and one of my best friends (he is a guy) emailed me saying daniel is telling everyone that you smoke i just want to cry because no matter what i do something always goes wrong so everyone who told me i am a mess up and i should not be alive they are right i shouldn't be here  but you know what god has a plain for me and that is why i am here on this earth…….

i am a strong girl and yes i do have problems and hobbies  but i am trying to fix and brake them because i am learning how to handle things but sometimes i need an adult to help me because maybe it out of my reach to deal or take care of it so yeah if  are trying to put me down have fun with that because you can put someone down when someone is already on the ground buhh!!!

but hey this is life  and in life people go through different thing because everyone is  different and we all do thing differently than everyone els. but hey if you are the type of person who like to judge people because what they do or whatever then you should find people that are just like you because if i was your friend and you judged me and crap then i would rather be friends with an annoying person the you because i'm the type of person who does not deal with that kind of crap just saying.ok so people say i am just looking for attention i don't really i don't like to be noticed i don't know why i just  don’t really i don’t even like people to poke me or touch me i am just protective of myself like that. you can judge me all you want i don't care.

everyday their is at least one person who makes me smile and that is my “sister(‘s)” i don't know why but when i'm sad or depressed they can always make me smile. but you got to remember i am a really weird person and so are they because if they weren't i would not talk or hang out with them just saying.

last night i cried myself to sleep because i told this guy i really like him but i missed my chance because this one girl that was like my sister decided to go through my friends and add my guy friends and now she is dating one yeah he's my ex but i really like him i never really knew if my love was real for him but a day before they got together i realized it was real but last night i told him and all he said was i will always remember you as one of my best friends i started crying my eyes out!!

like 3 days ago his girlfriend was hanging out with this 17 year old i know and they dated and the day they hung out they made out i told her boyfriend he doesn't care how does he not care i even showed him proof but oh well i guess he will never believe me. and before they started dating we would call each other and when one of us had to go i would say bye he would say love you to me that always made me smile because i knew a guy that i knew and almost grew up with loves me but all that has changed :(

but i guess i will just go on being sad and depressed because i was so stupid to break up with him , I'M SO STUPID!!!! i wish i was not stupid i will always miss him i think i lost him for good because we don't really talk anymore since they got together but yeah imma just have to forget all of the good times and bad times between me and him …… hopefully that's possible and if so i hope i can do it  because if i can't then i don't know what imma do prolly just be depressed. :(

now i just can’t stop thinking about all the s*** because i really like him but idk what to do.bc i really like him but he doesn't care he says he does but really he doesn't i can tell when he is lying i've known him for a very very long long time since like 2nd grade.but right now i and in band
and after band and history imma just blast my music and not talk to anyone.

i just how when i need someone to talk to or something no one is their but when someone else needs someone to talk to i'm always there and people only text me if they need something i am tired of people doing that to me it's stupid.

so there's this song that always made me smile no matter what was happening but now it just makes me wanna cry bc there was this guy that i dated and that was our song, last night i sent it to him and he asked me why i sent the song to him i asked him if he remembers the song he said no. i started crying i asked him if he cared he said he dont like me like that anymore but he will remember as one of this best friends i could not stop crying at all.

so last night i told him i can't stay around i have to leave bc it will hurt less if i let go bc everytime i tighten my grasp it hurts more everyday i think about him but i need to let go,yeah it's going to be hard but i gotta do it.
because if i don't i will just keep getting hurt, i use to be strong but now i have lost my strength.

yeah ik in life we all have our own problems but i put other  people's problems before mine because i think no one should have to go through what i go through it's not fun, most days i just wish i was not like the way i am or that i was someone else but every now and then i think to myself god put me here for a reason and i need to figure why he put me here in this lifetime.

but i haven't found out why he has put me here, i just wish i knew :(
but you know what life is a mystery nobody but god knows the future we only know what happened in the past #LIVELIFETOTHEFULLEST!!!!!!!

but you can't just always live life to the fullest …...yeah things are going to mess up but hey that's the beauty of life!!...... have you ever heard the quote,..... its easier to let go then holding on????? if if not u just did and it's true it's way easier to let go then holding on to someone if u dont get it imagine holding on a rope, you wrapped it around our hand so you kinda have a better grasp someone starts pulling on it it starts to hurt ur hand it makes it bleed then when you let go it feels better a lil….

that's how it mostly feels but when you let go of the rope u can start again but with people … once you let go it's hard to hold them again…...so befor you decide you want to hold someone in our life think about the possibilities and what could happen. i just don't like to see people get hurt or sad because i know how it is and it's not very fun.