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Dreams of Feelings

April 30, 2021
By WolvesRain ELITE, Walton, Kentucky
More by this author
WolvesRain ELITE, Walton, Kentucky
117 articles 1 photo 190 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Every secret of a writer's soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind, is written large in his works." Virginia Wolf

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Hit a rock,

Blood pours like rain.

When I wake,

I'm sinking in tears,

Made by me.

Clawing for air,

Lungs screaming,

Cries muffled by waves.

Break the surface,

Looks for a way out,

Only to fall back in.

I close my eyes,

Letting the water engolf me.

Wakes to see I'm only,

Dreaming of what I feel inside.

© Jewel M., Taylors, SC

The author's comments:

This is about the suffocating feeling of when people turn away when you need them most.

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 6 comments.

WolvesRain ELITE said...
on May. 10 2021 at 7:25 am
WolvesRain ELITE, Walton, Kentucky
117 articles 1 photo 190 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Every secret of a writer's soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind, is written large in his works." Virginia Wolf

View profile
That would've been a cool title!
Lydiaq ELITE said...
on May. 9 2021 at 1:05 pm
Lydiaq ELITE, Somonauk, Illinois
179 articles 54 photos 1026 comments

Favorite Quote:
The universe must be a teenage girl. So much darkness, so many stars.<br /> --me

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Suffocation might be a good title.
WolvesRain ELITE said...
on May. 7 2021 at 7:26 am
WolvesRain ELITE, Walton, Kentucky
117 articles 1 photo 190 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Every secret of a writer's soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind, is written large in his works." Virginia Wolf

View profile
Thanks again for the advice, I will have to work on that. Quick question, could you give me an example of a good title for this poem so I can base my new poem titles on that. I promise I won't ask teen ink to change it to that.
Lydiaq ELITE said...
on May. 6 2021 at 6:13 pm
Lydiaq ELITE, Somonauk, Illinois
179 articles 54 photos 1026 comments

Favorite Quote:
The universe must be a teenage girl. So much darkness, so many stars.<br /> --me

View profile
You can have a title that doesn't seem to match your poem or takes a bit of guesswork for the reader: it is grea that way.
WolvesRain ELITE said...
on May. 4 2021 at 7:38 pm
WolvesRain ELITE, Walton, Kentucky
117 articles 1 photo 190 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Every secret of a writer's soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind, is written large in his works." Virginia Wolf

View profile
I will take this into mind.
SparrowSun ELITE said...
on May. 4 2021 at 2:22 pm
SparrowSun ELITE, X, Vermont
200 articles 23 photos 1053 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It Will Be Good." (complicated semi-spiritual emotional story.)<br /> <br /> "Upon his bench the pieces lay<br /> As if an artwork on display<br /> Of gears and hands<br /> And wire-thin bands<br /> That glisten in dim candle play." -Janice T., Clockwork[love that poem, dont know why, im not steampunk]

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so heres a recurring theme i see in ur poems: they're really good and interesting, but in the sidenote when you explain them really doesn't make sense, or rather, it wasn't conveyed in the poem. maybe a solution would be to make it longer and add more details? like in that, you said it was about people turning away, but you never mention people turning away, it sounds more like you just cant handle everything going on anymore. even saying that you need help, or that a cry for help goes unheard, unseen, would add to your intended purpose. i say this to help, not to make you feel bad about your work. under the context of just the poems, they're great, but with the sidenotes trying to claim something that I never felt alluded to or like itwas about just feels out of place. simple fix, tho.