I Regret Taking You In The First Place. | Teen Ink

I Regret Taking You In The First Place.

November 19, 2018
By xj00niex, Dallas, Texas
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xj00niex, Dallas, Texas
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Favorite Quote:
“Even though we can't communicate using the same language, we use music instead.”- Jonghyun<br /> I think it's okay to feel lost in your life. ...- Jonghyun


Dear Marijuana,

You have completely destroyed my life. You have ruined it in so many ways. Like closing in my throat and making me unable to eat. Now I'm here on the street with no one to comfort me or help me through the mess I've put myself into. I want to quit this addiction so badly, so I can live a normal and happy life once again. But it's very possible that might not ever happen.

I got hooked on marijuana to escape an abusive relationship. It got so bad that I one day decided to buy marijuana from a drug dealer and that's when my addiction began.

Now a typical day in my life is chaos. I start off by heading to a public restroom, brushing my teeth with the tiny bit of toothpaste that I have left and of course, the day couldn't be normal without getting stares from all the women in the restroom. I then get on the streets and ask for money. What else am I supposed to do when I'm vulnerable? At the end of a long day, I will usually only get a couple of bucks and use it to buy a bit of food for my hungry tummy. But other days I'll save up to buy marijuana. I know drugs aren't good for me but Marijuana comforts me, I feel relieved after smoking it. It's almost like all the stress leaves my body and that's what I love about it.

I never thought I would be living on the streets at age 22. I thought I would be in college getting a degree and making my parents proud of the child they had but I was obviously wrong. I live on the streets. Not surprising huh? I'm just like every other homeless person trying to survive with the little I have and asking for money. I've tried getting a job but the manager will always reject me calling me “filthy” and “junkie”, which isn't a lie, so I gave up on getting a job. I don't own a car so I usually walk or steal other people’s bikes when necessary. I have sadly lost all contact with family and friends because someone stole my phone while I was sleeping.

My physical state isn't the best; I haven't taken a shower in weeks and I miss the feeling of the warm water washing my body. I have eye bags and my muscles are always so sore. Besides my physical state, my emotional state is very different. I frequently have thoughts of suicide but I always have a tiny bit of hope that one day I'll have a big house and children to take care of. I try my best to stay positive and be grateful that I am alive and that I shouldn't waste the chance to live in such a beautiful world.

I don't exactly have hobbies but I try to come up with fun ideas for when I am bored. I'll usually grab some sticks to build a small house and then grab some grass and twigs to make humans out of it and then I just play pretend as if I were a child playing with my dolls. As childish as it sounds, it passes the time and I enjoy doing it.

I hope to one day stop my addiction and restart my life all over again. Thank you.



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