My blood boiled. How could she say such a thing? I thought she had her limits but I guess I was wrong. At the time I couldn’t imagine my dad being gay. Fact was though she was the kind that could screw around with your head. Another hour later it was time for pick up. Just like mom said dad picked me up. I couldn’t help but have a smirk on my face. I hoped in still smirking.

It took a few minutes down the road dad asked,”What’s with the grin?”

“Oh,nothing really. Just the fact that you never really pick me up from school that much. Also it's a smirk.”

“What’s the difference?”

“A grin is with your mouth open. A smirk is like smug.”

“Only you would know that.” He said with a smirk of his own.

There was a silence for awhile. I contemplated whether or not I should ask him the simple yet complex question. I knew I shouldn’t ask him but something told me if I didn’t I might just regret it. I hated to ask such a thing but the words flew from my mouth. My soul sank to hell when I did though.

I asked from my mouth,“Dad? Are you gay?”

“What?” He started “No…no hon where would you get something like that from?”

“Oh,uh…Danny dared me to ask you that. It was a joke,a reaction one.” I put in the most realistic laugh I could.

“Thats not funny Savanna;your mom and I are married and Danny knows that.” Dad gave me a playful shove.

“Ya it is if you're laughing too.”

The rest of the ride home I felt reassured knowing Danika was probably lying. The thought was still in my head though. Almost like a sticky sap. Home was like a normal day too. Lunch, homework, chores, tv, that stuff. It was the night that gave me the nightmares of my own life. I was just heading to the bathroom at most likely eleven thirty. That’s when my parents voices came crawling into my ears. Inside the bathroom I leaned on the wall listening for anything I could. Thin walls tell all though.

“Jen I told you we have our hands full with Savanna already. Besides she’s headed to high school anyway.” My dads voice came first.

“I know but…I’ve alway imagined having at least two kids. It’s not like we can’t afford it.” My moms pleading voice came after.

“You know what we can afford though a new house.”

“A new house? What would we need with a new house? We only got this one like three years ago.”

“That was when we needed it though and this was the best we could find in the area. You don’t need a baby to live.”

“Oh ya says the guy needed a baby girl. Not to mention there’s nothing wrong this area.”

“Considering like five neighbors hate us and there’s a shattered window every three months yes I would say there’s something wrong with the area.”

“Look if we have a baby I think it might prove you’re not gay.”

“You did not just bring that up?! Look I’m saying I’m not gay and if I know I’m not what does it matter what other people think?”

“Actions speak louder words Duncan.”

I pulled away from the wall. I couldn’t listen anymore. Not to that. If you’ve ever heard your parents fight like that you know what it feels like. I headed back to my room before anyone found out I was listening. In the darkness of the night I was left to my thoughts with a heavy heart. I felt like it was only the beginning of something horrible. Fact was the worst thing I could really imagine was divorce.

“Danny’s mom and dad are divorced...” I thought aloud “what if my parents got divorced? What if I end up like Danny with one parent having custody for a year? Or even worse getting to see only one parent till I’m eighteen like Yuki? My life would suck forever! Maybe I shouldn’t worry as much. I mean it seems like a simple disagreement right? What am I saying? Those are life changing decisions. I shouldn’t think about like this so hard. In fact maybe this is just a dream.”

If only that were so. The next day was Saturday and Yuki,Danny,and I had planned on watching a new movie I bought,Life’s End. The doorbell rung and I rushed to the door. I almost didn’t want to open it. We all needed to talk. Thing was though Danny's not exactly the kind that’s comfortable talking about it. Instead I opened it knowing I couldn’t ask him without the door open.

“Hey Savanna! You’ve got the movie right?” Danny said.

“Of course it wouldn’t be a movie day without it.”

“Then let’s get started. I love horror movies.” Yuki said bouncing with excitement.

We went up the stairs to my room. We went into the room and I closed the door shut. I gulped almost knowing they would ask if something was wrong. That proves just how long we’ve been friends. I almost wished it wasn’t that way.

“Is there something wrong Savanna?” Yuki asked first.

“We really need to talk about something.”

“Well…what is it? You can know you can ask us anything.” Danny spoke assuring me.

With a sigh I began to tell them both about the night before. Every last detail I gave to them. Danny put his hand through his hair and pulled his collar. Yuki popped her knuckles one by one in an effort to think clearly. What could they possibly say to the question “How did you get through divorce?” It took a few minutes but Yuki finally answered best she could.

“How I saw it was…that it might be for the best. I honestly said to myself I would rather have them apart and happy than together and miserable. At first I was devastated not to mention that only one of my parents got custody. In the end though I guess you can say both there lives and mine are in a decent stage.”

Danny sighed and began,”I guess that’s my cue. When my parents got a divorce I thought the same thing as you. The world would never be the same. Life will suck forever and I couldn’t do anything about it. In the end though I feel like I was blessed to get both parents not to mention they can get along enough for me. Look Savanna even if your parents end up getting a divorce hoping for the best is all you can do. If that’s one thing I’ve learned from divorce it’s that you need to look at the brighter side of things. I'm sure everything's going to be fine.”

I took a sigh of relief saying,”You guys are right. I shouldn't worry about it so much. Let's just watch the movie.”

Even though both my friends had reassured me that everything was fine things just got worse. The same night I eavesdropped again. It just seemed to be a dream though. A horrible dream. There voices raised higher at one another and I was scared it would become physical. I bit the inside of my cheek continuously clenching down harder as they continued. Eventually the force of my jaw broke the skin and blood came crash down upon my tongue. I couldn’t stand to listen any longer. Tears began to gather in my eyes as I crept back to my room. That night I silently cried myself to sleep. Fearing the worst was yet to come.

Monday rolled around this time though it was the week before summer break. The day just didn’t seem to go fast enough. I couldn’t help but think of what horrible things could come for my family. I kept in mind though what Danny said and heaven knows I tried to think of the brighter side of things. It was in Math that Yuki texted me. I almost didn’t want to take it considering how strict Mr.Vansent was about it. Still I grabbed a hold and read what it said.

‘Hey R you OK?’

I wrote back ‘Ya I’m good.’

‘Is this about your parents again?’

‘How’d you know?’

‘Savanna we’ve been besties since third grade.’

‘IK,they were fighting again.’

