My mom works at a metal factory but on the side she works at McDonald’s. I didn’t eat anything this morning so I decided to go to her work and get some breakfast. She hardly works for drive through so I went in through the entrance. I order some chicken nuggets with a drink and pay. There’s nobody else in line so I ask  the cashier if my mom is here. She never checked in. Maybe she’s out getting groceries. 

I wasn’t in much of a rush to get home. There’s nothing for me to do. But for some reason each bite was harder to swallow. The feeling hasn’t gone away. I decided to take the rest of my food and eat it while I drive home. 

I get home and look through the book we have full of phone numbers. I found the metal company my mom works at. I dial the number and it rings. Her boss answers. 

“Hello this is John’s Metal Factory. How may I help you?”

“Hi. This is Derrick.”

“Hey Derrick! It’s been a while since we talked. How’s your mom?”

“Uhm. What are you talking about? Isn’t she working?”

“Very funny Derrick. You made me double check who stamped in. But no, your mom didn’t show up today.”

I didn’t say a word. 

“Hello? Derrick? Could you tell your mom she has to work on Saturday now?”

I hung up the phone. I dial my mom’s number. It goes straight to voicemail. I’m still trying to think for the best. My mom has problems with her phone so she probably has no line. 

I walk over to the couch and sit down on the seat that faces the door. Staring at it for ages thinking to myself maybe she’ll come in the next 10 minutes. Or 20. 30. Never. There’s no point in thinking like that. If my mom felt unsafe she would’ve called someone immediately. 

My eyes start to become heavy. Even though I don’t usually wake up early I thought I would’ve lasted at least a few more hours. 

***

I wake up having no idea what’s going on. I check my phone and it’s already 1. I watch a show for a little while and get ready to pick up Philip. 

“Hey Philip! How was school?”

“It actually wasn’t so bad. I think I already made a few friends”

“That’s good. I’m glad your day went well. Are you feeling in a coffee mood?”

“Sure.”

I drive to a coffee shop my mom loves going to. She takes us from time to time and it’s a good place. It’s a little sketchy sometimes but just in the early morning. I head into the parking lot and I spot my mom’s car. I let out a breath of relief. I give Philip the keys and tell him to stay in the car while I get the coffee. I walk inside and it’s as busy as ever. I order the drinks and after a while I ask the man at the register if he’s seen my mom. 

“Have you seen my mom Esmeralda? She always comes by this shop in the morning and her car’s outside.”

“Oh yeah Esmeralda. She bought a coffee today but it was really early in the morning. I’m surprised she’s still here in her car.”

“Oh she’s not in here right now?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Ok thanks.”

I leave the shop. I get to my car and give Philip both the coffees and tell him to wait in the car for a bit.

“Derrick, where are you going?”

“I’m just gonna check something out. Don’t worry I won’t take long.”

I walk to my mom’s car and look inside. She’s not there. There’s an alleyway that leads to the back of a few houses so I head there. A man stops me. 

“Hey kid, you shouldn’t go through there. It’s dangerous.”

“Sorry but I have to, my mom might be over there.”

“Don’t go there. I saw a man and a woman go in but only the man came out and with a large garbage bag. I heard a few screams too.”

“Sir I appreciate your concern but it was probably nothing and I should really go check.”

“Okay but I warned you. I didn’t mean to anger you or anything. You just look a lot like a woman I know. She’s the one that went through there.”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you Esmeralda's boy?”

“How do you know my mom?”

I grew suspicious 

“She’s a very kind woman. I see her go to this coffee shop everyday and each time she gives me the change she gets. I’ve been able to live this long because of it. You look just like her.”

“Uh sorry but what does this have to do with anything?”

“I’m worried your mom might be gone.”

I wasn’t sure whether to believe him or get angry from this horrible joke. I wasn’t gonna believe a hobo who’s probably on crack.

“Look I’m glad my mom’s been able to help you and everything but I’m gonna go through that alleyway and look for her.”

“Check the trash bin.”

“What? Why would I check the trash bin?”

“I know you don’t believe what I said so I think you should check. If I did it myself then I would be kicked out of this place. They don’t want me going through their donuts for free. There’s no harm in checking yourself.”

“Fine but I want you to stay back. I’m really starting not to trust you.”

