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Pizza Dinner Party
Act 1, Scene 1
At rise, LEO and HARLOW, a young couple, sit on a couch in a small apartment, next to the couch is the kitchen area with a medium sized table. LEO has one of his legs on the couch as HARLOW is helping him remove a splinter from his foot.
LEO
(yelling in agony)
Ahhhh kill me now! Bloody hell, you know that hurts right? Like, really bad.
HARLOW
Yeah, well we could just leave this in there if you want.
LEO
(hesitantly)
Go on. Don’t you have like tweezers or something? Ahh.
(thunder roars from outside)
HARLOW
I really couldn’t tell you where I put them last. So right now, my fingers will have to do.
(short pause)
LEO
Do you think they’re all gonna come tonight?
HARLOW
Leo, none of your friends live more than a block away. If none of them show up, they’re not very good friends. Are they?
Leo
Well I-
HARLOW
(cutting LEO off)
You’re too cute. Is this your first time throwing a dinner party?
LEO
No, just my first time hosting one … Okay Yes.
(HARLOW being to quietly chuckle under
her breathe as she continues to work at
the splinter)
LEO (CONT’D)
All I know is I got a great job, a beautiful girlfriend. I’m 29. I’m almost an adult-
HARLOW
(cutting LEO off)
You are an adult.
LEO
Uh Yeah, almost. And we should probably start doing adult things.
HARLOW
Like serving pizza at a dinner party.
LEO
That is what other adults do, right?
HARLOW
Of course it is babe. And it think it absolutely sweet that you made the effort to coordinate this party.
LEO
Well I couldn’t of done it without the help of my awesome, supportive, and incredibly gorgeous…
(just at that moment, HARLOW yanks
hard at the splinter)
LEO (CONT’D)
(jumps up while yelling in pain)
Ahhhh shit! Holy freaking shit! Ah I give up.
HARLOW
Leo!
LEO
I’m just going to have to accept that for the rest of my life there will be a small piece of wood seizing the tendons in my foot.
(HARLOW stands up in front of LEO and
holds the silver in front of his face)
HARlOW
Leo…
LEO
(jokingly talks to splinter)
Ahh there you are. Not so tough are you?
(HARLOW throws the slinter back on
the floor)
HARLOW
And now it’s gone.
LEO
(in shock)
What?! You can’t just throw it back on the floor. Don’t you see that’s how this whole problem started?
HARLOW
Well now you know not to walk around barefoot in the apartment. See? You’ll learn from this.
(suddenly a loud tapping noise is
coming from the floor)
LEO
(irritatedly yells to floor)
Dammit Miss Adley you are killing me with this. We’re not being loud we were just talking at a perfectly normal volume mind you. I can however see you you might find my current volume loud.
(HARLOW walks to coat rack by the
door and begin to grab coat)
HARLOW
Okay, I’m going to go.
LEO
Why?
HARLOW
I’m meeting up with Luna to pick up some last minute touches for the party. You know I how I get when I can’t get stuff done. And this is very important.
(HARLOW then leans in and kisses LEO)
HARlOW (CONT’D)
Besides, I also need to pick up a dish for the party.
LEO
(slightly confused)
But pizza? …
HARLOW
Leo it’s a dinner party. Everyone should contribute something to the dinner.
(HARLOW grabs her purse and begins to
look through it when she suddenly stops
with a realization)
HARlOW (CONT’D)
You did tell everyone to bring something, didn’t you?
(short pause as LEO beings to shift
from side to side nervously)
LEO
Well…
HARlOW
You can’t just feed everyone pizza, this isn’t a 7 year old’s birthday party.
LEO
Alright! I know.
HARlOW
Okay, I’ll see you later sweetie. Tonight will be fun.
(HARLOW exits through the door)
LEO
Time to fix this.
(LEO paces back and forth in front of the
couch as he pulls out his phone. He diales
the phone and brings it to his ear. Stage
left, a spot light comes on and we see HUGO,
A friend of his, picking up the call.
LEO (CONT’D)
(in phone)
Come on, come on, pick up.
HUGO
(in phone)
I’m sorry, what was that?
LEO
Oh Hugo! Thank god. Look, I’m just calling to see … uhh you’re bringing a dish to the dinner party tonight, right?
