence that I chose this exact day to go through with my plan. Everything was perfectly planned out. I had every little detail figured out down to the science.

I stole one last glance at the graves of my family before exiting the cemetery and driving away for the last time.

Once I reached my destination, I exited my car and made my way over to where I needed to be.

It was perfect; I was nearly alone. Very few cars were out at this hour. It was still early and most people had not yet begun their rush to work. I wasn’t completely alone, but, I had all the privacy I needed.

I was now standing on the very edge of the Bunker Hill Bridge in Boston, Massachusetts. Two hundred and seventy feet up in the air.

I had mentioned my plan to Lily once before. But, she didn’t understand it. She said I was crazy. That I didn’t know what I was talking about. That I could never do it. I wasn’t listening, so she had begun to yell. She yelled a lot.

She once said it was as if my whole world was on fire and could escape if I wanted to, but, I wasn’t trying the slightest bit. “You could easily escape if you wanted to,” she had said “But you decide to stay in the flames. And you’re beginning to get lost in them, Sera! You’re getting yourself lost in the flames!”

But, none of it was getting through to me. I heard everything she was saying, but, didn’t put in enough energy to absorb it. In one ear and out the other.

She eventually gave up and resorted to crying. She cried for me. Because she knew that nothing could make me change my mind if I didn’t want to.

Lily knew, just as well as I did that when a person is this far gone, this far past the point of return, there is nothing left to reason with. Their decisions cannot be persuaded upon them. It’s simply “do” or “don’t do.” And I had my mind set on “do.”

I stared straight out in front of me. Into the horizon. It was just past five o’clock in the morning, five fifteen, maybe. And the sunrise over the water was spectacular. The beauty of the moment gave me all the extra boost I was going to need right now.

I looked down into the water. It was still early, so the water remained nearly still; just barely maintaining a steady flow pace. But it didn’t matter. I was two hundred and seventy feet up. Nothing could stop me.

I felt a slight breeze beginning to pick up. The stable rush of the wind felt spectacular against my skin and in my hair. Was this what it felt like to fly? my mind asked, to rise up into the sky and take charge of direction, just as the birds do? I decided it was time I started answering some of my own questions.

I allowed myself to close my eyes and spread my arms out wide. I felt as if I were soaring through an open sky. I imagined myself with beautiful, feathered wings spread out from my back, the wind in my hair. Flying straight into the morning sun. Gliding through puffy, white clouds on a sunny day. I could take off at any moment.

I looked back down at the flowing water. I imagined it all as the monstrous flames the wiped out my family. And here I was, standing strong and proud. Ready to confidently take it on. About to face the beast.

I was running on pure adrenaline, now.

In one swift, fluid motion, I closed my eyes and leaped off the edge of the bridge. I was falling straight into the heart of the flames, and soon, I would be lost in them.

Lost in the flames forever.

They always tell you, no matter what, not to go into the light. But, you never truly realize the impossibility of the matter until it comes time for you to face the experience yourself.

I felt almost as though my body was floating. I stood upon a great cloud and in front of me shone the brightest light I’d ever seen. Although, it hurt my eyes to stare at it for too long, I couldn’t seem to pull my gaze away. It was as if I was being sucked into it. Reeled in. I was going into the light.

I could just barely make out something glittering past the light. As I came closer I realized what stood before me was a grand, golden gateway.

The compelling lights shone on it in such a way, hitting just the right angle to make the whole thing sparkle and glow iridescently.

I wanted so badly to just reach out and touch it, to create the pleasant feeling of the warm, sun-kissed gold against my skin.

I raised a hand and slowly directed it towards the gate. I was just about to let my hand settle down around one of the bars, my hand now barely an inch away, when suddenly; the gate began to move.

It was opening. Was it for me? Was I supposed to go through? I waited for both sides of the gate to fully swing open before I made a move.

I had stepped my right foot forward first, and then the left, and I now stood just inside the gate. I was about to proceed further into the mist when, unexpectedly, a hand reached out to me.

It was faced palm up, as if signaling an offering. An offering to take that hand and let if guide me wherever it may. I tried to see who the hand belonged to, but, the fog was so thick, I couldn’t make out anything through it.

I reached out to the hand and took it in mine.

As soon as our grasps joined, the fog began to clear until I could clearly see who lay on the other side of the arm.

I was instantly flooded with joy and relief. The hand held in mine belonged to my father. It was not burned or even the least bit damaged.

I stepped in, closer to my dad and as soon as I did, more of the fog cleared away; revealing three other people.

My mother, Ashelynn, and Cameron.

My mother appeared to be lively and content. Ashelynn looked young and healthy once again. Cameron appeared just as energetic and radiant as I had once remembered him to be, a huge smile spreading across his face.

Each one of them looked healthier than ever. Flawless even. A soft glow radiating from the very skin on each of them.

I peered down at my own hands and realized that I, too, was sporting a shimmering glow.

Dad extended his free hand out to allow Cameron to grasp it. I did the same; Ashelynn clinging to my hand, and Mother to Ashelynn’s.

And just like that, hand in hand, smiles beaming across our faces; my family walked off, together, into the sun.