" Hey mute!!" I hear my nick name being called out across the hall by my main tormentor. Alexander jones.
    I tighten my grips on my books and keep walking pretending I didn't hear him. I have my head phones in, and I can pretend music is playing. My hope was slightly ruined when I was pushed from behind. I fell to the ground with an umph.

     " B**** I was talking to you!" He screamed above me.
     The halls were deadly silent. It was just him and I this was my lunch period and I was walking to my locker. I turned around while still on the ground to see him hovering over me. I looked at him in perpetual fear. I gasped when he pulled his foot back. He rammed it deep into my side. I clutched it trying my hardest to stay quiet at the nerve racking pain flowing threw my body. His fist connected with my gut.

      I gasped in pain. " you f***ing answer me when I talk!" He ordered. I nodded meaning I understood. "piece of s***" he spat at me. His spit landed under my eye. Tears welded into my vision as I tried not to cry in front of him. He laughed " you weak whore" he mocked.
     He pulled my up by my hair. My hands shot to his to hold on trying to keep him from ripping my hair out. He slammed me into the lockers, as soon as my body made impact and echo made its way through out the hall. I felt the cool tears streaming down my face as my own self conscience begged me not to look at him. I listened and remained down. I felt him kick my back. I arched it gasping in pain.
     He pulled me up by my throat and punched me in the eye. I whimpered, I was silent. I thanked the lord I was, I was so silent that he didn't hear me. He threw me down and stomped off muttering incohearent words under his breath. I wiped away my tears. I was breathing hard, my eye was throbbing. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath and slowly let it out, calming myself down.
    I slowly got to my feet and walked to my locker. I frowned and the new dent in it. I unlocked it and pulled out my books for the next four periods. Semantics, biology, English and algebra. I just had four more periods I thought to myself, just four. I was pulled out of my thoughts when I was pushed inside my locker. I could hear the obnoxious laughing of Bethany Carson. My door slammed shut on me. I was trapped inside.

The laughter didn't cease. " Look at that Alex, the fat ass can fit into her locker" She mocked. I pushed on it a little trying to get it to open. It wouldn't budge. Bethany laughed harder. " can't open a locked locker" she mocked.
     I could see them through the vent openings in the lockers door. She and Alexander were wrapped in each other arms making out with each other. They pressed up against my locker grinding against each other as Bethany moaned. I hit the locker trying to get them to stop. I held my book bag to my chest. I jumped when the bell went off signifying we needed to go to class. No, I can't miss class. I quickly hit the locker trying to get them to open the door.
    Please no, I begged. Tears streamed down my face. I wanted to get out of here, I was claustrophobic and I couldn't miss class. The two continued to make out on my locker till a teacher shewed them off. I hit the door trying to get the teacher to help. He turned to my locker and starred at it trying to tell if I was in there or not. I hit it again multiple times. He furrowed his brows.

       " Is somebody in there?" He asked. I hit the door harder. He widened his eyes. " What's your name?!" He asked frantic. I quickly pulled out a paper and wrote my name down.

       Rae Brown

      I scribbled. I folded it to fit in between the vents. I slid it in between and pushed it out. He picked up the paper.

    " Okay Rae, I'll get you out of there okay?" He said. " Now what's the combination?" He asked.

     6-14-37
     I wrote down and shoved it out. He read the paper. He tried to unlock the door and it wouldn't unlock. He sighed.

     " No... no... no.." He said trying over and over again. I hit the door worried. " Don't worry sweat heart, I'll go find a janitor to help" He said trying to keep me calm. I widened my eyes. No, please don't leave. I begged. " Stay calm, I'll be right back" He promised. He walked down the halls and stopped, I tried to see who stopped him through the slim vents. Oh god, it was Bethany. Please don't. I begged. I tried to listen to a conversation.

     " Mr. Lockwood, I need your help!" She said frantically.

    " Bethany I can't right now, I have an emergency to deal with" he said trying to get away.

She stopped him. " No, this is important, two girls are getting into a fight down at the cafeteria." She said frantically.
         No! Alexander came into view and leaned against my door. He glanced through the vents, a smirk on his lips with a cool demeanor on his body. He looked at me with an accomplished expression. I looked at him with pleading eyes. I tried to knock on the door.
       His body weight kept it from shaking or creating any noise. He chuckled. I watched with sad eyes as Mr. Lockwood ran in the way of the cafeteria. Bethany didn't follow. I felt another tear stream down my face. I laced my fingers in the door trying to shake it against Alexander's weight. I scribbled down a note. 

