Dear mother,

It's me,

Your rebellious daughter.

Can you hear me?
I'm calling you,
Can you hear me,
Screaming to you to "please love and understand me"?
Can you see me?
Can you see me,
Reaching out to you,
Fighting back tears

As I drown deeper and deeper into the darkness?
Can you hear me,

Internally screaming,

Externally laughing?
Can you see my pain?
My agony
That I fight through
To reach you,
To let you in...

Can you feel
The excruciation of the internal, loud battles

Of my unsettled emotions,
My unsettled self-doubt?
Can you feel
The pressure on my soul,
Squeezing it hard,
Blocking my airways?
Can you hear
The screams I scream,
My battle to breathe,
And greeting you everyday
With a big, bright smile,
Telling you that everything's okay?
Can you see
My guilt and shame,
My pain of existence
Because I'm hurting you?
Will you ever, just for once,
Squeeze my hand,
Fix my heart,
Heal my wounds,
Dry my tears,
Pull me into your arms,
And never let go?
Like you, I've stopped trying.
I understand now,
That the path of getting to you
Is nothing but terror.
Because the sharp knives prick me every time I lie to you,
Fear grips me when I am with you,
And agony kills me
Every time I know you're disappointed in me.
So, again,

Dear mom,
It's me,
Your daughter...
Can you hear me?
Can you see me?
Please come,
Rescue me
From this world of emotions.
Because, dear mom,
I want you.
I need you.
And I love you.
So, will you please come,
Hold me,
Squeeze me,
Make it all better?

You'll probably never.