“What a terrible age to be at.”

“Huh?” I asked. My mind had been elsewhere, focusing on nothing in particular. Mainly about last night, but a mix of other things here and there.

“The poor guy, Seth Wicks, who killed himself last night; what a terrible age to be at,” my mother stated. She got that look on her face like she was trying to remember something. Probably trying to recall when she was that age a long time ago when dinosaurs roamed the Earth. My mom was more like my friend. I could talk to her and she talked to me. Both of us counted on each other to be their brick wall and hold them upright. She tended to act like a teenager mostly, which first started our mother-daughter friendship. No doubt trying to make up for some lost years when she was raising me. Her attitude just made her more fun to be around.

“How’d he die?” I already knew the answer but asked anyways.

“It says he died from self-inflicted lacerations, which he eventually bled to death.” I knew that’s what the police report said, but they were way off base. I should know. I was there. Or really, I was there but I wasn’t in my right mind …or any mind at all. My mom didn’t know though and despite our open relationship, I didn’t want her to know. It felt wrong but what else could I do? She’s still a parent and an authority figure. She’s still a police officer and that meant she could turn me in for the murder of Seth Wicks.

I’m not sure I killed him or not, but he definitely didn’t commit suicide. I was in a group and I don’t really remember much of what happened. The night’s events proved that one of us was dangerous, and one of us would most likely do it again, but I don’t know who.

I kept playing the scene over and over again, trying to pick through all the fuzzy spots to see if I did know, but nothing could take away from the black shadow that drifted over the areas. I dissected every piece of last night but I could feel it getting smaller and smaller in my mind’s eye.

Pretty soon, it would become more and more like a dream and I would stop paying attention to it. It also meant that no one would know the truth about his death but really, what could I do? If I told, I’d get into trouble and I already had a record. If I didn’t tell, then I would grow more and more guilty and paranoid. My life would become like the story The Tell-Tale Heart and I couldn’t have that either. I didn’t need my raging guilt to become fodder to my growing insanity.

I wanted to tell, really I did. What was stopping me was more than the trouble I’d get into, but the fact that if I did, I might very well end up like Seth. No, Seth had had no hand in his death, but he was very much responsible. At least, that’s what some people in the group had said. I think I believed it, but I’m not sure. He was threatened not to tell anyone, one that would result so in his death. He knew the consequences as well as any of us. I couldn’t figure out why he told though. What could be more important than that of his life? It was something I was sure I would have to find out, no matter whose back I had to go behind.

I went to bed, a plan trying to form in my head. But I didn’t know how to go about things. Who would I ask without it getting to be suspicious? I realized I couldn’t just go about asking anyone, because I was certain most everyone would report my actions.

All these thoughts however small, both caused fatigue and paranoia. I would be doing a lot of sneaking around and playing with the edges of death, but it had to be done. Before I could think anything else, my body gave way to exhaustion.


I didn’t have a very pleasant dream. I was some kind of wolf, sulking around and looking for prey. Looking around me, I noticed I wasn’t alone. There were as many wolves here as there were people in my group the other night. But the numbers were still different; there were at least three less than the group.

We made our way along a river, not daring to try to swim through the dark currents. We needed to cross, but there was a bridge ahead so we waited till we reached that to cross the water. One by one, we darted across and met up at an old oak tree that has seen better life in its time. Of course, we had no plan about what we were going to do, but even if they did, they wouldn’t have told me. I may have been the daughter Sakara, the most dangerous wolf on the planet, but I had a lot to prove.

Sakara was dangerous, yes, but she had her moments. She ruled over a species called the Fatih for the last thousand years and no one has ever challenged her. Being the leader, she held lots of power and secrets over everyone that most did what she said.

The Fatih are a secret race hidden among humans. I can’t exactly tell you what we are, because even we don’t know. Mostly our form goes between human and wolf but it can vary with whatever we need to be. Our race used to be plentiful but the humans learned of our existence. Their appreciation and wonder of us went as far as hunting us down, with every intention of killing us.