    Please let me out

I begged. I slipped the paper through. He picked it up and read it. He laughed at it. " See you tomorrow morning mute." He said walking towards Bethany. He shoved the paper into his pocket.
      When she reached him she wrapped her arms around his neck. She glanced my way and laughed. They began to viciously make out against the wall. Bethany was putting her all into the kiss, but Alexander was watching me. I looked at him with pleading eyes shaking the locker door trying to get out.

He laughed pulling away "Bathroom?" He asked.

She nodded quickly " Bathroom" she confirmed.
    They ran out of the hallway leaving me alone. No, please! I thought, I cant do this, I cant be alone like this. I felt my breathing pick up. I slid down the locker in defeat. This can't be happening.
   My dad would get so mad. I cried in utter despair. Why do they have to do this. No one would help me. I begged for Mr. Lockwood to comeback. Even in a locker, I had room, that's how small I was. But every time I tried to eat, I ended up throwing back everything back up.
    I hugged my knees to my chest. I couldn't reach my phone, I couldn't call anyone. Please Mr. Lockwood, please come back. I kicked the door in frustration. The sound echoed through the walls. I hated my life. I hated everything about it, the only reason I was still here was my dad.
    After my mom died, I wanted to kill myself, but I couldn't do that to my father. As a way to cope I cut my thighs and wrist. My father never noticed. Yes, he cared but I couldn't be selfish enough to put my problems on him. As the periods passed I tried to get someone's attention during passing but as they glanced at me, no one seemed to care. My cheeks were drenched with tears. I wanted my father. I don't care how childish that sounded.
    I wanted him more than anything right now. Alexander passed me with every period, he would laugh and lean against the locker so not a lot of people would notice the movement of the locker. I tried to pass notes through. He always caught them and put them in his pocket. I was crying trying to get out, he laughed as he saw my fingers poke through. His fist came down on them making me retract them. I locked at them, the tips were purple and the once black nail polish was cracked and uneven.
    He pulled out his notebook and scribbled down a note. He folded it and shoved it in the vents once the hallways cleared out.

  Rot in hell Mute!

   I hit the door when he did this. He even capitalized the M in mute. Like it was my name. I waited, and waited, and waited. No one came. No one cared. The last bell rang meaning the end of the school day.
    I didn't move from my position. After four periods of trying I was done fighting, no one cared enough to find me. Alexander looked trough the vents once more. He couldn't see me till he looked a little further down. He smiled when he saw me. He took out his notebook and scribbled down a note. He slipped it through the vents, it dropped onto my lap.

    How's it goin?
     He asked. I took out a pencil and opened the paper.

    Please let me out, I'm begging you
   I wrote back. I folded it again and slipped it back through. He read the note and laughed. He wrote back and slipped it through again. I caught it in mid air.

  No can do Mute

   I took it, my eye brows creased up words at the note.

     Why? Why are you doing this?

    I asked as tears streamed down my face. I pushed it back through. He caught it and once more chuckled. He hit the locker door with his fist making me jump back. His scowl darkened to a deadly expression that would scare me for the rest of my life.

     " See you tomorrow Mute" He spat.
     He walked away, a smirk slowly making its way onto his face. I hit the locker trying to get him to come back. I couldn't stay here all night. The teacher never came back. I sat back down in the locker and hugged my notebook to my chest. I laid my head against the wall, and closed my eyes. I tried to stop my crying as I tried to calm myself. I took in a couple of breaths.
    I couldn't open my eyes. I would feel like I was back in the car accident again. I squeezed my eyes shut trying not to remember. I sobbed realizing no one was going to care enough to come for me. I would be stuck here till Alexander came back and decided that he would let me out. I felt myself began to doze off, my claustrophobia beginning to creep up on me. I felt like my lungs were filling with blood once more, like that night, the horrid night. I felt myself weaken. then my mind shut down. I passed out.

       Logan's P.O.V Rae's dad
     It was almost 9 o'clock at night. Rae never came home tonight, she doesn't leave the house without telling me, something was wrong. I drove to her school knowing those spoiled brats that went here was doing something to her again. I walked into student affairs and walked up to Mr. Lockwood. He and I went to high school together. He would keep tabs on her for me. He smiled when he saw me.

