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Everything I Wanted To Say To You
Touch me not
Love me not
Drop the flower
Because I don't want
To be your pawn
I am not just a beautiful pawn
I am more than my appearance
Are you dumb or just delirious?
I don't care abouse your excuses
Sexually assaulted because I'm seen as
Somebody who won't fight back
Simply used as a doormat
I have swallowed so many knives
But I'll cough one up tonight
I was told I had to act a certain way
Had to be restrained
That falling in love would just cause bruises
Wish I just believed them without making choices
But I am a product of the things I experience
The abuse, neglect and mistakes
Are written on a bulletted list
And your thorns prickle my skin
If I was born to fit in
Then why are there rules?
I am not something to be controlled
Like a puppet on your thread
I have a voice
And I can make my own choice
Even if it's bad
And you can tell me it's bad but I won't listen
I won't believe you until I deal with it
Like how I put my hand on the stove
Because I believed it wouldn't burn me
But it burns and it hurts
And now I know not to touch
But hearing it and dealing with it
Is something that we want
I'm also sick and tired of having to be told
How big and small and wide and skinny
My body should be
If I look in the mirror and I'm okay with what I see
I'm okay with what I see
And I'm okay with me
If I look at myself and think I'm beautiful
Don't tear me at my seams
I am delicate but I'm also strong
I will tell you if I think somehtings wrong
Because I trust people who shouldn't be trusted
Loved people who I shouldn't have lusted
And forgotten people who shouldn't be forgotten
So shattered and broken
I am a bountiful feast
One you cannot eat
I will no longer let you touch me
You are psycotic
You are the one who's weak
Because being held in place
Being told what I can wear, can't wear
What I can say, can't say
Telling me you'll punish me while you have me by the throat
Trying to get me to obey like I'm your pet
That is something I will never forget
And I cannot forgive you
And I always forgive
But you put me through hell
And your going in the basement
I never knew fear like I did the day
I heard you pulled a knife on two kids
Two girls who went to our school
I'm so f*cking mad I even trusted you!
I blamed myself because I should've known
Should've seen the signs
I even told my dad about you
And he thought you were alright
But then he heard what you did
When I was in shock from hearing about this
And you're all buddy-buddy with the men in blue
So all you got was a talking to
And one day Karma is gonna grab your *ss
And hurl you off the planet
And you won't see it coming
You're gonna flinch
I will watch, because you shredded my confidence
Oh and I know you're probably hurt
Think you've seen the worst
And I get it, you were out in an orphanage
As a f*cking baby, you dont even remember it
You got adopted into a loving family
A stable household
Damn how could you let this
Happen to you?
What happened to you?
I thought I knew you
Thought I could love you
But damn you didn't
You always thought you knew better
Pushed me aside and headed into the bad weather
Yeah you were brewing a whole storm in your head
And two months before I almost attempted
And the fact that you would assault and abuse me
After all the sh*t I went through,
Did you listen to anything?
And damn, this is why I don't f*ck with men anymore
Women always treated me like they should
But you guys just treat me so bad
And I no longer trust that
Because I don't have to go through your sh*t
I'm healing and growing
I don't need it
I have a therapist
I have a good home
And I'm taking care of myself
Everyday isn't easy
And there are some that try and defeat me
But f*ck bro, I won't let you win
I am going to prosper
And losing me hurts
Yeah, you admitted it
Told me you'd pay to have me back
But this sh*t will never be worth your cash
You lied and made excuses
I am not amused by it
So goodbye to past-naive-me
Goodbye to the person you tried to mold me
Goodbye to the the abuse and control you had
Goodbye K-Ron
I thought you knew better than that
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This was the result of an abusive relationship. He wasn't someone I though would hurt me. He seemed so perfect at first, then two weeks after it was official, he controlled every aspect of my life. Shamed me and choked me when I wouldn't obey. Be careful and know the person your with because going through anything like this is scary.