‘OMG seriously? Don’t worry I’m here for you.’

‘IK but it doesn’t seem to be getting any better.’

‘I don’t mean to sound cheesy but hang in there.’

“Ms. Bretonn! Ms.Daisuke!” Mr.Vansent called our names and I jump.”Would you like to tell the class what you were texting? In front of the room.”

With heavy hearts Yuki and I walked up to the front of the class. Yuki began with her text and we continued on. I could have just died as read it all. By the end of the torture the whole class was wide eyed. Some had there mouth dropped and other just looked off to the side. It felt like the world was staring down at me.

“Are your parents getting a divorce because dad’s gay?” Who else could that come from but Danika.

My face turned red and I felt like I was choking on an objection. Somehow though I got it out saying,”No Danika! That is not why!”

“Well then why are they huh? I mean it just seems like the only reason considering-“

“Shut up McFinn! Sometimes you just don’t know when to be quite!” I blurted out in anger. My blood was boiling and I wanted to hit something.

“I don’t blame your mom really. If I found out my husband was gay I'd divorce too.”

“That’s enough Danika! Ladies you may be seated and Savanna I’d like to see you after class.”

“Yes sir.” I said walking back to my seat.

The class went on as usual and I waited for the moment o the bell. I wanted to get it over with so badly. If only time travel were invented so that I could have fast forward. The end of class came and I simply sat at my desk with eyes pointing downward. Mr.Vansent walked over,pulled up a chair,sat right in front of me.

“Savanna…are your parents fighting at home?” He asked this time in a gentle voice.

“Yes…”

“Is it physical?”

“No…”

“Have you asked them about it? Or have they talked to you?”

“No…”

“Look Savanna if you don’t communicate you might not find what you need. They might not want to talk to you about it but if you find the perfect time alone with one of them I’m sure they’ll talk.”

“I…I just don’t know if I can. They’ve kept secrets from me before and then they tel me at the last moment. I’m…I’m not sure if they’d do the same thing with this.”

“Go to history kid. Just remember what I said and if you can’t find the perfect moment wait till they do.”

The rest of the day I contemplated whether or not I really should ask one of them. Then again though I trusted them to tell me about it. I waited the whole week for them to say something. Tuesday,Wednesday,Thursday,and finally Friday came. The last day school was happening and I was the only unhappy kid. Nothing felt right anymore. After P.E I texted mom asking her who was picking me up. I was surprised to find that there was no quick response. I checked in math,still no answer,before history and still nothing. The worrying part about it was they were both off today meaning they were both at home. It was at car pick up that I was left alone as the last student left. Before Danny left he offered to walk me home but I said it was ok. I was left to walk home alone.Ten blocks later I stare at my house. I wondered what I might see,what I might hear,who I might end up with. I walked up to the door and was ready to open it until…

“I’m leaving!” Dad came stomping out of the door in a angry huff.

“Well you wanna know something? I don’t need you!” Mom screamed out the door.

“Come on Savanna we’re leaving!” dad grabbed ahold of my shoulder with such force there was pain.

“No she’s not! She’s my daughter! I bought her in this world and she’s staying with me!” mom walked up and grabbed my other shoulder.

“You couldn’t have brought her into this world without me anyway. Beside how do you know who she wants to stay with?”

“Fine!” mom looked me in the eyes and said,”Why don’t you pick Savanna?”

I felt like the weight of the world had just been put on my shoulders. I wasn’t sure if I was angry or saddened. My lip quivered and I grabbed my head. Whether I wanted for it or not tears raced down my face. My worst nightmare was coming to life. I just needed to get away from it. I broke free from there grip ran for my room. I shut the door behind me and locked it. I slid down on the door and sobbed like a baby. I pulled my knees to my face biting my bottom lip. They knocked and knocked at the door but I didn’t listen. My heart was broken and all I could was pray. Pray that I was just dreaming again and this was all a nightmare. If only it were. Then I heard the heavy footsteps of my dad walk out the door. The screech of his Honda on the pavement ringed in my ears. Next was my mothers footsteps as they went down the hall to her room. I was alone and once again left with my own thoughts.

‘How? How could this happen? This is awful,just awful. Did I do something? Was it my fault? Did I cause this tragedy? Why can’t problems just be resolved? If only…if only they could get along. What’s gonna happen to me? Will I be able to see both of them or just one? This is going to be a dreadful summer.’

The next morning I awoke still on the floor curled up in my ball. I stood up,popped my shoes off,and collapsed in my bed. I pulled the sheets over as if I wanted to hide from the world I once loved. I just wanted to sleep the day away. I closed my eyes knowing that I would truly never be able to sleep this off. My heart had never felt such agony and my body suffered just as much. I’d tortured myself through out the night with gut wrenching thoughts. I felt like the world had just in two and I was now falling into the never ending void of space. Then there was a gentle knock.

“Savanna…” It was mom,”look I know this seems bad but…can we just talk about this?”

“Talking didn’t help you and dad,how’s it gonna help me?” I said in a glum manner.

“Savanna…that’s why divorce happens. When you’ve run out of options and you just can’t go on any longer with that person. No matter how much you fell in love with them…” She began to trail off. I most wanted to open the door.”I’m not happy about it either Savanna but my biggest concern right now is you. I mean,there are so many ways this could go. Either I get you,your dad does,or we both do. I just want what’s best for you sweet heart.”

I had to think for a moment. Choose the right words for this moment. Finally I spoke,”Do you hate him? Do you hate my dad?”

I waited for an answer from her. It felt like forever had passed until she said,”No…I don’t hate him and I never will.”

“Is this my fault?” That was the next biggest question that was on my mind. I had know this or I’d never stop torturing myself.

“Of course not! Savanna this had nothing to do with you. It was us! Our wants and needs. You’re just caught in the middle of it.” Her words sounded like they were in between tears.”I wish you were a bird.”

“What?”

“I wish you were a bird so you could fly away from this. From all the problems of the world and live freely.”

I though about it for a moment and realized that I also wished to be a bird. To fly away from the disaster that awaits me. The then of someone on the door and the sobs of a broken woman made me realize just what was happening. My mother of all people was crying at my door. She had held herself up for the longest and now she couldn’t hold back anymore. That let me know that even the strong fall in the mist of disaster.

