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Ginger Kids
Ginger Kids: Children with Red Hair, Light Skin, and Freckles
Most people know at least one Ginger. A Ginger is a person that has natural red hair, light skin, and freckles. What most people do not know, is that these “average people” are quite far from normal. Obviously, Gingers are soulless creatures.
Gingervitus is the disease that causes a person to become a Ginger. This disease is not contagious, because one must be born with it at birth. People argue that this is not a real disease. Gingervitus is obviously a disease, because the two red-haired genes are recessive and can be identified through analysis of one’s DNA. When the red-haired genes are not fully present, a “Daywalker” is produced. A Daywalker is a person with red hair but not freakishly light skin and freckles. Daywalkers should not be confused with Half-Breeds. Half-Breeds are a type of Ginger with auburn hair. Some argue that Half-Breeds and Daywalkers are the same; this is not true, because while Half-Breeds have auburn hair, Daywalkers have the traditional red hair of regular Gingers.
Though there are many types of Gingers, none of them have souls. Even being partially Ginger eliminates the chance of having a soul. Since the color red is associated with the devil, this proves they are devil worshipers. Some argue this is a mere coincidence, but this is not possible, because red is the color of evil. Gingers will never admit that they do not have souls. Many Gingers are oblivious to the fact they do not have souls. Most mistake the feeling of lacking in a soul with depression and emptiness. There are two main reasons Gingers die off. The main cause of Ginger death is suicide. Many cannot live with the fact they have no soul, and enter a stage similar to depression, but a soulless depression, and it leads to suicide. The second cause of Ginger death is the general public. Many people, when coming across a Ginger, kill them at first sight. They do this because they are scared they will catch Gingervitus. The general public is unaware that Gingervitus is not contagious and cannot be obtained through contact with a Ginger.
Having Gingervitus sets many limitations on one’s self. A Ginger may not be out in the sun for more than five minutes, or their soulless insides will burn up, because the sun will go through their pale skin. Some argue that Gingers can last much longer. They are partially right. Full blooded Gingers can last no longer than five minutes, but Half-Bloods and Daywalkers can last as long as any other person in the sun without severe damage, because their skin is not a translucent pale color, like a true Ginger’s. Gingers also find trouble finding a mate. Most people are either scared of being romantically involved with a Ginger, or are scared by their looks. People should avoid mating or entering a relationship with one, because it almost always ends in soulless, Ginger babies.
In conclusion, Gingers should be avoided because they will try to convert you to Satanism or try to duplicate the amount of Gingers in this world by mating with you. Much research has been done to prove Gingers are soulless creatures, and with the amount of proof that has been gathered, it is obvious all of the above is true. Gingers do not have souls, and never will.
Encyclopedia Britannica. Chicago, IL: Encyclopedia Britannica, 2002.
Print."Ginger Kids." International Gingerkids Foundation. Web. 15 Feb. 2011.
<http://www.jlowman.com/Gingerkids.htm>.
"Ginger." Uncyclopedia. Web. 15 Feb. 2011. <http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Ginger>.
Parker, Trey. "Ginger Kids." South Park. Dir. Trey Parker. 9 Nov. 2005. South Park Studios.
Web. 14 Feb. 2011. <southparkstudios.com>.