My ancestors have been living in Australia since the early 1800s, all coming from places like Germany and Ireland. But when people see me with my mostly Asian features given to me from my mother, automatically none of that matters, and I am no longer seen as Australian.

As a child growing up in Australia, I had no other choice but to blend in or be ready to be ridiculed and ostracized for being different.

I lied to my mom, telling her that I didn’t like her homemade Japanese bento lunches she made for me and told her that I preferred a sandwich better, but the truth is that I was just embarrassed with my lunch that looked so different to the other kid’s lunches.

One day I was in my local shopping centre by myself, looking for a dress to wear to my friend’s party when a group of teenage boys passed me. I looked down at the ground feeling shy and scared and heard them laughing. Looking up I saw them pulling their eyes back with their hands, making funny faces at me and telling me to go back to where I came from.

“Go back to where you came from you Chink”  

“Ching Chong Chang”

They all burst out laughing and ran off, leaving me there shocked as everyone just walked by, minding their own business, which hurt me a lot. The fact that so many people heard and saw what happened but didn’t help, even as I started crying was the most painful part.

My whole life I had always felt a bit out of place and uncomfortable with the way I looked, but I had never been racially attacked before. But at 14, I learnt that I wasn’t truly Australian in other people’s eyes. No matter how hard I tried or how much I tried to fake it, to everyone else I will always just look like another Asian immigrant.

Driving to school I see a car with a sticker that says, ‘fit in or f*ck off’. Then at school the teacher tells me that I should be good at maths since I’m Chinese (I’m terrible at maths and I’m not Chinese). Another teacher tells me that my English is good (I was born and raised in Australia), and a boy in my year level tells me that I’m pretty “for an Asian”.

In class the “popular” kids are sitting behind me and I hear them talking about how much they hate how people of colour are trying to take over Australia, all laughing thinking their “joke” was funny, and without noticing, I had made myself shrink into the chair, head down and trying to cover my face with my hair.

One girl said “My family all have dark skin and so when we go out together I can’t help but notice the way people look at us. Even though its small I can see their expressions and it might all be in my head but yeah, it’s not nice to be looked at the way that we are looked at” said one girl.

“I mean I guess when I was younger I would get really sad and angry when people said mean things about my skin but as I became older I just got used to it so now I don’t really care I guess.” Said one guy.

These were experiences that some teenagers who go to my high school shared with me, and every teenager I interviewed had a different story and a different experience, but they all have a voice, and their voices matter.

I did not write this article to criticize Australia or say that Australians are racist because in the end it is my home and I love my country. But racism is still very much a big part of people of colour’s lives. I simply wrote this article because I wanted to just share my experience, hoping that maybe it may help another teenager of colour out there to know they are not alone. I want people to know that I have a story to tell and that even though I may be a teenager, my voice and what I have to say still matters.

In the end, I honestly do hope that in the future, kids like me will be able to grow up, proud and confident about themselves, no matter where they are from or what they look like.