One week passed and I didn’t see my dad. I was at home with my mom and all I knew was the divorce hearing was happening. All those weeks I didn’t once set foot outside my home. I tried reading,drawing,painting,watching tv,even chores but nothing could replace my thought on this. How could my whole world be shattered in one day? Yuki and Danny gave me my space and did there best to cheer me up but nothing worked. I missed my dad,and I missed my family. In fact I missed myself because nothing including me was the same anymore. The court room was busy this time of year and so the judge ruled that until they could get something officially set they both would be sharing custody. I found out that every two weeks I’d switch parents until a set court date. I was actually glad for once. That’s exactly what I wanted,to see both my parents. Something was wrong though. Mom would be going out late then coming back at the crack of dawn. I was really scared for her especial in California. There are tons of people out there who could just do horrible things to a person. A woman at that. The Thursday after the hearing she came back home but she bought something back. Something so vile I can’t believe she even thought to bring it home.

“Savanna this is your new step-dad Leon.”

My mouth dropped to the ground. My mother had legally gotten married to this thing. It was holding it's hand out to me like it wanted to shake hands. I simple looked him in the eyes and pulled his down. What was she thinking.

“He’s the one I’ve been seeing late at night. We went to the court house last night and signed.” She held the papers out and jumped with joy.

“Hey there little lass.” He had the thickest Australian voice I’d ever heard.

I was a little pissed off. I didn’t speak because if I did I might have said something I’d regret. Yet at the same time something felt off about this guy. Almost like this sixth sense was telling me not to trust him at all. I simply pulled my mother aside with a little tug. Around the corner we went far enough so didn’t see.

“What were you thinking?” I whispered.

“I was thinking I love this man.”

“Mom you just got a divorce do you really want to go through this again? If I didn’t know any better I’d think you were just trying to fill a void.”

“I’m not sweetie. Look everything's going to be just fine.”

“I don’t trust him.”

“You will don’t worry.”

Don’t worry,I’d heard that this whole time and nothing turned out right even when I didn’t. The rest of the week I didn’t talk to Leon,he didn’t talk to me. I eavesdropped every night just like I did before the divorce. I never did hear anything suspicious. I soon figured that maybe,just maybe he was a good guy. One thing I kept certain was,he wasn’t my dad and he’d never be.

I kept on high alert until it was time to switch over to dad that Sunday. I didn’t want to leave her with him. I could only imagine what he could do to her. If anything happened I couldn’t forgive myself. I walked out the door with my backpack full of clothing and whatnots. My mother waited for me in her yellow Prius. I looked at her as if I’d never see her again then I look back at Leon and got a sour taste in my mouth. His face said one thing but his body sense said another. What was I doing? Yet I hopped in the car and we set off. To drive from Auburn to Sacramento it takes about forty minutes. That whole time I didn’t speak to her. I didn’t know what to say because there were too many thoughts in my head. What could I have said? They say silents is gold but this was steel. A metal made by man which contains multiple other metals. When you get lost in your thoughts it’s hard not to lose track of time. We were at my dads new apartment complex called Living Good.

“Savanna we’re here.” Mom said with a small smile.

I twist my head to the side. This time it was I who awaited the kiss on the cheek. She sat for a second as if she were in shock almost. Soon she did grab a hold of me and with a small sound she kissed my cheek.

I jumped out the car as mom said,”It’s building five,number three seventy-three. Do you want me to walk you in?”

“No mom thats fine.” I leaned in the open window and said,”Be careful mom.”

“Hon I’ll be fine. Have fun with your dad.”

I turned around and stared at the huge apartment complex in front of me. This wasn’t one of those crappy ones either. It was the kind that had elevators instead of stairs,a lounge instead of instead of guest area,and bigger rooms with every floor and building. The building were each made of beige brick and had eight stories. I walked up to the door of the office and turned the knob. Once I opened the door it was a little more than I imagined. The floor was beautiful bamboo wood,two love seat couches,a glass table,a flat screen tv,and of course the front desk. Up front was a blonde lady working on a computer. Her eyes were locked on her computer and her typing sounded like a bunch of mice running in field. I walked up to her and stood there for a few minutes. I waved my hand in the air and even coughed. I even considered faking a sneeze somehow.

Finally I dinged the bell and her head turned. She smiled saying,”Sorry little missy,how can I help you today?”

“I’m looking for building five, number three seventy-three."

“Oh,just take the sidewalk to the left and you should find building five. There’s a elevator at the end of the hall and it should be on the seventh floor."

“Ok,thanks.” She then turned to her computer again.

I walked out of the office and found that moms car was gone. I let out a sigh and started on my way to the apartment. I went around the building of the front office. The complexes were set up in a friendly neighborhood type way. All the complexes were lined up in perfect sync. The sidewalk was like a road that paved the way to every complex. I went to the left just like the blonde said and kept walking. I watched the building numbers as I walked and looked at the numbers. One by one I passed the numbers and watched for number five. Finally the number came up and right next to the nailed down number was a beautiful,blue,wooden door. I opened it up and thus there was a hallway with matching blue carpet. There were five doors on each side of the hallway each saying a different room starting at three twenty-one. At the end there was the elevator and I simply walked through the hall and up to the elevator. I pushed the button for up and waited for about thirty seconds. Soon the door opened and the one person who I never wanted to see for the whole summer was right in front of me.

“Well,well if it isn’t Savanna Bretonn. Your parents finally get a divorce?” Danika McFinn was standing there in her usual,hands on hips,diva pose.

“Danika I’m not in the mood. Please out of all things good…don’t let me go to jail on a domestic violence charge.” I said getting into the elevator.

“Please, it’s not my fault your parents can’t get along. Like I said before I would have divorced too if I found out my husband was gay. You’re mom did the right,for once.”

I made a fist in anger. I didn’t looked at her because I would have hit her then.”Danika…your already testing it.”

“Just saying I live on the same floor as your dad and…” she leaned next to me and whispered,”I’ve been seeing some men go in there.”

Before I knew it I grabbed the collar of her shirt and pulled her close.”Look you sorry excuse for a person I never wanted this to happen! I never wished upon a freak’n star and said let my parents get divorce! And if you talk about my family in anyway again be ready to get hit!”