     " Hey Logan, how's it been?" He asked.

I shook my head " not good, Rae never came home, is she here?" I asked. He froze and visibly paled. He grabbed a janitor and ran down the hallways to a locker. He turned back to me.

  " I am so sorry Logan, I totally forgot, someone locker her in there and then a couple girls got into a fight and I forgot about her" He said his voice held nothing but guilt.

I felt myself fuming " Those stupid brats put my daughter in a f***ing locker!?" I shouted.
     He nodded his remorse showed like the sun at night. The janitor unlocked the door and opened it. Rae sat there, her face drenched with tears, I quickly pulled her out and held her close to my body. Her breathing was shallow, her skin was unhealthy pale. She was back in shock. I looked at her with nothing but sadness. She tried to hide this from me but I always knew.
    Every time that I saw a razor in her room I would take it only to find another. I brushed the tears away from her cheeks. Mr. Lockwood kept apologizing over and over again trying to ask me how to make it up.

I sighed and lifted her up bridal style. " Do me a favor and keep an eye on her, I am going to kill one of those pricks these days." I said walking down the hall with him. Rae's small delicate fingers clutched my shirt, her knuckles turned white with effort. I sighed.

He nodded. " What ever I can do to make this up to you" He said as he walked me to my car.
     I opened the door to the SUV and set her down into the passenger seat softly. I pried her small hand off my shirt and put on her seatbelt. I closed her door and turned back to Tim. He looked at me with sad eyes.

    " I am so sorry Logan." He apologized once more.

I held my hand up stopping him, " It's alright, its not your fault, I just need you to keep her safe, after the accident, she hasn't been her self" I said.

He nodded " I noticed. Do you think she'll speak again?" He asked.

I paused at the question. " I don't know, I wouldn't blame her if she never did. She's been through a lot. " I said.

He nodded. " I'll walk her everywhere tomorrow" He promised.

I nodded " Thanks Tim" I thanked.
    I walked to my car and got in. Rae remained asleep. Her body was limp. I watched Tim go back inside before putting my hand on her forehead. She was burning up. I sighed annoyed with those stupid brats. I drove home and sighed as I pulled into my drive way, my girlfriends car was in the drive way. I opened the door. Ashley came out and hugged me. I kissed her cheek and pulled away.

    " Where was she?" She asked.

    " Stupid kids locked her in her locker, she was in there for ten hours" I said. She gasped. I opened the car door and picked her up softly trying not to wake her. Ashley looked at her with pity. She sighed.

   " Poor kid" She said, we walked into the house together, her and I walked up the stairs and to Rae's room. I laid her down onto her bed and pulled the blankets up to her shoulders. Ashely put her hand on Rae's forehead. Her eye brows creased forwards. " Should we call a doctor?" She asked.

I shook my head " no, she does this when she gets claustrophobic. She's in shock" I answered. She sighed.

     " Is there something I should do?" She asked.

I shook my head " Every doctor we went to said just to let her sleep and when she wakes up try to keep her calm." I answered. I stood up straight when I felt Ashely's arms wrap around me.

    " I'm sorry hun, I know you were really excited about tonight" She apologized. I turned around and wrapped my arms around her shoulders.

I sighed " I'm sorry, I wish that you didn't have to worry about our problems." I apologized.

She shook her head " I don't care what problems you have, the important thing is we'll be a family and I promise I will try my hardest to help you in any way possible" She said. I smiled. I leaned into her and pressed my lips to her.

     " God, I love you" I whispered against her lips. She smiled and giggled. Her smile flattened when she looked at Rae.

      " Should we stay with her?" She asked. I glanced at Rae's bruised and pale, stress stricken face.

