She drew the curling iron down her hair and watched as the newly formed curl bounced on her shoulder, the jet-blackness shining blue in the light. She grinned at her reflecting, seeing the flitter of her eye shadow sparkle.
“Hey Angie, can I borrow your blue sequin top?” A replica of the girl in front of the mirror barged into the room.
Evangline scowled at her reflection before turning to face her twin. “Knock much Demi? Why do you want my top?”
Demi rolled her eyes and pointed to the twin beds. “Hello! My room to! And I want to borrow it to wear for the party tonight. It’ll go perfect with my outfit.”
Evangline shrugged. “Whatever. Help yourself, but please tell me you’re not doing curls as well?”
Demi shook her head. “No. I’m doing straight.”
Evangline shrugged again, turning back to the mirror to finish her hair. “Who’s driving us by the way?”
“Probably Ty. Can’t he get a life?” Evangline scoffed.
“Sure he can, but who give us rides to the parties?”
“We have two other brother able to drive. I’m just saying Ty is twenty-eight and still lives at home. Wake up call much?”
Demi rolled her chocolate brown eyes. “He can’t hold a job down for even a year, let alone keep a place of his own. I don’t mind him staying home.”
With her hair done, Evangline applies a fresh coat of bubble gum lip gloss. “I just think he should grow up.”
Demi sighted, straightening the blue sequin top she’d changed into. “Then what about Jeremy and Seth?”
“What about them? Jeremy is moving and Seth is going to college. Ty is doing nothing. He isn’t even working. He sleeps all day and goes out all night.” Evangline pointed out, checking the black dress that hugged her body, embroidered in silver lining that matched the calf-high heeled boots. “Perfect.” Absolutely perfect.”
Demi snickered. “Alright Princess. Knock it off. We’re both ready. Let’s go.”

Makeup
She hides behind it
Not letting anyone hear her silent fit
There’s terror in her eyes
She swallows back her cries
The makeup she wear
Hides the cracks breaking her down
She thinks no one cares
Behind her glossy lips lies nothing but a frown
So she makes sure to take care
Every morning when she wakes up
She wears her makeup
It’s her mask she hides behind
All day long
And only at night
When she’s without light
Even then she doesn’t take it off

Guests mulled out on the lawn, swarming parked cars or in small groups. They held cups or even cigarettes. Those were for the ones who weren’t mingled together, embraces with their lips and hands gripping the fabrics of clothing. The little blue four door Nissan came to a halt behind a pack of teenagers. They turned with laughing faces and pounded on the head of the car. Demetra rolled her eyes and slipped out of the backseat into the chilly air. Not waiting for her twin or giving a simple wave of goodbye to her brother who was the driver, Demetra melted into the crowd, whisking a cup from an outstretched hand towards her.
“Demi, come on! Wait up! These boots aren’t made for running!” Angie gasped, scuttling to catch up to Demetra.
“Whatever Angie. Have a drink” Demetra offered, plucking up another cup, handing it to her sister.
Angie takes it and while sipping from it, she glances around as the two make their way inside the house.
“Hey look, Barbie is here.” Demetra waved to a blonde that stood next to a set of stairs.
“And so is Geek.” Angie pointed to the brunette next to the blonde as they made their way to the twins.
“Hey you guys. Anyone need a ride home?” The blonde grinned and dangled a set of keys getting to the twins.
Demetra raised an eyebrow and snatched the keys from her friend. “No way! Your dad actually let you borrow his car Stephany?”
Stephany shook her head. “Yeah, right. Because he’s totally dead and so are all my brothers. No. Lilly is letting me borrow it out of a guilt trip. All weekend long.”
Angie laughed and took the keys from her sister, handing them to Stephany. “So are you not getting drunk tonight?”
“No and I wasn’t planning to beforehand. Zack and Dylan are here and are totally planning to get wasted. Someone needed to be here to drive them home.”
The brunette frowned, tugging on her sleeves. “What’s with your dad, Barbie? It’s like you’re their babysitter.”
Stephany shrugged. “They play sports, I don’t. Dad’s words. I know, it’s stupid. I’d like to have some fun every now and then to.”
Demetra held her glass out to Stephany. “Then have some fun.”
Stephany pushed the glass away. “And be grounded for eternity? No thanks.”
The brunette reached for the glass. “Well, I’m not driving anyone.”
Demetra grinned widely, showing white teeth. “Hell yeah Alesana! Let’s party hearty!” She cheered and grabbed her friend by a sleeved arm to pull her into the thickening crowd.
Alesana’s pained flinch went unnoticed as she was towed away.
Angie looked at Stephany apologetically. “I need a smoke. I’ll catch you later. We’re going to need a ride home.”
With that, Angie disappeared into the crowd behind her sister.

This Girl
There’s this girl
In the mirror
I wonder who she is
Sometimes…
I think I know her
And sometimes…
I wish I did
There is a story
In her eyes
Lullabies and goodbyes
When she is
Looking back at me
I can tell…
She’s hurting inside…

The chilly air rushed to slap his face as he stepped out of the Nissan. A group of gigglers caught his attention. He looked a few cars down and froze. It was all girls, headed for the doors he was. There was one in particular, one girl. But he couldn’t see her face, just the back of her head and her figure.
She still caught his attention though.
He shook his head. Even if he wanted to talk to her, he would’ve been unable to. He wasn’t good at talking to girls, especially ones that caught his attention.
Tyler was after the girls in entering the bar. Here, his muscles relaxed. His head cleared. Maybe after all, he would be able to talk to the girl. This was his place, his territory after all. He was king here.
Tyler slid into a bar stool, ordering a strong beer. There was a full length wall mirror across from him, behind the bar. Tyler studied his reflection while sipping his drink, savoring it and letting the effects start inside of himself. Through the reflection he could see the entire place behind him. As well as the girls. They didn’t sit too far from him. Only four table sat between him and the girls. With a tilt of his head, just enough to drop his bangs over his, parted, only noticeable to him, to see the face of the girl who had caught his attention outside. Here smile sparkled and she now and then, flicked her dark hair over her shoulder. And he would catch her, her bright blue eyes darting to his reflection. His. He could tell it was in fact him she kept looking at.
If she could’ve seen his eyes, he knew she would have caught them.
His first bottle done, he ordered two more. He dropped his faze reluctantly and downed these two bottles in quick succession, much quicker than he had the first one.
Tyler had made up his mind. If he was going to make a move, he needed help first.

The space on the bar in which his arms rested was quickly filled with empty bottles. His vision was blurred, his functions numbed. He couldn’t think, so naturally he forgot about the girl.
Tyler was getting drunker by the minute.

She put a hand on his back, making him jump, and slopping alcohol onto his front. He turned, a lopsided grin on his face.
“Hey beautiful.” He greeted, his words slurred as they came out.
She smiled, her smile sparkling. She leaned towards him, kissing his neck lightly. “I noticed you looking at me. Do you like me?” She whispered in his ear.
He turned his face to hers, kissing her lips.
She grinned. “Want to go somewhere private?” She purred seductively, running a finger down Tyler’s chest.
He nodded, his head bobbing as if on a spring. “We can go to my place.” He breathed and reached for her, his fingers wrapping in her clothes as he pulled her close, just a bit roughly.
She giggled. “That sounds perfect.”