The door opened and we made it to the seventh floor. I looked her dead in the eyes and then released her harshly. She looked at me sneeringly. The door closed behind me and I sighed with relief. I walked down the hallway and looked at the room numbers which started three seventy-one. I walked down hall and analyzed all the doors. I soon came to number three seventy three but I stopped. I was going to be seeing my father for the first time since the divorce. I hesitated to open the door and wonder what I’d say,what I’d think.

I finally thought 'He’s my dad why should I freight? Nothings going change right?'

With a smile on my face I opened the door. I was immediately shocked at what I saw. The living room was small yet gorgeous. There was a full,black,leather couch. Then there was a nice flat screen on the wall along with a lamp in the corner. Not to mention the white and silver curtain that covered the doors that lead to the balcony. I walked in a little more and saw the kitchen. There was a nice wooden island with a sink and dishwasher attached to it. Then there were matching counters that with it. Next up was a bathroom. It was one of those half bathrooms that only had a shower. The curtain matched the same one in the living room and the sink was wooden like the island in the kitchen. On the floor was white tiles and there was a cute,knit rug on the floor. Right next door was a room door. Hanging from the door was a little sign with my name on it. The sign was the same one I made in first grade. My name was signed in glitter glue and managed to survive all those years. Something told me not to open it but for once I didn’t listen to instinct.

I opened the door and saw something that is a permanent image in head. My dad,Duncan Uriel Bretonn was in the middle of…you know what you can guess but, I…I didn’t know what to think. My mind was at a loss just like my throat. I couldn’t possible believe it. What was I to do? The same thing I’d done before,run. Run from the problem at hand,a problem I can’t handle. I dropped my bag and ran into the next room. I shut the door as hard as I could as if the problem was going to crash it down. The made a loud boom and I simply fell to the ground. I realized something huge though,Danika McFinn was right. My dad was gay and I had just saw the same thing that haunted me. I grabbed my head and shut my eyes.Bit my bottom lip,and told myself it were a nightmare and I would just wake from it. No matter how many times I said it reality was there to tell me it hadn’t went away. I moved my hands to my legs and curled up in my ball again.

“What’s happening to me?” I thought to myself,”How could this be happening? How could Danika be right about this? Let’s face it I’m not the kind of person to handle things like this. First mom gets remarried now this?! It’s like the worlds exploding bit by bit. I never imagined just how hard it would be for me to face the truth. Nothing is the same anymore but,is it for better or worse? Rain or shine? Maybe I just need to think this over,talk to him. Talking to mom helped. God please get me through this. Uh…my gosh why am I still thinking? My head feels like a thousand needles are piercing it. Maybe I just need a nap and then…then I can talk…if I can."

It was a field of dying roses. I sat in the field and looked to the left. There was my mother with her black hair flowing in the wind. Her hands were out,grasping the air and her clothing were torn. Like someone had hurt her violently. I twisted my head to the right and there stood my father. He stood with fist clenched but his body was almost transparent. On his inside a darkness unlike any other. It was like a sphere of blackness and then there was me. I looked down at the roses as they closed in and started whispering. The roses voices were going so fast but I swore they sound like Danika. I wanted to escape but the roots of fear held me down. I was struck with fear. They closed in and wrapped there thorns around me. They pierced my skin and blood came gushing out. I let out a scream of agony. Both mom and dad turned and ran to my aid. Both of them grabbed an arm and pulled. The more they pulled the stronger the roses gripped and the deeper there thorns dug into my skin. I cried for them to stopped but each pulled harder and harder. I felt blood come through my throat as I realized there was no escape.

I awoke to find myself hugging a pillow with both hands. I had to come back to reality for a second. I put the pillow back in place. I laid to my right side for a second and looked at the time. I got here at eleven ten and now it was twelve twenty. I twisted to my left side and saw a picture hanging on the wall. It was a picture of dad and me on my first day of school. A slight smile came about my face.

'I remember that day. I didn’t want to go and just clung to his leg. Dad talked me into it though and when the day was over I told him I wanted to go everyday.'

A knock on the door set me free from the memory at hand. There was a click of the lock and the door opened. “Hey honeybun.” Dad came in and leaned on the door frame.

Thought I’d be ready to talk but it’s like my throat was blocked by something. I simply stayed still and looked at the photo that hung from the wall. I saw from the corner of my eye him walk over the edge of the bed.”You know I never meant for you to see that at all?”

‘If only I didn’t see it at all.’ I thought to myself.

He hopped in the bed with me saying,”Savanna I just want to talk. Please?"

It took a moment but I decided it’d be best if I did. I stood myself up and like the babe I was on the first day school I rested my head on him. I wanted to cry but what would that do for either of us?

“Things are just going to fast huh?” He asked. I shook my head for yes for the words had not come yet.

“I kind of know what you’re going through. My parents never got along through the there whole marriage. They scream at each other,throw things,even take out there anger on me…”he slowed for a second than began again”The moment I turned eighteen they got a divorce. Both of them gave me the question of,how do you feel. I gave them both the same answer,happy.”

“Why?” That one words drifted from my lips.

“Why? That was the same thing they asked. I said I’m happy because you’re happy now. All the fighting,all the chaos is finally over. What I didn’t understand was why be together if you can’t stand each other? Both had the same answer.” He went silent for a moment and started again.”They could stand each other enough for me. Your grandma and grandpa stayed together all those years just so I could say I had a...together family. It hurt me to know that they were unhappy all those years,not mention the things I saw,just so I could tell everyone I had a nice family at the most but,I couldn’t do that for you. I couldn’t pretend like I love somebody. I wouldn’t happy and neither would you.”

That lean turned into a hug.’Mom and dad…they were just thinking about me.’

Dad returned the hug enveloped me in his arms. He gave me a kiss on the forehead and said,”I love you baby girl.”

“...I know dad.”

“You want me to get you new sheets?”

“No.”

“How about disinfectant?”

“No.”

“A new mattress?”

“Yes.”

“Fine,it’s the least I can do. You want some tuna for lunch?”

“Why not?”

He released his hold on me and was about to leave out of the room. I felt like I needed to do something,something special that would just pull it all together. I jumped out of bed and just ran for him. I instantly clasp on to him. It felt right and I meant it. He stopped in his tracks and simply just stood there in astonishment.

I uttered,”I love you daddy.”

“I love you too…my precious,little,caramel angel.”

