It was the next morning, the 27th of December. After a long restless night, of sobbing and dreading she was gone. Derek was awake in his bed, but didn’t bother to get up to make breakfast, or take a shower. He just laid there like a wounded deer, in the woods. Derek turned on the television but it turned onto the news, he took a breath and immediately changed the channel. Meanwhile, Phillip awoke on the couch in the living room with a blanket on his back and a pillow under his head. He doesn’t remember getting these things so he ponders his thoughts.
“Could Derek have tucked me in ?” Phillip said in a whisper, “But he went to bed so early...”
Derek was day dreaming about his mother and what he could do to stop the pain. There was too much and he wanted to help himself but he didn’t know how. He goes onto his computer in his room and searches, “Pain relievers.” A picture of marijuana pops up, pictures of pills, and a needle. KNOCK KNOCK, there’s a knock at the door. Derek hides the window he’s browsing and says come in. It’s his dad, he asks how he is doing, and casually springs the question if he tucked him in last night.
“No? I thought you did yourself, I saw you snuggled when I went down for my glass of water you left on the counter.” Derek explains.
“Son, I didn’t leave a glass of water out for you.”
“Oh, maybe I did before I left.” Derek says in a nervous voice.
“Okay, well come down later for a snack ?”
“Yes dad.”
Phillip closes the door and Derek opens the window again, he did research of how marijuana kills pain, along with these little blue pills, and the needle. Derek thinks to himself if its really worth it to try. The most rare side effect is getting diagnosed with Schizophrenia. Derek didn’t bother to research that since it was so rare, he said to himself, “ it wont happen to me, its rare.”
The hours passed with Derek researching these drugs, he closed the window browser and took a deep breath. His thoughts were scouring, was this something he wanted to do, will it take the pain away, he said under his breath, “No harm, no foul.” Derek shut off his computer and started down stairs to go have a snack as his dad offered.

Derek spent about an hour or two with his dad until he got a chance to exit the awkward silence. It was now 5:30 pm, around the time his mother usually arrived home, this was the hardest time for the two. They were used to her warming smile walking through the door and her shoes flying off as she smacked down on the couch. But now she wasn’t there to do any of this. Derek turned his computer back on and searched, “How can and underaged teen get marijuana,” the first answer that popped up said legally you would have to have cancer, or a sickness to get it from a doctor. The second answer popped up, just look for someone selling it, look around there are plenty of shabs. So, once again Derek turned off his computer, sat on the floor and wondered who and where he could get it from. He knew his cousin smoked but would he ever give Derek some, it wasn’t bad he wanted to try it, just curious. Derek called his cousin, Johnny and asked questions as how old was he when he started smoking, what does it feel like, does it hurt and finally Johnny said,
“Why don’t you just try it dude? It won’t kill you will it.”
“Man, I guess but I don’t have any…”
“If I let you smoke with me are you gonna be a punk about it?”
“Take it easy on me dude, its my first time.”
“Alright , when do you wanna do this…” There was a pause. A deep pause, like he was regretting this decision. Derek took a deep breath and calmly said,
“Tonight.”
“Woah dude, short notice but whatever you want.”
“What do we use to smoke it, like a cig or what? How does this work.”
“Don’t worry kiddo I got it.”
Time was ticking and it was getting later and later. It was now 8:00 pm, Johnny called Derek and told him to come down. Derek said okay and started walking down stairs, he took a break halfway and asked himself if this is what he wanted to do for the last time. It must of been a yes because he continued walking. He passed his dad and said, “Going for a walk, be back in…” he stopped. Derek didn’t know how long this would take, he didn’t even know what he was doing. Derek continued and said, “ An hour or so.” Phillip stood up to give him a hug, but Derek flew passed him. Derek saw Johnny’s black mercedes , smirked and walked to it, tapped on the window so he would open the door. The car smelt like straight weed, Derek got in and said with a disgusting look on his face, “Dude what is that smell. Did a skunk die or something?”
“HAHA! No dude that’s the smell of weeeeeeeeeed.”
“Oh great I’m going to smell like a skunk.”
“Well that can be your excuse if you smell like that.”
Derek shrugged his shoulders and said, “Let’s do this.”

