Two days have passed since Alise asked me to be friends. I decided to reject her offer, even though she did help me out. I don’t have any idea as to why she even wants to hang out with me, but I plan on keeping my distance.

The final bell rings and I hurriedly walk home before-

“Gia! Wait for me, let’s walk home together!”

I spot Alise a couple of blocks behind me and begin to run to the closest crosswalk. The light turns green and I sprint my way home. 

I make it to the front door out of breath and begin to rummage through my backpack to find my keys. I unlock the door and step inside as quickly as possible. 

The sounds from the outside are closed off from the door, which leads to nothing but silence. I walk up the stairs and open my bedroom door.

The smell of my lavender candles fills the room, entering my nose as I walk in. I set my backpack down next to my desktop and close my curtains to cover myself from the outside world. I lay down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I miss you, mom.

I always have nightmares from the dreadful night that happened 11 years ago. I was 5 years old, while my brother was 14. My family and I had gone on vacation the day before and were driving back home. By that time, it was dark outside. The only lights I could see were the ones from the street and the other from my brother’s phone screen. 

I still remember every moment like it was yesterday and have regretted everything ever since. The reason I stay away from people is to not cause them any harm, just like I did to my whole family.

My stupid self from back then decided it was a good idea to unbuckle my seatbelt and move up to the front seat where my parents were. I secretly moved past my brother while he was entangled in his world. I then stopped to watch my father move the wheel, intrigued by every twist and turn he did. Eventually, both my parents noticed I was behind them, but it was too late. My dad lost control of the wheel and we crashed into a fence that lead to a busy street. 

I heard my mom shout about how dangerous it was to do what I did. Her last action was protecting me from the crash, while her last words were for me to find friends.

I blacked out for a bit after the incident. When I woke up, I saw blue and red lights surrounding me. I realized there was a red liquid on my hand. There was a piece of glass from the car windows stuck to my palm. By the time I was able to process the situation, I felt something crushing me. It was my mother’s body right on top of me filled with bloodstains.

After the whole mess, my family wasn’t the same. My older brother and father blamed me for everything and eventually, they started fighting amongst themselves. Then 6 years later, my brother moved away without saying goodbye and I was left with my dad. My father decided that we would move to New York and that I would transfer schools. 

Ever since then, I decided that I don’t deserve any happiness and don’t want to cause anyone any trouble. Therefore, I need to stay away from socializing with others. 

I came back to reality and headed to my desktop, starting my homework. Once I finished, I decided to take a shower. Afterward, I went downstairs to cook my dinner since my dad is busy at work.

Thinking about my dad, I always wonder why he took on a career as a doctor. It could’ve been to ignore me or…I don’t know, I’ve never asked. The only time we talk is when he needs something or when he comes a bit earlier to eat at home.  Though, I do know that I have to take care of all the house chores in his absence.

I end my thoughts once again and head back to my bedroom.

It’s after school the next day and before I can rush back home, I’m stopped by an exhausted Alise at the front gate. 

“Oh Gia, thank god I made it on time to catch up to you”, she says panting, crouching a bit with her hands resting on her knees.

I look at her with a puzzled expression. Why.

I walk past her and head to the crosswalk, as I guessed, she follows me.

“So, I was thinking we could go to the park, you know, just to hang out and release stress from school.”

I ignore Alise the whole way to the crosswalk until she asks a question that caught me off guard.

“Are you doing okay?”, she asks.

I stop before crossing the street and remain silent. Why.

I turn to Alise, head looking down with clenched fists.

“Why”, I whisper.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you, could you repeat that?”, she asks with a gentle tone.

For some reason, I felt my insides burn up and I grew angry.

I look up at Alise with furrowed eyebrows, “Why do you care! We don’t even know each other!”.

I process what I said and my eyes widen. I’ve never raised my voice before. 

I look at Alise. She has a surprised expression and I don’t blame her.

“Sorry”, I say, not knowing what else to do.