The moment I tried to make happen had just died a little.”I’m cinnamon not caramel.”

“No I’m pretty sure your caramel.”

“I’m gonna look that up.”

“Go ahead but I know what color my daughter is.”

“Yes just like you knew how old I was three years ago.”

“One time,the one and only time I’ve forgotten age. Let a dead horse be dead…you know you’re still hugging me right?”

“Of course.”

“Hon I love you but I also need space to move.”

“Fine.” I released myself from him.

He turned around and rubbed my head with a pleasant smile on his face. As dad walked out of the room I couldn’t help but remember the dream.I wondered deeply about it thinking,”Is that the darkness I saw? That memory of his parents? I mean he did get a bit choked up about it.”

I had gone through so much that day I just decided to think about it later. I figured there was no point in staying in the room with nothing to do so I simply just followed dad into the kitchen. I walked down the hall and into the small yet gorgeous kitchen. I propped myself up on one of the black stools. Then I felt a vibration in my pocket. Danny had just text but,I didn’t want to open the text. I knew he was worried but,I just wasn’t sure how I felt about talking yet.

“What’s wrong?” Asked dad as he put the plate of tuna in front of me.

“It’s nothing dad. Just some friend stuff.”

“Uh-huh…” he knew that look on my face but dropped subject,”Savanna,I know you probably still have a lot of questions so shot.”

I begun asking him everything straight as it was,”Are you an atheist now?”

“No,how I see it is just because you’re doing something that seems immense in society doesn’t mean I should run from the religion I’m committing it against.”

“Ok,” I just left it at that because I could have gone forever on it,”when did you find out or notice you were gay?”

“Uh…hmm…I guess it all kind of started in high school. I was contemplating that in my head and for awhile I guess I convinced myself that I was attracted to women more.”

“That’s when you married mom?”

“Exactly it was actually just recently that the same feels from high school came up.”

“So does that mean that…you never truly loved mom?”

“…No not necessarily. I did love your mother very much and there’ll always be a part of me that will. It’s just sometimes disagreements go to a point were you just can't handle it anymore.”

“So…would you still date a woman? I mean cause if you did then that would actually mean you’re bi not gay…I guess.”

“Date other woman? Ya I would if I were attracted to her enough and same would go for a man. Also I still consider bi being gay but I mean that depends on you.” He picked up a bottle from the fridge and got some water.

“Will you do one of those voice change things?”

“No why would I need to sound high schooler to be gay?"

“Ok,Would you get a sex change?”

He choked a little on the water and had to cough for a moment.”No,no I never even considered it. I like being a man and I’d rather stay one.”

“Ok you know what that seems like enough questions for the day.” I started eating the tuna as fast as possible. I absolutely didn’t want to talk about this anymore than I had to.

I finished my tuna without a thought in mind until my phone buzzed again. I took it out of my pocket again and saw that it was about the same two messages from Danny and Yuki. I looked at the phone and contemplated if I wanted to talk or not.”They’re my best friends I should at least say something.” I opened the messages and read.

‘Hey! Haven’t seen U in awhile. R U ok?’ Yuki had texted.

‘Hi Savanna! U ok?” Was Danny’s message.

‘Hey U 2 I’m fine. Just still getting through the divorce phase.’ I texted back.

A few seconds later Yuki texted,’We know but I just felt I needed to check on U.’

‘Same here but if U don’t want to talk that's K.’ Danny texted around the same time.

‘No thats fine U guys. Besides I think talking might be the best things right now 4 me.’

‘We R here 4 U Savanna.’ Yuki replied.

‘And always will be BFF’s :-).’ Danny said and both of them gave my heart a happy sensation.

‘Thanx U guys I needed that.’

Yuki replied,‘If U don’t mind me asking who got custody?’

‘It’s split right now cause of how busy the court is this time of year. I’m at my dads new place now.’

‘So how’s he handling it?’ Danny asked.

It took some time for me to reply but finally I typed,’Well…about that…'

‘It’s fine if U don’t want to answer.’ Danny replied.

‘In that case I don’t.’

Then Yuki sent,’That’s fine Savanna. GTG TTYL.'

‘Hey want 2 come over 2 my place when your back with your mom?’ Danny asked.

‘Yea that’s cool.’

‘K C U.’

‘C U.’

The rest of the first week we got along fine. In fact it was actually for once a good week. I didn’t see Danika all week,I got to sleep in,I even went down to the complex pool which was amazing. I was actually having a good time and almost forgot all the horrible thing that happened in the weeks before. Almost like a little piece of heaven had just fell into my life. Everything was just fine until one little phone call. It was about three o’clock on Sunday.

“Hey little Sob!” Said a familiar voice.

“Uncle Russell! Please don’t call me that.”

“I can’t help it. It makes sense and it’s cute. Hey you mind telling your dad to answer his phone every oh I don’t know call he gets. I’m in the elevator right now.”

“Ok…” I put down the phone for a second,”Hey dad Uncle Russell’s making a surprise visit again.”

“Ah shi…shoot!” I heard him scream.

“He’ll be ready in about three minutes.”

“Too late I’m already at the door.” At that instant he hung up and the knocked.

I ran to open the door and was about to unlock it when dad pulled me back.”Ow! I was just opening the door.”

“I know,I know but,I didn’t tell him I was bi yet.” Dad had a nervous,worried,you can’t tell him yet face on.

I sat for a second before I responded but said,”How? Out of all people you’d think you’d tell him first. Wait,am I the only one who knows for sure?”

“Ya…” Another knock came.

I sighed before saying,”I won’t tell him because that’s your thing not mine. If he ask though-“

“Just tell him to ask me. You know how much of a homophobe he is.”

“So don’t tell but,don’t lie.”

“Yes,thank you.” His face was written with a sign saying ‘It’s obvious I need to tell you something’ and it didn’t look good. Fake smile and all.”Now you can open the door.”

“Are you sure because you have ‘I need to tell you something’ written all over your face.” I had a feeling this wasn’t going to go well.

“I’ll be fine…I think.”

I looked at dad for a second and when another knock came I turned to open the door. Standing there was my Uncle Russell Bretonn. He’s a caucasian man,meteorologist,and kind of looks like John Travolta but with a different nose and naturally silver hair. Oh and my dads older brother.