HUGO
Dinner party? I thought you said this was a pizza party.
LEO
It’s a dinner pizza party.
HUGO
So it’s a dinner party and pizza party?
LEO
Right.
HUGO
But it’s not a dinner party or just a pizza party?
LEO
(in frustration)
Or a 10 year olds confirmation party.
HUGO
Wait what?
(LEO sits on couch)
LEO
I don’t know. But it’s very important you contribute something to dinner tonight.
HUGO
(annoyed)
Really?
LEO
Yes.
HUGO
Well is anyone else brings a whole loaf of white bread?
LEO
(gleefully)
Only my good friend Hugo!
HUGO
Oh. Well, then I guess I can see what else I got lying around here maybe.
LEO
No, no Hugo. You’re the - nevermind. Just bring the bread. And I’ll see you, 7:30?
HUGO
Yeah sure, but I might be 10 minutes late?
LEO
Why?
HUGO
I don’t know, it just easier for me to come 10 minutes later. I hate being in a rush.
LEO
(minorly irritated)
7:40 it is.
(LEO hangs up the phone and HUGO walks off
stage as the spotlight fades. LEO walks to
the fridge when his cell phone rings. As he
picks up, we see stage left ARCHER with a
spotlight fade up on him and a phone to his ear)
LEO (CONT’D)
(in phone)
Hello.
ARCHER
(panicky)
Leo?
LEO
Archer, what’s up? Hey are you bringing a dish for dinner party tonight by chance?
ARCHER
(hushed and afraid)
I think someone might be in my apartment.
LEO
(condescending)
Are you sure?
ARCHER
Yeah pretty sure.
LEO
Well where are you now? Did you call the police?
ARCHER
I’m in my closet and I didn’t call them. But I’m thinking, you have my spare key, so maybe you could come over. Scare them off for me.
LEO
Okay, I’m on my way.
ARCHER
(afraid and quiet)
Hurry!
(The spotlight is still on ARCHER stage
left as he stands there looking petrified.
LEO hangs up the phone and runs out the door.
5 seconds later he runs back inside and picks
up his keys and calls back ARCHER)
LEO
(in the phone)
Hey, so what apartment do you live at again?
ARCHER
He heard me Leo.
LEO
What? Are you sure?
ARCHER
Yeah, pretty sure. Have fun at your dinner party.
(ARCHER screams. The spotlight fades
and ARCHER exits stage left)
LEO
(said with concern)
Archer? Archer!
(LEO then hangs up the phone and
puts it in his pocket)
LEO (CONT’D)
(laughingly)
You almost had me there. But not today, I’m a little too wise for this.
(LEO pulls back out phone and begins to dial)
LEO (CONT’D)
Pick up Archer, pick up.
(Stage left the spotlight turns back on only
to reveal no one underneath it. A phone dial-up
noise is then heard, and the spotlight fades to
black. LEO puts his phone back in his pocket)
LEO (CONT’D)
Hmm clever.
(Stage lights fade to black)
Act 1, Scene 2
At rise, we see LEO in the apartment setting the table with plates, cups and silverware. After placing the last plate, his phone rings and stage left, a stoplight fades up on JASON. LEO picks up the phone.
JASON
(in phone)
Hey Leo, I wanted to double check if I should bring something tonight. Amy seems to think I should.
LEO
(in phone)
Of course, this isn’t a 12 year olds bar mitzvah. Something strange just happened.
CARSON
Wait, what’s going on?
LEO
I think something bad might have happened to Archer. He said he was in his apartment and heard someone, then the phone went dead.
CARSON
Did you call the police?
LEO
Noo? What if he’s just goofing around, can’t I get in trouble with fake call ins?
CARSON
Well what if he’s not joking around and it may just save his life. If you’re not calling them, one of us needs to go check on him.
LEO
Alright, thanks for doing it.
CARSON
(slightly irritated)
Aww come on, you’re making me go?
LEO
I’m expecting guests!
CARSON
Fine. If you don’t hear from me within 20 minutes, call the police.
LEO
Alright, be safe.
(LEO hangs up the phone, and the spotlight
fades to black and CARSON exits stage left.
There is then a knock on the door and LEO
goes to open it)
PIZZA DELIVERY BOY
Hi that’ll be 16.50.