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
-Ernest Hemingway

She pulled the cap over her white-blonde hair and pulled on white woolen gloves. It was snowing lightly outside, it had started the night before as Elizabeth drove her friends, brothers, and extras home from the party. Demi had been too drunk to even walk straight and her twin Angie had been on more than just alcohol, even though that was in her system as well. The others were just nearly as bad.
Elizabeth slipped out of the house, standing on the porch, the door open behind her still. A thin layer of snow sprinkled the ground and powdered the trees. The air crisp and bit at the bare skin of her face.
“Stephany! Can you come back in right now!?” Her father hollered from inside. “And close the damn door, we aren’t heating the outside!”
Elizabeth sighed and went back in, pushing the door closed. “What? I’ve got to go to work.”
Paul shook his head, holding up a piece of paper. “What is this?”
“Ugh, a piece of paper?”
Paul scowled. “Don’t be a smartass Elizabeth. This is your progress report. You have a B in math.”
Elizabeth shrugged. “So? Zack has a C in math. Dylan has a C plus. What’s the big deal about a B?”
“The big deal is that you have A’s in everything else.”
“And one B. Come on, give me a break! I’m trying!”
Paul slammed the paper onto a hallway table. “You aren’t trying hard enough and for your back sass, you’re grounded for a month.”
Elizabeth mouth dropped open. “What?! That is so unfair! What about Zack and Dylan? They got drunk, high, and who knows what else! They’ve got lower grades than I do and they miss their curfew. Which I should add is also unfair, they have a longer curfew then me.”
Paul frowned. “Your curfew doesn’t matter anymore. You’re grounded. The boys are fine. They have their sports to focus on. All you have is your school work and you aren’t even that right.”
“I have my Art.”
Paul shook his head once more. “Art will get you nowhere in life. Get your B up Stephany and keep it up.” With that, Paul walked off, not another glance at his daughter.
Elizabeth once mores lipped outside, this time closing the door behind her and leaving the porch. Her father’s car was gone, which wasn’t a surprise. One of her brothers must have taken it, as well as the other brother had taken Lilly’s car. It didn’t matter the boys were only to friends and she, Elizabeth, had work. No that didn’t matter. What mattered was her brothers well beings. They weren’t allowed to get hurt or sick. Nothing. But when it came to Elizabeth, she was nothing but invisible. And now she had to walk to her work.
And it was all because she didn’t play sports.

I’m Sick Of
I’m sick of being
A disgrace to you
The one who can’t
Seem to do a good deed
The one who does
Everything wrong

I’m sick of the fights
I cause
The endless nights
Of tears and heartache

I’m sick
Of causing so much pain

You wonder how,
I can do this to you
Even though you know I love you so

The truth is
I can’t do it
I don’t mean to do it

At first
I thought it would be fun
But, it’s gone on far too long
And it’s gone far too deep

I feel like
I put a gun to your heart
And pulled the trigger
I want you to know…

I’m sorry
I want you to know

I’m sick of this
Bad behavior
I’m sick of this
Rebel life
I’m sick of this
Heartache it causes me
To see you so upset
And fed up

But most of all
I’m sick of me
The way I am
And what I’ve become

I just want you to know
I love you
And I’m sorry
And I’m in the process
Of the change
That will never be an
“I’m sick of…”

The buzz was still there, but also was the hangover that was exploding against her skull. Her stomach flipped and she could taste the bile in her throat. It was still difficult for her to walk straight, to see clearly. And it didn’t help her with the light bearing down on her.
Alesana climbed out of her bed, staggering forward. Even her entire body was on fire. She could hear voices, laughing voices. One female, the rest were males. Alesana stumbled forward, knocking into her desk chair. She cursed under her breath, covering her eyes as spots dotted her vision. Once she was able to see again, as best as she was when she woke up, Alesana staggered forward again to the door. As she pulled open the door the male voices became louder. Alesana freezes in her tracks. There was more than two males. Alesana leaned against her door frame, tilting her head back and closing her eyes. It took a moment to straighten her head, to be able to listen to the voices.
Her eyes snapped open as she recognized one voice. Her face paled and she swallowed nervously. Alesana looked down at her wrists, pulling the sleeves down over the red cuts. She quickly glanced in the hallway mirror. Her makeup was still thick from the night before. She rubs her forehead and drags herself forward, dreadfully towards the kitchen.
She heard Stephen’s voice again, listened to his laughter and felt it vibrate through her bones. What was he even doing there? She hadn’t invited him, she hadn’t even asked him for dinner as Analesse had asked her to do so. Her head spun with questions as well as her hangover. Alesana entered the kitchen, the smell of cooking food turned her stomach even more. The four who already sat around the table looked up as she clambered in.
“Well, there she is.” Analesse chirped, jumping up to hug her stepdaughter.
Alesana dodges the outstretched arms and went to the sink for a glass of water.
“Why didn’t you tell us Alesana?” Simon asked.
Alesana turned and looked at her half-brother, her eyebrows burrowed together. “Didn’t tell you what?”
“You can quit pretending Alesana. We know your secret. And none of us are mad. You could’ve told us before you went last night.” Her father says calmly, speaking softly.
Alesana’s gaze flickered to Stephan. “What are you talking about?”
“The party. Where you got drunk. Why did you hide it from us, especially Stephen?” Analesse prompted.” We found out from Simon.”
Alesana swallowed and dropped a full gaze on her boyfriend Stephen. He had on a painted smile she knew all too well. His eyes were dark, shining maliciously. Her heart dropped and it took all her will power to tear her eyes from and to her half-brother. “Thanks.”
He grinned, standing. “No problem sis. See you guys.”
Simon waved to the group and left the kitchen.
Stephen stood as well. “Why don’t you go get ready Alesana? We have breakfast to catch.” He said, sickeningly kindly.
Alesana nodded and slipped out of the before a word from any of them could be spoke. As she walked back down the hall a pair of heavy feet after her. Alesana did not turn not did she stop for the oncoming feet. She stopped in front of her door, a hand on the door knob. Her head pounded which also made it spin. A hand on the back of her neck wrapped its fingers around it. She was pulled away from her and against the wall next to her. The dark eyes pressed up to hers, hot breath washed over her face.
“I told you not to go to that party.” He snarled, grazing his hand upwards and wrapping his fingers roughly into her hair.
She took a shaky breath, her hands trembling. “I-I-I’m s-s-sorry. My friends, they wanted me to go.” She stammered.
Stephen lifted his free hand quickly and backhanded her. Alesana felt the forced her as well as the forceful pull on her head and the slam back into the wall.
“I told you not to go. I don’t care about your stupid ass friends. If I tell you something, you should do it. You know that.” He growled and tugged her forward before throwing her into the ground. “I’ll be in the car. Hurry up.”
She watched as he stalked off before slowly getting up, her body shaking. Before she could enter her room, Alesana looked up in the hallway mirror. She caught his wife hazel eyes. His mouth was partially open in fright. He stood, frozen with a terrified expression on his face. Alesana shook her head at Simon, indicating clearly that he couldn’t tell. And just before her eyes got tears, she disappeared into her room to change.

She Slits
She feels weird inside
In no one can she confide
Her trust is buried deep
She has scars on her arms
No emotion in her eyes
She hides all her cries
Inside she’s screaming
She wants it to stop
A blade is at her wrists
To them she slits….

Her head swam. She couldn’t see straight. As she stood, the room spun around. Her knees buckled and she grabbed her bedpost, slamming into it. She shook her head and stumbled over to her desk. She grabbed at the pill bottle, knocking over objects to the ground. She gripped the bottle, fumbling to open it. The popped off and the bottle slipped through her fingers. It crashed to the ground where the pills inside clattered out and rolled onto the hard wood floor.
Evangline fell to her knees in a cry of dismay, scrambling in her blurry vision to try and scoop them back up.
“Angie! Angie, what are you doing!?” Demi yelled, before her hands were on Evangline’s back, tugging her upwards.
“No!” Evangline groaned, jerking around in her twin’s grasp.
“Angie! Stop! Why would you do this!?”
Evangline squirmed. “I just want them!”
Demi wrapped her arms around her sister, holding tightly. “I’m not going to let you kill yourself!”
Evangline froze, covering her eyes. “Kill myself? Are you nuts? I’m not killing myself Demi.”
“No? Then why did you freak at spilling those pills?” Demi demanded, her tone coated in confusion.
Evangline sighed heavily, her shoulders dropping. “I’ve got a major hangover those pills could’ve totally wiped out. Plus, that was a total waste of twenty bucks. Thanks Demi.” She said bitterly, wrenching herself from her sister’s grasp.
Demi dropped her arms. “Twenty bucks? Seriously?!”
Evangline nodded, crouching to scoop up the pills again. “Yeah and it was all wasted. Do you know how long I had to beg Dad before I got it?”
“You actually got twenty dollars from Dad?”
Evangline snorted and shook her head, rising with a handful of pills and turning to Demi. “I said I had to beg him for it, not that he gave it to me. I got it from Ty one night when he came home drunk. It’s also how I got these cigarettes. Want one?” She held out a pack of cigarettes.
Demi shook her head, pushing the pack away. “No thanks. And you shouldn’t smoke them in the house. Even our room. You know that.”
Evangline rolled her eyes and threw the pack on her bed covering her eyes from the light again. “Yeah, whatever. How do you not have a hangover?”
“I did, hours ago. There’s Tylenol in the bathroom. And you’ve got it bad because you didn’t stop at drinking.”
Evangline sat down on her bed, her legs feeling weak. “Not my fault good stuff was there.”
Demi frowned. “I saw you sniffing.”
“So? I can do what I want Demi.”
“Yeah, but it was coke. That can ruin you.”
“Whatever. I can do what I want. So leave it.” Evangline snapped.
“Angie, your ruining your life.”
“No I’m not!” Evangline shouted, flinching at the noise her own voice caused.
“Yes, you are. You don’t stop it, I’m telling Dad.” Demi threatened.
Evangline shrugged and stood up. “Be my guest. I’ll just tell him about your school skipping to meet that thirty year old.” With that, Evangline left the room.