Johnny drove them to a spot in the middle of the woods, really in the middle of nowhere so no one would see them. Derek’s hands were trembling and so was his voice, “So, so ho-w do we do th-is..” Johnny asked him if he was okay he replied with a calm yes. Johnny pulled out a blunt, it had the weed in it and was ready to go. Johnny explained to him how to light,breathe, and smoke it.
“Got it?”
“You go first so I can watch you?”
“Alright little man.”Johnny lit it up, inhaled , and exhaled in a little baby cough. “Your turn.”
Derek took a deep breath of clean air and said okay. Johnny lit it up for him and Derek inhaled it and didn’t know when to exhale so it was a while until he couldn’t handle the piercing feeling in his throat.
“Dude, what the hell! You could've told me i burned!”
“Sorry dude, I forgot what it felt my first time, haha.”
“Am I high ..” Derek laughs slightly. He didn’t know if he was or wasn’t, he’s never felt like this before. It was a type of high where, he felt fine but he didn’t know if he was or wasn’t.
“Yes, yes you are. When you get home go straight to bed, I don’t need your dad questioning you.” Derek shrugged his shoulders and said okay. His eyes were so red, like a bloodshot red. Johnny gave him some eye drops so it wouldn’t be obvious he got high and his dad wouldn’t have any suspicions. Derek got home and did exactly what Johnny said, went straight to bed. When he got upstairs he yelled, “Goodnight!” His dad said goodnight and ignored how awkward it felt.

Days passed and things started going back to normal, Phillip wasn’t showing so much sadness in his face and Derek was changing his views on drugs. He grew up learning drugs were bad for you, but at this point in time drugs didn’t seem so bad. Derek goes to a charter school so he didn’t really have a Christmas break. Although it was Monday, Derek didn’t have school, so he made plans with Johnny. Derek called Johnny around 3:30 pm and chatted for a bit, Derek said, “Dude, we should smoke again!”
“You liked it huh?” Derek smiled.
“It felt good, it made me feel okay and safe.”
“Alright I’ll pick you up at 4:00 and we’ll go to our spot.”
“Alright see you then brah.” Derek hung up the phone and smiled. He showered and got dressed, wearing the shoes his mom got him still. There was something about the shoes that he loved, it felt like his mom was still with him wherever he went with the shoes. His dad was at work so he left a note on the table by the door when he left. Derek got in the car and left with Johnny, Johnny said,
“I don’t want you turning into a pot head kid.”
“Dude, just let me be. There’s a lot of s*** on my mind, my mom just di-” He stopped. “Just leave me alone and lets go smoke.” They arrived at the spot and smoked until the windows were so smokey and foggy you could barely see. Derek said that he was hungry so they went to go get munchies. It was 4:30 pm , around the time his dad got off of work. Ricky told Johnny and they hauled butt to get back to Derek’s house. Johnny came in this time and ate some food until Phillip got home and then left after greeting him. Phillip asked Derek,
“Where’d you guys go?”
“Oh, we just got something to eat.”
“Oh. Ok, well he can stay if he wants.”
“Uh-No. He has work today, we just were hungry.”
“Alright then.”
“I’m going to go take a nap dad, I’m stuffed.” Derek walked up stairs and started laughing, great he got the giggles. He lied down and passed out completely.
This scenario was going on more than it should it went on for at least three months before it became a daily habit.