I shook my head, " Lets go back down stairs and make something to eat for her when she wakes up" I offered.
      She nodded. We walked down stairs hand in hand. Tonight we were suppose to tell Rae, that we were getting married. Ash and I walked down stairs to the kitchen. I went into the freezer and pulled out an ice pack. I took a rag and wrapped it around it and went back to Rae's rom.
    She remained sleeping soundly. I sat next to heron the left side of the bed. I put my hand on her cheek and slowly rested the ice pack onto her eye. She whimpered a little at the cool touch of it, but slowly grew accustom. Soon, she leaned into my touch. I kept her still with the ice on her face till the pack would south the bruise. I slipped my hand into hers and entwined out fingers.
    My poor little girl, why would you hide this from me? I thought. I tightened my grip a little. She whimpered. I was confused, I wasn't holding her hand that tightly. I looked down at her hand.
   Her fingers were jammed, the tips were purple and the nails were broken. I let go and set her hand on her stomach. I would kill who ever did this to her. She shifted and moaned, she was waking up. Her pale eye lids began to slowly flutter open. Her bright blue eyes looked around before landing on me.
    Her composure soon turned scared and worried. She lifted her hand up to lay over mine on the ice pack. I didn't move my hand knowing she wouldn't keep it there. She looked at me confused. I grabbed a notebook and a pen off her dresser and handed it to her. She reached for the pen and hissed in pain.
   I looked  at her hand noticing it was the one that had been injured. I sighed, I took out my phone and handed it to her. She used her uninjured hand to type.

      How did I get here?  She typed.

      " I went to your school after you didn't come home and me and one of your teachers found you in your locker. " I answered. She looked down in shame. " Who locked you in there?" I asked. She didn't answer. "Who did that to your eye and you hand?" I asked. Again she didn't type anything back. "Sweetheart please, tell me, I'm worried sick about you and that fact that you were locked in that locker for god knows how long, it scares me especially after..." I trialed off. She looked away, I could see a stray tear fall. I cupped her cheek and softly wiped it away. " Please Rae, please don't shut me out" I begged. She was about to start sobbing, I pulled her into me and hugged her tightly. " You can talk to me or Ashley, we'll both be here for you" I promised.
      Just as I said that Ashley came through the door. She stopped when she saw Rae sobbing into my shoulder. I nodded for her to come over here, she did and hugged Rae from behind. She tensed for a second before slowly letting go and leaning into her too. Our poor little girl, I thought. The look in Ash's eyes told me that she was thinking the same thing.

       " I'm sorry." Her soft voice whispered in my ear.
    I tensed for a second and gasped in shock. This had been the first time she had spoken since she was nine. She was seventeen. A junior in high school. I looked at Ash in shock, she mirrored my expression. I pushed her away and held her upper arms. A smile wide on my face.

     " You spoke!" I said ecstatic. She looked at me scared thinking she did something wrong. I pulled her into me twice as tight. I was laughing while wrapping an arm around Ash hugging her just as tight. " I missed your voice so much" I said happy she was starting to speak again. She was shivering a little, I was so happy that she was some what opening back up. Ash looked at me hopeful. She had a wide smile across her face. God, I love these two.
___________________________________________________________________

      Rae's P.O.V
    I spoke, I thought astonished. I had been scared of my own voice for almost eight years. But my father, he looked so broken, so sad. I had to do it. My eye and hand began to throb, I remained stiff in my father's arms. I could feel Ash's wrapped around me just as tight. I loved her like she was family, but she would never replace my mother.
     I realized the mistake I made as soon as I opened my fat ass mouth. He would want more, and more. I wasn't ready for that, I couldn't say more then a few words and even then I felt like I would break down. But now, the damage was done; my fateful mistake had ruined my vow of silence. But my father needed to hear it, needed to know I wasn't trying to shut him out or hurt him in any way possible. He was the one person I knew was truly there for me.

    He pushed me away a little, his hands held a tight grip on my upper arms. I looked at him in fear, a smile filled his face.

      " You spoke!" He said ecstatic. He pulled me in twice as tight. He laughed a little in my ear. Ash was hugging me just as tight. " I missed your voice so much" He said happy, I was shivering a little knowing that nothing would be the same again.
    Ash's head wasn't laying on me. My dad was starring straight at her. I could see the hope in their eyes. But I couldn't fill that hope. I would only let them down. My father put his forehead to mine. Instead of kissing his kid like a normal dad, he had this thing about intimacy. So he would put his forehead to mine. I looked up at him with sad eyes. He looked at me with nothing but pure happiness. I could feel the bed shift with Ash's weight.

     " Come on Rae, you should eat something" She said as she pulled me off the bed away from my father. My father nodded agreeing with Ash. She and him looked at each other like something was going on. I could feel the thickness of the room giving it an awkward vibe. Ash pulled me downstairs going into her over protective mode. She dragged me down to the kitchen and sat me down at the island.
     My father came down a few seconds later. He had the pen and paper and the ice pack. He set my hand on the tile softly and laid the ice back onto it slowy. The ice numed my hand dulling the ache. He put the notepad down in front of me and put the pen in my right hand. I was left handed. He looked at me with a serious face.