“Hey little Sob haven’t seen you since Christmas.” He bear hugged me with a smile.

“Missed you too Uncle Russell. Did you really come  all the way from Hanford just to see Dad?”

“Of course I did. I’m here aren’t I? Speaking of which where is your dad?”

“Right here bro.” He came from behind the door with such a fake smile it was hilarious.

“Hey bro what are you hiding for? I’m over here.” He pulled him from around the door and they did that man,hug,thing. The one where guys take one hand and kind of half hug each other.

“So,divorce huh?” He leaned over and whispered,”She was kind of a dog anyway.” He didn’t know I heard.

“By the way nice place. I told you you’d need that prenup.”  A small chuckle came out of his mouth. I wasn’t sure if I was offended or not considering it wasn’t toward me.

“I’m fine Russell you didn't have to make a…”He coughed in between this,”surprise visit.”

“Nonsense besides I haven’t seen you or my niece in awhile anyways.”

“Uncle Russell maybe you and dad should catch up not me and you.” I knew I said I wouldn’t tell him but technically I didn’t. I just nudged him into it so that it he could get it over it. Dad pointed that look at me as if he were saying ‘stay out of this’ and I gave hime the ‘I am’ look.

“Savanna’s right how about we just sit down and talk Russ.”

‘Crap! He called him Russ! Every time he does that he knows you need to say something.’

After that guess what Uncle Russell asked,“Duncan is there something we need to talk about?”

‘I knew it.’I thought and then said aloud,”You know what I think I have a book from moms I wanted to read. I’ll just go into one of the other rooms and read.” With that I headed straight for the master bed.

I left the door cracked just a little so I could hear. Knowing dad he would probably try avoiding it altogether. I sat on crisscross next to the door and listened. In fact I listened for about twenty-five minutes to see if he would ‘come out of the closet’ to him. They sat there catching up with each other talking about sports,weather,even political and economical issues. I honestly thought it was nice how well they got along as brother but that also made me worry about what would happen when dad ‘came out of the closet’. After about another twenty more minutes I figured dad wasn’t going to say it today. I got up from the floor and pulled out my sketch book from my bag. I began to finish up on my picture of a blue jay.

That was until I heard the voice of dad ask something. He asked,”So this is hypothetical,what if…me or you were bi.”

I got close to the door as Uncle Russell said,”I would suspect we got hit in the hit and lost our memory.”

My mouth dropped slightly open.’That’s a little harsh.’ I thought.

“Russ…do you hate people with alternate lifestyles?”

“I don’t hate them…” He started out,”I just very strongly disagree with them. Why you’re not one of them are you?” He asked jokingly.

I could hear him and only him giggle about it. I knew dads face was as straight as a ruler. If only this could have been hypothetical. Uncle Russell’s giggling slowed down as he realized he was the only one laughing. That little sixth sense told me this would probably end badly. The apartment went silent for awhile.

“This isn’t hypothetical is it?” I felt as if I were in a Hallmark movie and this was only a slice of the climax.

Dad let out a sigh and lightly said,”No…it’s not.”

Everything fell silent again. I wasn’t sure what would happen next in fact this was the most suspenseful part of my day. Then I heard footsteps and the front door opened. May I say it would hurt anyone to hear there family say,”Burn in hell.” The shut and silence filled the air and tension was firm.

I needed to do something and that’s what I found myself doing. If that’s one thing I didn’t want to happen again was another piece of my family being broken up again. I busted open the front door and found myself chasing my uncle. I got to the elevator and constantly touched the button for down. I waited impatiently for the elevator to come up when finally the door opened. I jumped inside and pushed the button for the last floor,then the close door button. As the door closed I almost thought about turning back. I realized just what I was doing. Something in me said to continue though. The door opened for the last floor and I rushed out. The apartment door flew open and I searched for him. I turned to find him walking over back to the entrance area. Before I knew it I was racing after him not even knowing fully what I was going to say.

I caught up to him and simply jumped in front of him saying,”Stop! Just stop for a second! We need to talk.”

He said in a under his breathe,“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Yes there is. Burn in hell? What’s wrong with you? That’s your brother and you should at least apologize.”

“For what? Speaking my opinion?”

“Your option was the worst thing I have heard come out of your mouth. I know you disapprove strongly about this subject but-“

He cut me short,”So you knew?!”

“Yes I did. In fact I was the first one to know. Does it really bother me,yes a little bit. You wanna know something though? He’s still my dad and your brother and I refuse to let another piece of my family be broken up again. Your brothers it’s just not right.”

“Nether is he.” He pulled me aside and continued walking but I continued to pursue him.

“You don’t I know that?! If that’s one thing I learned these past few weeks it’s that,no matter what happens family is family. I wish things were like they were before but life said hey let’s give Savanna a curve ball. It feels like I’ve been striking out ever since.”

He stopped after I said all that and replied,”And what do you expect me to do? Strike out with you?” There was a moment of silence before he spoke again.”Look Savanna…I know what you by all this but…I just can't talk to him right now. Leave me be Savanna.”

After which I lost the will to talk anymore. I simply stood there and let him pass me by. I let out a sigh and lowered my head. Inside I had a sense of failure. What was happening to my family,to my life. Everything seemed to be in great order and then everything just felt like it turned upside down. I crossed my arms as if I were giving myself a hug.

I said aloud,”Jesus…why are we so dysfunctional?” but then a thought came to mind and to this day I believe God sent it to me,'And you shall rejoice in all the good that the Lord your God has given to you and to your house.’

I looked up at the sky and felt a sense of relief. My body’s tenseness seemed to release itself as I headed back to the apartment. For this moment life just seemed to slow. I looked around myself and just took in everything around me. Almost as if there was not a care in the world. I walked on like this and if felt like I was just in a zone of peace. I barely heard a sound other than my breathing and everything that didn’t look at peace was nothing in my eyes. At this time it just felt like forever. This is that moment that everyone gets in life. When they want to lock themselves from the world and there mind allows them to. Or as some people say it’s,looking over the world and seeing where you are. Either way I had it and enjoyed the disconnection. Why? It felt like I was alone and left to be with my thoughts good and bad. It let me enjoy the world even when it felt like it exploded. In the darkness you can find light.

