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Consonants Make the World Go 'Round
Pet peeves. Everyone has them. God knows I do. What makes my skin crawl, my blood boil? Consonants. I hate when people don’t use their consonants. It irritates me to the point that I feel like I’m going to turn into the hulk and go on a rampage through Grand Blanc. Consonants are very important. If you don’t use them you sound like an 80-year-old man that doesn’t have his dentures in. I know this girl and she can’t use her consonants if her life depended on it. Everyone knows one of those girls…. The girl that only uses vowels and the S’s at the end of words. She says things like “I’m A prIncESS.” And your only reaction is to stare at her like a deer in headlights. Eyes wide mouth open and just stunned that someone could be that stupid. Whenever this girl tries to insult someone she says something like “YOU’re A stUUUUpId IdIOt.” What? Did you just call me a ‘stuuupi idio’? That sounds like a stupid frilly dog that you carry around in a purse. I think you attempted to call me a STUPID IDIOT. Honey, there are a few consonants that you missed. Were you in a coma during kindergarten when you were supposed to be learning the alphabet? Did you suffer some brain injury that caused you to be unable to utter a few more letters? It’s shocking that you even know how to speak. I’ll pray for you. Because there is clearly something very wrong.
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