LEO
Where are the pizza’s?
PIZZA DELIVERY BOY
Dammit, you’re right. I put it down somewhere… It must be at that place I was at.
LEO
Which is? …
PIZZA DELIVERY BOY
I think the store.
(short pause)
PIZZA DELIVERY BOY (CONT’D)
Yeah I’ll go back to the store then.
LEO
Right.
(LEO closes the door, and as he does so,
his phone rings. When he picks up, a
spotlight shines on HUGO on stage left)
HUGO
(in phone)
Hey, so I think I might be 15 minutes late.
LEO
What? Why?
HUGO
I think there’s someone in my apartment.
LEO
(very concerned)
No!
HUGO
He’s smashing a lot of my stuff out there, it’s a good thing I was able to run into the bathroom.
LEO
Look Hugo, just stay in the bathroom and keep quiet. I’m gonna go find some help.
HUGO
(scared)
Wait Leo, I think they know I’m in here. Tell your good friend Hugo he better bring his white bread after all
(HUGO screams and the spotlight fades
to black. HUGO exits stage left)
LEO
Hugo?!
(LEO hangs up phone and there is a knock
at the door. Opening the door, it’s the
delivery boy holding two pizza boxes)
PIZZA DELIVERY BOY
Dude, it was totally in my car.
LEO
(skeptically)
Umm alright here’s the 16.50. You take care pal.
(LEO gives the money to the DELIVERY BOY
and he hands the two pizza boxes to LEO.
LEO closes the door and walks over to
couch and beings to eat a slice. He pulls
out his phone and begins to dial it. A spot
then fades up stage left and an emergency
dispatch officer is seen picking up the call)
LEO
Hi, I need to report a mur-
EMERGENCY DISPATCH WOMAN
(cutting LEO off)
Hi emergency service dispatcher are currently unavailable. Please wait for the next available dispatcher to take your call. Thank you for your patience and understanding.
(LEO hangs up the phone in frustration
and throws it in frustration next to him
on the couch. The spotlight fades and the
emergency dispatch women exits stage left.
LEO lets out a long sigh. The phone rings
again and LEO scrambles to answer it. Stage
left a spotlight fades up and we see LUNA
calling LEO)
LEO
(in phone and excited)
Carson?!
LUNA
(in phone)
No Leo, it’s Luna.
LEO
(disappointed)
Oh hi Luna.
LUNA
I was just wondering if this is going to be like a real dinner party tonight? Like where we're supposed to bring something.
LEO
Yeah of course Luna, it’s not a 7 year olds- wait woah woah wait, Luna?
LUNA
Leo?
LEO
(confused)
Aren’t you out shopping with Harlow?
LUNA
Uh no, why? Should I be?
(LEO quickly gets up from the couch
and runs to the window, lifts the
blind and peers through the window)
LEO
(confused)
I don’t know.
LUNA
What’s going on over there?
LEO
Nothing, nothing.
(after short pause, LEO signs)
LEO (CONT’D)
Two possible murders?
LUNA
(confused)
What?
LEO
I know, I know. This all confusing and happening very fast. Hugo and Carson were attacked in their apartments and I think they’ve been murdered.
(LEO sees a set of keys on the table by
the window and picks them up. He hold them
close to his face and examines them)
LUNA
Are you joking? Did you call the police?
LEO
Uh no.
(the door begins to unlock and LEO
hastily puts the keys back. HARLOW
enters with two large paper bag)
LEO (CONT’D)
I gotta go, I really got to go.
LUNA
Okay well call me back if need any help or find out more information-
(LEO hangs up the phone and the spotlight
fades to black and LUNA exits stage left)
HARLOW
Can you help with the groceries babe?
(LEO turns from the window and stares
at HARLOW with a confused and concerned
expression)
HARLOW (CONT’D)
Please?
LEO
Uh yeah sure- sure let me- let me help you with that.
HARLOW
(happily)
Thanks honey.
(LEO grabs one of the bags and they
both walk to the kitchen and LEO starts
to put food in the cupboard and HARLOW
puts food in the refrigerator)
HARLOW (CONT’D)
So, anything fun or interesting happen while I was gone?
(LEO freezes and takes a short pause)
LEO
(shakes head)
Nope.