I found myself at the door of the apartment. My legs brought me there when my mind didn’t. I opened the door and turned my head around the area. The living room and kitchen were empty but the silver curtains flowed with the wind. I walked in a little more and saw that the balcony door was open. I walked inside a little more closing the front door. I continued to walk in further. I leaned a little and saw my dad staring deeply in front of him. I took a deep breathe and walked onto the balcony with him. I walked over and leaned on the guarding rails.

I really wasn’t sure what to say so,I said what was on my mind,”I’m sorry daddy.”

“No,it wasn’t your fault Savanna. I think he just needs to cool off.”

“I know I just think…” I really had to make choice words for this,”I think things are just going too fast.”

“If I could make it slow down I would.” His replied made me wish me and mom could communicate like that. It was always like that though. I could never talk to dad like I do mom.

There was a brief silence among us. All you could here was the roar of the highway and the wind brushing the trees. I broke the silence saying,”You know he still loves you? I know that because I still love you.”

I couldn’t help but hug him. I dove under him arms and just squeezed. It took a moment but he embraced me. He sighed and said,”You know I think you’ve been the most grown up person about this whole situation.” He gave me a peak on the head and said,”I’m proud of you.”

The rest of the week I honestly hoped Uncle Russell came back. I wanted to know that he would come back and apologize. That everything would be okay between the two of them but it didn’t happen like that. In fact I left my fathers place with the security of knowing that. As we drove back to Auburn I just couldn’t help but have that on my mind. Then in the back of my head there was the thought of what I would see at moms. I was more worried than happy to leave dads. I felt more safe and secure yet now that Leon was there he’s turned my home into a hell house. I looked out of the window of my dads car as we drove on and saw the fast moving world around me. Made me remanence about the days before.

“I think things are just going too fast.”

“If I could make it slow down I would.”

At the same time though I wanted to see my mom. This transition of parents would mark the first month of summer was over. It felt so long and yet so short. Was I emotionally drained? A little bit yes. Was I physically drained? Less than emotionally. Either way the summer was going better than I really expected. I almost wanted to smile about it. If anything on a scale of one to ten for the point I was at was a four. I saw out of the corner of my eyes dad just glance over knowing just how deep in thought I was. I didn’t like leaving any of them but it was where I was at. Dad grabbed my hand and gave it a little squeeze. It was a small act of reassurance but it made a big mark. It wasn’t much longer before my dads green,Honda Accord pulled up at my moms. I looked at the home and felt worse than I did before I left. That little sixth sense kept telling me not to walk in because I’d be disappointed. Did I really have a choice though. I’m under eighteen and the court is kind of controlling my fate.

Uneasily I began to get out of the car. I leaned over and kissed my dad saying,”Love you daddy.”

“I love you too hon.” The way he said let me know he also had that feeling.

With my heart uneven I hopped out of the car and looked at the house for a moment. It almost felt it it wasn’t mine. I walked up the walk way and to the door. I touched the knob,turned back to dad,and just smiled. Like everything was going to be okay. I faced forward and opened the door. The whole time though I only looked on the door knob. I closed the door and locked it. When I looked up the house was in perfect order. Everything looked just fine and I couldn’t help but laugh a little at just how worried I was. I walked in a little more and turned to the living room. My laughing stopped because something still didn’t feel right. I searched the room pacing around slowly looking any sign of where my bad feeling came from. On the other side of the room I spotted a hole in the creamy yellow wall. I got closer to inspect it. It was a pretty wide hole in fact I could stick both hand in it. My suspicions were rising and I immediately could imagine what happened.

“That Australian son of gun!” I said under my breathe.

I made my way up the stairs and up to moms room immediately. I twisted the knob,pushed the door,and it was locked. I pushed on it some more and the only thing that I was gaining was frustration. Then I thought about it for a moment. When I came in moms car was gone but the door was open. I remembered something else though,the key to unlock the door from the out side was on the door frame. I searched for it on the very top of the frame. Finally my hands touched the silver little tool and I grabbed it I quickly put the tool into the knob and twisted it. Knowing I unlocked the door I immediately opened the door.

“Mom!” I said yelled seeing her in bed. I ran by her side and shook her awake.”Mom wake up please!”

She swatted my hands away tried to sit up. Her head bobbed up and down not to mention her hair was in disorder. The smell of alcohol was in her breathe and I was slightly surprised at what she was wearing. Mom was wearing a pink holster top with fringe and flowers on it. Then she wearing her jean like capris that were now stained.

“What’s with all the yelling?” Her voice was groggy,the words she said were slurred.

“You were at a party last night weren’t you? No,that’s not even as important as this.”

“As what?” She rubbed her head mostly in pain.

“Did he hurt you mom?”

“He who?”

“Leon! Your son of a…” I had to think about my words,”your husband.”

She went silent. An indication that my mom knew what I was talking about. So I asked again,”Mom…did he hit you?”

“No…it was some guy at the party.”

“Then where did that hole in the wall come from?”

“I tripped the other day hon.”

“Where is Leon?”

“He went to the store.” The sound of the door closing came to our ears.”That must be him now.”

I simply looked her the eyes. Whether my mother was telling the truth or not I just went with what she said.”I swear if he hurt you.”

Shortly after saying that Leon walked in.”Oh,hey…what’s your name?”

I simply stared at him with hateful eyes. In my head I had already killed him five times,five different ways.Walking out of the room I simply said,”Savanna you out to lunch excuse for a person.”

“Well someones pissed about something.”

“I’m looking at him."

I walked down stairs with agony of mind. I knew good and well mom was mostly likely lying to me so that I wouldn’t be targeting Leon. The fact was I had reason to target him and that target was locked. I just couldn’t stand to know that she might be letting him hit her.

As I headed for the kitchen I thought,'I’ll be dog gone if he lay a hand on me.'

Not only was I heavy hearted I was so ticked I felt hot. It honestly felt like madness to me. I came up to the stool in the kitchen and propped myself up. I didn’t know anything else to do but lay my head on the granite surface. The cold feeling of the rock made me think of the ever grow cold,darkening space between my mother and I. The weeks that have passed seemed to have been such little time yet it was long. My thought and I were together again.

