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Saving Grace
She gazed out the window with a forlorn look upon her face. She was dressed for a party, but couldn’t bring herself away from the window. It wasn’t that she was afraid of the ground below her new dorm, but simply nervous for what was to come this evening. The pictures racing through her mind were of the family she had said goodbye to this morning. The dialogue between her sisters was reeling through her mind, and then a newer voice spoke up from behind,
“Are you ready yet? I’m sorry Grace, but I don’t want to be the last ones there tonight”
It was Renee, her roommate for the next two semesters. Renee was similar to Grace in appearance. She was petite, like Grace and her sisters. Her hair was golden and reached her shoulders, but Renee’s sat in spirals, far different from the flat strands on Grace’s head. Grace had hers twisted up behind her head, like she’d seen her mother do a hundred times before.
Grace turned back toward the window. She had spent most of her day looking out at the courtyard. She’d seen the campus a dozen times before, but today it all seemed new.
As she turned to see Renee walking towards the door, Grace glanced back to the window. Without spending another moment thinking, she leapt off the windowsill. Grace slipped her old boots onto her bare feet, and ran towards the door.
“I’m ready”, she whispered apprehensively as she pulled the oak door shut behind her.
As she neared the elevator she remembered the small white pill sitting on her nightstand that she’d forgotten to take this morning. All at once, her nerves overcame her. She longed for the comfort of home, and all of its places to hide. She was prepared to turn around and run, but the elevator doors closed around her. She watched them seal shut, and felt as though she’d been swallowed whole. Once the doors opened to release her, she watched Renee walk out and glanced back at her. She knew Renee was confused, but she said nothing of it. Grace made eye contact and faked a smile. She had said she was ready for this, but she felt no where near it.
As they made their way along the grass, she realized how quaint this place actually was. When entering the first time she was overwhelmed by the large brick buildings and the antique feel the campus had. Unfamiliar places were always difficult for Grace to overcome. Grace was in constant fear of the things she could not control. Her fear caused her to hide away for the last few months before her departure. Leaving home wasn’t easy, but she knew it was a ‘must’.
The sound of Renee’s voice broke through her thoughts,
“We’re almost there, it’s just up the hill.”
Grace gazed up the row of houses lining the hill. Their stone faces, and dark roofs cast a shadow on one another, and appeared sinister amongst the trees between them. Grace watched Renee move towards a house on the edge of the hill covered in people of all sorts. As they got closer, she could already smell the beer. It was no surprise to walk in and see kegs lining the hall. Grace’s stomach immediately lurched, and all she could think of was the Night. The Night that everything changed. She was ready to run, when suddenly a small blonde girl was standing before her.
“Hi, I’m Ali, Renee has told me a lot about you. She and I went to the same high
school, but I graduated a year before her.”
“Oh, hi.. I’m Grace”, the words barely escaped her lips.
Renee gave her a worried glance and quickly changed the subject to the football game that would be happening the following night. Grace was instantly lost in the matter. All she could think of was how badly she wanted to leave, and how difficult it was to be standing amongst all of these people. She thought of her best friend Rachel and wondered where she was. She wished they were there together. But she knew that couldn’t happen.
“Grace, we’re going to go upstairs. You can come with if you’d like. There are drinks
and food in the other room”, Ali’s voice broke through again.
She watched as they joined hands and ran up the stairs, giggling about some secret Grace had no intention of finding out. She was alone. For the first time since she arrived, she was glad to be on her own. She knew she couldn’t drink like everyone else at the party, so she settled for a bottle of water, and found a seat in the corner that wasn’t covered by grotesque items or drunk new couples.
She pulled out her phone hoping to have a missed call to tend to, but was disappointed when the screen was empty. She stared at the background, a picture of her and Rachel at the beach during spring break. She wanted so badly to talk to her. To ask her how she was, but she knew she never could.
She was so lost in thought that she hadn’t noticed a new presence next to her. She turned, and lost her breath when she saw a boy sitting next to her. She stood up and grabbed her purse, ready to excuse herself.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize someone was sitting here. I was just on my way out.”
“No, it’s okay. I wasn’t sitting here. I just saw you by yourself and wanted to come introduce myself. I’m Riley.”
His voice was smooth and soft. His hair was light, sun-kissed even. He was much taller than she was, and she could tell he was an athlete of some kind. The kind that Grace fell for too often. He was looking at her, waiting for something. Grace snapped back to reality.
“Hi, I’m Grace. Sorry, I’m just not used to this kind of environment. I mean I’ve partied
before, but…”, she couldn’t finish her sentence.
Suddenly she felt the room spinning. Her words had barely escaped her lips, but it felt as if she’d re-lived that Night in one simple sentence. She sat down again and closed her eyes, trying to get the picture of broken glass and bright lights out of her head. She felt Riley’s eyes on her, but she couldn’t manage opening her own.
