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My Modest Proposal
For protecting the people of California from the American opposition of their life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.
The values of the State of California are directly opposed to the general population of American conservatives. Californians are sick and tired their social goals being held back by the actions of the federal government, and therefore its residents support a bill to enact Cali-exit. After many years of experience, I have learned that compromise is rarely the answer. Politicians talk in circles. Eventually, America must draw the line, or rather create one.
After much thought and consideration, the only solution I could propose to such a complex dilemma, is almost too simple. I proudly suggest that the United States of America should scientifically engineer an earthquake using a vast reserve of plastic explosives along the San Andreas Fault to break off the State of California from the rest of the nation. I believe the government should prioritize this necessary action by the Army Corps of Engineers to prevent further tension between California and the Trump administration. We Americans would no longer taste the bitterness of California avocados or smell the heavy smoke rising from California forests. No longer would we be faced with the heartbreaking decision of choosing between Disney Land or Disney World. The advantages of this proposal far outweigh the consequences.
Firstly, flights from New York the new West Coast would be much shorter and much cheaper, requiring less fuel. Additionally, it would be cheaper to transport goods via train or truck from coast to coast. Your packages would arrive faster, and cheaper airfare prices would allow for more exciting vacations.
Secondly, Republicans could happily achieve absolute power in Washington and freely enforce their beliefs across the nation. California is the most progressive and democratic-minded state. Thus, California could house America’s democratic population as an island. California has already “raised income taxes and imposed increasingly high fees to reduce greenhouse emissions. None of that has overridden the attractiveness of this state for talent and innovation and entrepreneurship (Levy, The New York Times).” Without restriction from the United States government, Californians could reach their environmentalist goals and create even more comprehensive ones.
Thirdly, without the democratic population of California, oil companies could expand their offshore drilling operations to the West Coast. These oil companies, like ExonMobil and Transocean, could make millions more while polluting and destroying our oceans.
Fourthly, the United States would no longer waste its money fighting the massive California wildfires. The nation could invest this money elsewhere, either in disaster recovery programs for Puerto Rico or even a taller wall along the Mexican border. Thousands of American lives would be saved, as significantly less citizens would lose their lives fighting forest fires.
Fifthly, the Golden state is considered the world’s fifth-largest economy, trailing behind Germany, but far ahead of the United Kingdom. With such a strong agricultural base, the state could easily sustain itself and remain independent from the United States’ annoying conservative citizens. California already has taken actions that do not align with the Trump administration when considering health care and immigration. California and America quite obviously share many significant differences.
Sixthly, once California is removed from the United States coastline, our nation would lose the Hollywood movie industry. The Canada-United States film industry generates approximately $11.6 billion, making it the most profitable global industry. The Californian Hollywood industry accounts for $10 billion of this (Kiprop, World Atlas). Therefore, Hollywood would be forced to relocate further East, to the nearest appropriate major city, Las Vegas. Las Vegas would become the epicenter of the West Coast, spurring extensive growth not only in Nevada, but along the entire border. Not to mention, rebuilding this multimillion-dollar industry would create thousands of new jobs for American citizens. Las Vegas would become the entertainment capital of the world.
As I stated earlier, the pros of my proposal outnumber the cons. Only a few minor objections come to mind as I explain my proposal. One being that it is against constitutional law for a state to succeed from the union. Yet, if the United States government is the one who initiates the separation in attempt to unify the nation under conservative values, isn’t the federal government held accountable for the dismissal of California, rather than the state itself?
I do not wish to generate added tension between political parties. The intention of my modest proposal is in fact the opposite; to ease political tension by separating citizens of opposing views on either side the Pacific. I, myself would not be affected by this radical idea, for I am a proud member of America’s Green Party.
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This piece is based on an assignment in my sophomore Language and Literature Foundations 2 class. We read Jonathan Swift's modest proposal, analyzed it, and were then prompted to write our own modest proposal.