Let me take you back
a whole year
to such a simpler time
under the July sun.

To a day we can never return to,
a day buried under this year’s change.
From here, it seems so carefree,
so innocent.

Let me take you back
a whole year
to when he met me at the train,
to when we laughed all the way to his house.

Even then I knew he was a mistake-
but it was only my first mistake and
everything still felt so different,
so exciting.

Up the stairs to the AC,
behind a closed door,
onto the pull-out bed,
all over each other.

Let me take you back
to a couple hours later
across the yard,
through the door,

up the stairs,
to you. A Jimi Hendrix t-shirt,
mussed blonde hair;
a junior.

Let me take you back to a feeling
I’ll never forget,
to the fleeting sense of belonging,
to the jokes and happiness of that afternoon.

The three of us splashing and
talking in the pool, changing
to go walk down and get her,
your “future girlfriend” according to him.

Visiting the friend at Shaws,
when you and him agreed I should stay for the party,
when we began to walk to the house
to pick up her bag.

Let me take you back to the insanely long,
hot walk through Norwood,
to the banter, to the smiles,
to the silly conversations.

At the ice cream truck, she and him
ran to buy cold treats, while we stayed
and chatted. At the house you told me
you liked my crazy hair.

She pulled out the straighter
and he asked to have his bangs done.
The result was comical,
keeping us laughing all the way back.

The moments in the little store discussing
frosting, Coolattas, and dirty high fives.
We shared one drink between the four of us,
so cooling in the summer heat.

Back at his house, back by the pool
people started to arrive, and I tried to enjoy
the party. But really all I wanted was his attention,
and all I wished for was yours.

Heart to hearts in the pool made
me think of you as a real friend--
though that was before I knew
how easily you open up: I wasn’t that special.

Among a crowd of acquaintances
I tried not to be a loner, without too much success.
My eyes were on him the whole night,
learning how little I mattered.

Cold sitting by the pool,
she and I devised a plan, and snuck
off to his room to steal sweatshirts.
Giggling as we rummaged through his clothes,

I felt amazed that she,
different and cool,
didn’t mind spending time
with someone like me.

Let me take you back to his dark foyer
in the middle of the party chaos,
to when I walked in alone to grab my towel,
to when he followed me in,

kissing me in the shadowy dusk.
Hope sparked in me, like it would for
months after. But let me take you back
to when I didn’t know, to when I only hoped.

My time spent in this special place,
in this special day was winding to a close
as I watched those girls jump in the pool, so confidant,
and watched him flirt, so wanted.

Let me take you back to when
I sat by the hot tub, sweatshirt wrapped around
my knees, to the pangs I got in my stomach as
I saw you with her, to how badly I wanted that.

Then I was leaving, with a quick goodbye from him,
waving to you as I walked out the gate. Driving to the station
with his friend and his mom, getting out at the lit up platform
which contrasted with the black sky.

The train streamed in, and
as I sat down in one of the dingy seats
I looked out the window,
saying goodbye to the day, now a memory.

A day ending in wishes and heartache
hardly seems like something to miss,
hardly seems less complex.
But to me,

it was the day I met you,
a day I felt special, carefree.
It was before I knew,
long before I grew up.

Let me take you back
a whole year
to such a simpler time
under the July sun.

To a day we can never return to,
a day buried under this year’s change.
From here, it seems so long ago,
so far away.