Because my head feels like a battle field between my body and the enemies that surrounds trying to convince me that there’s no war at all. As they give me logic that it’s simply me causing my own struggles, I can personally see the opposing thoughts dropping bombs and clashing. In all the ruins and debris, somewhere in there is what I thought I could be.

My physical presence cannot begin to express my thoughts after the build up of outside voices, and prescribed pills. So now I’ve heard of coping skills, simplicity, and rationality, in addition to this idea of “enlightenment”, “pride”, and “morals”. I can’t tell which is which, what’s for what. So when they’re to ask me what’s wrong I feel embarrassed, if I say it they’ll judge me, or I’ll disappoint them.

I get loud, or quiet, by the sounds of the bombs that drop vigorously inside and I’m not sure whether to get louder than it to over-power and conquer, or to sub-side and let it play out by getting silent.

That’s why I get angry when they tell me I need to just listen. All do is listen, all I do is listen, understand and act based off of. But there’s so many people to listen to with so many different ideas and opinions, that if I was to take just one, the other will swoop in and attack me for not listening. By now I don’t even know my opinion, or how I feel.

So now my question is how do I get them to see this so I no longer have to explain?