Texting is a highly convenient form of communication. Being able to conversate quickly and efficiently without having to call or meet up with the person? It’s almost too good to be true. But modernity is disappointing at times. Most of this generation has fallen victim to its quite prominent and controversial social norm, including myself. In our motives to keep up with the unremitting discussions, gossips, and chit-chats happening over text, we are becoming too comfortable with this mode of communication. These days, a lot of us are having full-on conversations over text, and some of us even communicate more this way than we do in real life. But why is this a problem?

There is a certain articulated flow in the way we talk that represents a story being told. When we have conversations in person, we communicate as if we’re telling a story. Our body language, countenance, vocal variety, presence, along with our surroundings are all major factors that enhance the story —  and thus trigger in us emotions we would otherwise be restricted of by texting. By simply being in a moment, we are aware of our surroundings and emotions. We are able to feel the vibes of our environment. For instance, just the presence of someone can make us feel uneasy, or giddy and happy. Hearing a family member’s voice after a long time sparks feelings of nostalgia. And if someone makes a genuine hand gesture while saying something in a soft voice, we’re most likely to remember what they said and how they said it. In this way, our senses are heightened. We are grounded and mindful of our surroundings; we feel the gravity of our emotions strongly. To have a face-to-face conversation with someone is to be sincere. There is an implied mutual understanding, a sort of natural vulnerability that adds depth to the dialogue.  

Now, when we conversate through texting, we are deprived of such external stimulations that naturally and fully make us feel emotions. This is evident simply in the way we type. We use abbreviations and chopped up sentences to shorten our ideas as much as we can. This way, our texts become more like inchoate and fragmented thoughts bereft of emotion; they become a superficial representation of a “conversation”. Indeed, we use emojis and punctuation to put emphasis on our feelings. But these merely let us know of the other person’s emotions. There are no other indicators that help us actually understand the value or depth of what is being said, which then restricts us from being empathetic, or sometimes causes us to misapprehend certain situations. When we text, it’s as though we’re away from the ground, the gravity of our feelings are weak and lacking —  our connection to the real world is strained.

What’s more is that over the years some of us have evolved a tendency to resort to texting when we don’t want to have certain conversations or confrontations that rouse emotions we feel uneasy expressing in person. We’ve grown accustomed to communicating this way, and its tarnishing our personal connections. You see, there is a sort of courage and genuinity in confronting someone, in wearing your heart on your sleeve, in being entirely physical and present in a moment with no immediate escape —   in being human. And yet, we often mask our emotions behind screens. We choose to suppress them by avoiding raw emotional connection. We become afraid of expressing ourselves unless we’re sitting alone in our rooms, hiding in our comfort zones.

Sincerity becomes scary.

It is true that sometimes we are able to mask our feelings in person as well, but we cannot truly appear to be devoid of a certain emotion. That is a trait that very few people possess. We can sense that the other person is angry by their facial expression, let’s say, when their features become stiff and their eyes become narrow. If someone quietly walks away after an argument, it suggests that they are upset and hurt. And sometimes, we can simply sense the tension between two people.

Let’s not forget that when we do express ourselves over text, the lack of external stimulations for our emotions, and the lack of empathy embolden us to reveal brutish thoughts we would never consider saying in person. One example of this is the sudden growth of confidence and ego some people seem to acquire when they find themselves in an argument over text. Although quite provoking, these repartees are stripped of most (if not all) elements that make it a real and physical experience. They become insubstantial. Since emotion is not felt and comprehended in its entirety, we begin to interpret feelings without clear consideration or depth.

In order to understand the severity of this problem, we must first understand why sticking to having conversations in person —  especially meaningful ones — is important. All the elements of a personal conversation serve to fuel our human essence, to keep us real and mindful. To be human is to feel. Otherwise we’d be monotonous and shallow beings, reduced to robots. By depriving ourselves of completely feeling and understanding emotions, we are straining our personal relationships.

We’ve allowed texting to become an unnecessary need for communication for our own convenience. But it’s not too late. We can fight against the temptations of having conversations through our devices. Instead of merely picking up our phones and texting a friend to apologize, say thank you, or wishing them on their birthday, we should express these thoughts in person. It will rouse emotions that they would be unable to entirely feel over a bland text. This simple gesture will appear to be much more sincere and genuine as well. Performing these little steps will strengthen our personal bonds, and prevent us from degrading our human essence.

Sure, sincerity is scary, but it’s essential.