It’s been three months since Derek’s mom has died. His marijuana problem has gotten worse, and especially on this day. Things just get worse and worse. He did his daily routine, showered, got dressed, put on the shoes his mother gave him, and called Johnny. Put this time the call went a little different, Derek called,
“Dude I have a question…”
“Alright shoot.”
“Have you ever tried heroin..” There was an unexplainable pause. A breath was taken by Johnny.
“Yes, why?”
“I want to try it. And don’t tell me that it’s dangerous, I did the research a few months ago, I’m ready.” Derek was starting to tremble.
“Are you sure? Is this because of your mo-”
“NO!” Derek shouted into the phone. “Be here, your regular time and bring it!” Derek hung up the phone before Johnny could respond.
Phillip was at work as always and Derek went outside to meet Johnny, he was there at his normal time. Derek jumped in and asked if he brought the stuff, Johnny shook his head yes as they drove to their secret spot. They arrived and the feeling in the car was unsure. Johnny said to Derek, “Okay, are you sure this is what you want to do?”
“YES! Why do you keep asking me, I'm sure this is what I want to do. Can’t you just accept that!” Johnny smacked his head.
“Calm the hell down! I just don’t want you to die ok this drug could be deadly.”
“Whatever, let’s do it.” Johnny broke out the solvent and needle. Derek grabbed it out of his hand and ran out the car, he knew his way home by now hes been going to secret spot for three months! It wasn’t far at all, four blocks for that matter, Derek got home locked his doors and locked himself in his room. Johnny’s tired screeched outside and Derek heard them, he heard the pounding at the door and he started balling. He screamed, “ GO AWAY AND LET ME BE!” Johhny howled,
“I CAN’T LET YOU DO THIS DEREK.” he started getting worried and tears were shedding down his face. Johnny tried knocking down the door. Derek had no idea what he was doing or how much one dose was, he loaded the solvent into the needle while still balling. He watched videos on the drug months before but he couldn’t remember the dosage, or where to put the needle, or how to lie, or even what to do after. “DEREK OPEN THE DOOR!” Johnny was running into the door trying to knock it down, “DEREK YOU ARE MY ONLY COUSIN DON’T DO THIS TO ME.” Derek shouted back,
“She was my only mom, she left me just as easy! So, that means so can I.” The needle was loaded to the top, 100 mL, the single dose was 5-10 mL little did he know. He remembered in the video how they tied a rubber band above the deep vein thrombosis so Derek did as he remembered. All that was left to do was shoot the needle into the vein, he prayed that he would be okay. There he was, alone in his dark blue room, he put the picture of him and his mother next to him, and shot the needle.

BOOM! Johnny knocked down the door and yelled for Derek. The house was dead silent, “DEREK.” There was still no answer. Johnny raced upstairs like he was about to save a life. Derek’s bedroom door was locked, “Derek, open the door,” still no answer. “Derek open the door now dammit!” There was no movement in the bedroom. Johnny rammed into the door a few times until he kicked it and it swung open. There he was, lying on the floor barely breathing. “Derek get up, this isn’t funny.”
“Johnny, Johnny come here.” Derek said in a weak whisper, “Johnny I feel it in my veins, I don’t have much time left. Call my dad and tell him I’ll see him again soon.”
“No Derek! No, you’ll be fine, you’ll make it.”
“No Johnny, I’m sor-” He cut off. There was no slight breathing, no nothing. Johnny shook Derek softly and harder as seconds past.
“Derek wake up. Derek wake up!” He didn’t wake up. Johnny ran downstairs and called 911. But that’s not what Derek asked him to do, Derek wanted him to call his dad first. The 911 operator said over the radios,
“There is a D321 Call leading to Officer Laskey’s house. I repeat a D321 Call leading to Officer Laskey’s house.” The dispatcher they sent was Officer Laskey. Cops and ambulances fled the scene, Johnny rushed outside and said he’s upstairs as he walked out of the house in despair. Officer Laskey grabbed ahold of him and said,
“Johnny, what the hell did you do with my son?”
“Sir, he did it to himself.” Officer Phillip ran upstairs and saw his son lying on his bedroom floor.
“NOOOOO! Derek, son wake up! I can’t lose you too. C’mon son, wake up.” No air came out of his mouth or nose. This was it, Phillip lost his only best friend he had left. The medical examiner said,
“Sir, the time of death was 4:52 pm.”
“That’s it, he’s just gone.”
“I’m sorry sir, there was just too much heroin in his body for it to handle.”
“Heroin, he he took heroin.” Phillip choked on his words. “Can I just have a few minutes with my son. Please.”
The room was left empty except for them two. He started talking to Derek, “Well Derek, I guess it was so bad that you just had to leave me. Son, was it really that bad. Why didn’t you just talk to me?” Phillip’s voice broke, “Why didn’t you just talk to me.” In that moment Phillip felt a hand on his shoulder and gust of wind on his neck. Without turning around, he put his hand where the pressure of the other hand was and said, “I’ll love you forever. See you soon.” The words that Derek wanted to hear along, he had finally heard. The pressure of the kid’s hand lifted up and the gust went by again. And Phillip was left there holding on to Derek’s hand in the middle of his bedroom surrounded by nothing but a needle and Derek’s picture of his mother and him. Silence all around, as the room grew cold.