i may not be happy but at least i am thin

but i am not thin

i look into the mirror and watch my bones pierce my skin

i watch the fat drip off my body melt away

i may not be happy but he told me i looked good today

i may not be happy but at least i can fit

a size 0 2 4 6

i tell myself each period will be my last 

i pull hair from my head 

i stick my fingers down my throat 

and wipe vomit from my face

i may not be happy but at least i am thin

i wrap tape measures around my legs hope to shrink

i may not be happy 

but at least...

i can’t sleep

i’m dying

they tell me

i’m dying

they say

in inches

in pounds 

in lost hair 

in my lost smile 

i may not be happy but at least i see the stars when i stand

i may not be okay

but i’m getting there

i’m learning how to live 

until i’m not

i’m not thin

i may not be happy but at least i can feel my bones touch 

my collarbones show

my hips hurt when i lie down

i may not be happy but at least i am thin

am i even breathing anymore? 

i may not be living but at least i died thin