He moves back and I open the bin. It reeks. I spotted the bag he was talking about. It was clearly bigger than any other bag in there. I take out my pocket knife and cut through it. 

I jumped back frightened at what I saw. 

“What the f*ck is this old man?! This sh*t is going too far. What kind of sick prank are you pulling on me right now?!”

“I guess I was right then. I’m so sorry.”

“What are you talking about? That wasn’t what I think it was. Tell me that right now. I swear to f*cking God man.” 

My voice is cracking as I yell at him. My eyes start to tear up. I fell to the ground shaking. The cashier that was at the register runs out. 

“What’s all this ruckus about?!”

The old man replies. “Please call the police. There’s a dead body in your trash bin.”

“Don’t say that!” I scream. “Whatever that just was is not a dead body. Much less my mom. Sir please kick this hobo out of your shop. He’s playing some sick joke on me and he thinks it’s so damn funny.”

The cashier asks the hobo, “Why are you spreading such a lie like this?”

“I’m not. Please check that trash bag that’s ripped open in your bin.”

The cashier walks over to it and looks. His eyes widened in an instant. He goes to a trash can near it and throws up. He pulls out his phone and calls the police. 

“It’s best if you stay in your car. The police are on their way and they’ll sort this out. I told them everything.”

I walk over to my car and my eyes are puffy and red. Tears are streaming down my face. I don’t hide it from my brother who heard and saw it all. I don’t reassure him that everything’s okay. I don’t put on a smile to show him that his big brother has everything under control. He doesn’t say a word. Instead, tears fall fast and he’s no longer cheerful. 

It should have been me. What have I done to keep my place here? I had average grades and I wasn’t into any sports. And my stupid chef dream. Where was that gonna get me? How would that support my family in the way they need it? I’m just as worthless as my dad has always told me. I don’t know where I got the confidence to think I could do great things. The only person that was there for me to support me and guide me was my mom and now she’s gone. Dead and dismembered. 

The police didn’t seem like they cared either. Two white cops just wanting to get it over with and get back on their break to stuff their faces. Writing on their notepads to make it look like they care but it was only random words. The kind of thing my mom didn’t deserve. 

They didn’t believe the old hobo. He claimed he saw exactly who did it but just like me the cops are suspicious. They think he’s just some crazy man. Before I left I saw them put cuffs on the man. He’ll probably be the one behind bars and for nothing. I didn’t stand up for him. I know he’s innocent but from the story he told me, he didn’t do a thing to help my mom. I’m not a witness either. I can’t confirm or deny the person who he accused is my mom’s murderer. 

***

There wasn’t anything we could say to each other on the way home. Philip was only silently crying. Possibly thinking the same thoughts as me. My phone rang and it was my dad. He asked about how we were doing. He heard what happened but he didn’t move an inch. He’s there in his office in the military academy. I hate him even more for that. I don’t get why he would even bother calling. For the most part he wanted nothing to do with our family. I started to think about how Philip would be without mom. Money would go down and he wouldn’t have much of a childhood anymore. 

“Dad.”

“Yes Derrick?”

“I’m letting go of my stupid chef dream. I’m gonna join the military where you work.”

“That’s good news for once. I’ll tell your grandparents to take care of Philip while you’re there at the academy. Pack up. I’ll pick you up tomorrow. You’ll train for 2 years. Once you turn twenty you’ll be transferred somewhere else.”

“Okay.”

I hung up the phone. 

“I’m sorry Philip. I know this is gonna be really hard on you. Mom’s gone and I’ll be out training but I promise I’ll come back and make your life so much better. I’ll buy you tons of things and take you out to a bunch of places. Write me some letters about all the friends you’ll make at school okay? I just need you to hold down the fort for a while. But just know that I’m doing this for you little bro. You’re the only person who means a lot to me now.”

“I understand.” He pauses for a moment. “Promise me you’ll come back.”

“I promise.

***

I hear a car pull up outside and of course it’s my dad. I take my bags and put them in his car. I come back inside to take in all the fond memories of this house. I’ll be out for years. I give Philip one last hug and tell him I love him. He’s crying and so am I. I’m about to leave and I see my chef hat on the counter. I pick it up and hug it tightly as I cry more. I throw it away knowing I have to give up on my dream for my family.