In the Mirror
There’s this girl
She stands in the mirror
With a secret
But she has a smile on her face
And the lock to keep it
And yet it’s not real
For no one knows
The fight inside her
Is breaking her down
Soon she’ll be wearing nothing but a frown
She stands across me
Her smile is all I see
She’s hiding something
I can see it in her eyes
Am I the only one who can hear her pleading cries?
There’s this girl
She stands in the mirror
With a secret
She’s desperate for someone to keep it
But no one knows
So she keeps up her pitiful shows
I’m watching her through the mirror
I’m watching her struggle to get out
I’m blocking the barrier
The mask she’s hiding behind is starting to crack
It isn’t holding as strong as it used to
To keep her back
There’s this girl
She stands in the mirror
And I’m watching
As her masks breaks
I’m watching
As the mirror cracks
I’m watching
As she becomes real
There’s this girl
She stands in the mirror
And as I depart
She follows me
And all of her silent pleas
Still go unheard
There’s this girl
She stands in the mirror
It’s only me

It was true. Demi had been up for hours and had down pain killers to ward off the hangover. She had also ate a big breakfast to settle her stomach. Angie probably didn’t remember from the night before, but she, Demetra, remember all too well. What couldn’t understand was how. How was she able to remember it all? She been far to wasted to control her actions or even think straight. But remembering it, the entire night before, was just baffling.
Demetra stood over the kitchen sink, her head bent down, and her hands clenched the edge tightly. Soft feet padded into the kitchen and a soft thump told Demetra that the refrigerator had been opened. She turned to the visitor and froze, eyes going wife in surprise. She opened her mouth and choked on her words that wanted to come out.
“Jsabelle?” She finally managed to gasp out.
She turned, a carton of orange juice in her hand. Her blue eyes wife in surprise as well. She wore a crumpled tank top and mini shorts. Her black hair lay in a mess atop and around her head. “Hi Demi.” She greeted, a look of guilt on her face.
“What are you doing here? How, when did you get here?” Demetra demanded, her voice sounding small to herself.
“I didn’t know you lived here.” Jsabelle said softly.
Demetra shook her head. “Of course I do and you would have known I do had you ever bother to come to a team sleepover.” She scolded.
“Oh right. So I guess Ty is your brother?” Jsabelle asked, a hopeful look on her face.
Demetra knew that look all too well. Jsabelle was hoping to find the answer of ‘no’ to her question. And with that in mind, Demetra’s face paled and she let out a groan.
“Please tell me you didn’t.” Demetra begged.
“Jsabelle turned away, chewing her bottom lip.
“He like twenty-eight.” Demetra moan. “That’s just gross.”
Jsabelle shrugged. “I like older men.”
“Still gross! You caught him drunk, didn’t you?” Demetra guessed, rubbing her head. “He has a drinking problem. He can’t control himself.”
“He can control himself in bed.” Jsabelle said, loud enough for Demetra to hear without realizing it.
“That’s nasty! I didn’t need to know that!” Demetra yelled, running from the room, suddenly her breakfast churning in her stomach.


This Murderer
Time has passed up again
Fooled us all
Brought down by immortal men
The ones who stood proud and tall

The sun is setting
Everybody runs and hides
Never forgettin’
The evil of the travelers mind

Hold your lover
Draw them near
Before you run for cover
For death has come here

This murderer walks your streets at night
He has come for the sinners
And the ones who lost their light
But left to suffer, the beginners

No one is pure
Well live a lie
Use sexuality as a lure
So we all must die

He sat up in his bed, face in his hands. What had he done? The night before was only a blackout in his mind. He remembered nothing of it. And yet, he woke up that morning to the most startling surprise.
She was younger then she’d looked with her friends and dressed up. Now, she was here. She had slept with her, brought her home with him.
He had slept with her.
No protection that he could remember.
What had he done?
The door opened and soft feet padded into his room. As the extra body added itself once more to his bed, the spring creaked as the bed dipped. He looked up to her smiling face. She held out a glass of orange to him which he took gratefully.
“Morning Ty.” She greeted, cheerfully.
He winced at her voice. His head was pounding, his skull threatening to burst. She had obviously seen the pain in his eyes, as she held out her other hand, pills in it.
“Here.” She said softly. “Evangline gave these to me for your hangover. She said they’d help.”
Tyler eyes the pills, shaking his head slowly. “Angie just gave you those for me? What are they?”
“Pain killers. She said they’d help.”
Tyler sighed, rubbing his head. “I’ll take them, but you have to watch for side-effects. Angie is always on something new. At least, it seems that way. Anyways, you have to watch what she gives you. It’s not always she says.” He warned, taking the pain killers with his orange juice glass.
“Oh. Well, thank you for telling me that. I didn’t know Demetra was your sister.”
Tyler raised an eyebrow, shocked. “You know my sister?”
She nodded, running a hand through her tangled hair. “Yeah, both actually. Demetra more so since she’s captain of the cheer squad.”
Tyler’s face paled. She was in high school. Exactly how dumb was he? She was in high school and a cheerleader.
“I’m sorry but I didn’t catch your name last night.” Tyler apologized.
“You did, but I’m not surprised you don’t remember. You were pretty far gone by the time we only left the bar. I’m Jsabelle.” She introduced herself, still smiling.
“How wasted were you?”
Jsabelle shook her head. “I was sober. I couldn’t get drunk.”
“Why?” Tyler prompted, but he already guessed the answer.
“To young.” Jsabelle said uncomfortably.
“What do you Jsabelle? Troll bars for older men?”
Jsabelle looked away, her smile had faded.
“How’d you get in anyways?” Tyler asked in bewilderment.
Jsabelle looked down, pretending to be interested in the floor beneath her feet. “You’ve got to look the part in in the high places, but not having the right ID doesn’t work out.”
Tyler frowned at the young girl. “If anyone gets wind of last night….I was drunk….I’ll be put away for rape.”
Jsabelle looked at him sideways. “I turn seventeen next month. No one has to know.”
“Seventeen next month?” Tyler choked out, eyes wide. “Seriously? That’s even word you’re not seventeen now! Did we even have any protection?”
Jsabelle finally looked up and just stared at Tyler.
Tyler swallowed and threw his legs over the side of his bed, standing.
“Dammit.” He cursed and slammed a fist against the wall. “When is your next period?”
“A little under two weeks.”
Tyler took a deep breath to steady himself, closing his eyes as he rested his forehead on the wall. “You will tell me if you have it.”
“Yes.”
“You should go. Now.” Tyler demanded. “It’s not the best for you to be here. I’m already on thin ice with my father as it is. He catches you and he’ll have a cow.”
The bed moaned as the last of the human weight was taken from it.
“I’ll call you then.” Jsabelle said softly, sadly as she slipped from the room.


Why
Why is it so easy
To fall in love
And yet so hard
To be loved back?

Why should I fell such
If destiny permits me not?
Why do I have to fall
If it’s you I cannot have?

