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Introverted Secrets
And so she sat at home alone
A loosely structured clatter of bones
Dainty and porcelain, all too frail
Unsure and trembling, draining pale
Victim of heavy nostalgia and pain
She wondered if she herself were to blame
For the maelstrom of hate that constantly brewed
And coping mechanisms that were far too few
The kitchen mocked her in so many ways
The pantry and freezer off limits these days
But the silverware beckoned, it would sweetly insist
That all she needed was a slit to the wrist
A quick metal swipe, knick to the forearm
Was just the solution- could it do much harm?
Self-esteem low and pain tolerance high
She couldn’t uncover a single reason why
She shouldn’t bring a blade to her delicate skin
Let the flesh tear open, let the monsters win
Let the thick red bead, and eventually stream
As she opens her mouth in a silent scream
Let the tears flow down her contorted face
While she searches for a single trace
Of the demon who bestowed this dementia upon
Her withered soul, but soon it dawns
That she is the devil who contaminates
Her restless mind she tries to sedate
That she herself twists and distorts
Reality, bringing her to last resorts
She wants to destroy this evil inside
For she cannot run, nor can she hide
From the body she’s trapped in, imprisoned, confined,
She can’t escape the past, she lets it define
The creature in the mirror whom she can’t recognize
But she traces her contours and comes to despise
This beast she’s morphed into, the daily nightmare called life
And she ponders leaving it behind with a knife
She imagines her feet dangling just above the floor
The noose tied tightly on her neck and the door
A venomous poison, kitchen cleaning tools
Drowning herself in the bathtub or pool
Climbing high heights to jump to the ground
And hit the cold concrete with a terrible sound
Overdosing on pills, dry swallowed handfuls
She figured that’d give her lifeline a pull
Thoughts viciously cycled, and her wrists were a mess
But she heard the door open, and she couldn’t confess
So she threw on a sweatshirt and raced to the sink
“Where are you?” “I’ll be down in a blink.”
She splashed water on her eyes; puffy and red
Cleaned off her wrists where she had just bled
She walked cautiously down, mustering a smile
“There you are! Sorry I’ve been gone for a while.
You look like you’re crying. Are you okay?” she said.
“Allergies. I’m fine.” I just wish I were dead.
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