You would think we would know what we are, but time revealed nothing to us. We found that we could change shapes, imitations of the living around us. But we can’t do it on command. Wolf is the definite form we turn to, other than human, because they’re the most natural to us. We use those forms more often and have examples around us every time. I think that’s how we can control it. In order to change into what we want, we have to have it right beside us, kind of like the cloning you see in movies. I guess you could call us Ekil Deitireni, or shape shifters.

Our group trudged ahead and into the forest. We would have to be careful, though, because we weren’t in our territory anymore. Defenses soared up, every one of us on the look-out for any sort of movement. It was hunting season, for us, but that didn’t mean that it would turn it against us. What we were hunting always made me curious. Every neophyte was never granted knowledge, for experience was the most important thing first.

Everything that we didn’t know would be taught once we proved ourselves. Not once has a neophyte ever been granted understanding while underage. Of course, no one has been born of Sakara before, having been thought that leaders gave up the right to reproduce in order to lead.

There was a slight movement ahead of us. No one seemed to have acknowledged it. I was right about to tell of what I had seen when Mozart, the group’s head, suddenly crouched down into an attacking stance. We waited for the animal to make itself seen more. Seconds, maybe minutes, ticked by, leaving us all impatient.

Finally, the head of a small boy appeared. Somewhere in the back of my subconscious, I recognized this boy. I couldn’t quite place his familiarity to me.

