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Phoenix of the Sea

February 12, 2012
By milforce SILVER, Bloomington, Illinois
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milforce SILVER, Bloomington, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Those who have the ability to act, have the responsibility to act."

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The sky so blue and calm,
I race toward the rocky shore,
I see the beauty of each large palm,
As I crash against rock to be seen no more.
I live again to race and race,
People watching my friends and I,
I want to put a smile on their face,
So I run and crash and die.

© Jenn T., Dover, NH

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 2 comments.

milforce SILVER said...
on Sep. 21 2012 at 9:46 pm
milforce SILVER, Bloomington, Illinois
9 articles 0 photos 135 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Those who have the ability to act, have the responsibility to act.&quot;

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Thanks again
mystyksuniverse GOLD said...
on Sep. 21 2012 at 2:30 am
mystyksuniverse GOLD, Tuolumne, California
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Favorite Quote:
When I, the People, learn to remember, when I, the People, use the lessons of yesterday and no longer forget who robbed me last year, who played me for a fool--then there will be no speaker in all the world say the name: &quot;The People,&quot; with any fleck of a sneer in his voice or any far-off smile of derision. The mob--the crowd--the mass--will arrive then. &ndash; Carl Sandburg

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I believe you're talking about waves, or you wouldn't have that picture. Waves are a beautiful thing, almost alive due to their overwhelming sound, smell, and even taste. Your poem seems to lack any sensory detail, making it difficult for me to connect with it. If you want to draw the reader in, first you must speak to them, if that makes sense. Furthermore, don't let the rhyme scheme hinder your creativity. Some of the best poetry doesn't have rhyme or rhythm. Let the words flow and organize it later.