We stay silent until Alise grabs my hand and leads me away from home. I stay quiet and don’t fight back because I think I caused her enough trouble.

I follow her every move as she takes me not too far from the school and heads to the park-like she suggested before.

We walk towards a hill with a light breeze and sit on the bright green grass filled with flowers of many colors. 

I watched Alise look at the little kids playing in the playground with a smile on her face. 

The wind picked up a bit and I could feel my hair flying in the back. Everything seemed so unreal to me.

I felt so free until Alise asked another question.

“Why don’t you tell me more about yourself? I really would like to be friends”, she says with hope, still looking out at the view.

I hesitate at first but for some reason, I feel safe. I decide to tell her all about my past and how I couldn’t fulfill my mom’s last wish because I don’t have the courage to get to know others. I also told her that the only person I got along with was my older brother but my mother’s death changed that.

“The reason I yelled at you back there was that you reminded me of my mother before she passed away. She used to ask me that question when I acted differently, though, I’ve never heard anyone worry about me until now”, I say with a quiet and calm voice.

I look over at Alise and to my surprise, she’s still smiling. Was she listening?

She doesn’t say anything until I see her stand up, still looking forward.

“Phew, I finally know what’s been bothering you”, she says with a sigh of relief.

I stare with an expressionless face and just sit there.

“You have a phone, correct?”, Alise continues.

“Yes”, I reply.

“Great, so I would like you to text your father and tell him about how you feel about the incident and how it’s affecting you”, she says while turning around to face me for the first time at the park.

“I can’t do that!”, I say with a worried tone, “What if he gets angry at me?”.

Alise bends down and grabs both my hands, pressing them together.

She looks at me with a stern face, “Trust me. I haven’t gone through what you’ve been through, but I do have my share of misfortunes. For example, both my parents have high-paying jobs, but they never paid any attention to me back then. I only had friends in middle school because the parents of my so-called friends were using me to get closer to my parents. I was only able to stop this by talking to them and now I can make my friends without any worries.”

I felt a deep connection with her story and thought about texting my father.

“Okay, I’ll do it”, I say, not sounding very confident.

She lets go of my hands, stands back up, and brings back her smile.

I take out my phone and text my father with Alise standing behind me.

I tell him about all the feelings I had bottled up inside and about how I feel sorry for all the trouble I caused. I also added some questions about why he became a doctor and why he neglected me.

After I hit send, Alise suggested that we go walk around for a bit. 

We started walking up and down different hills. Alise thought it would be fun to run around to feel the wind against our faces. After running, we climbed trees and bought ice cream at a stand at the edge of the park. 

For the first time in a while, I had fun with someone other than my mother.

While we were finishing up our ice cream, my phone got a notification. It was from my father. The text said to meet back home. I realized that this would be his first time going home earlier than usual. 

I showed Alise the text and we throw away our wrappers in the trash bin. I lead the way back to my house, wondering what my father will tell me.

When we finally arrive at my house, I can see my father sitting on the porch with a worried expression.

My dad looks up and out of nowhere, he runs towards me, giving me a hug.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you felt that way Gia”, he says.

“I never knew until now. To answer your question, I became a doctor to do my best to save people like your mother. Ever since the incident, I had my eyes set on this career, but your brother knew that I wouldn’t have any time to spend with you guys because of all the classes I would need to take. He left before he had anything to do with the problem. I couldn’t face you in my sorry state, so I decided to work even more hours to dodge the questions.”

I listen to every word carefully and realize that my father had also been suffering, not just me.

I hug my father back while tears run down my face.

“I’m also sorry, dad. I didn’t know you were hurting from mom’s death, since your not the type to show any emotion”, I say still crying.

He smiles and pulls back from the hug while also wiping away my tears.

“It’s fine. By the way, Gia, who’s the girl behind you?”, he asks. 

I turn around to face Alise and smile at her. She smiles back. I run up to hug her and smile even wider towards father. 

“She’s my friend Alise, and also mom’s greatest wish.”