      " Okay, sweetheart, Ash and I have something we want to tell you" he said wrapped his arm around her waist. " We're getting... married" He said. The pen dropped from my hand. He looked at me with hopeful eyes. I looked at him and put on a fake smile. I picked up the pen and scribbled on the notepad.

    I'm very happy for you!

  I wrote the best I could with the wrong hand. He picked it up and smiled. Ash ran to me squealing. She wrapped her arms around me happily. I had to fake my happiness for dad. I couldn't be selfish, he was happy so I needed to support him.
   She hugged me tightly like a mother would to a child. But this woman would never be my mother. I have secrets of my own. Some that I never shared and will never share. This secret was watching me with bright eyes. My father and Ash began to make dinner. My secrets eyes dawned on me with a sad gaze.
   She isn't real, she isn't real, she isn't real. I kept repeating to myself. My secret walked closer to me. No, please not now, not now. I had enough to worry about. I was pulled out of my worrying when my dad put a bowl of rice and chicken in front of me. He and Ash sat across from me and dug in.
   I ate along with them, but stopped when I felt the familiar nausea that came with eating.

Ash took notice. " Rae, honey, you need to eat, your nothing but skin in bones" She said concerned. I picked up the pen and best as I could I wrote.

    I'm sorry, I don't feel to well, may I be excused?

I slid it over to them and kept my gaze to my lap. My father nodded. "Yes, but tomorrow you eat a full breakfast, okay?" He asked worried for my well being.
    I nodded. I stood and walked over to him. I hugged him tightly then hugged Ash tighter. She smiled as she watched me walk up the stairs to my room. My secret followed me there, it tried to put it's hand on my shoulder. I walked a little faster. Once I shut the door I slid down I hugging my knees tightly to my chest. My secret stood in front of me.
   She bent down in front of me. Her white glow emanated around her as she reached for me. Her cold hand softly touched my cheek wiping away the tears I didn't even know were falling. Her white hair danced around her like it was floating in soft ocean waves. Her skin was as pale as snow. Her eyes were as blue as the summer sky. But her smile faltered from happy to sad as she saw me cry.

     " Why must you hide this from your father?" She asked. Her soft hands pulling me up and walked over to my bed. She made me sit on the edge of the bed. " You know he's only trying to help" she said trying to make me talk. She sat down next to me. " Come on Rae, you're the only one I can talk to. Don't shut me out too" she begged.

I looked down. " Please leave me alone" I begged. " I feel guilty enough as is" I said moving away from her. I pressed myself against the head board.

    " We've been over this, it wasn't your fault" she said sitting next to me.

I pulled my knees tighter to my chest " if I hadn't had made you look over at me, we would have stoped at the red light, the car wouldn't have been hit. You would still be alive, and I would be able to talk to anyone and not just you" I said

She sighed and looked down " What the hell happened to you hand?" She asked worried.

I pulled it close to my chest. it throbbed at my touch. "Alexander hit it on my locker door." I answered. " Apparently I was stuck in my locker since fourth period. " I added.

Her hair was turning bright red. Her eyes were going from blue to bright red. " That prick, was it that slut Bethany too?" She asked getting more mad.

I nodded " Please mother stop being mad" I beggd.

She shook her head. " I will make those little pieces of s*** burn in hell" She promised. I giggled at her getting mad, she looked like a ball of red fire. She looked over at me " I'm serious!" She exclaimed.

