(BARACK OBAMA, VLADIMIR PUTIN)

Obama sits at oval office desk when the phone rings. He reaches for the phone.

OBAMA

Hello.

PUTIN

It did not go well.

OBAMA

Give it time Vladmir, I’m sure they’ll come around.

PUTIN

You should have seen them, all upset, it was ridiculous! You know, you make some minor changes to a few history books and everyone loses their minds

OBAMA

Tell me about it. You should have seen what happened when I introduced Obama Care, riots I tell you.

PUTIN

It’s just...I don’t know man, I’m having a rough day. Lyudmila forgot to iron my shirt, I ran out of protein powder, then my car wouldn’t start and now this whole textbook fiasco...it’s just…

Putin’s voice wobbles.

...it’s hard, you know? I had to take the bear to work today.

OBAMA

Say no more, I’m airlifting a care package right now.

PUTIN

Thank you Barack; that is very kind. Although, it would be nice if you’d deliver it yourself…

OBAMA

Vladmir, you know…

PUTIN

You would only have to stay for a few hours! We could watch a movie, I’ll make us a nice lunch. Lyudmila at work; we could build pillow forts!

Obama frowns, covers receiver and whispers aggressively into phone.

OBAMA

Shh! Some one will hear you! You know why that can’t happen.

PUTIN

Yes, I know. It’s just, I get so lonely sometimes.

Obama sighs and rubs his temples.

OBAMA

I know Vladimir. Michelle doesn’t understand me like you do. She’s always telling me to fold my shirts or that I need to spend more time with her and the kids, as if I don’t see them in the hall every day.

PUTIN

Ice queens, all of them.

OBAMA

I promise, one day, we’ll tell them. One day, we’ll tell

everyone.

PUTIN

I am living for that day, Barack.

Obama gathers a few papers off his desk.

OBAMA

I’ll text you once I get out of the UN meeting.

PUTIN

Okay, check your snapchat. I faced swapped with Hitler. It’s hilarious.