Why is there
A “you” in “me”
But not
A “me” in “you”

It wasn’t the best job in the world, but it was a job, and it paid. It also got her out of the house the hours she was on shift. The restaurant had only a few customers that took their time. It was the weekend after all.
Elizabeth stuffed her notepad and pen back into her apron pocket as she grabbed the tub from under the counter. The bell over the door rang. Elizabeth looked up and watched a group of guys walked. They were locals, but no longer in high school. She’d seen them around and as this was a hotspot to be, Elizabeth had also seen the guys at the restaurant plenty of times. She turned back and reached for a dishrag under the counter. Two more waitresses were on duty, they’d take care of the customers. She came out from behind the counter and started to scoop up used dishes, setting them in the tub.
Her argument with her father that morning was still on her mind as she worked. It kept spinning in her mind. She couldn’t understand as to why her father could not accept her or what she did. She was just as capable to be an athlete as much as her brother, but she want to. All six of her brothers were athletes. Not only in high school, but as well as college. She had to live up to them, to their athletic abilities, scholarships, everything. And she was sick of that. So Elizabeth had looked for something she was good at and something that she enjoyed.
It was her Art. Why couldn’t her father see it was as good as sports?
Elizabeth shook her head, feeling her ponytail whip at her neck. She stepped up to the last empty, used table, clearing the dishes.
“Well, hello there Barbie.” A male voice said cheerily from the next table/
“Hello Tony.” Elizabeth said wearily, not looking up.
“How come you didn’t take our order today?”
“I’m busy Tony.”
“Well, I saw you at the party last night. How come you didn’t drink?”
Elizabeth sighed, wiping the table. “I was only a driver. I couldn’t drink.”
“Well, can you drink tonight?”
Elizabeth set the tub down, the dishes inside clanking. She turned to the group of guys. “I already told you, I’m not going out with you Tony.”
The blonde boy at the edge of his booth and yet, facing her made a face of disappointment. “But we’d be the hottest couple in school.”
Elizabeth scowled at him. “No.”
“You’re so pretty when you’re mad.” Tony grinned.
Elizabeth rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “You’re pathetic Tony.”
“I thought you loved me though?” He teased, smirking.
“In your dreams lover boy.”
The group laughed, giving Elizabeth the leeway to grab her tub and finish her cleaning job.
“Hey Barbie. Alaric’s new to the town and he’s forever alone. Can you love him?”
Elizabeth grumbled, setting down the tub roughly this time. The dishes within rattled as she threw the dishrag inside as well and turned to glare at the group. “I’m seriously not in the mood for you guys crap Randy.” She said bitterly.
The curly red headed boy next to Tony smiled, freckles dotting his nose popped out. “But I’m serious. Alaric is forever alone. He needs someone to love him.”
Elizabeth’s gaze roamed over the six of them. She had noticed before the one who sat in the corner, his back to her. But his shoulders were slumped, his head bent down to the table. She didn’t recognize the figure and so assumed it was the boy spoken about. He didn’t move or make any indication that he acknowledged the conversation.
“Doesn’t look to lonely to me.” Elizabeth shrugged and grabbed the tub again. “You guys be nice to him and don’t run him out of town.” She scolded before stalking off, jangling dishes in her retreat.

She Will Survive
She hides her pain
Like nothing is wrong
She wipes her tears
To make herself strong
But, it’s no use at all
Everyone thinks she is happy
Everyone thinks she is perfectly fine

But what they don’t know it
The pain she feels
The tears she has cried
The cuts on her wrists

They don’t know
Under her cover
There is more
Torture than pleasure
And past her lips there is
More anger than laughter
She pretends to be happy
Cause she knows…
She will survive

The knife shook in her hand as she smeared the mayonnaise on the piece of bread. Her sleeves were rolled up, the red lines up and down her forearms popping out against the pal arms. She set the bread down and applied the condiments, smashing it all together. As she turned to put the knife in the sink, gripping its handle, restraining herself from adding another cut. She threw it into the sink and turned on her heel. She felt her knees buckle, spots covered her eyes. As she went down, the table rose up to her. Her hands shot out and she grabbed the edge. It stopped her crash, but her head slammed into it. That part she could not stop. A warm liquid gushed into her mouth and slipped out over her lip.
“Hey, what’s taking so long with those sandwiches?” Stephen demanded, pounding into the kitchen.
Alesana looked up, blood gushing from her mouth.
“That’s disgusting. You didn’t get any on the sandwiches did you?” He snarled, grabbing at the plate full.
Alesana shook her head, trying to open her mouth but a shooting pain through her jaw stopped her in her tracks.
“Good. Get yourself cleaned up. I’m having some friends over for a get together. On guy is bringing a twelve pack. I don’t want you looking like shit when they come.”
Alesana nodded and watched as he left the tiled room.

In the beginning it was all kisses and hugs. Showers of presents every other day. Compliments and sweet poems tucked into her locker, her backpack, her books. They would go out for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Whatever she asked for, he got her.
He would get angry now and then and strike out at her. He would later say he hadn’t meant it to happen and shower her in lavishing gifts.
And he would tell her how much he meant she meant to him, how sorry he was, and just how much he loved her.
But now? Now was different. Now was a new time.
He was rough with her. He didn’t, wouldn’t apologize. She couldn’t go, he wouldn’t let her. He had gotten into her mind with threats or promises. He used what he knew she would succumb to.
He knew how to bend and control her.
He knew the tricks.


No One Knows
No one knows
The thoughts that race through my head
The thoughts my mind sews
Only thought and never said

Don’t they know
The only thing you ever want
Is someone to look past
The smile, the eyes
And say, “What’s wrong?”
And when you say “Nothing,”
They tell you “Don’t lie”

It’s the simplest thing to ask for
But the hardest to get
The mask being worn must be perfect
An imperformable feign to anyone

True heartache disguised from the world
When to you it seems so obvious
Feeling your heart ripped straight out of your chest
Day after day

They don’t know
The hate you have for yourself
Scars the only sign of pain
From hating yourself relentlessly

It was passed to her again, but unlike some others, she took the hit. She always took her hit.
That was the thing about Evangline. She always took the hit or the drink. And it was always without question.

Of course, she hadn’t always been like this. She hadn’t always sat in a circle, hitting on a pipe. She hadn’t always sat in a circle, bent over a low table, sniffing. She hadn’t always sat in a circle, either taking shot or drinking straight from a bottle.
She hadn’t always skipped school or not car about her homework.
She hadn’t always been like this.

There really wasn’t a traumatic reason as to why she started. Her mother had been dead for seven years. She had her brothers, sister, father, and they were all there for her. Money was tight at times, but they always made through. Life wasn’t bad, wasn’t tragic.
Evangline just wasn’t a leader.
Evangline was a follower. And easily persuaded at that.
Especially when it came to friends and keeping them.

She was now even into cigarettes. The rest of them were, so why shouldn’t she be? That was simple logic in her mind.
Do as the others do.
That party a couple weeks before had started her sniffing. It was just what her “friends” were doing and they had promised it was harmless.
That’s all it took.
Just a promise.

Evangline had been persuaded again.


If You…
If you dress nicely, he says you’re a snob
If you dress sexy, he says you’re a slut
If you argue with him he says you’re stubborn
If your quite he says you’re stupid
If you call him he says you’re needy and clingy
If he called you he says you should be grateful
If you don’t love him, he’ll try to win you
If you love him he’ll leave you
If you don’t screw him, he’ll say you don’t love him
If you don’t do he’ll say you’re easy
If you tell him your problems he’ll say you’re irritating
If you don’t he’ll say you don’t trust him
If you lecture him he’ll say you’re bitchy
If he lectures you, it’s because he cares
If you break a promise, you can’t be trusted
If he breaks it, he had to
If you cheat, you expect it to be over
If he cheats he expects to be given another chance
Either way…
You never win



Some people will just go with the flow of things and sway in life, while others will fight against the currents and go upstream to reach their destiny.
-Anthony Liccione

The party was a couple weeks ago.
She had thought she remembered everything from that night.
She thought wrong. Obviously.
She’s been too drunk to comprehend everything. She’d been too drunk to give the right answer.
She’d been too drunk to remember who he was.

So she was wrong. She didn’t remember everything. It only seemed as if she remembered everything.
God, she felt stupid.

She felt even more stupid as she stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. Three white sticks lay on the sink in front of her, all bearing the same marks. Her heart had sank, her face was paler than usual.
What was she supposed to do?

God, she felt stupid.

All three tests were the same answer.