In the meantime, Mozart struck. He swung his paw, barely missing as the boy ducked. The boy hadn’t realized he just dodged his death, because he had bent down to look at something: a wolf track, heading directly in the opposite direction he was facing. He turned around to face us, his eyes searching for the next track. I suddenly realized he was trying to track us. He wasn’t some innocent child who was interested in any track he came by. He was hunting us.
Mozart must have realized this too, because he looked back at us, vengeance clear in his eyes. Yet, there was something else there too. It surprised me to realize there was fear too. This small boy seemed so weak, yet so powerful. This child was living proof that humans still knew about us, and that they were set on our extinction.
The thought hurt, but then again, it was supposed to. Humans wanted us dead, wanted me dead. That kind of thought shouldn’t spring about happiness. No, we needed to kill this person, before he could kill us.
Sovereign, you know what to do. Now is the time to prove yourself. Mozart sent telepathically to me. I knew I had to kill him, but how? He was exactly the thing that we hid amongst and used their exterior for protection. How was killing him different than killing any of the others in their human form? But I had to prove myself; my mother was counting on me. It was my duty, the thing I swore to do at all costs. Maybe not verbally, but being a Ekil Deitireni meant that you do what the others tell you to, no matter how much it goes against your semblance.
What do I do? I sent back. I meant it. I knew my job but not the procedure. This is the first time and I had no idea how to do it.
Any way you deem fit, as long as the target is terminated.
That it made sound like we were machines; ones who were hired to take out the required mark didn’t make it out of the situation alive. I didn’t want to be some killing machine. I wanted to have a life without this kind of duty.
Hesitantly, I shot back: Do you trust me?
Yes he said after a few moments.
I went towards some nearby bushes that offered a lot of coverage. I crouched under them and let my nature do the rest. I stumbled out of the bushes with what I fell asleep in. Cautiously, I glided towards the boy.
As I got closer, I realized he was my age. He had sandy blond hair with hazel eyes, making him unique. He was a couple inches taller than me, making him 5’10”.
He heard me coming and looked up to see who it was. He looked surprised but then he quickly masked it. A poker face settled over him.
I stumbled over a rock but he caught me, pressing me to his lean body. Why was I such a klutz? But being against him made me lose track of my purpose. I looked up into his eyes and noticed they were more like a sea green than a hazel.
“Sovereign,” he said. In that one word, I realized my job just became much harder. The reason I knew him came to me. He went to my school but moved a couple months ago to the neighboring town.
“Erik,” I said, my accent stumbling over the name. I didn’t my heritage, so I didn’t know where I was from. I hoped it was somewhere cool, maybe like Russia or something. “What are doing here?”
“I think I should be asking you that.”
“I couldn’t sleep,” I said and added a yawn to make it more convincing. He didn’t buy it.
“Sovereign, do you know where we are?”
“Umm, we’re in the woods.”
“No, I mean where are we?”
“Behind my house, silly.”
“No, we aren’t. We’re in behind my house.”
“Oh,” was all I could think to say.
He looked at me carefully. He saw the way I was leaning against a nearby tree and how I had stumbled earlier. He started putting pieces together. “Are you drunk?” he asked.
Don’t I wish. That way, I wouldn’t remember what I was about to do. Because while he was making his assessment, I had removed the knife from behind my belt. “Of course not,” I scoffed.
While we were talking, I had slowly made my way towards him. I stumbled again, trying to see if he would catch me. He did.
I plunged the knife regretfully into his stomach. He sank down to the ground with a surprised look on his face. I looked into his eyes as he asked me why I was doing this. Trying to harden my heart, I simply replied, “Because you knew too much.”
His eyes went blank and I knew he was dead. But it could have been me for all I knew. I had loved Erik. Killing him only made me want to take the knife from his chest and pierce my heart. God only knows that I would deserve it. I dropped to my knees and said a few words with tears streaming down my face.
Slowly, I stood and wiped the tears from my face. I trembled to the bushes and transformed once again. I wobbled over to the group, who had been watching from afar. Mozart nodded approvingly and sent some praising messages. My test was complete: I had proven myself. I was now worthy of knowledge.
But after something so hurtful, I didn’t want it. My soul had just ripped itself apart and they were congratulating me for it. I hated what I did, and this made me hate what I become. I was on the road to soullessness. I don’t know why I did it, but I knew that I would never be the same.
This group thought that what I had done was good. Was it? Every day, right and wrong became even more confusing. I knew in my heart that it was the right thing to do, kill him before he killed me or anyone else. Yet, it was also wrong, taking a life way before it was his time. Sometimes I just wish that I didn’t have a conscious like everyone else. No, I need to shut that thought away. A conscious is good.
Heading home was a blur, both with my newly found depression and the fact that we were running. It would be daybreak soon and we couldn’t be out in it. Trees and shrubs passed by. I knew if I concentrated that I could see them more clearly, but the tears forming in my eyes alerted me that that was impossible.
We passed through an archway; going in as wolves but coming out as people. The archway provided cover as the transformation took place. You never know who is out there watching you.
Without making any noise, I slunk back to my house. Careful to avoid the door, I climbed the lattice below my window. I had left my window open for this specific reason. Scrambling into my room, I didn’t expect what I saw. Standing at the foot of my bed was a figure with sandy blond hair and green eyes that you wanted to swim in. Erik. And he was staring right at me, glaring.
He seemed to have been waiting for me for a long time because fatigue shown on his face. I waited for him to speak, but he didn’t. The look of anger and irritation still donned on every feature. Even his hands seemed to be mad at me. In one movement, I was on the bed. I gestured for him to do the same. A little while later and he complied.
I should be surprised to see him, especially after I just killed him, but I wasn’t. In a way, I was expecting this. The same thing happened to Seth. I realized with a start that it had been I who had killed Seth, but not the same way as Erik. The difference between the two deaths had been one thing: Seth had been from drunken rage and Erik had been duty. I was the one who was dangerous and I was the one who would most likely kill again. In fact, I already had!
Looking up at Erik, tears started forming again. This time, I didn’t try to hold them back. I cried for what seemed like hours. Erik’s figure appeared next to me and had put an arm around me. Through my tear-distraught eyes, I realized that this was his way of saying that he forgave me, though I don’t know why. I pressed against him and I realized that he was solid.
Hope started to fill inside me. Maybe I hadn’t killed him after all. I mean, I only stabbed him through the stomach. But he seemed dead after though. He didn’t move or make a sound. He didn’t even have a pulse! Believe me, I checked. But how could you ignore the evidence when it’s sitting right beside you, comforting you?
I tried speaking but all that came out was strangled words. He seemed to understand what I was trying to say and he simply nodded, with a grim face. I looked down at his stomach and noticed a small slit that penetrated deeply. Blood was still pouring out of it. Which meant that Erik was still alive, but pretty soon, he wouldn’t be.
My realization came with payment. For at the moment of my comprehension, he slumped off the bed and landed on his stomach. Erik was now officially dead and the last thing I remember of that night was a high pitched scream. The rest was as blank as Erik’s lifeless eyes.


