“That’s so gay!”

It’s a phrase that's being thrown around far too often, and what's worse is that it is being used mostly as an insult. A couple of days ago, I was sitting on the bus trying to read The Great Gatsby. I tried very hard to focus on my book, but I was distracted by a group of 7th grade boys who were casually discussing another boy in their grade. “He comes to school wearing a bow-tie and does cartwheels every five seconds,” one boy remarked mockingly. “Yeah, he does gymnastics outside of school. He’s obviously gay,” another boy added, barely looking up from his phone.

I was absolutely infuriated by this comment. How dare he assume that the boy is gay just because he does gymnastics or because he doesn’t dress ‘manly’ enough? I almost opened my mouth to say something, but stopped because I thought that that may not have been the best way to handle the situation.

I started to think about what that conversation would have been like if they had replaced the boy with a girl. I then came to the realization that very few people would call a girl a lesbian if she dressed masculinely or played sports. They would most probably call her tomboy. And even if someone did insult a girl for acting “manly”, most people would come rushing to her aid and say that a girl can act however she wants to act and do anything that boys can do.

Always’s powerful #LikeAGirl video on YouTube sheds light on the fact that the phrase “like a girl” is used as an insult. The purpose of the video is to challenge people to use the phrase as a compliment. It is meant to empower women and to show them that they too can be strong and that they can be greatat fighting and sports; things that are traditionally meant for boys. Being female, I connect to this video on a very personal level and wholeheartedly agree that using “like a girl” as an insult is degrading to women and extremely damaging to their self-esteem. But, in the back of my mind I wonder where is the campaign for boys who are told to “be a man”?

In my opinion, the phrase “be a man” is the equivalent of “like a girl” for boys. “Like a girl” suggests that doing something in a feminine manner is something to be ashamed of, whereas “be a man” is command to boys toughen up physically or mentally. Also, the phrase “be a man” seems to suggest that all men are strong and athletic and that they are not allowed to be kind, sensitive, or loving.

As a result of campaigns similar to #LikeAGirl, it has become more socially acceptable and admirable for women and girls to not be afraid to act like males because it is showing that they are strong, independent and that they are not confined to society’s standards of what a woman should be. Women have made great strides towards being allowed to do things that are traditionally limited to males. But, in the light of growing freedom for women, it is especially troubling and perplexing to me that there is still a great deal of discomfort and non acceptance in society associated with men and boys who act like females because they are perceived as weak, unmanly, or gasp– gay!

A young girl who enjoys playing with action figures and trucks is applauded for showing her strength, whereas a young boy who plays with dolls is rejected for being too feminine or for being a wuss.

Isn’t that disturbing?

This double standard was in full swing in 2011 when J. Crew released an ad showing a picture of its president Jenna Lyons painting her son, Beckett’s, toenails neon pink. This ad caused a massive amount of controversy, especially among social conservatives. Many people thought that it was wrong of Lyons to be painting her son’s toenails pink because it might cause transgenderism or cause him to be gay when he grew up. These claims are completely false according to a psychiatrist named Dr. Jack Drescher who explains that, "no one knows what causes transgenderism, and the idea that painting toenails pink causes it has no scientific validity.” This shows how misguided we are and how uncomfortable we are with boys who act feminine.

Drescher also goes on to say that, “there are gender preferences in the way kids like to play, and boys may be rougher than girls. But then there is a broad range of children who don't fit into larger categories and for some families it causes panic and for some, it's not a problem at all’’. These quote reveals the idea that boys and girls aren’t that different after all. No where is it written that boys have to act a certain way and that girls have to act a certain way. Rather, it is society that creates these barriers based on gender and these social constructs that govern the way boys and girls should behave.

Because of these gender barriers, children are taught from a very young age that things that are exclusively female are for the weak and that things that are exclusively male are for the strong. This false ideology makes it okay to ridicule or reject people who don’t comply with it, much like the conversation that I observed on the bus.

But in all actuality, it’s not okay to restrict boys and girls. We need to be proactive and do something to break these gender barriers. We need to not be afraid of girls who like karate and boys who like princesses. Society needs to focus more on embracing each other’s differences and encouraging each other to do what makes them happy– not what society permits them to do.

Works Cited

Always #LikeAGirl. YouTube. N.p., 26 June 2014. Web. 8 Dec. 2015.
     .

James, Susan Donaldson. "J. Crew Ad With Boy's Pink Toenails Creates Stir."
     ABC News. N.p., 13 Apr. 2011. Web. 8 Dec. 2015.
          crew-ad-boy-painting-toenails-pink-stirs-transgender/story?id=13358903>.

Sakala, Monica Gallagher. "On Praising Tomboys and Rejecting Feminine Boys."
     Huffington Post. N.p., 9 Jan. 2012. Web. 8 Dec. 2015.
          kids-gender-identity_b_1194366.html>.