(LEO unfreezes and continues to put
food away)
LEO (CONT’D)
So I was talking with Luna.
(HARLOW freezes)
HARLOW
Oh yeah?
(HARLOW unfreezes and continues
to put foot away)
HARLOW (CONT’D)
Funny thing, she bailed on me on the last second. You know how she can be such a flake sometimes-
LEO
(cutting HARLOW off)
You left your car keys here.
HALOW
Alright you caught me. I picked the groceries up earlier and left them at Mallory’s next door.
LEO
What? Why’d you do that? I’m confused.
(LEO and HARLOW both finished putting
away the groceries. HARLOW slowly walks
towards LEO)
HARLOW
There was something important I had to take care of honey. Something for us.
(LEO begins to walk backwards away
from HARLOW)
LEO
What- what are you trying to say, … babe?
HARLOW
I’m trying to say I’d do anything for you.
(HARLOW backs LEO into a corner)
HARLOW (CONT’D)
And that I really really love you.
(LEO grabs the broom next to him
and holds it like a weapon towards
HARLOW)
LEO
(aggressively)
Did you murder Hugo and Carson?!
HARLOW
(surprised and confused)
What?!
LEO
Did you kill them?!
HARLOW
(angry)
Kill them? Of course not! Is this some type of joke? Leo you’re not very funny!
LEO
(accusingly)
Hugo and Carson were both attacked. Possibly even murder since you left. You lied about the shopping and lied about being with Luna! What exactly were you out doing when you left the apartment?
HARLOW
(angrly)
Do you even know what day it is tomorrow? Can you tell me that Leo?
LEO
Tomorrow’s Saturday.
HARLOW
(angry and stern)
No, the actual day.
LEO
(condescending)
Saturday November 10th, why?
(HARLOW crosses her arms and stars
at LEO)
LEO (CONT’D)
(comes to realization)
Our two years.
(LEO puts broom back)
HARLOW
(angry)
I thought it’d be nice if we’d exchange gifts for our 2 year anniversary, don’t you think?
LEO
So you’re telling me, this whole time you were out secretly buying me an anniversary gift?
HARLOW
Yes.
LEO
(skeptically)
How do I know you’re not lying?
HARLOW
(yelling)
You’re kidding me Leopold!
LEO
(yelling)
I don’t know! I’m just so confused right now!
(LEO’s cell phone rings and he answers
it. Stage left a spot light fades up
and LUNA is seen on the phone)
LEO (CONT’D)
(yelling in phone)
Luna this really isn’t a good time right now!
LUNA
(quietly in phone)
Leo! Remember how you told me Hugo and Carson were attacked in their apartments?
LEO
Yeah why?
LUNA
(apprehensive and scared)
Because I’m pretty sure there’s someone in my apartment!
LEO
(confused and concerned)
What?
LUNA
I locked myself in my bedroom. I called the police and they should be on their way. Leo, do you think it’s the same guy?
LEO
Luna, I really can’t say.
LUNA
(scared and frightened)
He knows I’m in here, what do I do?!
LEO
Just stay where you are and find something to defend yourself in case he gets to you.
(LUNA screams and the spotlight fades.
LUNA exits stage left. LEO hangs up
after the scream. There is a short pause)
LEO (CONT’D)
Oh my god. You’re not the killer!
(LEO exitibly hugs HARLOW)
HARLOW
We have to call the police.
(stage lights fade to black)
Act 1, Scene 3
At rise, HARLOW is sitting on the
couch eating a piece of pizza. LEO
is pacing back in forth with the
phone to his ear.
LEO
(in phone)
Alright, thank you.
(LEO hangs up the phone)
LEO (CONT’D)
(sadly)
That was the detective on the case. Everyone’s dead. I can’t believe all this is happening.
HARLOW
Is this all a coincidence? All of our friends being killed in the same night? It can’t be.
LEO
We got to be the personal connection, right?
(long pause)
HARLOW
(nervously)
Are you scared?
(short pause)
LEO
F'ing terrified.
HARLOW
You know what I still don’t get?
LEO
Hmm?
HARLOW
You honestly believed I was was the killer.
(HARLOW gets up from floor and walks
into kitchen)
HARLOW (CONT’D)
And you honestly thought you could stop me with this? …
(HALOW picks up the broom)
LEO
It’s multi purpose!
