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I Believe in Circles
I believe in circles. Not the type of circles that prominently symbolize karma… But the type of circles that exhibits things getting bad in life just so they can get better. To me, you can’t have good in life without having bad because if that was the case no one would appreciate the good.
Everybody has events that they don’t want to remember. Memories that physically hurt you to think about. They make your stomach cringe and fill your mouth with cotton balls. But, the best thing about it is, there are good memories that follow. If you’re reading this now and saying to yourself, “this isn’t true” “nothing good is resulting from my current dilemmas”.
I understand... If things are bad now, it’s because it’s going to get better. And whether you believe me or not, one day, you’ll look back and say, “Damn, I’m so proud of myself for getting through that. I’m such a stronger person now.” So, this is why I believe in circles.
Circles symbolize the repetition of life. They let us know that your problems now will only be a memory in a couple of years. So whether your life is an out of the ballpark homerun and sipping lemonade … Or maybe your life right now is the ringing in your ears from last night’s argument. Regardless, your life is a circle just like a ferris wheel. There’s highs and there’s lows. So if you’re stuck at the lowest point of the so called ride we call life remember, the ferris wheel is going to keep turning. One day, whether it may be tomorrow, or next month, or s***, maybe it won’t be until next year, but one day… One day you’ll be at the top again.
I remember the first “ferris wheel ride” I went on was when I was six. I started to love school more than the average first grader. I would devote my whole night to the one page, 10 problem spelling assignment that was assigned for homework. Reading it, writing it, rereading, rewriting, erasing, and redoing it. I’d muffle out the screaming and yelling and I would just spell. I’d go to school so proud and happy everyday. No one could ever expect anything to be wrong, could they? But little did anyone know, I was on a ferris wheel ride and I was six years old, alone, and at the bottom. School was so great, school was so much better than home. Home was where mom cries for help in her sleep. It’s where dad stands at the foot of his bed fishing for the beautiful lady he had married 17 years ago. Home is where my brothers would lock themselves in their rooms and both simultaneously play their looped music that releases them from the real world. Home is where, the next best thing to a mother I could ask for, my sister, was not. Home is where my principal worried about my neglect. For me home was and still is the bottom of the ferris wheel. But I know that one day, I’m going to be in college, hopefully going to med school, at the top of this horrible, scary, yet so mesmerizing ferris wheel that I buckled into when I was six.
Life’s a circle, and it doesn’t care who you are. It’s going to keep rotating whether you like it or not. So trust me, it’s not worth jumping off when the ride is low because nothing compares to the feeling of happiness when you’re at the top. You should be content when you’re on this ferris wheel we call life. Because although this circle is what hurts us, drives us insane, and pushes us to the very edge; I believe it will continue to rotate and reward us over and over again.
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This is my outlook on life and death. This is my perspective on living and suicide.