She didn’t remember everything from that party and she hadn’t been out since.

She had been too drunk to even remember who he was.

Positive. They were all positive.

Demetra was pregnant.

God, she felt stupid.


Any Other Way
Tear drops falling
Hearts are calling
Why are they never answered?
To many problems
Not enough time
Feelings are hurt
Yours and mine
Certain words never spoken
So many hearts and dreams broken
Without feelings that never show
Love can never grow
Eyes begin to cry
Hearts begin to die
And the pain gets worse
Every single day
Some people can’t show
Their love any other way

He leaned against the wall, arms across his chest. He watched passerby through his thick, dark sunglasses.
If only Jsabelle would hurry up. He was starting to get odd looks.
“Hey Ty?” Her voice was soft.
He turned to face her and froze before he could even open his mouth. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, dark circles lined under them to show lack of sleep. And instead of those bright blue eyes sparkling, they were looking at him dully but swimming in tears. He looked up at the sky, taking a deep breath.
“Ty?” Her voice cracked on his name, choking on it.
Tyler looked back down at her. “What are the results?” He asked flatly.
“You’re gonna be a daddy.” She whispered, averting her gaze to the ground.
Tyler turned his gaze back to passerby so he wouldn’t have to look at her at that moment. “When are you gonna be seventeen again?”
“In a few weeks.”
Tyler shook his head, letting out a groan of despair. “You can’t tell anyone I’m the father.”
“Then how are you supposed to be in the baby’s life?”
Tyler pushed off the wall, still refusing to look at her. “I won’t be. Not until you’re eighteen and no one asks questions.”
“But what about not?” Jsabelle begged and Tyler felt a hand on his back.
He shook it off, stepping out of her reach. “If you need anything call me. I’ll buy it, but make sure it’s only for the baby. Otherwise, don’t contact me.”
Tyler didn’t look as he walked away. His heart ached.
It was wrong of him to walk away. It was wrong of him to have said what he had said.
It was very wrong.

Tyler made a beeline for his vehicle.
It was time to drown down his problems. It was time to forget them.

What better way than a sweet drink to cloud his mind?
He just wouldn’t be driving home.

And he wouldn’t be accepting reality all that night.

He didn’t want to accept his “mistakes.”


Don’t confuse poor decision making with destiny. Own your mistakes. Its okay, we all make them. Learn from them so they can empower you.
-Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

Walking the streets at night wasn’t exactly a safe bet, but Elizabeth really didn’t have much choice. She was carless and even though it was winter, it didn’t matter much.
She kept to the sidewalk, next to the streets. She would even step off into the street as a darkened alley way would make its appearance in front of her. She walked quickly, watching ahead for every street lamp. Her heart would race and her palms became clammy.
She didn’t like walking at night. Especially since she had to walk past others, ones on the street. Ones who eyes her hungrily, licking their lips as they watched her walk. They reeked of alcohol and dirt. Their clothes upon their bodies were tattered and torn, and saturated at times.
They were homeless and even though Elizabeth felt sorry for them, she didn’t stop for them. They set her on edge, made her tense.
Every night she had to walk. Which was nearly every night she had to work.

The wind was blowing lightly falling snow into her face. She bent her face towards the ground, her face numb from the cold. Her cheeks and node red, her lips chapped. She hadn’t realized, not until she’d walked a block from the restaurant, that she had forgotten her gloves in her work cubicle. And by that time, it’d been too late. She’d worked the closing shift and therefore, had she turned back, she would not have been able to get back. So she walked with her hands in her pockets, balled into fists. It was all she could do to keep them warm.
The road was slush at this time, every now and then a patch of black ice would shine through. Cars would drive past, tired squealing, trying to find traction. And the slush would be risen, upturned, sprayed in every direction. Some of it at times landed on Elizabeth, turning her coat damp.
It didn’t help much from the blowing wind.
Right behind her, yet another car sped past her, splashing an even higher wall of the slush onto her. This time, not only her coat was soaked, the slush had rained down on her. She stopped in her tracks, from head to foot drenched. She spat out the dirty water and glared angrily as the car that had splashed her screeched to a halt, taillights glowing red. As it started to back up towards her, Elizabeth stepped to the side, farther from the street. She couldn’t get any wetter, but the mysterious SUV had her shoulders tensed. The dark, tinted driver’s window to the vehicle slide down, opening for the occupant inside. She wasn’t standing under a streetlight so she only glimpsed the shadow of a face, a tuff of brown hair. He was starting to lean out towards her, coming to a stop in front of where she stood.
“Barbie?”
She frowned at her nickname being spoken. It was from unfamiliar lips. A male she’d never exactly spoken directly to. A male whose figure she only knew from his backside. He had always sat in the corner of the booth, bent over an object that he had acquired.
“It’s Stephany.” She corrected him and leaned forward to look past him to the passenger seat.
He glanced over his shoulder as well. “I’m alone. None of those jerks are with me. And sorry, they always refer to you as Barbie. I didn’t even know your name. You don’t even have a nametag when you work.”
Elizabeth sighed, shaking her wet hair. “Growing up in a small town like this, you don’t exactly need a nametag. People just know you.”
Alaric nodded, peering at her hard. “I got you soaked, didn’t I? I’m sorry about that. You want a ride?”
Of course, Elizabeth wanted a ride. She was longing to sit in a warm vehicle, in front of a blowing heater to keep her insides warm. To keep her numb fingers warm and moving, as well as having feeling in them. And her feet, her poor feet. They were frozen, blocks of ice in her shoes. What she wouldn’t give to heat up.
But she shook her head, declining the invitation. “You’re practically a stranger. I can’t take rides from strangers.”
He chuckled lightly. “Well, I’m Alaric Marks. There, now you know me. Come on, your soaking. You’ll freeze to death before too long. It’s warm in here. Please?”
It did look warm in his vehicle. So warm, Elizabeth was persuaded. She walked around the front, to the passenger side, and opening the door, slid onto the leather seat, pulling the door closed behind her.
“There. I am in. Happy?”
Alaric threw his car into drive. “Very happy.” He reached forward, turning up the heater.
That was when Elizabeth realized precisely how cold she was. Her entire body was wracked in shivers. She wrapped her arms around herself, hugging tightly.
“You should’ve gone straight.” She told him after a few minutes, her teeth chattering, as he made a right turn.
“I’m not taking you straight home.”
“So you’re kidnapping me?”
He gave her a sideways look. “No. To my house.”
“To lock me up and torture me before hacking me up and hiding my body parts in different cities so you can’t be found out?”
Alaric gave a bark of a laugh. “Do you have a sinister mind or something? Why on earth would you think that?”
Elizabeth smiled into the dark. “Sorry. Just when a random guy offers you a ride home and instead takes you to his home, you can only imagine what’s thought.”
“I guess so.” He agreed, pulling into a driveway. “You need warm clothes. I’m sure something will fit of my sisters for you.”
“Sure.” Elizabeth shrugged and hopped out right back into the cold.
“My dad works night shifts, so it’s only my mom and sister here. My brother maybe, but he’s usually out. Come on, we’re all harmless.” Alaric beckoned the blonde forward.
“You sure about that? I’m not going to be bludgeoned when I walk in the door, am I?”
Again, he was laughing and something inside of Elizabeth squirmed. Something in her glowed as he laughed. And it was all because she had made him laugh. She had made that accomplishment.
“No. No one is going to. Come on.” He opened the front door to her, washing the lawn in glowing, a smile on his face.