“Hey, I’m sorry. Are you okay?” His voice was full of concern, whether it was
genuine or fake, Grace couldn’t tell the difference.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. I just don’t feel good. This isn’t a good place for me right now,
I have to go.”,she turned to run, but she felt a hand on her wrist.
“Wait, I’ll walk you home. It’s dark and there are creepy guys everywhere out
there.”
Grace was reluctant to agree, but he was right, and she didn’t want to be alone. For some strange reason, his appearance brought some comfort to her current state. She felt herself slowly calming down. She knew nothing of Riley, other than his name, but in that moment she felt as if she had a friend. Something she hadn’t felt in months.
As they walked down the slope of the hill, she looked out at the campus. Though the dark was eerie to her, she was taken aback by the beauty of the lights and the town surrounding her small school. She saw people running up and down the hill, and some rolling down from the party. She would’ve laughed, but it brought back another memory of the last party she was supposed to go to. The party that no one laughed about after.
“So, what are you doing here?”, Riley broke the silence.
“Oh my roommate, Renee, made me come with. I didn’t really want to, but I’m trying to make friends.”
“No, I mean what are you doing here? What’s your goal after leaving this town?”
“I’m not really sure. I had it all planned out, but things changed. Now I don’t really know. I thought I wanted to be a teacher or an artist, like Rachel…”, the last part
slipped out, and she knew she’d just started something.
“Who’s Rachel?”
“She’s a friend from back home. So what are you doing here?”, trying to change the subject, but she knew Riley had caught on.
“I want to go into Sports Management, I play soccer here.”
Grace wasn’t shocked with his answer, and she was glad that he hadn’t pushed her further regarding Rachel. She wasn’t going to tell him her story. Not tonight anyway. She was relieved when she looked up and saw the dorm building in front of them. Grace prepared to bolt inside and never see Riley again, but he spoke before she could move.
“I’m sorry for whatever is going on right now. I hope I didn’t bother you tonight or make you uncomfortable. I saw you walk in with Renee and then I saw her and Ali leave you. Alone.”
“How do you know Renee and Ali?”
“Ali is my twin sister, but I swear they mixed us up somehow. We’re so different, it
scares me. She’s crazy for attention, and leaves behind those that don’t give it to her.
When I saw them leave you alone, I couldn’t help but find out why someone like you
didn’t fit into her circle.”
“Someone like me?”, she could feel her face turning as pink as the dress she was wearing.
“Someone who looks like they have everything figured out, but has something about them that makes them hide. Someone with baggage.”
“How do you know I’m hiding anything? I’m fine. No baggage here.”, she was firing the words out.
“Do you want to talk about Rachel now, or later?”
Grace grew silent. She wasn’t going to be able to hide her past from Riley, but she wasn’t ready to tell him about it now.
“Later.”
“Deal. I’ll see you later, Grace”, he spoke as he turned to walk away.
“Hey, Riley? Thank you. For tonight, I mean.”
“You’re welcome, ‘no baggage’”, he smirked and started walking. As she watched the space between them grow, she felt her shell slowly cracking open.
It had been four days since she’d seen Riley, and she was beginning to fear that that night had never happened, that she imagined it all. She’d seen Ali more than once, and slowly began to find an acquaintance amongst her. Grace sought to ask Ali about her brother, but as far as Ali knew, the two had never met. She’d have to find him on her own.
Classes started in two days, and Grace was already preparing to give up. She remembered little from the classes she had barely passed during the weeks before graduation. Grace had been a straight-A student and had passed her ACT with a 32. School was never difficult for her. She was the president of her senior class, and she was in countless other clubs and honor societies up until the Night, she was the type of girl everyone wanted to have, or be.
As Grace sat by the window, she looked down at the courtyard again. This had become her favorite place. It was safe, and she could see nearly all of the campus. She hoped that today she’d catch a glimpse of Riley strolling through, but she knew better than to get her hopes up. So she settled for reading a novel in preparation for Philosophy on Monday.
Grace caught herself looking out at the yard far too often, so she gave up on the novel. Renee hadn’t been in the room since last night, and Grace was too hungry to wait around any longer. She remembered to take her small white pill before she closed her large oak door behind her. This time she was prepared when the elevator doors shut around her. The panic wasn’t setting in, she knew she’d be okay, even if just for today.
As Grace neared the cafeteria, she heard a familiar voice behind her,
“Hey Grace!”, it was Ali. Although she hadn’t considered them friends before, Grace was glad to see a familiar face.
“I have someone I want you to meet, I think you’d get along with him really well.”
Grace felt her heart lift, and clung to Ali’s side. She was grateful, even for just a moment, to have Ali Roberts in her life. She glided along as Ali led her to a table filled with unfamiliar faces. Her heart started to plummet, and then she saw him sitting at the end of the table. He looked up and smiled.