I awoke in the town’s hospital. I could only guess how I got here and the sight they’d seen in my room. My room… the thought brought back visuals of what had happened. My mood plummeted and I was glad that I was alone. I didn’t want anyone to me this heartbroken. I knew in an instant that as soon as someone discovered I was awake, I would be questioned.
I did what I thought was right, and I slunk out of the hospital bed I was in. scanning the room, I realized my mom was asleep on the sole couch in the room. Without waking her up, I cautiously walked to where my clothes were resting on the chair next to her. I closed the bathroom door at the same time that someone entered my room, startling my mother awake.
Straining my ears, I tried to listen in to who it might be. At the same time, I was putting my clothes on as quietly as I could. I could hear voices and one sounded like a man.
“…where she is. She might know something,” the man said.
“I told you, I don’t know anything more than you do!” she snapped back.
“Cindy, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to demand.” Funny, because it sounded like he did.
“It’s okay Mase, I know you didn’t.” There was a shuffling of feet and I realized they were hugging. I didn’t know she had a boyfriend. Based on his tone, I would’ve guessed that he was her boss. Maybe he was and they were involved. A disgusting though but it explains why I didn’t know. Doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt me any less at her lack of sharing some valuable information.
I opened the bathroom window, but it didn’t go without making any sounds. A low squeak sounded through the silence. I realized it was now or never before they come running in here. I found it funny though, that not once had someone searched for me in the bathroom. I tried not to hold onto that thought as I climbed out the window. I looked down and realized that the only thing to walk on was a couple inches thick. I thanked God for my small feet and placed my feet on it. Hesitantly, I started walking to the right, with my back to the sky. I had to focus on this so that I wouldn’t fall. A little down the road against the hospital was a large tent. I knew that that was how I would escape.
Making my way towards it proved difficult because every now and then I would lose my footing and almost fall to my death. I eventually made it, surprised that nobody seemed to notice me. But when I turned around on a wider ledge, I noticed that there was no road. Instead, there were three walls. I was caged in.
I jumped, but simply because I’m claustrophobic and impulsive. I land on the tent and surf off the side, landing on my feet. A sharp pain filled my body and I stumbled forward. I landed on it wrong, but it wasn’t broken. I limped to the door that read Exit and opened it. Walking in, I tried to take in my surroundings. No one seemed to notice me. Trying not to limp, I walked out into the sunshine…and into the arms of Erik. Or rather, the spirit of him. He wore a sympathetic smile and all I could think to do was stop and stare.
The world seemed to stop. There was just me and him, no one else. We stood there staring at each other until someone took my arms and forced them behind my back. There was a cool feeling around my wrists and realized that I had just been handcuffed. I glanced away for a moment before I noticed Erik was gone. My attention flipped back to the handcuffs.
My imprisoner looked at me and said some words before the grand finale. I still didn’t know why I was being arrested. I straightened myself and prepared for the next part of my life.
“What am I being charged with, officer?” I asked innocently.
The next phrase surprised me, both because they figured it out and because it was true.
“You’re being charged with the murder of Erik Langley.”