I Want
Call it bad timing
But I call it destiny
It wouldn’t have happened
If it wasn’t meant to be
I felt your heart
Like a magnet
Your eyes were touching me
I want your world
To turn just for me
I want your fire
To burn just for me
Like the moon effects
The tide and the sea
I want your world
To turn just for me
I won’t share your love
No, I want it all for my own
When you are in her arms
It really cuts me down to the bone
I want your world
To turn just for me
I want your fire
To burn just for me
Like the moon effects
The tide and the sea
I want your world
To turn just for me

Caller ID showed “Baby Doll.” It was Demi. That was obvious. But she wasn’t allowed to answer. He kept tabs, he was watching. Even without being around her, he was watching.
He was always watching.
And he always knew if she disobeyed.
Always.
Her best friend was calling her, pleading in texts for her to answer. But Alesana wasn’t allowed to, at least not without permission first. She had to ask Stephen and he was off at work.
It was only because he cared for her. It was only because he wanted her safe. That’s what he told her. Some people just couldn’t be trusted and he wasn’t sure her friends could be trusted. Therefore, she wasn’t allowed to talk with them out of school.
“Come on, answer the phone.” A whisper hissed through her mind.
She shook her head, covering her ears.
“That’s not going to block me out and you know that, Alesana.” The hiss echoed through her mind.
“Shut up.” She snapped, glaring at the opposite wall, slapping her hands down on the wooden surface of the kitchen table.
“I’m here to stay. I’m not going to shut up. I’m here forever.”
“No. I want you gone. Why won’t you leave?” Alesana begged to thin air.
Right across her a fiery redhead appeared, grinning menacingly at Alesana. “I’m your friend Alesana. The one He can’t take away. Doesn’t that matter?”
Alesana glared at her, the redhead. “Will you tell me your name now? Or you gonna leave me in the dark forever?”
The redheads grin widened, baring perfect white teeth. “I’m Scarlett, but you can call me Scar.”

She hadn’t always appeared to her. She wasn’t always around. She’d only just started showing up recently. But now she’s told Alesana her name. Something she’d kept secret.
Scarlett had shown up when she, Alesana, had to push her friends out of the picture. It wasn’t long afterwards that Alesana had figured out she was the only who could see the fiery redhead.

“Having fun there Ana?” Scar grinned, leaning on the table.
“It’s Alesana or Al. Not Ana. How many time must we go through this?” Alesana moaned.
Scar’s grin only widened, baring a row of perfect white teeth once more. “Sure Ana. Hey, are you hungry? I’m starving.”
Alesana shifted uncomfortably in her seat, her empty stomach feeling as if it was folding in on her. She could smell the food, the leftover she hadn’t ate the night before. The kitchen always smelled of cooking food. Analesse enjoyed being the kitchen, enjoyed standing in front of the baking stove.
And the aroma made Alesana’s mouth water.
“Hungry?” Scar asked in amusement.
“No. You need to leave.” Alesana spat angrily.
“You can’t get rid of me Ana. You’ll never be able to get rid of me.”
“Get out of my house!”
Scarlett laughed dryly. “You can’t get rid of me Ana! And you’ll never be able to!”
“GET OUT!” Alesana bellowed.
“Damn Alesana, come to my face next time.” Simon said irritably, stomping into the kitchen, two guys following him.
Alesana jumped up quickly, her chair flying backwards only to crash into solid wall. “Do you see her?”
Simon’s face paled and he shook his head. “See who Al?”
Alesana pointed at Scarlett who tipped back in her chair, one leg of it on the ground, hands folded behind her head, and a smirk upon her lips.
“Her! Don’t you see her? Scarlett is right there!” Alesana said frantically.
“Dude, is your sister alright?” One of the guys asked, nudging Simon.
Simon scowled, glowering at his half-sister. “She’s only messing around. She does that sometimes. Right Al?”
Alesana looked at Scarlett who only waved at her with wagging fingers. “I-I guess.”
“Remember Ana. They can’t see me. Or hear me. You’re the only one who can.” Scarlett said with a purr.
“It’s not Ana!” Alesana screeched.
“Come on, let’s get out of here.” Simone pushed his two friends towards the door.
As they left, Simone turned to Alesana, out of sight from the other two. “You’re such a freak. I’m telling Dad what you just did. Thank a lot weirdo.”
“Tell him and you might as well tell about Stephen.” Alesana snarled.
“What about him?”
“What you saw in the mirror.”
“You’re a friend! I didn’t see anything! I never have! I’m telling Dad how strange you’re acting! It scared my friends Freak!” He spat the last word at her, stomping out of the kitchen.

She’d imagined him in the mirror. Had only imagined.
She wanted someone so badly to know. She wanted someone so badly to tell so she wouldn’t have to, because she couldn’t.
She just wanted one person.
And the fiery redhead who sat across her wasn’t that person.
She only asked for one person.

A knife sat in front of her, blade shining under the light. She curled her hand the hilt, pulling it to her.
The blade shone under the light.
She held it to her forearm, her hands weren’t trembling.
She drew the blade sharply across, digging into skin.


Closed Doors
Let’s take a trip
Through my mind
Let’s see what horrors
We can find
Turn each page
And shut your eyes
Cover your ears
To block out those cries

All alone
In these four walls
The world outside
So dark and cold
The curtains pulled to
And the blinds closed tightly
Curled upon the floor
Crying silently

The skulls and crossbones
Filling my notebooks
The crossed out suicide notes
The sad quotes
Telling my story
Word by word

The table was a wreck, a chaotic mess. An assortment of papers, crumpled and neat of all sized littered the table. Crusty dishes, trash of all sorts lay high in pules. There were even books, remotes, items of all piled on the coffee table.
Her keys were among the mess, buried somewhere deep in it. Just where was unknown.
She shifted among it all, careful of touching the trash, particularly the crusty dishes.
“Evangline, can we talk?” Her father asked gently, entering the living area.
Evangline froze in her bent over spot, hand outstretched push aside a pile of papers. She slowly straightened up, turning to her father. He was watching her calmly, but his own brown eyes were probing her.
She knew that look. She knew that tone of voice in which he had used speaking to her.
He had used her full name.
“I was actually going to head out. I was going to meet Steph at the restaurant and wait for the end of her shift. I’m just trying to find my keys.”
“I’m sure she’ll understand you not being there for a talk with me.”
Evangline looked at her father with narrowed eyes. “What about?”
Ervin reach into a pocket and drew out a rectangular shaped object. He dangled it in his fingers. “Want to guess where I found these?”
Evangline ground her teeth together. “You went through my stuff?”
“I didn’t have to. They fell out of your coat pocket when I picked it up from the floor. Care to explain?”
Evangline was silent, her mind spinning, and her heart racing. What else had been in her coat pocket? All she could remember was stuffing the pack of cigarettes into it, along with a lighter. But that was all that was it. Nothing more, nothing less.
“Well?” Ervin demanded.
Evangline swallowed, taking a deep breath. “They’re just cigarettes.”
Ervin shook his head, glaring at his daughter. “Do you even know what these do to you? They kill you Evangline. I thought we talk about this?!”
“You talked about it, I listened.” Evangline said bitterly, turning back to the table.
“You aren’t going to find those there.” Ervin exclaimed and a jangling set of keys was heard from him. “Does Stephany smoke as well? Is that why you hang out with her?”
Evangline spun around, eyes ablaze. “No! Give those back!”
“Where did you get them Evangline? How did you get them? You aren’t old enough to buy them yourself!”
“I will be in like five months!” Evangline snarled, reaching towards her bag on the couch.
But her father was faster. And much closer. He snatched up the bag, whisking it farther from his daughter’s reach.
“Give it back!” Evangline hollered, lurching for her bag.
“What’s in it Evangline? More cigarettes?” Ervin interrogated, pulling it open.
Evangline froze once more. She shook her head and while her father was rummaging through her bag, she stepped forward, snatching up her keys that had been dropped.
“Evangline, what are you doing?” Ervin asked in a weak voice, his face down in her bag.
“What I do is none of your business.” Evangline said flatly, stepping around her father.
His hand wrapped around the back of her shirt, yanking her back.
Evangline yanked herself out of his grip, spinning to face him. “I’m leaving.”
“No you aren’t. You’re staying right here young lady. You’re in a lot of trouble.”
Evangline gave a cold laugh, waving her set of keys around. “Yeah? Well, make me.” She spat.
Evangline spun back around and dashed down the hallway, pulling open the front door. As she stepped out, she also pulled out her cell phone, throwing it to the cement porch before slamming a foot onto it, watch it smash to pieces. Evangline ran down the porch steps, tossing her keys into the lawn. She took off down the street, blinded by tears and the starting boil of anger inside.


Let Me…
Let me crumble
‘Cause I’m already falling
Let me hit the ground
‘Cause I’ve already slipped
Let me float
‘Cause I’ve already drowned

She lay on her bed, hands folded under her head. She lay staring at the ceiling.
Why did she let this happen?
How could she let this happen?

