The fire is lit
The women gather
The full moon shines
Its circle emulating the circle that is created
Of the divine women who walk the Earth
The men have retreated with the lighting of the fire
The feminine power remains
I try to bask in its strength
Feel the reverence of silence
Live the words of the Native Americans
Who had such care for the soil, the sky, the water
I focus on the words of the leader
The words of gentle wisdom
Of peace
Of love
My body begins to settle
To slowly melt into itself
To become one with the Earth that I sit on
My guard is down
I am grounded
Sleepy
Awake
Relaxed
Aware
Listening to the tales of the women of ancient tribes
Tribes that I feel connected to
Tribes that I have never been a part of
In this life
The smudging begins
The leader holds the white feather of grace
Two other women take their positions
Light the cedar
Light the sage
The blue smoke curls
I am entranced by its designs
Its hidden messages rising
It disappears
Fades into the black night
They call one woman
She stands with her arms out
First the front
Then the back
The smoke curls around her body
The feather dusting her
Cleansing her of darkness
Calling in the light
Done
Next
One woman after another
It is my turn
I stand
I take my place
Close my eyes
Hear the vibrations of the Earth
Smell the burning sage
The sweet cedar
Cleansing me
The leader speaks, “You are a blue light. You don’t need much smudging.”
I smile and whisper a thank you
Her words fill me
I am called many things in my life
Intolerant
Depressed
Overworked
Sad
Shy
Never blue light
Deep inside I am pure
I am light
I am happy
Why can’t I show this?
I discuss my struggle with the circle
When the talking stick is passed
To woman with telling hearts
Attentive ears
Accepting affirmations
Zero judgment
I hold the talking stick
I tell of the different faces
Of my presentation
Of my inner presence
The women stare into my eyes
“How old are you?”
“Sixteen”
“Wow”
I feel a sense of pride bubble up
I am an old soul
I don’t fit in with the normal teenage experience
I am not a part of it
Suddenly I feel a yearning
To sit on a hard Earth
With a Native American tribe
To belong
But I belong here
And that is enough for now
The circle is closed
The time is over
And the women transform
Into Long Island wives and mothers
Conjuring cookies
Chocolate
Cheesecake
Coffee
I never would have thought of them as profound, divine women
But they are
I understand now
The transformation that takes place
From spiritual to superficial
I still struggle with it
I decide to live in the now and be happy
With my place in the circle of my life
My power
My strength
My beauty
My happy