(HARLOW puts broom back and sits
down on couch with LEO)
HARLOW
If you were gonna use that on me, I can’t wait to see what you’d use on the killer.
(the door silently opens and BRENT ADLEY
quietly enters the room. BRENT dials his
phone. LEO’s phone rings)
LEO
(jumps up from couch and answers phone)
Greg! This is that you?!
(LEO walks around with his back turned
to HARLOW and BRENT ADLEY)
LEO (CONT’D)
Talk to me Greg! I think I have bad reception.
(LEO turns around to see to see BRENT
ADLEY holding a knife to HARLOW’s neck. In
suprise, he tosses the phone on the couch)
BRENT ADLEY
Hello Leo. Lovely dinner party. It’s a pity I wasn’t invited.
LEO
Who are you and what did you do with Greg?!
BRENT ADLEY
Unfortunately Greg had to decline his invitation. Dead people tend to do that a lot.
(BRENT ADLEY starts to evilly laugh
and LEO stands there looking confused)
BRENT ADLEY (CONT’D)
But seriously, do you not know who I am?
LEO
No, should I?!
BRENT ADLEY
I’m you’re guys neighbor… Brent. I live right under this apartment.
LEO
No, Miss Adley live is our neighbor. She lives directly beneath us.
BRENT ADLEY
Miss Adley, my mother, passed away two years ago and I moved into her apartment.
LEO
Uh no, that can’t be. I just saw Miss Adley it must have been, I don’t know… 2 years ago…
(BRENT ADLEY begins to breathe
heavier as he gets more angry)
LEO (CONT’D)
(shrugging)
Uhh, welcome to the building?
BRENT ADLEY
(madly)
It’s a little late for that. I have never had neighbors as inconsiderate, loud and rude as you! These walls are paper thin, I hear everything. And the footsteps! At least have the decency to take to take your shoes off like I do. I lie awake at night hearing the tap tap tap! It can really drive someone crazy! You guy are the bain of my existence!!
LEO
(speaks with sarcasm and motions at knife BRENT is holding)
Alright you have to admit, this is a little much.
(BRENT ADLEY holds HARLOW tighter
and brings the knife closer to her
neck)
LEO (CONT’T)
(positively speaking with small laugh in his voice)
Okay! So maybe me and Harlow can certainly afford to be a little more quieter as we go through the day-
BRENT ADLEY
(cutting LEO off)
I’m afraid it’s too late for that, like your friends, I think the 2 of you will be a lot quieter from now on.
(BRENT backs up while still holding
onto HARLOW)
LEO
How do you even know who our friends are anyways?
BRENT ADLEY
You guys don’t make many friends, especially friends far from home, now do ya Leo. And when you’re loud friends leave, I can practically still hear them on their walk home. It’s very easy to look out a window Leo. I’ve heard you talk about all of your gatherings. You really couldn’t of thrown your party at one of their places?! You’re non-stop talks about the pizza party-
LEO
(cuts off BRENT ADLEY)
Dinner party.
BRENT ADLEY
This is the end.
(BRENT ADLEY evilly laughs and takes
a step back. He steps on the splinter
from earlier and begins to scream while
holding his one foot and jumping up and
down)
HARLOW
(yelling)
Quick Leo! Use the phone! The phone Leo!
(HARLOW points at the phone on the couch
LEO lunges for the phone and throws it at
BRENT ADLEY’s chest. HARLOW runs into the
kitchen and grabs the broom. She then runs
back into the living room and smacks BRENT
ADLEY on the head with it. He falls
unconscious on the floor)
LEO
Holy crap that was amazing!
(LEO gives HARLOW a hug)
HARLOW
Leo, when I said use the phone, I meant call the police… Not throw the phone at him.
(LEO shrugs his shoulders)
LEO
Are you doing okay?
HARLOW
(rubbing her neck)
Yeah I’m fine now. Are you?
LEO
Yeah, I’m okay.
(LEO checks watch)
LEO (CONT’D)
Hey happy almost anniversary babe.
HARLOW
Happy almost anniversary.
(LEO and HARLOW kiss. ARTHUR
walks through the open door)
ARTHUR
(confused)
Woah, what the hell kind of pizza party is this?
(stage lights fade)
FIN
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