One of my teachers asked me to think about my worst heartbreak. She asked me how I got through it, I started to think about it but I can never put things into words so I’m going to do what I do best: write about it.

There was this guy who made me feel so special. I loved his family and I think they loved me. I enjoyed every second of our relationship. But towards the six month mark that’s when my heart started to break. I could feel him pulling away from me. I tried to brush it off but I just couldn’t stop picturing him with someone else. I cried almost every night. My heart felt like it couldn’t take much more. I was extremely crushed. My mom would not let me wallow in self pity. She understood how I felt but she never let me dwell on him for very long.We went on for 3 more months and then we broke up. This was one of the hardest times of my 15 years of life. For a while I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to put makeup on or do my hair. Looking at myself in the mirror was torture. I ate a lot. My grades dropped, I couldn’t focus at all. I was extremely depressed, it was like I couldn’t function. Then there was this one conversation that turned my perspective completely. I did a total 180. This girl never holds back and calls it as it is, so she told me this:

“Do you really want to be with a guy who never loved you like you loved him? One day you will find a guy who will buy you flowers, never ever thinks about another girl, who puts you over his friends, who will always fight for you. Now go out and find him!”

I tore down that necklace on my mirror, I put all of his hoodies and presents into a box and sealed it. I put all of his letters in the same box and vowed I would never ever read them again. I took down every picture of him in my room and cleared out my camera roll. I stopped checking up on him. I deleted the valentines post of him and I. I even tried to finally talk about how I was truly feeling. This was a huge step that I took, I was relieved. Sometimes someone needs to tell you the truth no matter how bad it may sting. Realizing that he didn’t love me anymore was a huge step for me to start moving on.

Now I think I am finally healing. So many people helped me through this and I am so glad that he is happy. I’m glad that he is moving on also, that he found a girl who can take better care of him than me. Usually when I break up with somebody I have bad blood with them but I’m actually okay with this breakup. Sometimes people we think we want will never make us happy. So I’m going to answer that question that people have asked me. How am I okay with this? I am okay with this because he is happier without me. That sounds kind of depressing but it’s really not. I can tell how much better he feels with her. She will give him what I could not. For a while I wanted him to come knock on my door and say he made a mistake and wanted to get back together, but I know he will be happier with her. Love is a word that is used way to much, when we said it to each other sometimes I think we used it in vain. Hopefully he can get to know her and never use that word in vain again.

My first heartbreak (and worst) was not a painless experience but it taught me so much. It taught me to not just throw the word love around. Love is a sacred word and if you tell someone you love them then it will be so much harder to lose them. Losing someone is a painful experience but if you can get through it you are stronger than you think. I finally feel like I’m going back to normal. When I think about him I am really happy for him. He found a girl who is gorgeous and probably super nice, he deserves the world and hopefully he gets it with her. When I text him I don’t have the urge to send a huge long paragraph begging him to come back to me. I’m finally at peace with this. Moral of the story love is something that should not be mocked.

Teenagers mock love all the time, him and I mocked it. Hopefully he can be like my parents and his parents and say “I love you” with a spec of truth in it.