Her body shook, trembled.
Her stomach churned.

Demetra turned over, burying her face into her pillow.

Why did let it happen?
How could she let it happen?

She didn’t want this.
She didn’t want it one bit.

She didn’t want to be a mother.

She didn’t want to be pregnant.

Demetra did not want to grow up.


Quiet
Quiet these screams
Quiet these heartaches
Quiet this confusion
I’m ready to break!

Ty Thwaite:

When I
When I see you I cry inside
When I hug you I trip and fall back in love with you
It’s like you’re my shoes
That come undone and trip me when I walk
That’s why I don’t hug you
That’s why I don’t look at you
Or try not to cry over you....


Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye
-H. Jackson Brown, Jr.


Jsabelle Thorne:

Please Stay
I don’t want to hear that you’re going
I’ve never felt like this before
I thought that you would be my love
I don’t want to be left anymore
You told me that you loved me
It was stupid of me to believe
We’re too young to feel that way
But I never thought that you would leave
You changed my life around
I can’t turn back the clock
I wouldn’t ever want to lose you
I need you to be my rock
I can’t delete you from my life
I think about you everyday
But I can’ make you like me again
All I can say is, won’t you please stay?

Elizabeth sat on the bench, arms wrapped around herself to keep warm. She watched down the misty street for the yellow light that belonged to the downtown bus.
It was her night off. Her night off work, off school.
Her off from her family.
She’d just disappeared. She had taken an early bus and rode to downtown. She’d skipped school to take that break. It was a Friday, a weekend. No one would have noticed her absence, not after the news of Angie. Angie had been missing since the previous weekend. She’d been found out about being drugs and had taken off, only to disappear out of everyone’s radar. It was still baffling to Elizabeth. She couldn’t wrap her head around it, couldn’t accept the fact that her best friend was into drugs. Not only small drugs, but the big ones.
Elizabeth knew, had suspected Angie was into something, but drugs? She couldn’t accept that.
And that’s why she’d skipped school. In the high hopes of locating her best friend. But it was a no-go. Elizabeth had walked the streets, going in and out buildings, stores, restaurants, the likes. She had even entered alleyways, looking through every homeless person she passed. Parks and outdoor cafes held no answers for her.
Angie was gone. She had ran off somewhere to not be found.

Her breath fogged in front of her, her shoulders slumped. She was exhausted from the all-day walk. Her eyelids drooped as she sat there, but she couldn’t fall asleep as she sat on that bench. Not only was it to cold, but she was tense. She wasn’t familiar with the area, the people. It all unnerved her, set her on edge. Elizabeth just did not like being downtown. At all.
But she was there. She had skipped school. She could’ve gone to school, gone home, and on her day off of work, she could’ve rested.
But she was there. She was downtown, looking for Angie.
“You look tired Barbie.” The male voice whispered in her ear, ruffling her blonde hair.
Elizabeth jumped, all weariness evaporating in her startlement. She whipped around to a grinning face.
“Tony!” She gasped, her chest heaving as if she’d been running.
He chuckled. “The one and only, beautiful.”
Elizabeth scooted away from him, wrinkling her nose. “Have you been drinking Tony?”
“Yes. Do you want some?” He breathed and held up a beer can, pushing it towards her.
She leaned away from him and the swishing the liquid in the metal can. “I don’t drink Tony.”
Tony scowled and walked around the bench, stumbling slightly. “If I was drunk big time, I don’t think I could talk properly. I’m more buzzed really.”
Elizabeth watched as he fell onto the bench seat beside her.
“Will you kiss me Barbie?” He asked softly, putting his face to hers.
She couldn’t lean away farther. She already sat on the edge. To scoot or lean away would be causing her to fall to the icy sidewalk below. So Elizabeth had no choice but to breathe in the liquored up breath. She had no choice but to stare in the watery hazel eyes.
“No, I’m not going to kiss you Tony.”
“But you kissed Andrew. Why not me?” He whined, taking a swig of his drink.
“That reeks you know.” Elizabeth scolded and stood up. “I’m not kissing you, like I said.”
Tony laughed hysterically. “So you’ll kiss poor little Andrew, but not me?”
“Shut up Tony. You’re drunk.”
He stood, glaring at the blonde. “I’m buzzed, not drunk. Don’t you tell me to shut up you little Bitch. What were you doing walking all around today? You should be careful.”
Elizabeth stepped back, eyes wide. He’s snarled at her before his voice turned silkily, turned concerned for his well-being. Whether it was actually the alcohol speaking or he was conscious of his words, Elizabeth didn’t know, but even so she backed up.
“Come on, Barbie. You kissed Andrew. Why don’t you want to kiss me?” Tony whined, stepped towards her.
“I don’t want to Tony. Why don’t you leave me alone?”
“Because I don’t want to Barbie.”
Elizabeth rolled her eyes, taking a few steps back. “Go away Tony.” She warned, her voice shaking slightly.
“Make me.” Tony said softly, his voice threatening.
She opened her mouth, but the instant she did, a hand from behind was slammed onto it, quieting her next words. Elizabeth let out a muffled scream, squirming in the grasp. A pair of hands grabbed at her arms, binding them in a death grip behind her back.
“I’m going to get that kiss.” Tony hissed, putting his face down to hers.
Elizabeth kicked back and with the heel of her shoe, she felt connection to shin. The one holding her grunted, but hands tightened. A swift kick in the back of her knees had her feet flying out from under her. The grips let go as she fell to icy sidewalk, slamming the back of her head on a patch of ice that lay hidden beneath a coating of snow. Her vision blurred, but she made out the three figures towering above her.
“You need to learn your manners Barbie.” The recognizable voice of Randy scolded. “No worries, we’ll teach you them.”
All three guys cackled amusingly. One took a place at the top of her head, crouching and grabbing her hands, pinning them above her. The figure that stood at her side crouched and stuffed a material object in her mouth, closing off all sounds before they could even be made. A figure that could none other than Tony himself stood at her feet.
“Like I said, I’m getting that kiss.” He said happily laughing once more.


I Still Remember
There’s the pain
The heartache to go with it
My stomach is twisted
All up in a knot
My head is spinning
I feel like I’m falling
I used to stand tall
Had an army behind me
But now it’s different
Can’t you see?
I hide myself
Never to stay
I get it
I’m a wreck
But I always have a smile
Even when I swallow back my tears
Some day’s it’s so hard
Just to sit up in bed
I’m writing yet another stupid poem
But these thoughts have to get out of my head!
I’m exhausted
How much longer can I go?
I still remember
Smiling everyday
Not a worry in my way
And I still remember
Who I used to be
That’s whose clawing to be free

She gripped the blade, letting it cut into her palm. She could feel the blood pooling, seeping through her fingers. It was a small enough blade to not be seen by anyone passing her by and a small enough blade to fit in her hand.
She was leaning the wall, her eyes on the ground, on the pieces of clothing laying in front of her. She could hear them, above her, on the bed. It wasn’t her this time, but she had to stay. She had to wait for him to finish his time.
And as he put it, his pleasure time.
It wasn’t as though she wanted to stay. She was far from wanting that at all.
Alesana could perfectly well hear the two.
The blade was cutting deeper into her palm, sending shards of pain ricocheting through her.
His name was coming from her lips. Her name was coming from his lips.
Alesana felt sick to her stomach.
Alesana was next.
Alesana did not feel the pain in her palm.
Her palm opened and a pool of blood spilled over, piling to the ground. She took the bloodied blade in shaking fingers and swallowed through a lump in her throat.
She set it to her wrist and closed her eyes.
The noises above her had stopped.
Her eyes opened to see the girl leaving. Stephen was getting up.
It was now or never.
A sharp stinging rose from her wrist and a few seconds later, the same happened in her other wrist. Alesana looked down at the blood gushing out and the pain hit. She let out a scream. It alerted Stephen who jerked up in her direction.
Alesana let out a sob, spots dancing in front of her eyes. “Take me to the hospital.”
“You did that to yourself. Take yourself.”
“Oh my god!” A voice screeched just out of Alesana’s vision. “Stephen, she’s gonna die!”
Alesana blinked rapidly, blackness closing in on her vision.
Alesana was quickly wrapped in the black blanket.

