Cutie mark? Check. Over sized twinkling eyes? Check. Sparkly pony hairbrush? Check. Trash bag? ……Not so much. If you’ve got more plastic pony paraphernalia than you have friends, it might be time to heed Twilight Sparkles’ kind advise,
“ Friendship is magic”. Go find some. In order to begin your quest for non-plastic playmates, you will need: self-control, a trash bag or lightly decorated canvas tote and some tissues.
Note, before launching yourself into the following steps, I urge you to prepare yourself emotionally for whatever might arise after leaving behind the comfort of your sweet childhood. A few things I recommend are: taking some deep whinnies, nickering plaintively about the house, maybe even getting out the comfort munchies and listening to the Rolling Stones rendition of “Wild Horses” a good 15 times. When you’re sure your rarin’ to gallop forward, go and retrieve a substantial box of tissues. Still with me? Great, now fetch a trash bag, or if you feel this is too extreme, a lightly decorated canvas tote. Now at this point your lower lip is probably protruding out like a horse trying to mouth for an apple just out of his reach. Your heart rate might be quickening to 130 beats per minute while your eyes begin shimmering as they well with tears. Before I ask you to part forever from your four legged confidants, I grant you permission to allow yourself one last play, one more gallop through Equestria, one last brush through Rarities fabulous mane, and one last rainbow dash across the skies. Just get all of those fluffy fuzzy feelings out of your system.

Ok… seeing that 4 hours later you are still frozen on the ground, right where I left you, surrounded by a barricade of cuteness-- lets take this next step at a slow and steady trot. Retrieve the colorful Canvas (trash) bag that we gathered earlier and open it wide. Next put your self-control to the test and gather up all of your ponies in your arms as if you’re going to give them a great big hug. Now, nice and slowly position your arms above the bag like the claw in a toy grabber machine and release into the gaping mouth of the bag.


Give yourself a pat on the back. For a minute there you had me worried, but look at you! You did oh so well! If you have successfully completed the following steps you will not even have a hoof print of evidence remaining of those brilliantly colored manes or adorably decaled rumps. In fact you might be rid of pink glittery things all together. Remember, you haven’t dispelled magic from your life, you have simply widened your horizons to other human beings. So with that in mind, make your own eyes sparkle with adorement for another person. Go enjoy your new found freedom. Live a little. Go meet some people at an amusement park who share common interests. NO broneys (males usually over the age of 25 who are into My Little Ponies) or MPP fanatics allowed. This could be as dangerous as alcohol to an alcoholic. Stay clear of temptation otherwise you could easily be lassoed back into addiction again. Find some hobbies to fill your time. With all your pervious knowledge of the fantastical, you might even land a killer gig in one of those romantic comedy love story movies. Who knows? Maybe you’re meant for the glam and glamor of the stage. The fantasy may be over, but the fun has just begun. You just need to go and meet it ( without a trace of glitter).