As the eldest sister, can we all agree that this role is a second job, other than going to school? For me it was, coming home at 5 in the afternoon after some extracurricular activities and still having to take care of my younger siblings. On top of that, I have to try to keep my grades up at a moderate level. 

Many don't like to call it out, but I mean we are the automatic babysitter for our younger siblings (whether they like it or not). We are also the family peer mediation and the glue that keeps the family from tearing apart. I'm never my own person because I always have to be there for others, including my parents. As the eldest, I'm basically the 3rd parent due to pressure placed on me to push my wants and needs aside to tend to the family I hold dear to my heart. I remember being left alone at the age of 10 with my 8-year-old brother who needed special attention “Don't open the door for nobody, even me, and when there's an emergency use this phone and call 911.”  My mother told us as she left to work for hours.

We are the supposed “successors'' of the family,  proving that our parents fulfilled their job at raising us, also meaning that there is no room for failure as the eldest child,  causing immense stress, anxiety, and a whole bunch of people-pleasing problems to come later in the future.  Not to mention if you are part of an immigrant family there's even more pressure placed upon you to succeed in this American life. An article called “6 Women On The Pressure Of Being The Eldest Kid Of Immigrants” by  Jacqueline Delgadillo, writes about the experience she and 6 other women had being the eldest daughters of Immigrant Families. What they all had in common was that they all had to mature at a faster rate than most because of the family and cultural expectations to be successful, obtain high education, and a well-paying job, while simultaneously being told to start families and support their relatives. Pushing their obligations, wants, and needs aside all for acceptance and recognition. 

People need a sense of belonging, a place where they can be free to express themselves, and as the eldest, we are only really given two choices. To either become the black sheep because they didn't carry out the role or become the person who tries their best in everything only for the sake of others. 

While being the eldest does have its pros such as being in charge or getting respect, the cons still outweigh, but it doesn't mean we don't love our families. I'd do anything for them. All we need is more space to be ourselves and to grow, to find out who we want to be and not have to be. 

So, dear parents, I need you to accept that if you choose to have children, especially with an age gap please be more prepared for the full responsibilities when raising them. Do not force your eldest into the obligation of parenting because you think it's the bear minimin as it's not. It's unfair and inconsiderate to put that much pressure on your child because it will then cause them to mature too quickly and lose all sense of choice before reality comes. It's important that they have the chance to have freedom, to be themselves without thinking of the impact it will have on the family image or their siblings. Only when they are full adults can they help out because then they know to make that decision. 

Works Cited

Bowen, Ronda. “Why The Oldest Child Has More Responsibilities.” Moms.com, 1 August 2020, moms.com/why-oldest-child-has-more-responsibilities/. Accessed 22 April 2022.

Delgadillo, Jacqueline, and Yazmin Butcher. “6 Women On The Pressure Of Being The Eldest Kid Of Immigrants.” Refinery29, 5 October 2021, refinery29.com/en-gb/second-gen-women-on-pressure-eldest-children-immigrants. Accessed 22 April 2022.

“Struggles of being the eldest child in the family | The Times of India.” Times of India, 6 August 2018, timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/parenting/teen/struggles-of-being-the-eldest-child-in-the-family/photostory/65293666.cms. Accessed 22 April 2022.