I smiled. " I'm tired mother" I said. I was lying, but I just liked to lay there with her holding me.
        She nodded and pulled the covers back for me. I laid down. She pulled the covers back up, my head laying on her stomach as she played with my hair. I knew she was fake but I could talk to her, she knew and understood me, so I spoke to her. And she spoke to me. She was a replacement for my mother in my mind a way to cope with the guilt that I had killed her. It was my fault my mother is dead.
      Her soft fingers entwined with mine as she tried to help me to sleep. I hadn't had a good nights rest in almost eight years. But nights with my secret, made this just a little easier. She patted my hair while holding my hand making sure I was comfortable as I began to doze off. Her motherly vibe calmed me and before I knew it. I was asleep. Reliving that night.
     My mother and I were coming home from the movies, I was on my DS trying to beat bowser on super Mario bros. My mother was driving while softly humming to the radio that was playing 'I hate you, I love you'. Her brown hair was pulled up into a tight bun. Her bright blue eyes matched mine. She and I shared a lot of resemblance. Our brown hair, eyes, and our skin was unbelievably pale. She was in her usual scrubs tonight like she usually was after working at the hospital. She was a nurse, and I was going to be just like her. She glanced over at me before returning her gaze to the road. We were heading towards a light. I hit bowser with one more fireball and was victorious. The light turned orange. I squealed with excitement. My mouthed chuckled.
    " what's gotten into you?" She asked in her soft angelic voice.

I glanced over at her with excited eyes " I beat bowser mom! Look! Look!" I said showing her the victory screen.
     She laughed and looked over at me. We passed the red light. Neither her nor I was prepared for the impact as a truck rammed into my side's door. The car flew through the air like a bird on a hot summer day. Glass sprayed through the air tearing and scratching at my skin. Pieces and shards impaling both me and my mother. One hit my lung sending me gasping for breath.
     My mother looked at me with scared eyes. As the car came down on the cement my seat belt unhooked itself. I was sent flying through the air. My mother screamed trying to catch me. I fell to the hood with a loud thump. I couldn't move, I was in too much pain. My mother looked at me apologetically.
     I laid on the hood starring straight back at her with a scared glint in my eyes. She reached out to me. It began to get harder and harder to breathe as blood filled the cavities of my lungs. I took notice of my mothers injuries. She remained in her seat a shard of glass in her chest and one in her neck. She was bleeding profusely. Her head had hit the window.
     I could tell because her temple was bleeding. Her side window had a circular point of impact and a little blood in the middle. She was trying to undue her belt to get to me. She tried to reach out to me, I held my hand up trying to connect both our hands, but her movements were slowing. Her struggling became weaker. She was more pale then usual. Her eyes were dulling. I watch in fear. She let her arms go and hang upside down. I watched the life fall from her eyes.
    I jerked forwards with a scream; instantly being enveloped in strong arms as my father held me still. I shook in his arms trying not to cry and scream for my mother. I could see her in the corner. She looked at me with sad eyes. She approached me slowly. My father was trying to hold me still as I shook. His strong arms pulled me onto his lap. I could feel Ash holding my legs trying to see if I would fight my father. I wouldn't. I never have. I watched my mother in the corner. But to my father and Ash it would look like I was starring off into space. She looked at me with a sad smile.

      " Talk to him" She said. " Come on Rae, talking will help you" she promised.

      He'll hate me, I cant talk to him. I killed you, it's my fault. I thought, my father was shushing me promising everthing would be okay. But nothing was okay and nothing would never be okay.

She reached out to me. Her hand touching my hair softly. My father and Ash didn't notice. " Rae, look at him." She ordered. I looked up at my father, I didn't move my head. I looked up with my eyes. He looked at me with nothing but concern; sadness evident in his eyes. " He misses the old you, he wants just to talk to you. Come on, I promise your father will never hate you" She said.
    I laid my head into the crook of my fathers neck. Slowing trying to calm down. I clutched my father to me, shaking like a leaf. Ash watched me with fearful eyes. She had never experienced a night terror where I would wake up screaming. She and my father had been dating for two years, and my night terrors never had woken them up before. I had tried to keep my noise to a minimum. I usually locked the door. But tonight I had forgotten.
    Ash slowly came over, I guess she had decided it was time she began to get used to my fathers and my routine. She sat behind me and put her hand on my back. Her soft hand slowly rubbing circles trying to help. I was still shaking but truth be told, she was helping. Her presences alone helped. My father slowly shifted me over to her. I still clutched my fathers shirt tightly. I was shivering looking at him with pleading eyes.

     " Ash please help me" He asked of her.
      Ash's slim arms wrapped tightly around me and pulled me off my father. I was small enough that she could lift me up. She pulled me off my father and pulled my small hand off my father's shirt. She laced her fingers with mine so I'd have something to hold onto. She held me close to her, but instead of being on my father's lap I was being held to her side. I clutched her hand as tight as I could. Her whimpers made me loosen my hold. I could feel the bed lift when my father got off. He went down to the kitchen. He usually does this to get a sedative. I hugged Ash close to myself. My mother looked at us with sad eyes.

