If I go home what am i to do

What am I to do?

Am i to regress or progress

My heart feels hollow

I need to confess

I'm original in my own way

But maybe not in a good way

I don't know how to help those helping me to help me

And oh God, please help me to help me

Because you see

I am not free

Even in the land of the free

I'm binded by my past

and, the person holding on hindering me is

.... Me

and Me or I or Myself

Won't let go of the reigns

And hand it over to someone else for a change

I want to bloom, sprout, grow and weave my way to the sky

But how can I can I make that possible when I can't even manage to hold my head high?

I don't want to be a looser, a failure or a non-team member

I don't want to be fake, artificial or someone who is hindered

By their past and past actions

None of them should be fanctioned

I need to be sanctioned

I WANT to be sanctioned

But guilt is going to over ride me because look what I have done

LOOK WHAT I HAVE DONE!

I've pulled so much crap, not caring, or giving a crap

And most of it

None of it was a mishap

I'm the criminal not the victim

I guess I painted the picture wrong

But i'll start a new canvas I'm not the victim but the criminal.