‘I can’t control anything. Life happens sometimes and this is one of those times. The point is though I’ve never truly been in control. I guess this is one of those test that everyone goes through. Or could it possibly just be karma? Did I do something wrong to make this happen? No matter how many times someone tells me this isn’t my fault it keeps popping in my head. I shouldn’t torture myself though. I was right this is turning out to be the worst summer ever. Not to mention just how quickly yet slowly everything is moving. The days seem long yet the actions of everyone and thing are still short lived. I only wish I could do something about it. Nothing is the same anymore and it’ll never be the same again. I wish this was all just one big hallucination,fancy,illusion,dream. One big dream I can’t wake up from.’

A few hours later I had grabbed a book from our bookshelf and begun reading. The book ‘Send Me Back’. A story about a girl who had almost the exact same thing happen to her. Except everything she went through was just her swapping with her alternate dimension self. It’s one of my favorites just because of the huge twist and turns. Yet when you experience those twist and turns yourself it’s a different story. Then the sound of light footsteps coming down the stairs told me exactly who was on the way. Mom came walking in still dizzy like but not like before. Still rubbing her head she was still in her ‘night club’ clothes. This was only what I saw out of the corner of my eye. Keeping my head down cause I simply didn’t want to look at my mom in the state she was in. She leaned her body on the wall and looked at me for a moment. In time she pulled up a stool and sat beside me. Still with my eyes down in the book I didn’t move a muscle.

Finally mom spoke saying,”Savanna…I know you don’t trust Leon but he’s really a nice guy when you get to know him.”

“Step-dad or not I don’t want to get to know him.”

“Why are you defensive over me?”

I turned my head to her asking,”Did you seriously just ask me that? You’re my mother I care about you,I love you. If something happened to you I…” my voice trailed off and I bit my lip.

“I understand you love me hun but you don’t have to target Leon like you’re some sniper.”

“I have reason to.”

“He didn’t touch me-“

“Stop lying!” I shouted in frustration.”Why are you lying to me?!”

“Savanna!"

"I'm sorry but,look I know the divorce was hard hitting but…but you don’t have to be loved by someone like him. Mom I love you and I know I can’t control your life at all. What I can do though is be your daughter and help you.”

For a moment she went silent. I supposed it was time I told her something I did.”Mom while I was at dads I looked up Leon's name. This is what pulled up.” I had pulled my phone out of my pocket and showed her the website.”He has a criminal record. I mean look he robbed a bank and got pulled over twice was drunk driving. Not to mention that after he robbed that bank he went to jail for three years. Did I mention he already has three unpaid speeding tickets?”

Next thing I know my phone is on the ground. Mom had knocked it to the floor. I stood there for a moment and just looked the cracked glass. I turned my attention to her who was walking out of the room. As if she didn’t want to know the truth.

Leon came from down the stairs and asked,”Jen what’s wrong?”

“Nothing babe…just nothing.” She laid her body on him and he rubbed his hands across her back. I felt as if they were mocking me.

They quickly ran off into the next room while I was filling with anger,heart ache,and confusion. I bit the inside of my cheek and my fist clenched. It took a lot of will power to not scream my head off then and there. I released my shaky fist and slowly but steadily calmed myself down. To my knees I went and picked up the phone. Thankfully the case prevented more damage but there were five huge cracks coming from the bottom left corner. I just needed to get away from it all. Then I remembered something. Danny wanted me to come over to his house. Before I knew it I was out the door walking down the sidewalk to Danny’s home.

I walked down the street in a flurry. There was so much going through my mind that it hurt to think. My eyes wanted to cry but my mind said no. My fist wanted to hit something and my teeth clenched with no space in between. My legs were holding back. They wanted to go the same speed as my mind. It was as if explosives were just lit in me and ready to blow and blow they did. I began to run as fast as I could,my eyes poured out my anguish like a flood. My body reflected everywhere just how I felt. My mind knew just where I was going though and the explosion calmed itself the closer I was to Danny’s. I had to wipe away my tears as I stood outside his home. I readied myself to see him mostly because I didn’t want him to know I was crying. A deep breathe went in and a deep breathe went out. I thought about turning back but forced myself to go down his walkway. I stood at the red door and still contemplated whether or not to turn around. My hand raised though and lightly knocked. I heard footsteps approach and soon the lock unlocked.

Danny opened the door saying,”Hey Savanna….” his voice blew away with the wind as he noticed my current state.”Savanna…come in.” He simply said grabbing my hand gently.

I came inside and just settled not really wanting to go further. Danny was in front of me and kind of just settled himself with me. Without a word he stepped closer to me,pulled my chin up,and hugged me. His body warmth soothing and inviting. It was as if he knew just what I needed. One hand was in my hair and the other laid upon my back. His breathe moved to my ear and he sincerely whispered in my ear,”It’s ok now.”

“Thank you.” I whispered back.

It was a pleasant,short moment lived well. Danny released his hands though when the sound of someones voice said,”Hey Danny who was at the door?”

A split second later the most unexpected person walked in. The same man who I saw the day I opened my room door at the apartment was standing right in front of me. A chill went up my spine and the memory flashed in my head. My eyes widened,body went limb,and everything went black.

“Agh…omg what…what happened?” My eyes fluttered open and in my face was Danny.

“Savanna? Hey how many fingers am I holding up?” My vision was going between clear and blurry. Not to mention the fact that everything seemed to multiply from time to time.

“Uh…I don’t know…three.”

“Oh god,you know what I’m getting you a wet towel.” Then his footsteps pitter pattered on the floor.

My head was spinning and I couldn’t do anything but blink my eyes for more focus. I rubbed my eyes so much they started to water. I started trying to sit up yet as I did the dizziness seemed to get worse. As I was almost up I felt the pressure of someone pushing me down lightly.

“Hey don’t get up so fast. You’ll only cause more problems for yourself.” His voice was gentle and like a lower version of Danny’s.

My vision began to finally focus correctly and who leaned over me was still a shocking matter for me. There stood a brown haired,blue eyed,Caucasian man. He had a sweet little smile on his face but what I saw was the same memory that scars me to this day. It seem to flash in my head every time I saw him. Then I realized,it was Danny’s dad,Glenn Vega. I kind of stared at him for a moment. His hand waved in front of my face and I still laid there with my eyes glued to him like honey to a comb. Footsteps approached quickly into the room.

Danny began,“I got the…towel.” Danny stared at the both of us for a second then said,”Did…did something happen between you two? Something that…you know I might need to know about?”