     " Please Rae, I'm begging you, your father won't hate you" My mother begged.
     I shook my head. My head remained buried in Ash's shoulder. My father came back in with the needle in his hand and a white rag. He went up to me and extended my arm. I barely felt the needle penetrate my skin as my father began to push on the plunger. I leaned against Ash out of energy as she just held my small 5'2 frame 97 pound frame.
    I felt myself begin to relax as the drug began to take effect. I slowly shut my eyes, my tense body began to relax. My breathing evened and that was the end of this episode. My father picked me up as Ash pulled the covers down. My father laid me back and the covers were pulled up to my neck. A soft hand was stroking my hair.

     " Does this normally happen?" Ash asked.

     " Yes, but they usually aren't this violent. " My father answered.

I could hear Ash's pity sigh. " Maybe she should go to a therapist?" She suggested.

      " No, I've tried that, she wouldn't write anything, she wouldn't move, she wouldn't look at the doctor the entire time and she wouldn't even look at me for a month" My father informed. " She hasn't spoken since she was nine, she thinks that the accident is her fault" my dad said. I was confused. H-how did he know that? I was laying on Ash's lap still. I felt someone put something wet on my forehead. I didn't have much of a chance to listen as I blacked out.
    When I woke, I felt the rag still in place. I let out a sigh of relief as I remember it was Friday, one more day. That's all I had to go through. My secret was caressing my cheeks. I opened my eyes with a groan.

      " Come on, you know you have a test today" She said. I jerked forward.

     " I didn't study!" I cried to her.

She crossed her arms " your still not skipping school" she said in a stern voice. I grumbled words under my breath. " Come on, you'll be late if you wait any longer." She said as she pushed me into the bathroom. I huffed and started to take off my clothes. I glanced back at my mother.

     " Do you mind waiting outside?" I asked hesitantly.

     She nodded and walked out closing the door. I sighed and took off my shirt. I looked at myself in the mirror. My body was scarred and burned ruined. I looked at the scar just under my ribs. A long thick scar that reached down to my lungs. I slowly put the tip of my fingers to the scar. The reason why I couldn't scream. The reason why they chose to save me over my mother. I couldn't stop starring at the scar. I didn't even notice when Ash came in.

     " it's not your fault you know" I jumped at her voice. I quickly grabbed a towel and covered myself, I had a bra on I just didn't want her to see my scars. She looked at me with understanding. I looked down embarrassed and ashamed. My mother was in the corner glaring at her. " I lost my sister to a car accident also. " She handed me my t-shirt and looked away. I quickly slipped it on. I tapped on the sink telling her it was okay to look now. She looked back. " Your father told me about what happened." She informed. I quickly looked down in shame. My mother walked up to her ready to attack if she made one wrong move.

    Mother please don't do anything rash, I begged.

She growled, I don't care, I don't like her. She said. Her hair began to rise with her anger.

      " Can I take you to school?" she asked timidly. I looked at her then my mother. My mother huffed and nodded. I looked back at Ash and nodded. She smiled " good. Hurry before your breakfast gets cold." She ordered. I nodded. She walked out and closed the door behind her. I waited a few seconds before locking the door. I turned to see my mother's scowl.

     " I don't like her. " She said.

I sighed " dad's happy with her, she's the first good thing for him since the accident. Do what I do, be happy for them from the side lines, no matter how much it pains us." I said as I took off my clothes once more. My mother didn't stare at me as I did, she knew how I hated people looking at my scars. I got in the shower and took a quick five minute one. I dried off, brushed my teeth, straightened my hair, I took notice of the out fit my mother laid out.

I picked it up. It was a pierce the vial T-shirt and black jeans. I looked over at my mother " You know me so well" I smiled a little. She smiled and went to reach for the still in package eye liner. " Don't even try" I ordered.

She huffed " you would look so cute with make up" She tried to convince.

I shook my head " I don't like make up, it makes me feel like I'm trying to hide myself" I stated.

     " Well...." She trailed off.

I scowled " I just don't like it okay?" I said not wanting to talk about it anymore. She nodded saying the understood. I sighed " Sorry for snapping" I apologized.

She smiled a little " it's alright. " She said. She pulled my hair back as I brushed my teeth again. I'm kind of a germaphob.