Never Stop
And the pain will never stop
For as long as you let it be
And the pain will only grow
For it will keep getting deep
And the pain will always be there
Even though no one else can see
And the pain will never stop

The fire was small, but it was warm. It kept her warm as she sat in front of it, shivering. And the bodies around her wafted off heat that warmed her slightly as well. She could see her breath in small wisps of fog before her each time she exhaled. No amount of warmth from the fire before her and no amount of warmth from the bodies around her would stop the wisps of fog. Only stepping into a heated house could stop the chill that had frozen her bones, which had her jaw clenched tightly to keep her teeth from chattering. And so Evangline’s mind wandered, for what seemed the thousandth time just that day, to her home. To her dad. To her siblings. To her friends. Everyone she loved was home and warm. Evangline had no doubt in her mind that they all also had full stomachs. There was no doubt they weren’t feeling those hollow holds in their stomachs and no doubt that they had comfortable beds to lay in. A comfortable bed to rest aching bodies.
And Evangline’s mind fell on her father. Tears sparked in her eyes, pooling up. She wiped the back of her hand across her eyes, wiping up the tears before they could brim over and become unstoppable. She watched the fire, the dancing, dying flames before her. Her father had only been looking out for her, had only been trying to help her. And now, she doubted she would be welcomed back. She would be turned away, the door slammed in her face. Who would want someone as her? She had seen herself in the mirror earlier that day. Eyes sullen and rimmed in dark circled. Her cheek bones defined as the skin on them had tightened. Her lips were chapped, cracked, and dry. Her tongue constantly dry. But there was hardly any drink about. There was never any food about. And Evangline’s ribs poked out, showing her scrawniness.
And the rest of her body had bones protruding through near transparent skin.
And the looks she got as she walked the street were of pity and disgust. She wore the same outfit constantly and it now hung on her body. They were ratted, had holes in them.
And Evangline walked barefoot, she’d traded her shoes for what she craved. Her feet were black from the streets she walked, as well as cut up.
And yet, Evangline was so used to this.
And though her heart hurt at the thoughts of home, she was used to it.

The length of an arm passed in front of her, blocking her view of the dying flames. It jolted her from her thoughts. She took the joint and put it to her mouth. As she inhaled, her shoulders relaxed and her mind cleared.
It no longer mattered that she had left home. It no longer mattered that she had left home. It no longer mattered that she had left her friends or even her family. All that mattered was the joint in between her fingers, the joint at her lips, and the relaxation she felt.
All that truly mattered was absolute nothing.
Not at that moment, not in that time.
Those around her began to rise, some speaking in low voices, gesturing off into the distance.
Evangline knew what the gestures were towards. She knew where everyone was headed.
And so she stood to join the group.
Without a glance over her shoulder, a glance that would shake her insides, a glance that would have her running for home, she followed behind the group.
They were all going to get hit up.
Evangline could feel the joints hits wearing thin. Her fingers twitched. Her eyes scanned the sides as they slowly walked to their destination. Her heartbeat picked up rapidly beating against her ribcage. Her breathing quickened.
The building was looming in front of them. It was a rickety old place, threatening to collapse at any moment. The door was broken from its hinges and so a dark hole gaped at them. The floor boards under their feet creaked and groaned as they entered. Holes in the ceiling looked up at a twinkling sky.
And just as the outside, the inside was threatening to fall apart.


Seams
And then the seams come apart
Thread by thread
And as you lay in your bed
Your heart breaks through
And then the seams come apart
Now you’re just gripping air
And struggling for your breath
So just go on floating
Go on stroking
And then the seams come apart
Thread by thread
As you lay in your bed
And the seams come apart…..

It was now or never.
Perhaps never.
This was the part she hated the most. The part where she had to admit to her wrong doings. That part sucked.
She had to tell.
Her father was just down the stairs, steps away. But he was already so upset over Evangline running away. She didn’t want to make it worse or even have him disappointed in her. Anything but that. But she had to tell.
It’d been weeks. In just a little over a month, she’d start to show.
And there would be no hiding it then.
So Demetra got up from her bed, leaving her room. Her empty room. It was so bare without her twin. It wasn’t the same. She descended the stairs. The T.V. could be heard from where she stood on the landing. The sun shone through the open window but the air stood still. She swallowed nervously. He was in the living room. She moved forward numbly, stopping in the doorway, face paling even worse.
All of her siblings, minus her twin, was also with her father. All four boys. It was going to be hard to tell her father as it was, but her brothers as well? Demetra figured it was for the best. Telling them all and not having to repeat herself. But it sure was going to be hard.
She swallowed again, trying to push down the lump that had formed in her throat. She licked her dry lips, wetting them. She took a deep breath. In and out. Slowly.
She cleared her throat loudly.
“Daddy?” He looked up at the question. “Can I talk to you guys? It’s really important. Please?”


Truth
And so let the truth be told
Just let it unfold
And drive, drive, drive
Away
Let me tell you my secret
But promise to keep it
And drive, drive, drive
Away

This was wrong. Of course it was wrong. He knew that. He knew it better then anyone. So it seemed. It was always in his mind as he looked at the phone in his hand. She hadn’t called. It was so tempting to call her.
But there was a problem. His brothers and father sitting around him.
“Daddy?” Now Demetra was there. She sounded scared. “Can I talk to you guys? Its really important. Please?”
Tyler looked up at his younger sister. He saw the fright in her eyes.
And then she was crying. And blubbering. And begging for forgiveness.
She was pregnant. Demetra was pregnant.
Evangline had run away after being caught on drugs.
And he, Tyler, had gotten a sixteen year old pregnant. It would be bad for him to get someone pregnant. If she were older that was.
And the hurt he saw erupt in his father’s eyes made his stomach turn.
Nothing was going right for him.
And there was the final reason that Tyler could not let anyone find out about Jsabelle.
It was just another reason to keep it a secret.


Kept
Let it be kept
Don’t open up
Just hide away
Don’t ever show
The real you
So when I say 3
Close the curtain on cue
… And 3

She could still feel their hands on her skin. She could feel their grips, even their breathing on her. Each on took a turn, the rest holding her down.
But mostly Tony. His smiling face. Right above her. For most of the time.
And it hurt. Especially when Tony went down on her first. She had pleaded. She had begged. But he wouldn’t listen. None of them would listen.
Each of their kisses on her lips, each rough and hard. Each tearing away the memory of Alaric’s lips on hers. The memory she tried so desperately to keep a grasp on. The memory that was rapidly fading.
But their touches, rough to her. The pain as he laid down on her nude body. The cold chilled her bones, numbing her nearly everywhere else on the outside. Their lips were on hers. Their whispers to stay quiet, to stop her cries, to tell her to be a good girl. Her own words blocked in her throat. It was all so clear, so very crystal clear in her mind.
And no one knew. No one would believe her. Elizabeth believed that. Everyone would think she was lying. She couldn’t tell anyone.
Not one soul.

Alaric had called, several times. School had gone on all week and was progressing into the next. She didn’t move and she didn’t answer the phone. She didn’t leave the house.
This day was no exception. Elizabeth sat in front of the television. It was on, but she wasn’t paying attention to it. Elizabeth stood, mindlessly making her way into the hallway and up the stairs.
Her father’s room was the first on the right. Her father was a cop.
He had a gun, a spare one in the drawer of his bedside table. He kept it there for emergencies, in case of a break in or if it was needed just for anything.
And the drawer was unlocked. It was always unlocked. The bedroom was unlocked. It was always unlocked.

The cold metal stung her palm.

Her mother had died at gun point. By robbery. She’d in their way, trying to protect her children. And they’d shot her. Elizabeth could remember hearing the gun shot as she hid under her bed and the scream, the scream still haunted her.
Just as Tony and his buddies touches would haunt her.
Her finger easily slid over the trigger.
Nothing would haunt her any longer. She wouldn’t let it.

The gun she she’d hear as a child could be heard again, but this time it was much louder.


Goodbye
&& you’ve splattered my blood
Every which way
&& you’ve splattered my heart
Broke a million pieces apart
&& you’ve watched me a thousand times cry
Now you saw me die
&& you’ve never said
&& I’ve never said
Goodbye