“Hey, it’s ‘no baggage’”, his smile got bigger as he saw a small one appear on her face.
“Okay, I’m confused. How do you two know each other?”, Grace was suddenly embarrassed by Ali’s unaware state.
“Oh yeah, I walked Grace home after you ditched her at the party”, Grace was red and shaking, she knew she’d have to speak sooner or later.
“It’s okay Ali, I hadn’t been to a party in a while. I just felt weird being there, and I didn’t know how to get back to the dorms on my own.”
She looked up and saw that the smile on Riley’s face had somehow gotten bigger. He had not looked at his sister, or anyone else for that matter, since Grace walked over.
“Come on Grace, I want to show you something. Thanks for re-introducing us Al, I’ll see you later.”
Grace suddenly felt all eyes on her, and was compelled to leave and pretend she’d never met any of these people. Her train of thought was lost when Riley grabbed her hand, and led her away. As she walked towards the door, she turned around and was happy to find that everyone had returned to their conversations. While Ali may like attention, it was the last thing Grace had ever wanted.
Grace followed at Riley’s hip, and realized they were walking up the same hill she’d walked down with him four days earlier. As they neared the edge of the hill, Riley let go of Grace’s hand. She instantly missed it’s warmth. She watched him drop his bag and climb up an old oak tree, and motion for her to follow. Before she could think and scare herself away, she dropped her bag and followed his path up the tree.
“So, what do you think?”, that same smile spread across his face.
“Of what?”
Riley looked at her in disbelief and pointed out beyond the branches. It took Grace a moment to realize what she was looking at. As she turned and looked around her, her initial fears were gone. All that was left was amazement at the beauty of the town surrounding her.
“This is my favorite place. Ali says it’s ridiculous, that I’m acting like a five year-old, hiding up in a tree. But there’s something so peaceful about being away from everything. It’s like when you drop your bag, you drop your worries. There’s nothing up here but the air and the sights. And now you.”
Grace felt his eyes resting on her, and for once she liked the attention. She knew exactly how he felt. Going somewhere alone, hiding things, dropping her worries. It was like Riley knew what she was thinking. Suddenly all she wanted was to tell Riley all of the secrets she had locked away for so long. All of her baggage.
“So ‘no baggage’, now what do you think?”
She knew in that instant that Riley was someone she could trust. She hadn’t met anyone since the Night that treated her like she wasn’t broken. He wanted to save her.
“Rachel was my best friend. She lived next door to me. We were the kind of best friends that were more like sisters. We shared everything. Our clothes, our vacations, our secrets. Everything.”
She knew she hadn’t answered his question. She paused to make sure she hadn’t lost Riley, but she could tell he was far from bored.
“One of the last things we shared was our spring break. We went to Florida together. It was one of the best vacations we’d ever gone on together. When we got back she started to distance herself from everyone. Including me. She’d never done that before. One night she came to my house, it was really late. She was drunk. She had even more in her purse, I figured she was just going through something small at the time. We started drinking together, and then she asked if we could go to a party in the town over, it was supposed to be huge. Not thinking straight, I agreed.”
She hadn’t realized it, but her cheeks were already wet with tears. She was shaking, until she felt Riley’s hand on hers again.
“I made the mistake in letting her drive. We barely made it out of town before we were in a ditch. I remember headlights, and spinning and the sound of glass breaking. Then it’s all a blur. I remember waking up in the hospital. They told me that Rachel was dead. They told me that she was killed instantly. They also told me why she’d been quiet for weeks. Rachel was pregnant. She hadn’t told anyone. Not even me. I felt hurt, and sick. We shared everything, so why didn’t she share this? I didn’t talk to anyone for weeks. School went on and I began to distance myself from everyone around me. I didn’t even go to my senior prom. How could I? My best friend was dead.”
She had to stop again because the words were blurring together. She was a mess.
“It’s okay Grace. I’m here”, his voice was the most comfort she’d felt since the Night.
“I went to a psychiatrist, and a therapist. Everyone listened, no one really helped. I felt myself slowly getting better, but nothing’s been the same. Until I got here.”
“What do you mean, since you got here?”
“I’ve been hiding in my room. Afraid of what would happen if I left. Then I did leave, and I came to that party. I met you, and I felt my layer of secrets fall apart around me.”
She watched that smile spread across his face, and she knew she could trust him with this secret. Any secret.
“I’m glad you told me. But I guess I can’t really call you ‘no baggage’ now that I know it all.”
Grace felt a smile spread across her face too. She’d found someone who filled that gap, the gap that was left open on that Night. She knew that she couldn’t hide anymore, she had no reason to. As long as Riley stuck around, she had her own Saving Grace.
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