     " You don't have to do that" I said gesturing towards my hair.

She shook her head " I hate it when toothpaste accidently gets into your hair, trust me, this is for my sake" She said making me chuckle a little bit. I rinsed out my mouth and stood up. She let my hair go and " Plus, I like to take care of you, it makes me feel like I'm still here" She said making me smile.

    " You're not going to leave me right?" I asked worried.

She smiled " I'll be here as long as you need me too" She said. I ran to her and wrapped my arms around her in a tight hug. " I love you." She whispered into my ear.

    " I love you more."

    " I love you most." She said. She and I touched noses and smiled. It was our thing. not even dad knew about. She and I starred at each other for the longest time possible till a knock at the door made us both jump.

     " Rachel, come on. You're going to be late for school" my dad informed. Me and my mother both ran out. I grabbed my bag and swung it over my shoulder. I ran down the stairs and almost outside. Ashely stopped me before reaching the door.

   "  No, you're eating before you go" She rejected. I just looked at her like she was crazy. She shrugged " With me driving you, you'll have twenty extra minutes" She answered. I huffed and crossed my arms. I took my phone out of my pocket.

    I'm not hungry

She shook her head " You didn't eat dinner yesterday, you're eating breakfast. " She rejected.

I shook my head " no buts Rachel" my dad said from behind me. I huffed upset. She pulled me over to the kitchen table and sat me down. She set a plate of fruit and pancakes in front of me and a glass of orange juice. I looked up at my father. Just looking at this was making me nauseous.

He shook his head " We're not moving till you finish the whole thing" he said. I could feel my stomach turning with anxiety. I typed into my phone.

    Please stop starring at me

I handed him my phone. I could feel my face turning bright red. He sighed. " Ash turn around" he ordered. She looked at him confused " She doesn't want us starring at her" he answered. She turned around at looked down. My father did the same. I looked over at my mother for help.

She held her hands up " oh no, your not looking at me for this, I agree with your father, your to skinny" She said. I scowled and looked at her with pleading eyes. She shook her head " eat Rae. " She ordered.
     I huffed. I took a piece of pancake and slowly chewed it. I swallowed it and shuddered in disgust. About halfway into the pancake, I slid my chair back as fast as I could and ran to the bathroom. I opened the toilet seat and threw up all the contents of what I just consumed. My father and Ash ran in.
    I threw up a little more before I pulled away. I looked down in shame. Ash crouched down in front of me like she was talking to a wounded animal.

    " Sweetheart are you okay?" She asked me nervously. I nodded and reached over for the toilet paper. I rubbed my mouth and threw it in the toilet. She casted my father a nervous glace who returned it. " Um, Rae" she said nervously to get my attention. I looked up at her. " Have you um, err had sex before?" She asked timidly.
     I looked at her, my eyes as wide as saucers, my face completely scared and mortified. I shook my head as fast as I could. She let out a breath of relief. My dad visibly relaxed. I made a disgusted face. My dad shrugged.

     " You can never be to careful" was his only response.

    I looked at him like he was crazy. I shook my head and stood up. I flushed the toilet and walked past them and up to my room. I ran to my bathroom and brushed my teeth before walking back down. I could hear Ash and my father talking. I stopped and listened.

    " What if she has bulimia?" My father asked concerned. My breathing stopped. No, no, no, they couldn't know. I had to deal with this myself. I ran downstairs and grabbed my bag. I looked at Ash. She kissed my father on the cheek.

    " I'll call you" She said. Her and I walked out together. I clutched my bag not looking at her. She starred at me but I couldn't make eye contact. " Do you want to skip school?" She asked. I shook my head. " Ok, but" she handed me my phone " call me when you get out, my shift ends early so I can pick you up" she said.
    I nodded. I slid my phone into my back pocket. I wouldn't call her, I didn't want her to go out of her way for me. I got into the passenger seat and Ash got into the drivers. I jumped when she started the car. She quickly drove me to school. I hoped that Alexander and Bethany wouldn't be there. I got out and waved to Ash with a smile. She waved back and pulled out of the school's drop off. I clutched my bag tighter to my chest and walked in through the schools gate. I looked at my phone, I had ten minutes before school started. I thought about walking to my locker, I had to get my first four periods things. I sighed knowing there was no other way around it. I held my breath and walked to my locker. This was going to be a long day.