There’s one secret that the FDA won’t publicize. A drug far more addictive than heroin, far more common than oxytocin, far more potent than ketamine is running rampant. Readers may be exposed to it at this very moment, in fact. Its name is masculinity and it is unforgiving.

Even without knowing it, most men partake in using this drug at some point in their lives. The most alarming part is that this drug is characteristically addictive; one does not just use masculinity one time. After trying it once, users are almost never able to stop. There even seems to be a culture among addicts in which those trying to rehab are made fun of, almost pressured into returning back to the drug. Both the drug and its users perpetuate the fear of being anything similar to the opposite sex. The risk of overdosing on this drug in particular is frighteningly high; in fact, most men will overdose frequently without noticing due to the tolerance they’ve built up. It is not uncommon to notice symptoms of overdose, which include excessive gas, increased or sudden interest in cars, and and unreasonably high feeling of self worth. The most severe symptoms can range anywhere from buying a boat to yelling at women in public. This may seem unbelievably repulsive, but this is only the tip of the iceberg.
The history of masculinity  has been debated for centuries. Although demographics show that its use centers around the male population, its individual origins can be traced back to parents. Fathers have introduced masculinity to their sons at a very young age since antiquity; the ancient mathematician Euclid actually taught in one of his classes that “there’s a reason why [he] never talks about [his] mother.” Speaking of mothers, they have historically had very little power in diffusing the father’s influence and promotion of the drug to their sons. After all, how can they be expected to move while they’re chained to the kitchen counter?

Because of the heavy usage rates reported by men ages 13 and older, cutting addiction off proves more difficult than it would seem. Nothing exists to stop men from using the drug; though women have tried, prying such a strong psychoactive from the hands of apes seems possible only in theory. Masculinity has always been deeply ingrained in our culture, our society, but scientists are just now realizing that the drug possesses a sort of immortality. Without something to stop reinforcing the use of masculinity, men will always feel content with romping around in jacked up trucks and refusing any accidental physical contact with one another. It seems only the future holds the next page of masculinity’s reign of terror.